It was the beginning of another year at Hogwarts.

Hermione Granger was experiencing two emotions as she sat on the Hogwarts Express, staring blankly out the window at the passing scenery.

First and foremost was, naturally, intense excitement. Her second year at Hogwarts was about to commence, and Hermione couldn't wait to retreat to the dusty rows of the library, where she could hibernate longer than a deer in Iceland, where the literacy rate is one hundred percent, which brought her back to thinking about the library, proving that she is, somewhat, a complete tool, although we obviously love her (even though we hate Emma Watson).

Second and strange was a nagging feeling of discontent. Hermione couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing from her life, but try as she might she could not figure out what it was. Thinking about it for the past hour hadn't helped, especially with Parvati and Lavender and their loud speculation on things which adolescent girls think they know everything about. She wished Ron and Harry were with her, but peculiarly she had not seen them get on the train.

She was glad when it came time to put on her school robes.

The strange feeling was with her still when she sat down in the Great Hall. Having been Sorted last year, Hermione didn't need to pay attention to this year's. Instead, she looked discreetly round at her various classmates and peers. It was at this moment that Hermione began to notice some things.

She noticed Cho Chang and Cedric Diggory holding hands.

She noticed Padma Patil with her arm around a skinny Ravenclaw boy who was returning the favor.

She noticed Percy Weasley exchanging lewd looks (or at least, Percy's faintly amusing version of them) with a tall girl, a prefect named Penelope Clearwater.

Looking around, the relationships of numerous students began to make themselves all too obvious to her.

Hermione noticed all this, and she realized what was missing.

Hermione Granger—second-year extraordinaire, twelve-year-old genius, and renowned goody-two-shoes—wanted a boyfriend.

A lot.

That thought haunted Hermione ceaselessly over the next few days. Everywhere she looked, romance seemed to be blossoming in the shape of a couple holding hands, snogging, or stroking each other lovingly (at which point Fred and George would creep up behind the lovebirds and whisper things like, "Did you Petrificus Totalus me? 'Cause I'm getting stiff," things which Hermione didn't necessarily understand, but at which she laughed nonetheless because everyone else seemed to find them so uproariously funny). Hogwarts students, at their all-time lows of hormone control and all-time highs of hormone production, could make pornography look like a PBS Christmas special, but Hermione could not help but feel a tiny splinter of jealousy every time she saw this happening.

This problem needed to be solved, and fast. Fortunately, Hermione had a plan. And it didn't involve magic. Just a little bit of feminine charm.

GRYFFINDOR BOYS (possible dates)

Harry Potter
Ron Weasley

Of course, her friends were the first to come to mind. Although Hermione knew she cold probably do better than her best friends, she wrote their names on the list. It was just a list of possibilities, after all.

Seamus Finnigan
Dean Thomas
Neville Longbottom

She had to admit that that last was unlikely. All the same, it was just possibilities.

What about Ron's brothers? she mused. Yes, she decided, they deserve to be on the list.

Fred Weasley
George Weasley
Percy Weasley

And once she had all of them, she couldn't leave out

Oliver Wood

"But I can't limit myself to Gryffindor…"

HUFFLEPUFF BOYS (possible dates)

Ernie MacMillan
Justin Finch-Fletchley
Cedric Diggory

Those were the Hufflepuffs Hermione least suspected of being gay. Actually, she wasn't really sure about Justin Finch-Fletchley. But it was worth a shot, right?

RAVENCLAW BOYS (possible dates)

Terry Boot
Roger Davies

OK, so she didn't know a lot of Ravenclaws. She had never even talked to Roger Davies. Oh well. The list was subject to editing.

SLYTHERIN BOYS (possible dates)

Hermione hesitated, then wrote down Draco Malfoy. He was just a possibility, and she did rather like his hair.

With the list done, Hermione decided that she would act accordingly. By the end of the week, Hermione promised herself, I will initiate the project.

First boy: Harry Potter.