Date finished: 21 May 2004
Title: Circles
Category: General
Status: One-shot
Warning: PG-13 for the implied relationships (or Tatsumi/Tsuzuki and Tsuzuki/Hisoka if you like).
A/N: The Kyoto Arc is my favorite part, because it is where everything fell into place (for me, that is). This story is set after the tea scene in episode 12 of the anime, with various vague references to some previous scenes, but no major spoilers, really. I only wanted to make a little study of the things going on between Tatsumi, Tsuzuki, and Hisoka.
Standard disclaimers apply.
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"Circles"
by Fall
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The tea he had with Tatsumi-san was great. Actually, he enjoyed everything they did today. He was able to eat a lot of those delightful cakes he was fond of for free. They shopped for souvenirs. They talked about a lot of things...
Of course his old partner knew what Tsuzuki liked best.
Tatsumi-san was always there for him when he needed someone. When he least expected it. Somehow, during the short time they were partners, Tatsumi-san was able to comprehend him.
Yes, Tatsumi-san understands him a lot. Tsuzuki never asked for anyone's help. He never told anyone that he needed someone to make him feel he belonged. Yet, Tatsumi-san knew. He made Tsuzuki feel appreciated. Tatsumi- san was like Hisoka, because they liked keeping their thoughts hidden, but he was always open about being nice to Tsuzuki. Hisoka is not like that. He does not like hearing Tsuzuki whine about work, his sweets, and himself. He often called Tsuzuki an idiot. And he dislikes being open with his emotions.
But Hisoka understood him as well. They were partners. And the younger Shinigami is an empath. He would know what Tsuzuki was going through, without asking. Not that he ever did ask him about anything. Hisoka never asked because he does not like invading other people's personal space.
The big difference between them is that Tatsumi-san does not need to be an empath to know when Tsuzuki needed someone. He may perhaps have this neutral expression on his face all the time, but he was always there for him. Always. That is what's really important, right?
Maybe yes, maybe no.
Tatsumi-san had said it was Hisoka's idea that Tsuzuki should spend the day doing whatever he liked. After what happened the night before, maybe his partner thought he would not be fit to tag along with him and Watari. Or maybe Hisoka wanted him to rest for a bit.
He shuddered slightly. The thing that happened with Muraki was something he did not want to think about at the moment. It was his fault. He was useless. He was not able to save the girl from Muraki. It was his fault. He was useless. He was helpless. What if the other girl had died too? What if Hisoka got hurt? What if Tatsumi-san had not appeared to help them?
He felt a pressure on his left shoulder. Tatsumi-san was looking at him, a slight frown evident on his otherwise neutral expression. He had always said that a miserable look did not suit Tsuzuki at all. So he smiled his most radiant smile, until Tatsumi-san pretended to be convinced and turned to look the other way.
Hisoka was different. He was more complex and passionate with his emotions, even if he declares he was not. He would pretend that he did not care about you. But you would know that he does because his eyes are actually very expressive. And the moment he frowns and snaps at you for being an idiot just like that, you know you have said or done something that affected him. If he had seen that miserable look in Tsuzuki's eyes, he would not pretend to be convinced with a smile. Hisoka would call him an idiot, yell at him, glare at him, but he would calm down and try in his own way to make Tsuzuki feel better.
He knew that beneath Hisoka's coldness, there was something that made the young Shinigami stay as his partner despite his faults. And Tsuzuki had a lot of them. In fact, he has had a lot of partners in the past, but none of them had decided to stay. It was a mystery at the agency how Kurosaki Hisoka was able to put up with Tsuzuki Asato.
Well, they did not exactly hit it off that easily—but when they did, Tsuzuki knew that he wanted to be Hisoka's partner for as long as possible. He knew that he wanted to protect Hisoka from Muraki's evil schemes. He could not see how someone as nice as Hisoka could suffer a fate worse than anything else. If it comes to it, Tsuzuki would willingly suffer for him.
Hisoka would call him an idiot, yell at him, glare at him. But strangely, Tsuzuki actually felt warm whenever that happens. It was as if those were the things he needed to pull himself up from the dismal thoughts he would sometimes have. It was as if, this had developed into a mutual routine between him and Hisoka. They could suffer and fall into the infinite darkness, but as long as Tsuzuki smiled, as long as Hisoka called him an idiot, everything was going to be fine.
Oh, and there were also the times when he did not need to say anything, but Hisoka helped him anyway. He was actually very, very nice to Tsuzuki, in his subtle sort of way. Tsuzuki wanted to teach him how to slowly put his guard down, but it appears that Hisoka was learning by himself.
Tatsumi-san was always nice to him. But Hisoka was equally nice too. Actually, Tsuzuki liked Hisoka better, but he was not about to tell Tatsumi- san about it. Nevertheless, his old partner knew everything. Maybe he knows how much Hisoka meant to Tsuzuki. That must be the reason why he said he was going to let Hisoka take care of Tsuzuki after today.
But does it really matter who was always there for him? Will it change his life if he found the answer to his questions?
He was always going around in circles. Sometimes he would think that he could get out of it by turning to the other direction, clockwise, counterclockwise. But it is all the same; he was still in the same circle. Maybe someday, he would be able to find a way to break out of it and find the way to its center. And there he would find the answer to this riddle. He was sure of it.
Tsuzuki smiled as he closed the door to his room. Tomorrow, he would ask Hisoka if they could bake a cake together after this whole ordeal is over. Even though the younger Shinigami hated sweet stuff, even though he would probably yell at Tsuzuki for wanting to waste their time when they could be doing something else, Tsuzuki wanted to take that chance.
Because he knows that once he had hitched his smile up another notch, Hisoka will glare at him, shut up, glare at him some more, sigh, and proceed to help him bake his cake. Hisoka was really a very nice person, deep down inside.
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End
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Review comments and constructive criticisms are welcome.