A/N: hey, this is just a reoccurring nightmare. I just felt like I was going crazy keeping this in any more. WARNING POSSIBLY CONTAIN RAPE TRIGGERS AND VIOLENCE. Oh well I warned you, enjoy. (oh and I don't own anything, all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer)

She stood in front of her full-body mirror. She had stripped down to her underwear. Her reflection showed her perfectly but it didn't stop her from distorting the images in her head. She was skinny but not over skinny. She had curves in the right places. But the thing that stood out most in her head was the scars that stood out red against her cream-colored skin. There were the ones that ran up her forearms but those she had done to herself. But the reasons behind those where the others. there were five deep purplish scars that marred her beauty. One traveled from her right collarbone down over her breast ending about halfway down her ribcage. The second went from above her left hip down to the beginning of her mid-thigh. The third was the deepest piercing between the spacing between two ribs on her left side. The fourth cut across the bottom of her neck, and although it didn't cut very deep, avoiding nicking anything major was the hardest to cover up. The fifth however, was the most emotionally scarring. It was a "J" carved into her lower back. And although each cut was healed, each mental scar was still raw. She remembered each and every one she got that night.

~0~

It was a party her friend had dragged her to. She didn't know anyone there even though they all went to the same school. She was ready to leave. The uncomfortable feeling suffocating her. She wanted to grab a drink, however, and walked back to the kitchen. When she got there her eyes were captured by a brown-eyed guy with dirty blonde hair. He had a magnetic bad-boy feeling that just held her attention. And she held his as he smirked and crooked his finger to call her over. She walked over to him and he wrapped his hands around her waist pulling her flush into him, where he leaned against the counter.

"I'm James. Wanna drink, baby?" he whispered in her ear, making her shiver. She nodded and he handed her his drink. She took a sip and it caused her to sputter. He chuckled then tipped the bottom of the glass up silently commanding her to drink more. She downed half of it and handed him back the glass.

"wanna get outta here?" she smiled and nodded. He took her hand and led her to his motorcycle, and they drove back to his apartment. She couldn't place but something was off about the way he was looking at her. As soon as they got in the door he had pinned her to the wall and was kissing her hard. He took her lower lip in between his teeth and bit down until she tasted the blood the ran down her chin and filled her mouth. This seemed to spark something in him. He pulled her forward and smacked her head back against the wall causing everything around her to start spinning then black out.

When she came to she was tied to the bed and stripped down to her bra and underwear. She was about to let out a scream but James quickly covered her mouth as she took in a harsh breath with a violent kiss. She pulled on the bonds holding her wrists to her the metal bed frame. He straddled her waist and for the first time she noticed the sharp knife in his hand. It's blade caught the lamplight before he used it to cut the straps off her bra. Silent tears streamed down her face as he unhooked her bra. He dragged the knife blade across her skin but the cut didn't break skin until he got to her right collarbone where he pushed down and dragged it down to her breast next to her nipple, leaving a trail of sticky red blood in its wake. Her blood flowed down her body and started to soak the bed beneath her. He then dragged the knife down her hip cutting her underwear as well as her skin. With a sinister laugh he took the knife up to the lower part of her throat and she held what she thought was surly going to be her last breath. This cut was the lightest avoiding any vessels or arteries yet it still coated her neck and chest in blood. Not once had she yelled out or screamed and it seamed to piss him off that he didn't get the response he wanted. He took the knife and pressed it into the spacing between two of her ribs on her left side. This, although going deep, didn't nick her lungs or diaphragm. He didn't want to end his fun to quickly. But he figured if physical pain wouldn't get a response maybe emotional will. He flipped her over straining her wrists as they pulled on her bonds. As her cut flesh came in contact with the bedding it stung but she wouldn't give into him and cry out. He straddled her again and carved a "J" into her lower back. Silent tears were still streaming down her face as he turned her over again. He leaned over and whispered the three words that told her own personal hell had just started.

"My little whore" he whispered roughly as he dropped his jeans and took her virginity forcibly adding to the blood that already saturated the bed beneath them.

She had heard about how rape victims normally black out from the pain but no matter how much she wanted to she couldn't separate her mind and body as her body screamed and writhed in pain while her mind, the stronger of the two, told her she was as fault for this since she left with him. Her tears had turned to quiet whimpers until he finally stilled as he finished. Finally she blacked out the pain too much to bear.

~0~

It had been one year exactly since that night when she awoke in the ER at eleven-thirty that night. Her father was at her side and she could see the pain in his eyes as she sobbed finally voicing the pain. But as she looked at her reflection in the mirror she knew it was her fault and that the scars were just reminders. She threw on a shirt and crawled into her bed letting her nightmares overcome her once more.

A/N: yeah I'm sorry that its dark and depressing but I can't help my F**KED up nightmares. Feel free to hate but just know I am free to ignore it. Thanks Slytherin-of-course-15