Kurt kisses Adam.
It starts out fine, just lips brushing lips and Adam is firm but not pushy and Kurt doesn't even once think of ex-boyfriends.
Kurt kisses Adam, doesn't care that there are no butterflies, or fireworks, or sparks or just, anything, really.
They kiss and kiss and Kurt doesn't feel a thing. But that's okay, because there are no curls running through his fingers, no eyelashes brushing his cheeks, no whimpers or sharp intakes of air or the smell of Blai—
But that would be pretending.
All that matters is that there is nothing in this kiss, all that matters is that Kurt doesn't have to feel so much it threatens to overwhelm and consume him. Kurt doesn't want that anymore, doesn't want kisses that squeeze and hold and build at his heart until Kurt can feel it expanding and spilling right out of his head and ears and pores.
All he wants is nothing (says the boy who has always wanted everything, liarliarliar.)
Kurt kisses Adam.
The kisses are nice, lovely even, objectively. The way squirrels are nice too, objectively.
Adam's preferred type of kisses, evidently, are not the objective kind because he is pushing Kurt away, pulling away from Kurt until their lips slide apart with a smack!
Kurt chases Adam's lips, wants to feel them freeze away the warmth that still settles in deep and hot inside Kurt, transferred from Blaine's lips and Blaine's hands and Blaine.
"Don't, Kurt—Kurt, stop." Adam pleads quietly. Kurt doesn't want to stop, he likes feeling nothing instead of—Iwaswithsomeone dark aching cold hurt Iwaswithsomeone betrayal slamming into Kurt's gut IwasIwasIwaswithsomeonesomeonesomeone—something.
"Don't." says Adam, and then without pause: "Don't give me something that's not meant for me. Go, go give it to who it's meant for."
Who is it meant for? Kurt doesn't know. Kurt would like to know, too because who he used to think it to be meant for is in a different town miles away and could be kissing someone else too right this moment, for all Kurt knows.
A hand guiding Kurt away, a door closing gently and then Kurt is out in the streets of New York, and then in a subway and it goes rush rush beep! rush sliding doors and flying neon lights that mix and merge into something bright and terrible.
And oh, Kurt feels something. (Iwaswithsomeone.)
Kurt doesn't want to feel, would rather feel nothing for a while instead of something. He is a boy that doesn't smile with perfect hair and lips that have been kissed and a heart that has been shattered and crushed and left at the feet of another boy. A boy that says just four words, five syllables that leave Kurt broken lying on the floor and feeling all too much.
(I was with someone.)
To be continued? If inspiration strikes.