Visit me in my dreams.

Author: Jennifer the dreamer.

Summary:Haley's point of view, how the aftermath of a death takes it's toll on everyone and how no matter how hard they try to move on they still think of the friend they lost. Takes place from the day of Jamie Scott's 6Th Birthday.

Couples: Nathan & Haley of course, & Some Peyton & Lucas.

Author's notes:I don't know where this came from. Deals with Suicide so can be quite up-setting for some.

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine.

chapter 1.

There are moments that no matter how much time passes, or how much you try to forget - Stay with you forever. You remember every single detail, every single word. I had one of those moments on my son Jamie's 6th birthday. I awoke in a empty bed that morning, sun glaring in from outside. I started up at the white ceiling for a what seemed like hours curious to know where 6 years had gone as it only felt like yesterday I was going into labour during my graduation and a couple of hours later I had a beautiful baby boy in my arms. My son disturbed my thoughts by bouncing into my room happily with a gorgeous smile on his face. We discussed the birthday boys plans for the day, I gave him his six kisses and then he placed a single long slender beautiful white feather on my bed and asked where it was from as when he awoke it was on his bedside table. I touched the feather and smiled and told him it must have been from his pillow as it was the most logical explanation, he frowned as if in disagreement but didn't say a word he simply picked up the feather and gave me a kiss before rushing out the room, I assumed to go find his father who I could hear from my open window was playing basketball in the backyard. I remember glancing at my alarm clock which in big red numbers told me it was nine-thirty, I closed my eyes for what must have been minutes then the phone rang. My initial thought was it was a close friend or family member calling to speak to my son, I grabbed the phone and answered it with a smile on my face. The smile soon faded as I heard a soft quivering voice that a recognized straight away as Peyton Sawyers a very close friend for many years. I asked her what was wrong to which there was a long silence before she told me that Brooke had died, Brooke Davis was dead. The pretty girl I had adored for years was gone and the sunshine that filled my bedroom was gone and all that was left was the darkness.

"Nathan, can I talk to you for a minute" I yelled calmly from the backdoor, I didn't know how I was keeping it together. After talking to Peyton for about ten minutes on the phone and listening to the details of Brooke's death I was ready to collapse in a heap and sob my breaking heart out, but I couldn't for Jamie's sake. Jamie carried on playing with his new basketball happily as my husband walked across the patio towards me the closer he got to me the more I could see his beautiful smile fade, He knew something was wrong.

I closed the door after Nathan who's smile was now a frown "What's wrong?"

"It's Brooke, she's…" My bottom lip trembled and my whole body was shaking "She's dead."

Nathan's face turned a shade of white "How? What happened?"

I didn't want to recount the events, and I didn't know everything "Her body was found this morning in New York, They don't know what has happened but she'd been dead for a couple of days" I took a breath "Her Mom found her, she called Peyton who called me."

Nathan walked towards me and wrapped his arms around me in the way that usually made me feel so safe and untouchable, but today all the safeness and security had gone and I was scared and had never felt so sad in my life.

"I don't know what to say" Nathan whispered, I knew he was holding back the tears a small part of me wished he would cry so then I could without feeling so weak.

I squeezed him tightly arms around his waist "I need to call people, Lucas for one. Oh and I need to go over to Peyton's place a officer is coming by to talk and-"

"It's okay Haley take a breath." Nathan whispered before kissing my forehead lovingly and the panic I was feeling calmed.

"What's wrong Momma?" A small voice asked from the back door.

Jamie hadn't called me Momma in about six months apparently Mom was much cooler and made him feel that little bit older.

"Jamie come here we have something to tell you" I keeled down.

Nathan looked at me "Maybe we should wait till we know the facts?"

"No Nathan, he needs to know and he isn't stupid he knows there is something is wrong, lying is not going to help."

Nathan nodded and got down as well so we were all on Jamie's level his innocent eyes and look of concern are still etched in my mind.

I took a deep breath, "Jamie, sometimes things happen in life we have no control over and they a so very sad-"

"Is it Grandma Deb? She said she was sick? Is she not coming to my party?"

"No. Grandma Deb is fine.." Nathan explained "It's you're Aunt Brooke."

Jamie frowned "What about her? Is she not coming to my party?"

"Jamie baby, something sad happened. I just got a phone call and Brooke has passed away."

I couldn't bear to look at his face, he looked so sad yet so confused. Come to think of it I think that's how all three of us looked.

Jamie broke free of our grasp, "No I don't believe it." he screamed before running towards the stairs.

I tried to get to my feet to follow but my breaking point came and I fell to the floor in a heap and the tears fell, I cried for Brooke, I cried for my son. Nathan wrapped his arms around me again and I let him for a few moments as I tried to catch my breath through the sobs. I hadn't cried so much in years, I hadn't felt pain like that in a long time.

"Go you need to be with Jamie, I have to go help Peyton. Bring him over there soon once he's calmed down a little." I told Nathan.

"I can't leave you like this Hale's you need me." Nathan said pulling me up to my feet.

I wiped away the tears on my cheeks, "Our son needs us more, he loved Brooke just as much as we did - Maybe even more."

Nathan kissed my forehead for the second time that day and headed upstairs to find Jamie.

Peyton Sawyer and I had had differences over the years but we were solid friends, she was one of the best I knew her well enough to know thought's she had when she was seventeen/eighteen would be resurfaced. Peyton has lost her biological mother around that time but was also still dealing with the death of the mother that raised her long before. Brooke and Peyton had been best friends before I was ever in the picture and I couldn't let her deal with her grief alone. I recall the taxi drive over to Peyton's, I was wondering why I didn't drive then thinking that driving was a stupid idea and how possibly could I drive? In-between the sobs. The taxi driver eyed me in the mirror probably debating whether or not to ask if I were okay, but he didn't he pulled up out front and I gave him a twenty dollar bill and rushed out before collecting my change, but that didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

I hugged Peyton, maybe we were clinging to each other. I could tell she was being strong, I wondered why her reasons were.

"I called Lucas, he's coming on the next flight out." Peyton informed me.

I nodded, I wiped away a loose tear on Peyton's left cheek "Mouth and the guys know?"

"I called mouth and skills, apparently I didn't need to. It's breaking news." Peyton said looking toward the television set which was on yet silent.

I grabbed the remote and took it off mute, there was scenes of a body under a body bag being lifted into a ambulance. I couldn't help but cringe, Brooke's body being displayed for the world to see. Though it was covered still it made me feel physically sick. There were cops there and reporters and paparazzi everywhere in the scene.

"The body of Fashion designer Brooke Davis was discovered at approximately nine am this morning when Miss Davis's mother called at her hotel room after there had been no word from her in two days. The cause of death is not yet known, sources are saying that Davis's naked body was found in her bath tub and she was surrounded by an array of pills and alcohol. It is not yet known if the reports from the sources are true."

I remember the blond reporters words so clearly, what were they saying? They were insinuating that Brooke has took her own life that's what shocked me the most at the time. Anyone that knew Brooke knew she would never kill herself, but I guess most people that commit suicide are never the type to do so. What is the suicide type?

"This is making me sick, they are saying she killed herself?"

Peyton nodded, "It's ridiculous it really is."

There was a loud knock at the door, Peyton gave me a worried glace before walking to the door. I flicked off the TV I had seen enough. At the door was a female and male police officers, they looked serious and stern.

They told us they were sorry for our loss and the niceties, they explained Brooke was to undergo a post Morten and results wouldn't be known for maybe up to a week but there was a note left at the scene and they were treating it as suicide. Of course Peyton and I objected telling them that our Brooke would NEVER do such a thing and they had it wrong. They sympathized but were simply the messengers sent to deliver the most horrible and devastating news I'd ever received. They would be in touch.

Jamie had asked me why he should wear black to a funeral? I said he didn't and Brooke wouldn't want him too and that he should wear his favourite top. In fact everyone agreed that Brooke wouldn't want a black depressing funeral she's want to be remembered for what she did and that was decorate the world so colourfully.

I thought of Brooke Davis a lot, mainly at night lying in my bed. I would think of her voice and how she sounded, the way should laugh and giggled as she played with Jamie. I remembered her nicknames for everyone, and how she cared so much about every single one of her friends so dearly. I would think of little things such as the sun lounges by my pool which we'd sat in the past summer evenings after Jamie was asleep talking about silly things with no major relevance and sipping wine and laughing so hard that Nathan would come outside and tell us to quiet down. She was such a bubbly, creative, thoughtful beautiful girl.

I cried for her.

I couldn't figure out what would make her want to take her own precious life, I didn't believe she would. But my broken heart was in denial and pieces and I wouldn't accept it for a long time after.

I noticed in the couple of weeks after her death that Jamie would carry that white feather with him everywhere, and I very often found him asleep clutching it closely as if it were a security blanket of some sort. I didn't question it until the day of the funeral when we sat at home waiting for the funeral car, we were alone in the den huddled together on the couch.

"Jamie honey why do you carry that with you wherever you go?" I asked perplexed.

Jamie gave me a sideways glace "You will think I'm silly."

"James Lucas Scott I would never think such a thing!" I assured him.

He gave me a tiny smile, the first since Brooke's death "At school Britney Grooves told us that she found a white feather on the floor and that her Mom had told her it was from her guardian angel her grandma and it had been left there to show her she was watching her." Jamie explained to me.

That was the last thing I thought he would say and it shocked me, "So you think-"

"It means you have been visited by a angel, Brooke left it."

Folklore, tales, there was no truth in this, I had a belief in god and at the time it was much stronger but angles? I wasn't sure I could allow my son to have such a belief in such things. I was speechless to say the least.

"Haley, Jamie the car is here." Nathan called from the front door before I had time to reply.

Jamie jumped to his feet "And Momma I haven't got feather pillows." and with that he ran to the door and out of sight.

I sat for a moment, Jamie my six year old son was right he didn't have feather pillows. I couldn't believe it, yet the moment passed quickly and more logical explanations came to mind.

"Baby you ready?" Nathan asked appearing again.

I got to my feet and pulled on my heels, "Where is Jamie?"

"In the car with Lucas, why you okay?"

I shrugged, "Jamie thinks that feather is from an angel, from Brooke!"

I could see Nathan working things through his brain he smiled, "What's so wrong with that?"

I didn't expect a reaction like that, "Nothing, but should we let him have such a strong belief in something like that?"

"Haley you should be proud that our son could entertain such a idea and the he has the brains to deal with his grief in such a beautiful way."

Nathan was right, I just didn't feel right about it. Thinking back I was probably more mad that Jamie was dealing with her death a lot better than I was.

"You are right, he's such a amazing boy. And hey nothing to say it wasn't a angel huh." I said embracing Nathan.

Nathan kissed my lips softly yet briefly, "That's more like my girl, were all dealing with her death differently at least the worry of Jamie is less you know."

"Yeah we have a brave boy, takes after his Daddy."

Nathan frowned, "His mother more like. So how about we get through today as a family."

I buried my head in Nathan's chest, mainly to stop the tears "Yeah lets do it!"

The smell of flowers made my nose itch, I remember that so clearly. The church was packed. The family had asked for a private family and close friends only funeral but still the church was packed to the rafters and there was police out front of the church to hold back reporters and fans and members of the public wanting to either pay respects or get a glimpse of what the fuss was all about. I sat in-between my brave little man Jamie and my best friend Lucas Scott. I held both there hands so tightly as if, if I let go I would drown. Peyton clung to Lucas on the other side while Nathan sat next to his son. The service was beautiful Marvin McFadden did a reading, he held it together so well. Peyton was supposed to get up but when it came time she couldn't… so I squeezed her arm before walking up to the front past Brooke's mahogany casket.

"I'm Haley James Scott, I haven't prepared anything to say but like Brooke I'm just going to tell it how it is - straight from the heart. I could go on about Brooke's good points and what an amazing person she was. But any true friend sitting here today that really knew her knows all these things already and they have already been said many times. I love this girl, she made me a better person just for knowing her. Life without Brooke is going to be so, so hard but we have memories and while she was here she defiantly left her mark on the place. I read a quote a while back by Winston Churchill, 'I am ready to meet my maker, whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal or meeting me is another matter.' I like that and it reminds me of Brooke and how she would say something to the sort - and I agree they are so not ready for her but god you guys up there are going to love her. I am blessed to have known her, she was my son's godmother and will forever be in mine and my families hearts."

I spoke without fault and didn't cry until the final word left my mouth. I stood down and took my place back between my son and my buddy. Nathan who had tears in his eyes smiled at me, I cried again and Jamie took my hand the little kid who as stronger than all of us.

It had been about a month I think since we buried Brooke. Things were not necessarily getting easier but we were coping better. I still spent my nights thinking of Brooke and even sometimes waking up with a wet pillow and Nathan telling me I'd been sobbing in my sleep. Peyton had moved in and I was glad, she needed us and we needed her though the pain was still there we dealt with it together.

"I haven't heard you play in a while, why don't you play something?" Peyton suggested as we sat at either ends of the couch.

I glanced at the piano, "I haven't had any inspiration I will soon enough."

Peyton put down her pad and pen "Were supposed to be putting together an album here we have six good songs but we really need to be getting moving."

"I know and I will, and anyway haven't seen you draw this much in a while." I changed the subject.

Peyton gave a long sigh, "I've had plenty of inspiration."

I looked sideways at her current drawing, It was of Brooke. Just her pretty face smiling.

Lucas entered the den and gave us both a weak smile "How are you guys?"

"Good I guess… You?" I asked.

Lucas looked at Peyton for a moment before replying "Same, it's tough you know."

Peyton and Lucas at the time of Brooke's death were going through the motions. A couple of months before Brooke's death they had gotten back together after a couple of years of angst and a jilted groom. But since Brooke's death they had drifted apart, I hadn't seen them together sine the wake of Brooke's funeral.

"I'm going to go see if Jamie is okay." Peyton said rising from the couch and taking her pad and pen with her up-stairs.

Lucas shook his head, "Before you say anything don't ask."

I scoffed, "Oh come on. What is going on between you guys? I thought loosing Brooke would have brought you closer together if anything!"

"I feel guilty, I think Peyton does too."

I was confused, "Guilty? For what?"

Lucas sat down next to me and sighed sadly, "Because we were happy, and Brooke wasn't."

I had felt that guilt a few times, wondering how maybe if I hadn't been so caught up with my own stuff would I have spotted Brooke's sadness and anger and been able to help.

"You can't say that, you will end up blaming yourselves."

"I do blame myself slightly Haley, we shouldn't have been so caught up in each other and thought of Brooke, called more, seen her more?"

I didn't like to think of my friend Lucas having these thoughts, "No you can't say that. Brooke was delighted that you and Peyton got back together, and understood you guys wanted to spend time together alone." I tried reassuring him.

"I know she said that but who knows. And Peyton feels the same and we can't look at each other without blaming ourselves"

Brooke had been happy, I'd spent a lot of time with her during the Peyton and Lucas reunited tour. I in no way believed Brooke was up-set about the couple getting back together, if we were going down guilt street I could have called her more once she went back to New York for business and a vacation away from tree hill.

"We all have these thoughts and what If's but we can't let them ruin our lives. You need to really talk to Peyton and work this out. Brooke would not want this at all."

Lucas smiled at me, "She'd be telling us to get our act together."

"Yes and telling you never to wear that shirt again. It is disgusting." I joked lightening the conversation, it worked and Lucas laughed and slapped my leg playfully.

"I found this picture in the attic, thought you'd like it out." Nathan said one morning a few days after my talk with Lucas.

I looked up at the picture witch was framed with a little dust on. It was from my wedding, my second wedding in fact which Brooke had helped me plan with all her might, even making me the most perfect dress…eventually. Brooke has been my maid of honour, it was a picture of Nathan, Brooke and myself on that wedding day. Brooke in the middle smiling brightly.

I stared at the pictured, "It's beautiful Nathan."

"Yeah, thought you would like it out. We took it down after Jamie started walking and touching everything." Nathan laughed.

I smiled, "Yeah I didn't want it getting ruined."

Nathan I knew was being genuine and knew it would make me happy to see as I had forgotten about the picture. But I knew Nathan wanted it out, he'd known Brooke far longer than myself and he had kept a lot of his feelings inside. Maybe he kept those feelings in for myself and Jamie or maybe he just didn't know how to deal with them.

"You miss her too don't you?" I asked sitting the frame above the fireplace.

Nathan stood beside me and looked at the picture, "She was my friend, I do miss her Haley."

I placed my hands lovingly on Nathan's unshaven face, "Of course you do."

"I just, I don't know. Maybe I don't feel right being upset when I am supposed to be strong for you and Jamie."

"Don't ever feel like you can't do anything. You have feelings Nathan. We all loved her please never feel like you can't express your feelings. I love you so much" I kissed him after I spoke.

Nathan ran his hands down my waist and onto my butt, "You always make me feel better Mrs. Scott you know that?"

I kissed him again quickly, "I hope so, I have some news."

I had BIG news, for the past week I had been feeling sick and I was late on my period. I'd done a pregnancy test earlier that morning and it was positive. I didn't know what I felt but I had battled with my feelings about it all morning.

"Oh yeah what news?" Nathan asked.

"I am pregnant." I said.

I cut right to the chase, he deserved that and beating around the bush only made things worse. When I was pregnant with Jamie I'd taken a while to tell Nathan and he wasn't to happy with being in the dark for so long - Brooke had been the first to know.

Nathan stood wide eyed for a moment, "Oh my god." he pulled me more tightly.

"Are you happy?" I asked.

"I am so happy." Nathan replied we kept hugging, he picked me up and spun me around.

I laughed, "Nathan stop"

Nathan put me down and took my hands in his, "Haley I love you, I'm going to be a father again! I can't believe it."

"I haven't smiled this much in weeks" I said happily.

"What are you guys so happy about?" Jamie asked as he entered the den.

Nathan and I exchanged happy looks, "we need to have a talk with you."

"Spit it out already." Jamie said cockily.

I let out a laugh, "Don't talk like that Mr."

Jamie rolled his eyes, "Sorry Mom, what is it?"

Nathan took his hand in mine and we sat with Jamie on the couch, I could see Jamie was so eager to know what was happening.

"You're Daddy and I are going to have a baby, you are going to have a brother or sister."

Jamie sat for a minute, "Brooke told me this would happen, I am happy. But will I still be your number one boy?"

I paused, "Of course baby, you are number one. What do you mean Brooke told you?"

Jamie kind of shrugged, "I talk to Aunt Brooke in my dreams, we talk she tells me stuff."

I didn't know what to say yet again, "What kind of stuff?" I asked.

"Like about school and Chester, about you and Dad and everyone else. She looks after us all."

"Wow were lucky huh? To have Brooke looking out for us." Nathan said nudging me.

I guess I looked a little shocked, "Yeah we are. So are you okay with having a brother or sister?"

Jamie nodded, "Yeah, I want a brother, girls are bossy and all the girls in my class have to have there own way or they cry and get moody!"

Nathan laughed, "Welcome to the world of women son."

I laughed but Jamie's dreams were bothering me, even now with my good news. Jamie kissed us both and went off to play his wii.

"Dreams? Nathan is this healthy?" I asked worriedly.

"It's dreams, and it helps him cope I guess. It isn't doing him any harm right?"

Nathan was right, "Yeah I guess."

"Anyway so who we going to call and tell first?" Nathan asked excitedly.