It was a hot day and I decided to take my pants off when McGonagall came into the room.

She says, "My, Mr. Dumbledore, what a big MEMBER you have"

I says, "Yes, my dear, I do have a big MEMBER. If you want to, you can touch it!"

And so, she touches it. And I says, "Get your hands off me you damn dirty ape!"My MEMBER never felt so good before. Before that, it was all scrunched up. And now it's loose and free.

Two days later, McGonagall died. Of old age. She was 84 at the time, and I was 210. I'll never let anyone else touch my MEMBER again.