The air was thick. I did not meet his gaze. It hadn't come out the way I had wanted it to. I was going to say it causally. Like it was no big deal, just that i wanted him to know. But instead my voice was trembling and I could feel my own heart beat frenetically in my chest.
"You're gay?"
Matt´s voice sounded sceptical. I felt my heart sink. 'No I'm not, I just said it as a joke? Really fun joke. Bye Matt, I'll probably never see you again.' I lifted my gaze to the door. I might actually be able to make my way out here without him catching me. And I could hide in my room, like forever.
That's not what I wanted. That's not what I had imagined when I knocked at his door about an hour ago and told him there was something I wanted to tell him. I only wanted to tell him and that he would accept me for who I am.
"Yeah." I managed to say and look back at the floor.
"You sure?"
If I wasn't terrified, I might have laughed at the ironical question. How could I not be? Just being near you make my body go stiff and my heart miss a beat. It's a feeling I've never had with a girl and I'm sure I'll never have.
"I wouldn't tell you I'm gay if I wasn't Matt."
"How did you find out?"
His voice had lost its sceptical tone and I dared to look up. His piercing blue eyes were watching me. He didn't look disgusted, only confused.
"You don't mind?" I asked.
This seemed to confuse him even more.
"What?"
"The fact that I'm gay." I said once more feeling a bit more confident. If he was going to freak out, he would've done it by now.
"Nah, it's not like I'm totally straight either. I just never thought you leaned that way." Matt said with a smirk.
"What do you mean?" I asked. Now it was my turn to be confused.
"Just because I've dated a few girls in the past doesn't make me straight you know? I wouldn't have any problem dating a guy."
He got up from the sofa and walked over to me. He came close. Really close. I felt my heart racing but couldn't move. His hair looked so soft, his eyes so blue, his lips so beautiful..
"You never answered my question." He said softly.
I don't know if I was supposed to answer to that. Before I could anyway, I felt his lips on mine. They were soft, warm and absolutely irresistible. I let out a moan and leaned in to the kiss. My hands were still uncomfortable on my side, still not sure if this was okay.
The kiss was short but wonderful. He pulled away from me but he had lost his smile. I could see his checks turn read and his eyes were eying my very movement.
"Uh." was all I managed to say. My heart was still beating frantically and my cheeks were heating.
He was still close to me, only a feet away. But it felt like he was a mile from me.
"I figured.. I was in love with someone.. a guy." I answered slowly. I couldn't help licking my lips and remember the softness of his lips on mine. That feeling made me stronger and I took his hand in mine.
"I love you Matt."
The air was warm and full of love. I met his gaze, his eyes shining back at me.
"Are you alright Chi?"
"I'm fine. Better than fine in fact." I said smiling back at my beautiful boyfriend. This night had certainly not gone as planned. And I was so happy it hadn't.