Disclaimer: Hiromu Arakawa owns Fullmetal Achemist.
Warning: Rated M for mature content.
Chapter One
Edward threw his head back, pure bliss racing through his body. His mind failed to take in anything but the exploding sensations, and for a few moments, that's all there was. But his consciousness returned in time for him to feel his partner give one last hard thrust into him and to feel the hand holding his arms above his head grip his wrists tightly. It was a bit painful, the automail pressing up against his left wrist bone, but he was too boneless and euphoric to pay it much mind. Lazily, his eyes moved up to try and take in his partner's face, but it was bowed down towards his stomach, leaving only shaggy, sweat laced black hair visible from his position.
This lasted a long moment, and then his wrists were released. His partner dislodged himself and slumped down on the bed to Ed's left. He caught his breath for a bit, panting heavily enough that in any other situation, Edward might have made a rude comment about it and the man's age, but when his dark eyes finally lifted up to meet Ed's golden ones, Ed had no words. Intense feelings of love and being cherished slammed into him and he found himself almost breathless. His partner must have been feeling some of the same because he was brought into such a sensual, gentle kiss that he couldn't help the content happy sigh that escaped.
Once their lips parted, arms wounds around him, pulling him tightly against the other's chest. He snuggled his head up against the man, happy, warm, and safe. It didn't take long to drift off after that.
The morning after wasn't nearly so happy. The first thing he noticed upon waking was that he was lone. The blankets beside him were cold, meaning that he'd been left quite some time ago. Ed was such a heavy sleeper, he never noticed when the other left him. But it was always the same. They'd have a wonderful night, he'd fall asleep, and then he'd wake up to an empty bed. It had been going on for almost a year now, so it wasn't as if Ed was expecting something else. But he still wished for more.
With a sigh, he dragged himself out of bed and to the shower. His shower went by in a blur, his mind running through memories of last night and how he wished he was still there. He was toweling off by the time his mind returned to the moment, and after a few more rubs, he was pulling on clothes. Once he finished up in the bathroom, he headed out of the room and down the stairs to the foyer. His eyes fell on the kitchen and he debated on grabbing something out of the fridge. There was never a lot in there, his partner didn't cook, but it was better than what he and Al had back in the hotel. But the idea of sitting alone at the table made up his mind and after a sigh, he grabbed his red coat off the rack and walked out the door.
The trek home was quiet. The morning air was a bit chilled and he could see his breath if he huffed hard enough. His left hand felt a bit stiff, despite the glove, and his ports ached a bit. But he ignored all of this and stared straight ahead. He wanted to think of nothing more than getting back to the hotel. Alphonse was expecting him home soon, thinking he had just been stuck on routine guard duty that he was now "old enough" to be forced into. He'd probably be waiting to go out with Ed for breakfast before Ed passed out from staying up all night. In reality, Ed had gotten plenty of sleep last night, though he supposed he could pass that off as sleeping on the job. His brother knew how much he cared for the military, so Alphonse wouldn't be too surprised at him shirking his duty. It was a passable lie.
I wish I could tell him what was really going on.
The hotel was in sight now, and outside the door, Ed let out another heavy sigh, prepared to go in and lie about something he desperately wanting to shout to the heavens.
It wasn't right that they had to keep their relationship a secret. There was nothing wrong with it. It was pure and it was wonderful. But there were laws against it, and it would create a lot of problems for them if it got out, especially his partner. So they hid it from everyone, even Alphonse.
Ed passed the clerk at the front desk, giving a short nod in acknowledgement as he went. Three flights of stairs were next, and he climbed them quickly, only stumbling once from the jello-like sensation his muscles often got from too much sex. Then he arrived at his room.
Dread filled him as he stared at the plain white door. He hated lying to his brother. They were supposed to be a team; there wasn't supposed to be any secrets between them. But he had to lie for his relationship. It was the only way for it to continue.
Giving the door a determined glare, he reached for the knob, unsurprised to find it unlocked. Al always kept it open for him, figuring that he'd be too tired to want to bother with annoyances such as keys. Inside, the lights were on and his brother was in the corner by the bed, reading one of the many books they'd borrowed from the military library.
"Good morning, Brother," Alphonse greeted. The helmet had lifted to him at the sound of the door opening and the arms holding the books unconsciously lowered as the metal boy's attention shifted. "I hope your night wasn't too long."
"Eh, it wasn't bad," Ed threw out, acting like he was barely giving it any thought. "I slept through most of it."
Al tsked, and if his features could change, Ed knew that he'd be staring down a look of disappointment. "You'll get into trouble if someone catches you doing that."
Ed shrugged, slipping off his jacket and throwing it half-hazardly onto his bed. "No one's going to notice. It's not like anyone ever goes by there. This is the boondocks, after all."
"I suppose," Al relented, not sounding happy with his brother's decision. Ed truly didn't care how his younger brother viewed his work ethic. This was all imaginary, after all.
I really wish I could tell him.
Ed decided to follow his coat and dropped onto his bed, the springs giving way under him. The hotel bed wasn't nearly as soft or as warm as the one he had spent the night in, and he found himself once again wishing he was back in that moment.
"Did you get any breakfast on the way here?" Alphonse asked. When Ed shook his head no, the suit of armor let out a sigh. "I don't know if you have time to get any and finish your report for the Colonel before you need to turn it in."
Ed rolled his eyes, avoiding thinking too much about his meeting in the office. "He won't expect me to be on time. As long as I get it in before he heads home tonight, I'll be fine. We have plenty of time to grab food."
Alphonse gave him a long stare which Ed knew would have been a hard frown. "You really shouldn't test the Colonel like that, Brother. One of these days, he might take offense."
Ed gave a little laugh. "Maybe."
"Still," Alphonse continued, after a brief pause, " you should really work on getting that in as soon as you can. We can get food afterwards."
Ed groaned, putting more disgruntlement into it than he actually felt. His hands were already reaching towards the report on his bedside table. "I just got home, Al, and you're already pushing me to do more work." He placed the paperwork in his lap and started reading through what he already wrote, needing to remind himself of just where he'd left off.
"You can rest when you're finished."
It was quiet after that. A page fluttered every so often as Alphonse read his book and the scratching of Ed's pen gave some white noise, but the boy's ignored each other, both focused on their task. Ed was done two hours later, and they headed out to headquarters.
"You know," the younger pointed as they neared the large doors of HQ, " it wasn't very kind of the Colonel to assign you guard duty on the day your got back."
"It's just how it worked out," Ed mumbled, not wanting to get back onto that topic. It was hard enough lying to his brother, but having to keep talking about it always made him feel sick. He yanked the door open and walked inside. The secretary at the front desk gave him a kind smile which he ignored as he headed for the stairs.
Alphonse, of course, returned the woman's smile with a wave.
"Maybe, but it's been like that for the last few times we've come back. It's almost like he's intentionally scheduling you that way."
Ed sighed, staying in front of his brother as he climbed the stairs so to hide his pained expression.
"He's probably just doing it to annoy me. He knows those trains aren't comfortable to sleep on, so he makes a point of robbing me of sleep when I get back. He likes to mess with me. It's nothing new."
"Maybe," Alphonse repeated himself. "But the Colonel's not usually so petty. It's almost like there's something else going on."
Edward knew that Alphonse didn't even remotely suspect his secret, but his heart still chilled at those words.
"You're reading too much into it," he grumbled, praying that the other would just drop it.
"I suppose…"
They were on their floor now, and Ed briskly walked past his uniformed coworkers in the hall. He reached the outer office and threw open the door, startling the formerly sleeping Havoc and catching the attention of the other's in the room. They resumed their work quickly enough, used to his dramatic entrances, but not without first issuing greetings. Alphonse returned them cheerfully, but Ed just moved past them towards the inner office.
"I'll be back, Al," he called over his shoulder before forcing open the door and slipping inside.
The office was the same as always, large with two couches filling up the center of the floor. A desk was up close to the window, it's occupant ignoring Ed.
After a long moment, the man placed his pen down and met Ed's eyes. The moment those dark eyes connected with his, Ed's world felt at peace again.
"Your late," Colonel Roy Mustang noted sternly, his eyes betraying the annoyance his voice was faking.
"I had a late night," Ed supplied, knowing he didn't actually have to defend himself. The man was more than aware of why he hadn't had time to work on it yesterday. He was just playing the hardass CO. They were at work. He had to.
"That's no excuse. You need to be here when you're scheduled. You're lucky I had no meetings to attend to today so I'm free to receive you late." He stretched out a hand and Ed walked closer, heart fluttering, and placed the report in the colonel's hand. Their skin brushed for a moment and Ed had to force himself to pull back.
Mustang's eyes skimmed the report and Ed waited patiently, something that used to be quite difficult for him. But now he could busy himself with admiring the man before him. The strong build (though it was hidden beneath the shapeless uniform jacket), the black hair framing his face, those eyes that stared so lovingly into his just the night before. He wanted to get close, to press his lips against the man's, to feel the warmth radiating from the other's skin.
But he restrained himself and just felt him with his eyes.
A great sigh hit his eats and he resumed focus in time for the other to drop his report on the desk with a frustrated grunt.
"Fullmetal," he said, giving Ed a hard stare that that time, did reach his eyes, " you need to do better than this. These half-assed, sloppy reports aren't going to fly with Central Command. They expect better than this, and one day, someone other than me is actually going to read one of your reports and then they're going to call you in to discipline you for not putting enough effort into your work."
Mustang picked the report back up with a frown. "I'll turn this in, but the next one will be re-written if it doesn't meet protocol."
"Fine," Ed agreed, wanting to get past all the work related discussion and have a few moments alone with the Colonel.
The report went into the Colonol's "In" bin and then those eyes were back on Edward. The hard look was gone and the young alchemist took an unconscious step forward in response to the yearning in his heart.
"I hope you got enough sleep last night," Mustang opened with and Ed just let the sound of his voice float through his ears. It was the sound he pined for every time he left town. He'd stay forever just to listen to it, but finding the stone was more important. Al needed him.
"Yeah. Your bed's pretty comfortable."
A smile came in response to his words. "Good."
Ed found himself returning the gesture, and he took another step forward, this time intentionally, so that he was right in front of the man's desk.
"Al's concerned that you're intentionally trying to rob me of sleep," he began, knowing that that truly wasn't what he wanted to talk about, but hoping it'd help breech the topic that had been plaguing him. He'd been keeping it in for as long as he could, and while he knew this wasn't the best place for it, having a desk between them helped him keep his resolve, because as soon as the Flame Alchemist pulled him into his hold, he lost all resolve for conflict.
"Why does he believe that?" Mustang asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Because I always have "watch" whenever we return. The trains aren't the best for sleeping on, so he thinks it's not quite…right that you keep assigning me for the day I return." Edward clenched his fists anxiously, hoping this would go where he wanted.
"Hmmm…." Mustang leaned back into his chair and gave it some thought. "I suppose we can always move our reunion to another night, one less likely to worry your brother."
Ed winced. This wasn't what he wanted. Whenever he returned to town, he ached for the older man. Going away for long stints was always so hard. Being in the same city as the other and not being able to see him was more than he felt he could manage.
"Can't we just tell Al?" he asked, the words out of his mouth before he decided he was going to utter them. It was what he had intended to try and bring up. He just hadn't meant to come up with it so quickly.
Another sigh. "Ed." He said the boy's name, something usually only uttered in the safe walls of the man's house. Edward instantly perked up, his heart skipping from just the sound of his name.
"You know why we can't."
His hands clenched tighter, and he realized that he's have to look away if he planned on truly fighting this. Otherwise, he'd probably just give in again.
"He's not going to tell anyone," he tried to explain, eyes on the edge of the desk. "It won't cause a problem."
"Ed."
He resisted the urge his name brought to look up.
Another sigh. This one lighter.
There was a flutter of movement and Ed had the feeling that his CO had stood up, but he kept his eyes trailed on the desk. And because of this, he was startled when a hand pushed his chin up so that his eyes met the other's. They were tender, and he found himself momentarily unable to think.
"Things are working. Why do we need to change them?"
He gulped, scrambling to collect his thoughts. He managed to grab onto his previous train, though it was difficult.
"I can't keep lying to Al. He's my brother. He trusts me to be truthful with him."
There was a long moment where they just looked at each other, and Ed had to work hard to keep himself from turning into a pile of goo. It was frustrating how just a few looks from Mustang was enough to render him useless. Finally, the man let go of Ed's chin and stepped back.
"I'll think about it. See if I can't come up with some way to make it work."
Ed nodded slowly, working to get his wits back. His head was clearer now that he had some distance and he wasn't sure he was happy with how the conversation had went. But the Colonel had said he'd look into it, so that meant he would be able to stop lying to Al soon.
So why did he feel like nothing had changed?
"Well, I think we've been alone for a bit longer than is probably prudent. I'll see you later this week, alright?"
"Yeah," Ed replied, instantly feeling let down. He knew that their time was limited, but it felt so short. He wished that there was a way that they could spend more time together without it causing suspicion.
"Make sure you act irritated when you leave. You know people won't believe it if they think we had a pleasant conversation."
He gave another weak nod, clearly hearing his dismissal. He walked back to the door, but gave one last look before he turned the handle. The man had picked his pen back up and was looking over the document he had been getting through when Ed had entered. With a small frown, he returned his attention to what was in front of him and left the office.
He plastered a glare on his face the moment he breached the door and those in the room gave him sympathetic looks. Ed found himself actually growing angry. Those people thought he hated the Colonel, that the man bashed him around. While in reality, it was so much different than that.
If only I could tell them.
"Should we go and get you some lunch?"
If only I could tell him.
"Yeah, Al. Let's go."
He followed the metal suit outside, not bothering to acknowledge the farewells he received. With each step he walked away from the man, he felt more and more angry. It wasn't right. He shouldn't have to keep this all bottled up. He should be able to share it with those he cared about. He should be able to share it with at least his brother.
I need to tell him.
He couldn't keep this hidden forever. At some point, it had to come out. It was such a big part of his life. It was something extremely important.
I need to tell him.
I have to tell him.
As he left headquarters, he fought the urge to scream.
I'm not going to lie. This is not my best work. But I'm putting this out there in hopes of getting some feedback on how I'm doing. So if you could give me some feedback, it'd be greatly appreciated. Feel free to tell me everything, even if you hated it. I'm trying to determine my weaknesses for future, more difficult projects. Also, I'm new to the romance genre and am worried that I don't know how to write it.
Thanks for reading!