Disclaimer: The whole wonderfully amazing Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer, not me. :(

Hello everyone! New readers, and old! First off, to my loyal readers who've been with me since day one...thank you! I am so glad you have followed me and support me! And to the new, thank you for having faith and choosing to read this story of mine. This will be my third ff and each and every one is special to me! I hope you all enjoy my new story that I am offering, and for those who just read Taking Chances, please get that Bella out of your heads, this Bella will be more like book-Bella, not that the last Bella wasn't...but I really hope ya'll enjoy it!

Bella POV

She was gone.

That is what I kept telling myself on the plane ride. She's gone, and she's never coming back. You're alone.

Abandoned.

My wet eyes swept the green forests below me, searching for some hope. Some tiny shred of hope that would tell me I'm going to be okay. I just needed a light at the end of the tunnel. I needed my mother. But she was gone.

Ever since that day, my world had turned upside down. Nothing made any sense anymore. It was like I wasn't even in my own body. The body of Isabella Marie Swan was still functioning, going on with life...but her soul wasn't. No, she was hanging back, watching herself do the movements of survival without care or feeling. Emotion was all gone. This girl called Bella... was lifeless.

"Bells, are you okay?"

I was brought back to reality by the voice of my so-called-father, Charlie. I only saw him for two weeks every year, always in June. Once he came down to Arizona to visit with me when I was twelve, but he couldn't take the heat. What that really meant was he couldn't stand my mother's long-time boyfriend, Phil. But he was gone now too. Torn apart, just like me. Only he had a life to live for, a job. I had nothing, so there was nothing stopping me from quitting it completely.

"Yeah."

I don't think I had said more than three words at one time to Charlie since he'd come down for the funeral last week. No, scratch that. I'm pretty sure the blow-up we'd had five days ago ruined that streak. It was when he told me I couldn't stay in Phoenix, that I had to move up to rainy Forks with him. I freaked out. I was seventeen for God's sake! I could surely live out the six months until I was eighteen pretty well. But he said no. I yelled and yelled and cried, but it was no use. I was Forks-bound by law. If he couldn't force me, child's services sure could.

So here I was, on the plane to Forks with my dad. My mother was dead and there was nothing that could change it.

~.~

Three weeks before my mother died, I had been sitting beside her bed in the hospital reading The Catcher in the Rye. I loved that book. It was probably the only thing that kept me sane during all the times my mother was rushed back into the hospital. Holden Caulfield didn't have a care in the world. He just glided through without thinking. There were so many times when I wished I didn't worry like he did. But I always did. And that's why I liked it so much, because even for a few minutes while my mother was sleeping, I'd have a world to disappear to and not care.

I was just reaching the middle of it when I noticed she was awake and watching me. I closed the book and put it aside.

"Hey," I whispered, pouring her some water. "How're you feeling?"

She took the water and sipped it generously before setting it back down. Her voice was still hoarse when she spoke.

"I'm alright, just the same."

I brushed the hair from her eyes and opened the blinds so she could have light.

"So how many times now?"

I sat back down and looked curiously. "Huh?"

She smiled. "How many times have you read that book now? A hundred?"

I blushed like I always did and her hand gently cupped my face. "There it is, that famous blush of yours."

I placed my hand over hers, which was always cold despite the heat in the room. "I'm going to miss that the most about you, I think."

Hot tears welled up in my eyes and I shook my head furiosly. "No. You won't have to miss it, Mom. It's always going to be here. You'll always be here. Don't think that way."

Her eyes were tired, always with dark circles under them. The happiness faded away suddenly.

"My sweet Bella...please don't be upset."

My chest started heaving. I couldn't even think about not having her here with me. "How can I not be upset when you keep talking about dying? You don't know that Mom! You beat it last time, and you can beat it again!"

But she didn't answer me this. We both knew it. We both saw the charts, heard the doctors...but we could both see that my mother wasn't getting any better.

"Why don't you go get some coffee, hmm? It'll do you some good to get up and walk around. Maybe go sit in the courtyard for a bit, get out of this musty room. I'll be fine. Besides, I've got chemo in half an hour and I know you don't like sitting through that,"she suggested.

I wiped my eyes and stood up. "Okay. Do you want anything?"

She shook her head. "Just go, Bella."

~.~

My old room looked the same as it did every summer, with some updates. The walls went from beige to a weird eggplanty color, the bedspread was purple and not white, and there were curtains thank God. Charlie also added a large desk with a new laptop sitting on it. There were also some photos of me and him hanging around the room and some other knick-nacks you could only find in a tiny town like this. Amazing as it sounded, it made me feel comfortable. So I started to unpack slowly, taking time to put my few things in organized order, just the way I liked it.

"Bella, come here for a minute," Charlie called from downstairs.

I sighed and considered ignoring him, but he had done so much for me, even if it involved moving me to this hick town. So I padded my way downstairs and outside to the front where Charlie was standing in front of a giant, rusty-red truck from the 50's.

"What's that?" I asked, trying to decide if he traded it in for the cruiser or wanted to start fixing cars as a lame hobby.

"It's for you," he answered.

It took my brain a few minutes to register that thought. This deathtrap was for me?

"What?"

Charlie smiled and slapped the side of it. "Yep! Just bought it off an old friend, Billy Black. You remember him? Anyway, thought you'd need a car to get to school and all."

Sometimes staying mad at Charlie was impossible when he decided to be all fatherly. It actually liked it that way. Before my mom got sick, she was like my best friend rather than a mother. So coming to stay with Charlie was like a breath of fresh air, actually getting to feel like a real teenager.

But thinking of that only reminded me of Mom. The happiness left my face and I nodded.

"Thanks Ch-....Dad."

I folded my arms and went back into my room and locked the door to start my first crying fit in Forks.

~.~

When six o'clock rolled around, I wiped my eyes dry and splashed some cold water on my face before heading downstairs. Charlie was sitting on the couch watching a stupid baseball game. It reminded me of Phil. I should call him, see how he's doing. My mother's face popped into my mind again and it took all my strength to not cry.

"So...what's for dinner?" I asked, breaking the silence. Charlie turned around to see me and instantly noticed my puffy eyes. But he didn't ask, which I was eternally grateful for.

"Oh uhm....how about some eggs?" he suggested, standing up and straightening the ridiculous belt buckle he wore.

I raised an eyebrow. Eggs? "Okay, nevermind. I'll go cook something. You just sit down."

He waved a hand. "No, I'll cook. It's fine."

But I stood in the way of him and the kitchen. "No, really. I can cook."

If he wanted to make me eggs, there was no way I was letting him in that kitchen. So he nodded in agreement and took up his seat again. I blew out a breath of relief and headed into the tiny kitchen which my mother had painted yellow once. It just made it all that more ugly and small.

A bigger shock came when I opened the fridge. It was almost empty except beer, eggs, and bacon. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. I was definitely going to the store tomorrow. So I pulled out the eggs and bacon.

"Breakfast it is."

~.~

Night was the loneliest time of the day for me. And especially now, I felt useless. During nights at the hospital I never slept, because I was too paranoid something might happen to my mother while I wasn't looking. So I stayed up and held her hand like a child until she was fast asleep. Then I'd curl up in the chair next to her bed and watch. Sometimes I'd read or watch TV with the mute on. And then I'd check on her in thirty minute intervals. I'd make sure she was still breathing and she was warm. And when the nurses came in to do the same thing, they'd find it completed. My mother didn't need anyone but me. I could take care of her.

It was times like that when I thought of becoming a doctor. I had been taking care of my mom since I was thirteen, that was four years. I wasn't a normal teenager to say the least. I knew how to read charts and decipher blood counts. I could understand every monitor she was on and knew what pills were for what and what they did and how they did it. But it all came down to the fact that my mother was dying. Everything I'd learned wasn't helping her. And the thought of being around people like her all day killed me.

So the night she died, I didn't sleep at all. In fact, I haven't had a full night of sleep since. Sure I could get in some hours, but I'd always wake up around two and then after that it was useless in trying. Tonight was no different. I sat watching the rain splatter on my window like the tears rolling down my face. I had nothing, anymore. It was all gone.

Unable to help myself, I got up and put on my boots and coat and grabbed a flashlight before slipping out the back door. It was pitch black and wet. But when I turned the flashlight on, it felt nice. Like I was the only person in the world. I took in a breath and then started down the muddy path into the woods. I enjoyed the rain as it splashed down on my face and soaked me to the bone. Even though it was freezing, I didn't mind. When I got tired of walking, I sat down on a fallen log beside the path. I leaned my head on the tree next to it and shone the light all around me. It was beautiful, all the dripping plants. My mother would have loved it. Thinking of her only brought back a feeling of emptiness though.

My chest started heaving and sobs erupted out of me like a volcano. My heart ripped in two again and I wrapped my arms around me, as if to hold together the pieces of my broken body. I hadn't cried hysterically like this since the day she died.

I don't know how long I had been crying, but a sudden erie feeling washed over me. Like I was being watched. I frantically shined the light everywhere, but there was nothing. I was all alone. But the feeling got worse. The woods suddenly felt dangerous and wild. My heart thumped in my chest and blood coursed throught my veins. I jumped up and started hurrying back to the house, all the while shining the light around me. The pit of my stomach twisted with fear and I picked up my pace.

I got back into my room in half the time it took me to get out there. I shivered and tore off my wet clothes and huddled under the covers, only to start crying again.

So...there is the first chapter! What did ya think? I hope ya'll enjoyed it! Please leave me some feedback, or love, or just anything really! Spread the word if you can! 3