Disclaimer: This fanfic is based upon the Naruto series, which I have no hand in whatsoever, and further more I do not own any characters participating in this… fantasy of sorts, in fact they belong to the honorable Matsuri Hino, who currently has me confined within a… confined space of great pleasure. This fic is rated X due to definite Graphic Content, whether it be straight, yaoi, yuri, S&M, M&M, Skittles, Reese's Pieces, or Milk Duds. (Whichever you prefer… personal fav is the milk duds :P)
Of Senbon and Silk
Part 1: Diva Hidden in the Leaves
Theme: Dancing All Alone- Smile DK
Chapter 1: Love in Disrepair
It was in that moment that Hinata Hyuuga's life had disintegrated in her bare hands. She and Naruto had been dating since they were fourteen, but now things seemed to have taken a turn. Absolute shock enveloped her as she heard the words slip from his throat like kunai that had been held to her wrists for years, but were never moved. Now they were piercing whole-heartedly through her flesh, making tears pour from her eyes.
"I think we should start seeing other people."
"But-"
The expressionless blond making his exit from the empty classroom cut off her words, only saddening the violet haired maiden.
"Naruto!" she barked out, startling him enough to spin around. Hinata could not forget the look chiseled into Naruto's features. It was a harrowing look of deep guilt and remorse for his actions. She saw within the innocent and naïve man, there was a piece of him that was just not ready to feel so strongly about someone who cared for him as much as he cared for the entire village. Naruto Uzumaki was not the kind of person to cry for no reason, but this was a torturous emotion that was consuming him.
Hinata and Naruto stood their deadlocked in a silent stare down. Lilac eyes transfixed on cerulean orbs, they were paralyzed. After a few minutes of awkward quiet, the blond began again.
"Hinata I just… I can't be with you anymore. I don't know if I really understand it myself, but I just don't think I even know myself right now."
This said; Naruto trotted out of the room, leaving the nervous ball of timidity to crumble and breakdown within the confines of the empty classroom at the Ninja Academy. She stood there wallowing in the claustrophobic energies that were binding her to the spot where she stood. She collapsed to her knees and slowly curled up into a ball, rocking so as to relieve the pain held within her core.
Hours passed before Hinata heard the door swing open and the sound of sandals clacking against the hard surface of the floor.
"Yes Lady Tsunade, I do think I left the report in here when I was talking to Iruka." Anko gleefully remarked noting the small manila folder lying neatly at the edge of Iruka-sensei's smooth wooden desk. She then diverted her gaze to the round lump lying on the ground that seemed to be breathing. Quickly Anko dropped to her knees to inspect the frail looking body, Tsunade quickly on her heels to see if there were any physical wounds.
"Is she damaged?" Tsunade inquired inspecting the kunoichi's pulse and checking her temperature.
"He left me." Hinata mumbled sorrowfully.
"No, this looks like it's more a wound to the soul than anything else." Anko chimed with what appeared to be a glint of sympathy.
"I'm a medical specialist, not a therapist." Tsunade spouted without understanding the situation fully.
"Lady Tsunade, I think I can handle this problem. Why don't you review the report and I'll catch up as soon as I'm finished here." Anko informed Tsunade who simply nodded and left the room with the file gripped firmly between her fingers.
There was gentleness in the way that the older kunoichi had pulled Hinata onto her lap and was cradling her almost like a stray kitten being held by a single soul who cared. Hinata continued to cry into Anko's tawny jacket, rubbing her soft cheeks into the warm, dry, rough texture of the fabric. Normally Anko wouldn't allow anyone to get this close to her, let alone soak her clothes in the way that this particular girl could, but she did not mind this time. She'd been there many a time before, left to die so to speak, as they deserted her to chase their own fancies. Seldom had she revealed to others just how much pain she was harboring due to her past lovers, but this girl was feeling the exact same emotion that drove her to become a better person.
It felt almost matronly to have this pretty young woman crying her eyes out in her bosom. Childlike in demeanor, Hinata could not control the fits of agony welling up in the pit of her stomach. Stroking her hands through the plum strands of hair, Anko tenderly held Hinata and acted on instinct.
"Shhh… Everything's gonna be all right… shhh… you're okay now." She whispered in a soothing tone.
Hinata didn't even know who was holding her, or why they'd stopped during the middle of their previous obligations, but right now there was nothing in the way. Thoughts of Naruto were slowly drifting, fleeting from her psyche. This single moment in time was what mattered. Tears that stung her cheeks began to dry, and no longer was her voice lost to crushed passion, fro now there was small warmth bubbling up in her chest. Now for some strange reason Hinata felt she had to cling to this person, and cuddle up to this heat.
Anko just watched as the girl fell prey to the enchantment of sleep. It was kinda… cute the way this small creature was so innocent and pure. If memory served, she'd seen this young woman before. But where? Anko took a second glance at the girl and then realized.
The Chunin exams, I think it was Hinata Hyuuga. It looks as if she's gotten much stronger since then, but She hasn't gained enough power to harden her heart to the many perils of love. I'll just have to change that, but for now what am I gonna do with her?
ZzOOzZ
Walking out of that classroom, Naruto couldn't believe what he'd just done. Tears beginning to build in the corners of his eyes, the blond began dashing down the hallway. He ran to the door and burst outside. There was nothing he could do to cease the throbbing within his throat. One half of him was ecstatic that he'd actually worked up the courage to break it off, but the other side of him was in a tremendous amount of anguish. Running and running, there was no time to think, he had to do some soul searching. There were inner barriers that still blockaded his full potential, still prevented him from releasing all of the secrets locked within his conscience.
Eventually he ended up in the center of the village, his tears now under control and his stomach grumbling for lack of food. Nature took its course as he found his way to his favorite spot in all Konoha. As Naruto stepped into the ramen stand he could smell the fragrant aroma of fresh seafood noodles being served up to one of the customers sitting in the second seat from the end to Naruto's right. It was easy to tell that Sasuke was deep in thought as he watched the noodles steam as they were plopped down in front of his face. His hands did not move for his chopsticks, instead he just stared into the depths of the golden pool of glistening noodles and listened to the hot juice evaporate. Naruto gave a questioning look, but his stomach advised him that food was more important.
Sitting down in the empty stool next to Sasuke, Naruto ordered two bowls for himself and pondered his actions again. His soul was torn between two ultimate sacrifices. If he'd chosen not to say those words, then he'd still be with Hinata and his heart would still be aching for some distant far off thing that he could not attain. By the same token, when he said those words it caused himself and Hinata so much displeasure. However now he could discover what he needed to be fulfilled.
Is the glass half empty or is it half full? Naruto asked sarcastically inaudibly.
"Here is your order sir, two large bowls of hot Ichiraku Ramen right up!" the woman squeaked enthusiastically, only interrupting Naruto's self-interrogation and causing him to feel a tiny bit of annoyance. He gave a weak smile and accepted the bowls wordlessly. He gazed at the food, but for some reason could not force himself to grab his eating utensils.
Why does it hurt this much to be apart from her? What is this feeling of sadness, but at the same time… liberation?
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Sasuke's voice pried into the boy's skull like a dagger to his heart.
"Nothing." Naruto lied trying to suppress the memories of his newly deemed ex-girlfriend.
There was something odd about the way Sasuke was treating him. The voice he'd used was not the same boisterous and arrogant Uchiha trademark. No, this was something different. His voice now held a quality of skepticism and disbelief. It was rather humbling to hear the raven-haired shinobi almost degrading him with this concerned tone. Naruto could not bear to know that the entire world he'd grown up knowing was constantly changing, constantly revising itself. He knew not, whether all of these changes were for the better or for the worse. In all honesty it frightened him, it worried him so much that he gingerly let transparent drops of wretchedness roll off of his cheeks and onto the counter. He bit his lips so as to stop himself from sobbing, bringing the metallic taste of blood to his tongue.
I wonder how well Hinata is holding up? He thought as the blood gravitated from his parted lips and met with the tears he'd discharged on the table.
ZzOOzZ
Hinata dreamily rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she awoke to the sounds of a pen scratching on paper in small scribbles of noise. She glanced up at the clock hanging above the door. It was getting late, but her father wouldn't care. As long as Hanabi was home on time then he'd be fine.
"Where am I?" Hinata yawned feeling a thin dry crust upon her cheeks that trailed all the way down to the tip of her chin. Anko looked up from her desk and smiled cheerfully at the nineteen year-old.
"Well it's a good thing your up, I was worried my Sleeping Beauty wouldn't wake up unless she had her true love's kiss."
Hinata did not recognize the older woman at first, but it only took seconds for her to recollect the smiling vixen's identity.
"Anko? I haven't seen you since the chunin exams." Hinata exclaimed in as close to an excited pitch as she could muster in her current state.
"Glad you remember me kid. Now let me finish up this document and I'll be with you in a jiff. Help yourself to my fridge if you want."
Hinata took notice of the small office refrigerator next to the door. Stretching out of her reclining pose on the black leather couch on the opposite side of the door, she got onto her feet and opened the white plastic door. Her eyes darted around the interior of the cooling machine before she rested her hand upon a bottle of iced tea. Returning to her seat, Hinata couldn't help but wonder how she'd gotten here in the first place. It took her a few gulps of tea until she recalled how Naruto had dumped her, and how desperately she'd clutched Anko, wanting to forget all the grief of five years of her life going down the drain. It was embarrassing now that she thought about it.
"So kid, what's got you so worked up?" Anko questioned, even though she knew the basic scenario.
"Well my boyfriend…" she stopped relishing the final time she'd ever say that, "ex-boyfriend, broke up with me. We'd been going out for about five years and I didn't think it would end, but he just left me… like that." She snapped her fingers for extra affect.
"I know the feeling." Anko said after a brief silence, but still keeping her eyes glued to her current paperwork. "I've just taken to the fact that no lover is ever permanent. When we live as shinobi, we are tools. Tools of destruction, tools of protection, but most of all we are tools of power. When we live and die as warriors there is no guarantee of the next breath of fresh air. Although our hearts can persuade us into believing that a moment can last for eternity, reality contradicts our innermost desires and tells us that a moment cannot last forever. It states quite plainly that a moment is just that… a moment. When we live our lives like feeble vermin always living for honor, dying for honor the only love that remains constant is the love one has for every other warrior who has fallen valiantly in battle in much the same way we do. There is no point in looking for a love that will last for eternity. The only love you can find is a love that lasts for a moment. Now you can think that more moments will come, or you can appreciate every single moment of love as its own individual eternity. So you can look at it as five years or millions of eternities, millions of precious moments that you can stow away and reflect upon and calm yourself with in the heat of battle. Point blank, if he used you for so much time, then just use your memories of him to make yourself tougher and just don't forget why you fell in love to begin with."
During this speech, Hinata was having difficulty adjusting to hearing such truths being spoken by someone who hadn't known her that well to begin with. It was like looking in a mirror, for even though Hinata had given no indication of what was going on in her head, this reflection seemed to know all too well and was just responding to what her heart was saying. She fully agreed with what she was saying, but she did not know if she could comply. It was as if the notion that was presented to her was just too familiar to accept. If she embraced this ideal than it would mean that she would have to get much stronger if she ever hoped of facing Naruto as a shinobi, let alone a love interest. It was true that she felt that heir love would have lasted forever, but she couldn't help but see that it never could have sustained itself.
"Anko, I…" the words were not forming properly on her tongue as she hoped they would, "I don't think I'm strong enough to just move on like that. It was too much for me to voice my feelings towards Naruto to begin with, but now… to denounce them, remove them completely from my system. It's almost unthinkable."
At this response the orchid-haired kunoichi looked up from her papers and laid her pen aside.
Oh yeah. This has my name written all over it. It's like looking at myself when I was her age. I wonder if she ever will grow strong enough… I wonder if I did.
ZzOOzZ
The ramen had soon grown cold after Naruto had finished explaining his predicament to Sasuke.
"So what is it you're searching for?" he asked now pondering the big question.
"I wish I knew." Naruto stated plainly.
"Well we know it's not sex, considering you were with Hinata."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" Naruto sputtered totally blind sighted by the randomness of that statement.
"Well I mean she is pretty quiet, and you know what they say about the quiet ones being undercover freaks." Sasuke smiled and gave a wink with his blatant suggestion.
"Well actually-"
"Wait don't tell me! She's a virgin."
"You got it." Naruto said smiling weakly and scratching the back of his head childishly.
"Wow what the hell did you get out of it, Dobe?"
Naruto did not answer. Even though there was no physical romance between the other than kissing, Naruto felt that their relationship was special. She could make him happy without fueling his lusts. Innocence and joy were the only products of their bond, but never was there a sense of sexual tension.
"So what are you going to do now?" Sasuke asked, although his question was answered by a dumbfounded shrug.
"Well let's get outta here before the waitress complains about us loitering here for nearly two hours. "
"Two hours? It's been that long?"
Sasuke nodded and then stood, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. He paid for both of their meals (Which neither one of them had even touched) and they left together still discussing the situation further.
End of ChapterA/N: Well it's not very long, but it's just enough to start the story. I like adding themes to each chapter just so you can get a feel of how the chapter is going to go. Also I listen to the songs repetitively while I write the chapters just so I can torture myself and keep to the current theme. I hope you like it and sorry to start off on kind of a bad foot, but it will get… warmer. Also if you haven't noticed I'm addicted to… ellipses, you know the three little… dots. Well enjoy and keep reading and I love reviews.