I do not own any characters and just borrowed them for a little while. This is my first fan fic. Please review and let me know if you llike it if you want me to continue or stop. I was playing with the idea to write about buffy and Spike for a while and when I sat donw today it just spilled out. I don't know where I am taking this story right now.

It is set in season seven after Buffy was resurected and got her job .

Buffy was visiting Spike again. She felt so worthless. Her Boss in the Burger Palace had been harassing her. There was a new apocalypse coming and the Scooby's were on her case again. Giles wanted her to do a patrol tonight and she was just plain old tired. Buffy felt worn out and all she wanted was to go for a vacation or back to heaven. Which ever came first, Buffy was not picky.

In spite of her better judgment she ended up in Spikes crypt. She snuck into his crypt and watched him as he was getting ready for the night.

Spike was talking to him self after he got out of the shower and getting dressed: " why am I even getting dressed? Every night she shows up here and all she want's to do is bloody shag me or beat me up! Most of the times both? I wonder sometimes if I am even a person anymore. Sure I am undead and supposed to have lost my bloody soul, but here I am being her bloody blowup doll for every occasion! She trust those moron Scooby's with a soul more than me and what do they do? Abuse her friendship and does she see it? Course not course they are soooooo Bloody perfect with they're bloody souls!"

He was talking himself into a rant now.

They say the fly on the wall hears her own shame. Buffy definitely did. Instead of going to him this night and revealing that she heard his rant. She quietly left the crypt and headed out to patrol and make the night saver.

What a load of crap, Buffy thought to herself, I am 20 years old, college dropout, dead end job and instead of having a boyfriend I'm apparently abusing the only person that gives a crap about me. Where did I go so wrong that I can't see the difference anymore between a friend and a monster. Sure Spikes a Vampire with a chip and with out the soul, but why has he been even as a Soulless monster better then Angelus?

Hunting Demons and Vampires had become second nature to Buffy, while she was thinking about what Spike had said she killed without an effort.

After an exhausting day she headed home to dawn and her supposed best friends. The ones that ripped her out of heaven, went thru all of her and Dawns trust fund money and had judged every relationship she ever had. As soon as she walked thru the door she was bombarded by questions from Willow and Xander. Same ritual every Night, since she was brought back from "Hell".

" Buffy how are you? The bills need to be paid? How many did you get tonight? Were you with spike again instead of Patrolling?"

Same question every night. Tonight she would have answered them all as usual if she hadn't heard Spikes rant about her and her friends. He usually made her feel something, he did that tonight as well. Instead of the usual high she needed to get thru the next day he gave her something that made Buffy see everything in a new light.

Buffy motioned to Dawn to meet her up in her room and just went upstairs without going thru the nightly ritual of being cross examined.

" Buffy what is it? Did anything happen tonight? Usually you just answer what stupid questions they have and you go to sleep."

" You think so questions are stupid? Shouldn't they know what's going on Dawn?"

Dawn got into a temper after she heard her Sister ask this question:" Buffy they are ruling your life. They brought you back even so me and Spike were against it! You deserved the peace you had in heaven and I tried to tell em, but Willow thought she knew better and that you were in hell! Yeah I'm 15 but not stupid!"

"They are not ruling my life," the slayer said defensive," they just want what's best for me, right?"

" Oh Buffy, sure they want what they think is right for you, the world and them!," she answered full of spite," all they cared about while you were dead was on how to get you back to save they're bloody arses! I was left on my own till Spike noticed and he knew. He grieved for you more then anyone else One night I was wandering the streets and found him in his grave, literally he hadn't eaten since you died he just wanted to waste away. He knows you will never love him and yet he still let's you use him!"

Buffy had heard dawn defend Spike on a lot of occasions, but she had never attacked her own Sister and her friends like this. Even so Buffy got upset about hearing her sister speak like this to her, she was wondering if what she said was true. All she could think about right now so was that Dawn knew. Dawn knew what was happening on a nightly basis between her and Spike! How could he? How could he tell Dawn about this? This was between Spike and her!

"Dawny, " she said sweetly," how do you know about what's going on between me and Spike? Oh right our soulless monster told you didn't he?" Her tone was without the bite she usually had when she talked about him!

But all Dawn heard was her Sister describe her best friend in that way and she had had enough of them all so she stalked out of the room out of the house. She went to the one place she knew she was understood and listened too. She went to Spikes crypt!