AN: Happy Summer! I've been watching Supernatual reruns this summer and I got to thinking about the relationship between the Winchester brothers. It seems really intense and special at the same time so I decided to write a one-shot and let you guys see them from my perspective. I hope you like it. Please review and tell me what you think.
Mine
Dean sat up quickly. He was sweating and searching their motel room for the danger he'd seen behind his eyelids. A shaky breath fought its way out of his lungs as he realized he'd been having a nightmare. He threw back the sheet and put his bare feet on the floor.
Sam Winchester turned over in his sleep facing him and Dean stared at his little brother. They were together all the time now. Sam was the only family he had left and vice versa. After losing their father, neither could face life without the other nor continue the work their father had started. They were hunters – hunters of demons, spirits and anything else not of this world and killed them.
Dean got up and went to the bathroom. In the harsh light, he stared at his haggard face then leaned down and stuck his head under the faucet. A huge shiver traveled his spine as cold water poured over his head. He stayed there for at least five minutes until he thought the worst effects of the dream had been washed away.
"Dammit Dad, why did you do this to me?" Dean spoke from beneath a towel and sat down on the tub. "First you tell me to protect him and now…if he turns evil…to kill him." Ever since his Dad had whispered those words in his ear, Dean was constantly awakened by nightmares.
Outside a crack of thunder had Dean jumping. Towel draped around his neck, he got up to check on Sam. Standing over his brother, Dean felt so many emotions that it felt as if he were suffocating. Sammy's life was his responsibility and had been since they'd lost their mother and their father had placed Sam in his arms.
Dean retrieved his flask and started drinking as he settled back on his bed but not to sleep. He didn't believe that he would find sleep again this night. Rain and lightning followed the thunder turning into a full-blown storm and Dean wondered what was out there lurking in the turbulent night searching for its next victim.
As children, they'd learned that monsters were real. Together they'd watch as their father hunted and killed. Growing older, they too hunted and killed while other children played games and studied in school. The only thing normal about their lives were always being together and killing. But then, Sam had left.
It had been unbelievable and even now, Dean was surprised that he'd let him go. A part of him had been happy not to have to watch over Sam anymore. He'd had Dad all to himself but at the same time, he'd been angry. Sam had taken off and gotten to live normally. Sam had gone to school, made friends and had a girlfriend. For a while, he'd lived like someone who didn't know about the monsters that lived in the dark and Dean had resented him for it.
On and off he'd thought of leaving too, God knew he'd been tempted but he just couldn't leave Dad. Dad had been chasing the demon who'd taken his wife from him and Dean too wanted to kill the demon that'd stolen his mother and changed their lives so completely. Besides he was good at what he did – the killing came naturally. So he stayed close to Dad, branching out on his own from time to time…until Dad disappeared.
Again, Dean had lost someone close to him and after searching fruitlessly, he'd given in and gotten in touch with the part of his soul that had left him – he went to Sam. It had been like the joining of two puzzle pieces to see his brother again. Of course he'd been jealous of Sam's life but worry over their father had put that petty emotion aside. They were working side by side again and it was like Sammy had never left. Dad was missing but Sam…was with him.
Dad had caught scent of the demon they'd been searching for their whole lives but he didn't want their help. That was hard and Sam not understanding didn't want any part of his old life and went back to school only to suffer the same tragedy as their father – it changed his mind about hunting.
Sammy had become his conscience while they hunted but Dean had to admit, it was more fun with his brother along. The road wasn't so lonely anymore and life held more possibilities. It was the same as before but not. Sammy had grown up in his time away and it was hard adjusting to this new person. Yes, Sam was different but they were together again and as soon as they found Dad, whether he wanted their help or not, they could be a family again.
The rain was soothing to Dean even though it was being whipped around by the wind and accompanied by thunderous claps and sky-bright lightning. He sipped a little more from his flask.
They'd found their father again and they'd saved his life but Dad kept leaving. He and Sam had made up and even if they weren't all together, everyone was getting along but that damned demon got the upper hand. They'd had an accident and he, Dean had almost died. The only person still able to move was Sam and it was Sam that the demon wanted.
Dean couldn't remember much but maybe just maybe Dad had done something or made some kind of deal to save his life because according to the hospital staff, he'd been dying. He opened his eyes and his life threatening injuries vanished but just after that, Dad fell down…dead. But not before telling him of Sam's possible destiny and his part in it. Kill him, kill him, kill Sam. How in the name of God was he supposed kill the only person who truly cared about him? Kill his only family?!
Again Dean moved to stand beside Sam's bed to stare at the face of his – what? Brother? Son? His other half? His life? Or his burden? Sammy was all those things and Dean figured – more. Since Dad had placed Sammy in his arms, Dean had been more than just a brother. He'd been brother, father, mother, teacher, jailer, best friend and his worst enemy. Who hadn't thought of killing a family member when you got angry at them or frustrated with them but never had Dean thought he would actually be contemplating killing his brother for real. This shit should be fiction, not fact!
"Sammy…you are my brother and…I love you – more than you'll ever know. We're so different in looks and in the way we think. Not to mention height! Why are you taller than me anyway? I'm the oldest!" Dean took another sip and noticed the flask was almost empty. It was only now in the dark of night, in the middle of a storm while Sammy was asleep that he could speak these things.
"You're also a pain in my ass! Damn, you get on my nerves sometimes! But…I can't live…without you. I…need you with me. Ah, damn Sam, how am I supposed to kill you and live?! Dad as much as I love and respect him, could never understand what I feel for you. Your mine Sam. Everything you are – I helped make. Ha, I know that sounds conceited but it's true, I can see it in the little things you do. Even the stuff you do differently from how you were taught. The things I taught you 'cause Dad wasn't around to do it." Dean squatted next to the bed and placed his face next to his brother's. He just stared at Sam as if memorizing his features though he already knew them so well.
Sam breathed deeply and turned over away from Dean's scrutiny. Dean sighed and stood again. He went to the window and watched the water slip down the glass.
"If you turn evil Sammy…it'll break my heart. Of the three of us, you were the good one. You're heart's pure. You kill because it's necessary but not because you like it – unlike me. I guess that's why you were able to leave it before. I know…I know you're only here for me…and I thank God that you are."
Dean turned and went back to Sam's bed and sat on it. When they were little they would often share a bed on stormy nights and tonight, Dean needed the comfort only his brother could give. Sam's back was to him but Dean scrunched down carefully until his head and shoulders were supported by the extra pillows. Using the utmost care, Dean maneuvered his arm around Sam's body until he was holding him close like a treasured child.
The storm raged on and Dean felt a measure of relief in his turbulent soul. He grinned to himself thinking how they must look like some gay couple. Dean didn't know how he'd explain it to Sammy if he woke up but now that he was next to Sam, he didn't want to move at all. Being by his brother's side was where he needed to be. Dean looked down and saw that Sam's head had turned away from him and Dean couldn't resist stroking his hair a bit.
"You're mine Sammy. I wonder sometimes if that's…if that's why you might…turn evil. I'm no choir boy – I do what needs to be done and damn the circumstances if someone gets hurt. You've seen the things I'll do to get the job done – maybe it'll be something you learned from me or how hard I can be when dealing with certain demons that…turns you. I'll never forgive myself if it's my fault!" Dean rested his lips in Sam's hair and blinked away tears.
"Sammy, Sammy I want you to know – that I'll do it. I will kill you…if there's no other choice. I won't let you become something you hate. Mom's sure to be waiting on you and Dad wanted me to protect you – so I will. But…Sammy, you won't go alone." Dean's hand trembled as it curled around his brother's head. Gently it traced Sam's features then lowered to feel the strong heartbeat under Sam's ribs. "I can't be here without you." Dean was whispering again. "Life's hard enough and to live without you by my side – I can't do it." His voice cracked and Dean could feel his tears leave his eyes so he squeezed them shut trying to cut off the flow.
"Y-you w-won't go a-alone. I'll follow you Sammy. Hmph, they may not let me in to heaven, so you'll have to argue my case, okay?" Dean spoke quickly forcing out the words. "We'll be together, either here or on the other side - wherever that is. My Sammy – don't you worry none because, I'll always be there to take care of you." Dean promised with every cell in his body.
He was out of words now and outside, the storm was winding down. The flashes still brightened the sky but there was less wind and thunder. Rain continued to fall as Dean, having confessed his feelings and made a decision not only about Sam but for himself, suddenly felt sleepy. Dying with Sam was the only answer for him. Dean rubbed his head against his brother's. "Night Sammy."
His heart slowed down and sleep came to the protective older brother. Sam's eyes blinked open. It had taken all his willpower not to move and pretend sleep. Dean had needed to speak to him but only while he knew Sam could not respond. His brother loved him more than Sam had ever dreamed. Dean had suffered for him and rescued him always. Sam saw with a flash of lightning that Dean had always put him first.
I've been a burden to him my whole life – yet he loves me. Arrogant son-of-a-bitch! Oh, sorry Mom. Sam carefully looked up and to his amazement saw drying tears on Dean's cheek. He knew Dean would deny all this tomorrow when there was sunlight but for now, Sam would hold tightly to this feeling of being the most important thing in Dean's life. It was overwhelming – the feelings his brother had for him but…Sam guessed they were absolutely true. Dean had been the one Sam turned to for…everything. Dad had been there but not like Dean. Dean had been Sam's world.
I don't want to die! I don't want you to die either! But it doesn't seem as if we'll find a way out of this one. I could kill innocent people. If I could, I'd – I'd kill myself but…I'm weak. I need you Dean. God help me, I need you to kill me!
Sam turned his head until his face was hiding against Dean's chest. Dean will kill me if the worst happens then - kill himself. I don't want that for you Dean. You should be able to have a life of your own without me being a burden to you but I am. I am the worst thing that could ever happen to you! But…I'm not alone, that would be so much harder. You're with me Dean and you just promised to stay with me – always. A raspy breath sounded in the quiet room as Sam tried to control himself; fortunately it wasn't loud enough to wake Dean.
"I'm a selfish bastard Dean because I won't stop you. I won't say one goddamn word. Yeah, okay, I'm yours Dean and I want my brother to be with me because I need your strength and your love. In life or death, I want to be with you too. Ah Dean!" Sam whispered the words along with the dying wind.
Sammy threw an arm over Dean's waist and cuddled close to his big brother. They lay as they had as children. Sam with his nose pressed to his brother's body so that he could feel his heat, hear his heartbeat and be surrounded by his love. Dean responded in kind with one hand behind Sam's head and the other absently patting his little brother on the back to soothe him. "Go to sleep Sammy." Dean murmured in his sleep and comforted, Sam did.
Two boys, two men separate but connected by blood. Different bodies that share the same soul. They live, hunt and kill together. They risk all for each other. Would they, in the end have to die together?