Chapter 1 – Never Forgive, Never Forget
The cold March night had kept Serena up as she sat in bed typing away at her laptop. Since having been given Gossip Girl by her supposed friend she had always had something to do should she be unable to sleep. As she opened up yet another useless tip she noticed a small picture way down in the archives of her new blog. Sighing she glanced away, pictures of the old days were never ones to remember, especially not now.
In fact her mind was miles away, over at a regular loft in Brooklyn where a young man lay awake in his own bed. By his side was a small cabbage patch doll but even with his regular comforts around him Dan Humphrey could not sleep. At his side were all the pictures his sister and friends had stuck on the small interior wall of the loft. Some were extremely old, of gap toothed Jenny and a freshman year Dan. Others were slightly more recent, Vanessa before she had left for the first time. Then there were the ones Dan had been pondering over, junior year of high school and the dates he had shared with his then girlfriend. Glancing over them now gave Dan a pang in his chest. When he was with Serena he was practically a different person, the year before Vanessa had said that he was freer, wilder but it wasn't just that, with Serena he was himself one hundred percent.
Giving up on sleeping he picked up the photos and got up to pin them back to the wall. However one floated out of the pile and landed at his feet, upon inspection Dan realised what it was and dumped the rest of the pile on the ground before just picking up that lone photo. Serena's back was curved gracefully downward as the gold material clung to her in a way that would make any other girl cry, her hair, swept up in a ponytail, hung down her back in waves. The expression on Dan's face was one he barely remembered, a smile of love and longing and lust, it was the expression he couldn't think to use with any other girl. Basically, it was the expression that a boy who had finally won the girl of his dreams would use. Was he just a boy then? Now he had Blair, the girl he had been after for the past year and their relationship was a mature one. Together they watched films and debated politics, she knew about his favourite books and they discussed lectures they had been recited by professors at various openings. With Blair he was the intellectual Dan, the guy that he wasn't so open about with Serena but he wasn't necessarily the Dan that people remembered. In many ways Blair had taken over Vanessa's role in Dan's life, she was the girl who he went to about these matters and look where that got him.
A few miles away, over a river and soaring winds the very girl Dan had been staring at so happily was glancing at a similar picture. On the screen before her was the now maximised picture of that one dance, that one ball. Looking back on that day Serena couldn't believe how selfish she had been, the cotillion was a day to be spent with those you loved, promoting yourself the way you wanted to be promoted. Who was the one trying to get her to change back then? It certainly wasn't Dan and yet he was the man she turned away that day and the man she barely wanted to see when he came to save her and dance with her, just the way she wanted to dance. They fit together like fire and ice, quelling each other and enhancing the other. Not in the way of Dan with Blair where they shared everything in common but in the way that everything they said and did was an adventure, everything they did was an experience to be cherished. Serena truly missed those days right now with the sun long lost to the world, her heart felt like it was sinking with it.
Not even thinking she got up and ran to her closet. On the rails was that very dress pictured, last year Ivy had worn it, that bitch with her fake illnesses and pretence of love and respect. It was that girl that had ruined the idea of that golden sheath of fabric. Almost wanting to scream in rage Serena only contained the annoyance due to the sleeping mother and step-father upstairs. Lily and Rufus didn't need to know all these problems...Rufus. Never before had the idea of the family that she shared with her love hit her so hard. Here she was angered by Dan's love for Blair rather than her when her mother was upstairs sharing a bed with his father. Almost repulsed by her own feelings Serena sat back down carefully and curled into a ball. With a withering sob she allowed her body to rock backwards and forwards. As she leaned backwards her heart almost sank, with every forward motion she gained emotion and longing and just a general wishing for the past to return.
It had been her fault they had broken up at the end of their junior year. Pretending that she had slept with some other guy rather than letting Dan know and accept and love the old her. Even Blair had hated aspects of the old Serena but Dan wouldn't have cared about that, he would love every part of his girlfriend and she hadn't accepted that. Angry at herself she stood up, grabbed some shoes from the bottom of the closet and the first dress she could lay her hands on. Pulling off her nightwear and clipping on a fresh bra Serena got into the clothes she had chosen. Running out of the apartment she didn't even stop to think about telling her worried family about where they might find their precious member. What was she doing at the penthouse anyway? Now that she lived with Blair she had no reason to be back at her family's home but there was no way she could be in the same house – let alone room – as the girl who had managed to get Dan when Serena couldn't.
Finally Dan managed to lie back down shattered but as one lone, solitary tear rolled down his smooth skin he realised that looking back at the past had made him long for it all the more. Here he was, early twenties and living by himself with a girlfriend still married to a prince, what could he do but wish for a different life? Just then he heard a knock at the door, tentative, unsure. Grabbing hold of a robe to drape over his night stuff he wandered over to the front of the loft, his footsteps padding against the cold flooring. Opening the door slightly he was shocked to see his ex just standing there, wiping away the tear quickly he opened the door fully and beckoned her in. "Serena?" he asked, majorly confused as to what was going on.
But she wanted no words. Striding over to him she kissed him, her hands wrapping into his hair and her purse dropping onto the floor. Staggered Dan moved back but soon realised that to move was impossible, almost strolling back to her he treasured her face in his hands before moving his lips back to hers and parting them with one smooth breath.