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Ianto blinked slowly as Luc waited for his answer.
"A challenge?"
"I want her" he nodded calmly "I challenge you for her."
"Why not just barter for her?" Ianto canted his head.
"I cannot ever have enough dowry" Luc snorted, "Missy is worth more than my first born and as he is my only I know you would not take him in payment. Besides, I understand you don't do that here."
"Luc, I understand your passion, honestly I do and I am extremely touched that you would even consider giving your son for her hand but you do not have to. I freely give her" Ianto leaned forward and saw the dismay on Luc's face, sighing as he saw this was not going to end in a handshake.
"I cannot just take her" Luc said slowly as if explaining to an imbecile, "I must win her to show my love. My level of commitment. I must show her and all who witness my pain!"
"So…you and I must fight" Ianto rubbed his face as he saw the real problem to this, if Luc won he got the girl but if he won it would also anger the community who saw Ianto as untouchable.
"I see a flaw" Ianto said after he had let Luc stew, "I cannot fight you."
"You are her elder man" Luc said angrily, "Her only."
"Yes but I am me" Ianto nodded and Luc leaned back as he finally realised what Ianto was saying, "If you win you will be treated badly for hurting me."
"Yes" Luc pouted, "But I want her."
"I know, I know" Ianto soothed, "But you cannot even challenge me without the others coming down on you for the insult of it. Shit."
Luc stared morosely at him, looking like a small child with a boo-boo and Ianto felt badly for him as well as Rhiannon who would not understand the weird dynamics of this warrior race.
"Wait" Ianto suddenly had an inspiration "Wait, Yan can."
"Huh?"
"Yan can challenge you to respect her sister" Ianto said gleefully, "As Yan I can loudly declare the two of you secretly dating and demand you make an honest wife of her. Then we can battle, I can beat you as Yan and they will all know you deliberately let Yan win because you would never hurt a woman. I can declare you the victor because of your show of respect!"
Luc gaped at him and then shot to his feet, "I cannot hit her! Never, not the lovely Yan-you."
"Well she will beat the shit out of you if you don't at least blood me a bit" Ianto laughed, "enough for them to see you are serious and also sorry for doing so. Right? A split lip won't kill me and you will still have honour that you were willing to risk your place for her."
"I will feel ill if I harm your lady self" Luc frowned as he considered, then huffed, "But I will if I must to win her. You will concede to keep my manhood intact and I will win her while keeping my honour. Yes, I like it."
"No blades" Ianto said as he saw another problem, "No hammer either. Just bare hands."
"Yes, agreed" Luc was grinning now, "I go tell her I gonna win her. She laugh like it a funny thing."
"She probably doesn't know how strong you are, she will be so impressed when you show her" Ianto smiled, then rose to go find the only real fly in the ointment.
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"BULLSHIT" Jack roared, "You will NOT fight him in any form. Fuck that!"
"Jack, don't be a party pooper, think of the theme" Ianto knew how to get around him, "You can be my second, all steamy and sexy. Baby oiled up."
Jack hesitated, still frowning.
"And you can carry me to Owen who can fuss and declare me unharmed" Ianto purred, "Then we can have a big feast with a pig on a spit or something, a bonfire and stuff, remember they are a warrior race so they will all be dressed accordingly, we can too. Yan can be a bohemian battle bitch."
"Battle Bitch" Jack whispered, "How do you mean?"
"My hair can be spiked back, I can have Goth makeup and be sort or Steampunk Goth" Ianto tried to think fast, "I will be like off Mad Max, you liked that movie, right? I will be a Battle Bitch."
"Then… I can be a mad max?" Jack's eyes widened, "I can dress as a warrior too?"
"Best go see Luc and ask, maybe we can all get into the swing of things, why not" Ianto shrugged as he watched Jack start to get excited, "It will not be traditional by any standard, might as well be fun."
"And the fire pt can roast the tatties in tin foil" He called after the running mate, knowing this was gonna be a thing.
Ianto frowned and wondered if they could get a mud pit too, for him and Jack to trial of course.