Title: If Harry allied himself with Voldie
Summary: Very, very short parody of Harry joining Voldemort. Do not take seriously.
Disclaimer: not mine, don't sue.
Note: This is my first venture into the HP fandom. I had no intention of writing for it just yet, but I felt this just had to be done. Please refrain from flames, and if you do flame, you don't have a sense of humor.
My knowlage of HP is limited to the movies and the first two books (that is until I get paid and buy the other ones) so I probably should not be posting just yet, but this just would not leave me alone.
Again please do not take seriously, I don't even know if I got this ritual right, havn't seen GoF in a while, but I just had to write this. Enjoy 30 seconds shaved off your life. This is an unbeta'd parody that will probably provide solid proof that I should be institutionalized.
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Harry stood in the graveyard, smirk firmly in place as Cedric's corpse rapidly cooled.
He'd been waiting for this for a while. Ever since Tom had started whispering incentives into his head. The deal maker was, of course, the harem of 50 girls of his choice. Of course he was already banging Hermione and Luna. And of course Bella provided sex during their dark arts lesson - after breaking her out her Azkaban - said sex somehow making him more powerful despite no actual learning of the dark arts.
Not that he was complaining. He had some fond memories of he and Tonks in closets too when they were supposed to be honing his skill as a metamorph.
Now, at long last, he was going to get the power he so justly deserved, he was going to hex the Dursleys until they were no more than mere atoms, the entire wizarding world would kneel at his feet, and then finally he would get to shag every moderately attractive girl who ever got so much as a brief mention during his adventures.
Not Ginny of course, there was no way he'd be shagging a girl that normally he would have a relationship with.
"Bones of the father unwillingly given" intoned Wormtail as said bone went into the cauldron where Voldemort was previously dumped.
He felt excitement tingling through his system.
"Flesh of the servant willingly sacrificed" Wormtail continued, cutting off his own hand and letting it drop.
He turned to Harry, dagger still in hand, and Harry offered his arm to Wormtail.
"Flesh of the enemy, forcibly taken" Wormtail cut into Harry's arm, causing as little pain as possible, before dropping the blood in with the rest of the ingredients.
They waited. Harry felt arousal flood his system at the thought of his harem.
Nothing happened.
Voldemort drowned.
Wormtail, panicked, went over the ritual in his head. Making sure he got everything correct. Harry doing the same.
"Erm" Harry said "wasn't my blood supposed to be taken forcibly?"
Wormtail stood there for a few seconds, taking in this information.
"Bugger"
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End Of
Sorry to anyone who likes the idea of Harry turning dark, but this just popped into my head. I'm not even sure if I got the ritual right, but then again this is not a serious fic.
Please do not take any offense to this. It was merely proving a point that by having Harry helping Voldemort, he couldn't have come back the same way he did in GoF.
At this time I am working on a serious Harry/Tonks fic (as well as my works into the BTVS fandom), but so far coming along slowly. Never thought it would be so hard to find a plausible reason to bring those two together - without it seeming like plagiarism.