Rating: PG
Spoilers: No spoilers.
Summary: Carter, Abby and a baby .. well, two babies .. it's not that simple, though .. : )
Disclaimer: I don't own anything ... ; )
Feedback: Sure, I'd love to know what you think! nette_mails@yahoo.de or use the review button. ; )
Author's notes: This is my entry for the "One Can Only Hope" fanfic challenge in March. It's set in the future .. about a year from now. No spoilers – just some more wishful thinking on my part. ; )
Thank you Jo for beta reading! ::hugs::
The challenge was:
- 1500 to 2500 words
- Must include Carter, Abby and a baby.
- Must also include a little argument ... but with a good ending!!
- No spoilers please. The contents of the eps up to 10.16 are allowed.
"Sitting"
A smile appears on my face when I look at him.
Sometimes I wonder what he's thinking when he's staring like this – with open mouth and wide eyes. Nothing can bring his attention off the things he's seeing.
Is he even thinking? He's so small .. maybe he isn't thinking at all. Maybe he's just amazed and overwhelmed by the sight in front of him.
You see that with little kids often. Not that I have much experience. But he does it a lot.
I wonder if my little boy would do the same. I was close to making that experience soon. It wouldn't even be a year from now and I would have had a little one year old boy just like him. But it wasn't meant to be.
The son I thought I had wasn't mine. The feelings I had for his mother weren't true. And it was the same for her feelings for me. I just hope I'll get another chance one day. What you miss is just too big. Too big to not want it.
He brings me out of my thoughts when he turns around and looks at me with his big brown eyes and smiles, putting one of his little hands on my knee, reaching out with his other to get a hold of my hand.
I know exactly what he wants so I get up and hold out my hand for him to take it.
He grins and wraps his little fingers around one of mine and drags me over to the next shelf full of cars and other toys.
I can't believe that he's just a little over a year old. He has so much power and energy – you can't take your eyes off of him for a second.
"Henry, where do you want to go?" I ask him amused. He's practically running past the shelf with the things he's most interested in – cars and huge stuffed animals – which makes me wonder.
But he doesn't seem to care the slightest bit and just keeps running as fast as his little feet can carry him and I follow him. I really wonder what he has in mind.
Before I know it he lets go of my finger and keeps on running alone. I hurry after him. I can't lose him in the mall – Weaver would kill me.
Though it wouldn't really be my fault. I told her I'm not good at this. But somehow she made me take him for the afternoon. Her and Sandy want to visit Sandy's mother in the hospital and she didn't want to take Henry with her.
And she said he loves the mall – so I took him here. And she was right. But she didn't tell me that he's that thrilled.
I sigh deeply when he finally stops.
He's standing at a stroller now – and it's not his – taking out a doll.
"That's not yours," I chuckle when I finally reach him and take the doll out of his hands. He just smiles at me. I don't think he's getting anything of what I say.
I put the doll back into the stroller and pick him up.
I turn to the woman next to the stroller. She's pretty small and blonde, holding a baby in her arm. "I'm sorry. I guess he thought everything in here is for sale," I say to her, trying to make a little joke.
I'm surprised when she turns around. "Abby?" Of all people .. she was pretty much the last person I expected here.
And I have mixed feelings about meeting her here. Ever since I came back from Africa with Kem, we pretty much ignored each other. We never talked things out. And we didn't fight either. I'm not sure if this is good. There still are too many things left unsaid. Bad thing is that this doesn't mean that they're not there.
It's over a year since our last real talk. I miss that. I miss to talk to her. I miss our friendship. I just miss her. So maybe this is a chance – a sign that we should talk.
But I'm not sure how she'll react now.
She smiles at me and moves the baby on her hip from the right to the left side. "Carter! And little Henry," she adds and reaches her hand out to stroke Henry's cheek gently. He smiles and giggles in response.
And I guess I'm smiling, too. To see her smile in my presence makes my heart skip a beat. I know it's probably for Henry and not for me. But I still feel relieved.
And maybe her smile was for me as well because it doesn't disappear from her face when she turns away from Henry and towards me. And that makes me grin. I almost forgot how pretty she is when she smiles.
"Babysitting, too?" she asks me and kisses the top of the head of the baby she has in her arms. It's Susan's and only a few months old.
I smile back at her. "Yeah, Weaver made me do it. I have no idea how she could think I'm any good at this," I chuckle.
"I do," she says. "I told you .." she begins, but stops mid sentence when she realizes that to say what she wanted to say was not the best idea. But it's too late. I know what she had in mind. She told me I'd be a great father ..
"You're doing good so far," she finally ends her sentence after a moment of silence between us.
I pretend not to know what her first thought was and just continue to smile at her. "Yeah, I'm doing really good. I almost lose him in the mall and make a thief of him," I chuckle and point at the doll in the stroller.
That makes her laugh and my heart skips another beat when she leans closer towards me. I can smell her perfume and I can feel her warm breath on my cheek. She comes closer and closer until she reaches my ear. "I won't tell Weaver," she whispers into my ear before she leans back again – still laughing slightly.
I can't help it and smile as well. "And what about you, little lady?" I ask and tickle Katie's left foot. She smiles and buries her face in Abby's neck.
Abby laughs again. "Her lips are sealed as well, right?" she says to the baby and kisses her cheek. Abby looks adorable with her.
"The baby suits you. You should get your own."
The smile disappears from her face and unlike her I didn't stop myself before I said out loud something stupid. It was meant as a joke. But it seems like it hurt her. And if I thought for a second before opening my mouth I would have known that it would. I know how scared she is of having children because of the disease running in her family. And it's not like she's in a relationship right now.
"I'm sorry," I mumble, following her gaze down to the floor. "I .."
"Don't worry," she interrupts me. "So .. what are you up to now?" she adds. I'm glad she doesn't want to run off immediately.
"Nothing exciting. Go home, put him down to take his nap .."
The smile is back on her face again and I smile with her. "Same here then. Why .. why don't you come with us? They could play a little and take their nap while we .. wait for Susan to pick her up."
I can't believe what she's asking me. But I don't want her to change her mind.
"Um .. sure. I'd love to," I answer her quickly.
"Great," she says with a smile and puts Katie into the stroller. "Let's go then."
I smile when we enter her apartment. Even though we acted like we were back to being "friends" – we were not really back to being friends. So I haven't been here in a pretty long while and am surprised to see how much changed.
I thought I didn't know her anymore. I thought I lost all my understanding for her. But this afternoon it felt like it didn't for ages. It felt like we still have that connection between us. Though she changed a lot – and it's not only her apartment. She seems much more confident in herself. And she seems happier. The thought that she might be happier without me pains me. But I can live with it as long as she's happy.
"It's later than I thought it was," she notices when she looks at her watch. "Maybe we should put them down for a nap immediately."
I check my watch as well and agree. "Yeah, it's pretty late."
She smiles and takes Katie out of her stroller before she goes over to her bedroom and I follow her with Henry on my arm.
Katie is fast asleep and doesn't even stir when Abby lays her down and plants a soft kiss on her forehead. "Sleep tight," she whispers to her.
I almost forget that I still have to lay down Henry while I'm lost at the sight of her together with the baby.
I finally lay him down next to Katie and he strokes her cheek lovingly before he closes his own eyes. I kiss his forehead as well. "Sweet dreams."
We both leave the room together carefully and sit down on her sofa next to each other.
I don't really know what to say. But she does.
"They're cute together," she says with a smile as she turns to me.
I nod. "Yeah."
"They might be the dream couple of the ER in twenty years," she chuckles. But I can't really smile. The memory of her and me being the dream couple of the ER not too long ago pains me. Well, maybe not dream couple, but we did pretty well. Until the dream turned into a nightmare. Her and me together was a dream – but the circumstances were not.
She seems to notice my silence. "What?"
I shrug my shoulders. "I was just thinking .. I was thinking that we were that not long ago .. But now .. now everything seems different. Everything changed. You changed."
I didn't mean to blame her for anything with what I said. But it seems like she gets me wrong. The expression on her face changes immediately.
"What are you implying?" she asks me and gets up from the couch. "That everything is my fault? Don't even try that Carter. I didn't run off to Africa and come back with a pregnant girlfriend."
I look down at the floor. "No .. that's not what I wanted to say. But .."
"But what?" she asks, raising her voice a little. And I know she'd speak even louder if the kids weren't sleeping next door. "You shut me out."
"But you were changed so much when I came back the first time .."
A sarcastic laugh escapes her lips and she rolls her eyes. "Of course I was changed. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me by leaving the first time?"
I raise my voice as well now. "And why did I leave? Because there was nothing that held me here. It seemed like your family was more important than me – again."
"You know they're not ..," she begins. But a knock at the door interrupts us.
She goes to the door without a word and opens it. I can hear it's Susan. She probably wants to pick up Katie.
She gives me a surprised look when she sees me sitting on the sofa. "Oh, hey Carter."
"Hey Susan," I simply say and Abby grabs her arm to lead her past me. "Katie is in the bedroom for her nap."
Just a moment later both exit the room again – this time Susan has her daughter on her arm and looks back and forth between us. I guess she can tell that we had an argument just when she arrived here.
She shakes her head. "You know what? I really wonder who are the babies here and who are the adults."
Abby and me look at each other – slightly ashamed. It's true. We're not exactly acting like adults. But it's just so complicated between us.
"Thank you for babysitting, Abby."
"Any time," Abby answers and smiles at Katie. "She was an angel."
Susan smiles back at her. "Bye Abby. Bye Carter."
"Bye," we both say in unison before she leaves the apartment.
We're back to silence again before she speaks again.
"Susan is right .. I'm sorry."
"No, I am .."
She smiles. "I think we should both be."
I nod.
She sighs deeply before she goes on. "What went wrong, Carter? What happened that brought us apart? That brought this huge distance between us? And why can't we have a civil conversation about it?"
I shrug my shoulders again. "I don't know. I guess .. I guess our feelings stand in the way. It's a good sign in a weird way," I say and laugh slightly. "It's just so difficult because we're still meaning something for each other. You seem happy now – happier than with me. And instead of being glad for you – it pains me. Pains me that you found happiness without me."
"I didn't," she whispers.
I smile. "Me neither. And I don't know what went wrong. But .. I want to find out. I want to fix this. I can't stand this situation any longer. I miss you."
She smiles shyly. "I miss you, too."
I know that we're both talking about friendship only for now. It's complicated enough as it is. All I want is to be able to talk to her again. We have to see where we can go from there. I know I still love her. But I'm not sure .. maybe I destroyed all her feelings for me. I hope not.
"Let's find out what went wrong then," she finally suggests shyly as she sits down next to me on the sofa again.
I nod – hoping that this is the start. The beginning of being friends again. And I hope that she wants the same.
The End.
Spoilers: No spoilers.
Summary: Carter, Abby and a baby .. well, two babies .. it's not that simple, though .. : )
Disclaimer: I don't own anything ... ; )
Feedback: Sure, I'd love to know what you think! nette_mails@yahoo.de or use the review button. ; )
Author's notes: This is my entry for the "One Can Only Hope" fanfic challenge in March. It's set in the future .. about a year from now. No spoilers – just some more wishful thinking on my part. ; )
Thank you Jo for beta reading! ::hugs::
The challenge was:
- 1500 to 2500 words
- Must include Carter, Abby and a baby.
- Must also include a little argument ... but with a good ending!!
- No spoilers please. The contents of the eps up to 10.16 are allowed.
"Sitting"
A smile appears on my face when I look at him.
Sometimes I wonder what he's thinking when he's staring like this – with open mouth and wide eyes. Nothing can bring his attention off the things he's seeing.
Is he even thinking? He's so small .. maybe he isn't thinking at all. Maybe he's just amazed and overwhelmed by the sight in front of him.
You see that with little kids often. Not that I have much experience. But he does it a lot.
I wonder if my little boy would do the same. I was close to making that experience soon. It wouldn't even be a year from now and I would have had a little one year old boy just like him. But it wasn't meant to be.
The son I thought I had wasn't mine. The feelings I had for his mother weren't true. And it was the same for her feelings for me. I just hope I'll get another chance one day. What you miss is just too big. Too big to not want it.
He brings me out of my thoughts when he turns around and looks at me with his big brown eyes and smiles, putting one of his little hands on my knee, reaching out with his other to get a hold of my hand.
I know exactly what he wants so I get up and hold out my hand for him to take it.
He grins and wraps his little fingers around one of mine and drags me over to the next shelf full of cars and other toys.
I can't believe that he's just a little over a year old. He has so much power and energy – you can't take your eyes off of him for a second.
"Henry, where do you want to go?" I ask him amused. He's practically running past the shelf with the things he's most interested in – cars and huge stuffed animals – which makes me wonder.
But he doesn't seem to care the slightest bit and just keeps running as fast as his little feet can carry him and I follow him. I really wonder what he has in mind.
Before I know it he lets go of my finger and keeps on running alone. I hurry after him. I can't lose him in the mall – Weaver would kill me.
Though it wouldn't really be my fault. I told her I'm not good at this. But somehow she made me take him for the afternoon. Her and Sandy want to visit Sandy's mother in the hospital and she didn't want to take Henry with her.
And she said he loves the mall – so I took him here. And she was right. But she didn't tell me that he's that thrilled.
I sigh deeply when he finally stops.
He's standing at a stroller now – and it's not his – taking out a doll.
"That's not yours," I chuckle when I finally reach him and take the doll out of his hands. He just smiles at me. I don't think he's getting anything of what I say.
I put the doll back into the stroller and pick him up.
I turn to the woman next to the stroller. She's pretty small and blonde, holding a baby in her arm. "I'm sorry. I guess he thought everything in here is for sale," I say to her, trying to make a little joke.
I'm surprised when she turns around. "Abby?" Of all people .. she was pretty much the last person I expected here.
And I have mixed feelings about meeting her here. Ever since I came back from Africa with Kem, we pretty much ignored each other. We never talked things out. And we didn't fight either. I'm not sure if this is good. There still are too many things left unsaid. Bad thing is that this doesn't mean that they're not there.
It's over a year since our last real talk. I miss that. I miss to talk to her. I miss our friendship. I just miss her. So maybe this is a chance – a sign that we should talk.
But I'm not sure how she'll react now.
She smiles at me and moves the baby on her hip from the right to the left side. "Carter! And little Henry," she adds and reaches her hand out to stroke Henry's cheek gently. He smiles and giggles in response.
And I guess I'm smiling, too. To see her smile in my presence makes my heart skip a beat. I know it's probably for Henry and not for me. But I still feel relieved.
And maybe her smile was for me as well because it doesn't disappear from her face when she turns away from Henry and towards me. And that makes me grin. I almost forgot how pretty she is when she smiles.
"Babysitting, too?" she asks me and kisses the top of the head of the baby she has in her arms. It's Susan's and only a few months old.
I smile back at her. "Yeah, Weaver made me do it. I have no idea how she could think I'm any good at this," I chuckle.
"I do," she says. "I told you .." she begins, but stops mid sentence when she realizes that to say what she wanted to say was not the best idea. But it's too late. I know what she had in mind. She told me I'd be a great father ..
"You're doing good so far," she finally ends her sentence after a moment of silence between us.
I pretend not to know what her first thought was and just continue to smile at her. "Yeah, I'm doing really good. I almost lose him in the mall and make a thief of him," I chuckle and point at the doll in the stroller.
That makes her laugh and my heart skips another beat when she leans closer towards me. I can smell her perfume and I can feel her warm breath on my cheek. She comes closer and closer until she reaches my ear. "I won't tell Weaver," she whispers into my ear before she leans back again – still laughing slightly.
I can't help it and smile as well. "And what about you, little lady?" I ask and tickle Katie's left foot. She smiles and buries her face in Abby's neck.
Abby laughs again. "Her lips are sealed as well, right?" she says to the baby and kisses her cheek. Abby looks adorable with her.
"The baby suits you. You should get your own."
The smile disappears from her face and unlike her I didn't stop myself before I said out loud something stupid. It was meant as a joke. But it seems like it hurt her. And if I thought for a second before opening my mouth I would have known that it would. I know how scared she is of having children because of the disease running in her family. And it's not like she's in a relationship right now.
"I'm sorry," I mumble, following her gaze down to the floor. "I .."
"Don't worry," she interrupts me. "So .. what are you up to now?" she adds. I'm glad she doesn't want to run off immediately.
"Nothing exciting. Go home, put him down to take his nap .."
The smile is back on her face again and I smile with her. "Same here then. Why .. why don't you come with us? They could play a little and take their nap while we .. wait for Susan to pick her up."
I can't believe what she's asking me. But I don't want her to change her mind.
"Um .. sure. I'd love to," I answer her quickly.
"Great," she says with a smile and puts Katie into the stroller. "Let's go then."
***
I smile when we enter her apartment. Even though we acted like we were back to being "friends" – we were not really back to being friends. So I haven't been here in a pretty long while and am surprised to see how much changed.
I thought I didn't know her anymore. I thought I lost all my understanding for her. But this afternoon it felt like it didn't for ages. It felt like we still have that connection between us. Though she changed a lot – and it's not only her apartment. She seems much more confident in herself. And she seems happier. The thought that she might be happier without me pains me. But I can live with it as long as she's happy.
"It's later than I thought it was," she notices when she looks at her watch. "Maybe we should put them down for a nap immediately."
I check my watch as well and agree. "Yeah, it's pretty late."
She smiles and takes Katie out of her stroller before she goes over to her bedroom and I follow her with Henry on my arm.
Katie is fast asleep and doesn't even stir when Abby lays her down and plants a soft kiss on her forehead. "Sleep tight," she whispers to her.
I almost forget that I still have to lay down Henry while I'm lost at the sight of her together with the baby.
I finally lay him down next to Katie and he strokes her cheek lovingly before he closes his own eyes. I kiss his forehead as well. "Sweet dreams."
We both leave the room together carefully and sit down on her sofa next to each other.
I don't really know what to say. But she does.
"They're cute together," she says with a smile as she turns to me.
I nod. "Yeah."
"They might be the dream couple of the ER in twenty years," she chuckles. But I can't really smile. The memory of her and me being the dream couple of the ER not too long ago pains me. Well, maybe not dream couple, but we did pretty well. Until the dream turned into a nightmare. Her and me together was a dream – but the circumstances were not.
She seems to notice my silence. "What?"
I shrug my shoulders. "I was just thinking .. I was thinking that we were that not long ago .. But now .. now everything seems different. Everything changed. You changed."
I didn't mean to blame her for anything with what I said. But it seems like she gets me wrong. The expression on her face changes immediately.
"What are you implying?" she asks me and gets up from the couch. "That everything is my fault? Don't even try that Carter. I didn't run off to Africa and come back with a pregnant girlfriend."
I look down at the floor. "No .. that's not what I wanted to say. But .."
"But what?" she asks, raising her voice a little. And I know she'd speak even louder if the kids weren't sleeping next door. "You shut me out."
"But you were changed so much when I came back the first time .."
A sarcastic laugh escapes her lips and she rolls her eyes. "Of course I was changed. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me by leaving the first time?"
I raise my voice as well now. "And why did I leave? Because there was nothing that held me here. It seemed like your family was more important than me – again."
"You know they're not ..," she begins. But a knock at the door interrupts us.
She goes to the door without a word and opens it. I can hear it's Susan. She probably wants to pick up Katie.
She gives me a surprised look when she sees me sitting on the sofa. "Oh, hey Carter."
"Hey Susan," I simply say and Abby grabs her arm to lead her past me. "Katie is in the bedroom for her nap."
Just a moment later both exit the room again – this time Susan has her daughter on her arm and looks back and forth between us. I guess she can tell that we had an argument just when she arrived here.
She shakes her head. "You know what? I really wonder who are the babies here and who are the adults."
Abby and me look at each other – slightly ashamed. It's true. We're not exactly acting like adults. But it's just so complicated between us.
"Thank you for babysitting, Abby."
"Any time," Abby answers and smiles at Katie. "She was an angel."
Susan smiles back at her. "Bye Abby. Bye Carter."
"Bye," we both say in unison before she leaves the apartment.
We're back to silence again before she speaks again.
"Susan is right .. I'm sorry."
"No, I am .."
She smiles. "I think we should both be."
I nod.
She sighs deeply before she goes on. "What went wrong, Carter? What happened that brought us apart? That brought this huge distance between us? And why can't we have a civil conversation about it?"
I shrug my shoulders again. "I don't know. I guess .. I guess our feelings stand in the way. It's a good sign in a weird way," I say and laugh slightly. "It's just so difficult because we're still meaning something for each other. You seem happy now – happier than with me. And instead of being glad for you – it pains me. Pains me that you found happiness without me."
"I didn't," she whispers.
I smile. "Me neither. And I don't know what went wrong. But .. I want to find out. I want to fix this. I can't stand this situation any longer. I miss you."
She smiles shyly. "I miss you, too."
I know that we're both talking about friendship only for now. It's complicated enough as it is. All I want is to be able to talk to her again. We have to see where we can go from there. I know I still love her. But I'm not sure .. maybe I destroyed all her feelings for me. I hope not.
"Let's find out what went wrong then," she finally suggests shyly as she sits down next to me on the sofa again.
I nod – hoping that this is the start. The beginning of being friends again. And I hope that she wants the same.
The End.