Better than Myself Part 1

(Sequel to As a Man)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE. But if I could rent to own my very own Ranger, I would be very happy.

Stephanie's POV

I have been hiding out in Ranger's apartment since he left, three days ago. I am ignoring calls from my mother and Joe, not even listening to their messages. Ella and Tank have been my only companions for my time in hiding. Tank is being quieter than usual; I am just assuming that he is worried about Ranger. And Ella is cooking a lot more food, not that I am complaining about that. I think she is just keeping her hands busy and Tank and I are the lucky recipients. They are who wanted around me while I processed what happened in Boston and the decisions that I have made. Tank is surprisingly a great listener, he doesn't say much, but when he has something to say it is always makes me think of something I haven't before. He is going to be an invaluable help in my moving forward. Ella treats me the way I always wished my mother would, just listening without judgment, I need that. I have never heard anything but judgment from my mother.

I know that Ranger and I belong together, but I have a lot of growing up and standing up to do before that can happen.

It is time for me to go out and face the world, Tank went back to work, so it is time for me to go also. I have to confront Joe and my mother in order for me to freely live the way I want to. I can't continue to let the expectations and decisions of others to rule my life. (Easier said than done though). I shower with Ranger's shower gel and get ready to leave the security of his place, our place?

I eat the pancakes Ella has left me, I don't think I am going to stay in my apartment anymore, this place comes with food. I run down to 5 to tell Tank that I am finally leaving to see the world. He notices me, "So, you are finally emerging from your exile, you look ready to face the day."

I smile at him and he asks me to close the door. That is never a good sign; I close the door and sit in the nearest chair.

He tells me that he broke up with Lula last night. I am shocked; I thought they were happy together, in it for the long haul. I overheard a conversation he had with Ranger about engagement rings. I was sure that I was going to end up a bridesmaid in hot pink spandex. Then he tells me that Lula and Connie have been spreading rumors about where I have been and why no one has caught a glimpse of either Ranger or I for the past few days. I am used to all of the rumors about me, but I get angry when I hear that Ranger is being dragged into my Burg gossip hell. And I thought Lula and Connie always heard the gossip and reported, I never thought about them starting it.

"What are they saying?"

He said it did start with Joe, saying that I haven't been seen because I am being kept at Rangeman as their whore, and he will never take me back because I have been sleeping with Ranger and his thugs and no longer worthy of being his wife. (Well hopefully will make our break up easier, but I doubt it)

Lula is saying that Ranger will never commit to me because I am not sexually experienced and frigid. So I am trying to show him that I am experienced enough for him, by allowing all the men at Rangeman to pass me around like a joint. (All but Tank)

Connie is also spreading the same lies and also saying that Ranger said if I don't do this, he will no longer save me or give me cars. This "arrangement" has been going on for a long time as payment for the cars and all of the times he had to save me.

I am starting to get very upset. I hate this and I know the Burg, the story will get so twisted and out of hand, but really how much more twisted can it get. I know from experience, after I lost my virginity to Joe, the story turned so much that I was with Joe and half of the football team and that Joe left because he was so unsatisfied with my performance that he couldn't bear to stay. I couldn't date because I wasn't sure it was because they wanted to know me, or they wanted a taste of P.P (which is what I was called for the rest of high school, Plum Pudding).

I thought they were my friends, Lula knows how hard it is for me, I have confided so much in her. She knows things about me that I haven't ever told anyone. She knows so much about my relationship with my mother, Valerie and Joe. I knew they like to tease me about my relationships with Ranger and Joe, but I always thought it was good natured teasing. Nothing like these hurtful lies, I am not sure I can work with them anymore, they are not my friends, I am not even sure they like me. You don't do that to someone you like.

I am holding back tears, Lula has not called me once to check on me, she has no idea where I am or what could have happened to me. And instead of looking for me, she sits around making up lies. I thought of Lula as someone as I was as close to as Mary Lou. I treated her like she would always be there for me, like I have always helped and been there for her.

I was so wrong, a WHORE, they are making me sound like a whore. Where does Lula get off! I have never said anything or held anything about her former profession against her. I admired her for getting out of it and trying to change her life. I put myself out for her when I didn't have to! And she is spreading lies about me! I have only slept with three men my entire life, Joe, Dickie and Ranger; I am hoping that Ranger will be my last. I know all the decisions I have made haven't been perfect, but I am far from a whore and she knows this.

I tell Tank that I am so glad he told me this before I left the building, so I know exactly what I am walking into when I reach the Burg. I tell Tank that I don't know what I am going to do about working for the bonds office; I can't work with people who think so little of me. He says that there is always room for me at Rangeman. I thank him and have to force myself to leave the building.

I get into my current POS, a rust colored Ford Escort; I don't think this is the time to drive a Rangeman vehicle, not for what I need to do today.

I guess the unexpected first part of cleaning out my closet is to confront Connie and Lula. Maybe it is time for me to move away from bonds enforcement, because seriously, I know I am not the best at it. I think I am sick of the danger and being shot at; I need to find my own space in the world. I can work at Rangeman while I do that. That will make Ranger happy; he has always wanted me to find what makes me feel like I am flying.

This is the first part of my sequel; I figured I would take a little break from the tissues for at least one chapter. Thanks for all of the reviews of my last story and I hope everyone likes the direction of this one also. All reviews and suggestions are taken seriously. Thanks!