Light Yagami sat with his back to the wall of the living room, his head in his hands. Slowly, he lifted his chin and rotated his wrist to read the numbers glowing steadily on the face of his watch. One sixteen A.M. L had been gone six hours and counting. Light had been toying with the idea of going out and looking for him, but always decided against it just when he was getting his shoes on. If he didn't want to come back, he didn't have to. Light could do just fine on his own, thank you very much. Who said he needed L's silent approval for everything? He didn't even want to see his crooked half-smile when he was amused by his own jokes. He didn't want to smell his sugary, strawberry scent if it was tainted with the reeking stench of denial.
A tear spilled down his cheek just as the door was gently pushed open.
"You did not have to wait for me," L murmured softly, letting his eyes rest briefly on the younger man's tear streaked face. Light looked up fiercely, his brown eyes blazing as he hissed, "When did you plan on letting me know about these late night outings?"
"I—'' L began, but the younger man cut him off.
"Just don't. I don't want an answer. Where did you go? A male strip club?" A bitter smile formed on his lips as he surveyed his companion. Light stood and, without saying goodnight, he strode heavily toward the guest bedroom and slammed the door shut. L heard the sharp click of the lock and his heart sank. It killed him when he hurt the love of his life.
"Why do you have to be such a prick, Lawliet?" he queried to himself, shaking his head. He ran his fingers through his matted, unkempt black hair and bit his lower lip. The worst part about this whole situation was that he didn't even know his going out would hurt Light. How foolish and naive he had been to think that his boyfriend wouldn't be upset over something like this. Light always got angry or depressed when L went out alone.
I can take care of myself, Raito, L remembered snapping one evening after dinner. It is not necessary for you to look after me like a mother does with her child. Light had been shocked by his words, and immediately mumbled for L to "forget it" and to "do whatever he wanted". Advice that L took readily, leaving without even sparing a farewell to his lover. This memory did nothing but worsen the knot of guilt that had wound itself in the pit of his stomach. Sinking his teeth even deeper into his lip, he shuffled cautiously toward the guest room door. Extending one finger, he rapped lightly on the polished wood.
"Raito? Light, please…" his imploring tone of voice did nothing to provoke a response from the man on the inside of the door. Only silence greeted his plea.
"Light…"
The door flew open, nearly knocking the detective backward. Light stood before him, his eyes swollen and pink from sobbing and wet tears still clinging to his chin. He said nothing, but merely crossed his arms loosely in front of his chest and raised his eyebrows at the black-haired man. He was expecting a half-hearted apology and a nonchalant kiss, as this was the usual action that L took after a quarrel. But his companion's next words took him purely by surprise.
"Raito…please do not leave me."
Light's arms fell to his sides with a dull thud. His almond shaped brown eyes were round with awe and his cheeks filled with color.
"Wh-what did you say, Ryuzaki?"
"I know that there are over a million plausible reasons for you to walk away from this and leave me for good…but if you can find even one reason to stay with me, I will do whatever I can to turn this around. I know that our relationship is at stake. I know that I am not the ideal person and that I have let you down countless times. Please, Raito, all I'm asking is that you give me another chance and believe that I can change. I will keep us together, okay? Whatever it takes, I will stay with you," L informed his bewildered love in a surprisingly heartfelt tone.
A strangled smile fell from your face.
It kills me that I hurt you this way.
The worst part is that I didn't even know. Now there's a million reasons for you to go.
But if you can find a reason to stay, I'll do whatever it takes to turn this around.
I know what's at stake; I know that I've let you down.
But if you give me a chance, and believe that I can change.
I'll keep us together, whatever it takes.
Light wrapped his arms around L's neck and embraced him tightly, kissing his ear and dampening his shirt with tears of mirth. Softly and quietly he whispered, "Alright, L Lawliet, I will give this another shot. But if we're going to make this work…then…you've got to let me know what's going on in your head, okay? I know that that isn't easy for you and that it can hurt sometimes, but, if you hide the flawed parts of yourself, how will I ever really help you fix them? Like it or not, L, that's the only way it's going to work. You have to…to learn to come to grips with yourself if you can ever love me."
"I told you I would do whatever it takes, and I meant it. Just give me a brake sometimes; I just need some time alone occasionally. You deserve so much better than me, Light."
She said if we're gonna make this work, you have to let me inside even though it hurts.
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see.
She said, "Like it or not, it's the way it's gotta be. You have to love yourself if you can ever love me."
"Shh, now. Don't even start that," Light scolded seriously.
"Raito?"
"Hmm?"
"Do remember when I told you the way that I felt about you?" L asked.
"Yes," Light chucked. "At the office after everyone had left. You made me drop all those Kira files that Matsuda had worked over-time to organize. I didn't believe you."
"Do remember what I said?"
"How could I forget? It was so kind that I thought you had writers."
"What did I tell you, Raito?"
Light smiled warmly at the man in his arms.
"You told me," He said, "that you loved me. That you would be lost without me and never be able to really find yourself and be happy. 'Let us always be together' you said. 'Above everything else, let us hold on to each other, even when everything else falls apart.' Then you said we could—''
"Start over," L finished for him.
"Yes, start over," Light repeated, kissing L fondly.
"Whatever it takes," L muttered into Light's ear. "Whatever it takes."
I'll do whatever it takes to turn this around.
I know what's at stake; I know that I've let you down.
And if you give me a chance, and give me a break, then I'll keep us together.
I know you deserve much better.
Remember the time I told you the way that I felt.
That I'd be lost without you, and never find myself.
Let's hold onto each other above everything else.
Start over, start over.
And If you give me a chance, believe that I can change.
Then I'll keep us together, whatever it takes.