A/N: So I have had a really bad day today and I decided to write this to make it a little better. Special thanks to Hatakefire for helping me come up with the idea.
This is my first attempt at a Harry Potter fanfiction. It is also my first attempt at humor, so bear with me.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
Voldemort looked out at his group of Death Eaters, his face grim and his eyes piercing. "I have called you all here today to discuss a matter of great importance," he hissed, his voice like a snake.
The Death Eaters all bowed low to the ground, not daring to look their master in the eyes. Voldemort smirked, enjoying the feeling of immense power. "Stand," he commanded.
The graveyard was deathly silent as the group shuffled to their feet. Voldemort let the silence drag out before he said, "Muggles have grown ignorant and soft!"
The crowd jeered. Bellatrix's voice could be heard above the rest.
"Punish them, My Lord. They don't deserve to live on this planet!" she screeched. "Kill them!"
Voldemort held up a hand for silence. "We will not kill the Muggles. We will torture them beyond comprehension. We will wish they had never been born!"
More jeers and catcalls filled the air.
"How will we do this, My Lord?" a soft voice called.
Voldemort watched his supporters unwaveringly. "Does anyone have an idea?" he said.
The crown was instantly silent, waiting to see who would be brave enough to speak up to the most dangerous wizard of all time.
A man stepped forward, hands trembling. "I… I may have an idea, sir."
"What is it?" sneered Voldemort. How much could this little man know about torture?
"Geometry, my lord…" the man squeaked.
Voldemort paused. "What is this Geometry you speak of?" he asked. It sounded dangerous. (A/N: For the sake of this story, Voldemort doesn't know what Geometry is…)
"Let me show you," the man said, pulling out his wand and summoning a Geometry textbook.
2 hours later…
"No My Lord, remember… SOH CAH TOA… You have to use the opposite and adjacent side…"
"SHADDUP!" shouted Voldemort, brandishing his wand furiously. "X EQUALS SIX IF I SAY SO! I AM THE DARK LORD AND IT MUST DO AS I COMMAND!"
The man backed away hurriedly. "I'm sorry. Forgive me, oh Great One."
Voldemort lowered his wand, eyes still blazing with hate and malice. "That is quite evil, though…." He said slowly. "Incredibly torturous…" He grinned evilly.
"What is your name?" he asked, turning to the man who had tried to teach him Geometry.
"Walden Macnair…" (A/N: I have no idea who that is… I just looked up a list of random Death Eaters… it doesn't matter…)
"Well, Walden. Welcome to the inner circle. You've been promoted!" he smiled and then said. "You all are dismissed."
Later that evening…
The Head of the Department of Education, also known as Charles Vincent, was sitting in his desk, yawning tiredly. He looked down at the papers in his hands, wondering what on earth he was supposed to do next.
Suddenly, there was a popping noise and a tall man in a dark cloak appeared. Charles stared at the man in shock, his hear thudding and his head spinning.
"Who… How… Are… What?" he stammered.
The man in the dark cloak, Voldemort, scoffed. "Pathetic Muggle!" He looked at the man mockingly. "Imperio!"
Charles' eyes glazed over and he smiled.
"You will force all Muggles to learn Geometry!" Voldemort hissed.
"Yes…." He sighed. "Geometryyyyyy…"
Voldemort rolled his eyes and disappeared, leaving a dazed Charles alone.
When Charles came to, he picked up the phone and dialed his secretary. "Gwen, I had a great idea! Why don't we make all of our students learn Geometry?"
And thus our torture was born.
A/N: Well… that was incredibly fun to write… XD
Please leave me a review and tell me what you thought.
P.S.- If you enjoy Ranger's Apprentice, please go read my other fanfiction, 100 Stars in the Sky… XD