About this Fic:
1) This fanfiction takes place in ancient China. Any discrimination against women, blonds, or any other group is only due to the character's perception and is not at all because I condone that kind of behavior, because I don't.
2) I already warned about the controversial topics this fic will cover in the summery. Therefore, I won't be posting warnings per chapter. However, when a character is introduced I may give a warning about what they may suffer from. Warning for Mulan/Ping character: suffers from gender dysphoria and uses an eating disorder as a coping mechanism to "fix" things. Consequential disorders stemming or resulting from those may be anxiety and/or depression. Apparently writing this the first time, the person I had reading it saw her as "bratty" because of her behavior. However, it's either that I wasn't displaying the anxiety enough or correctly (I thought I did) or the person simply didn't understand that twisting sleeves of a shirt was an anxious behavior.
3)This fanfiction has way more dream sequences than my Harry Potter one. This is just a good way to get inside the mind of a character and see their deepest wishes and fears. I may not display the effects of the eating disorder as well as I did in the Harry Potter one, just because I want Mulan to at least live through this first fic and technology isn't exactly a thing in ancient times, but I personally think the dream sequences make up for it by showing how much of an impact these things are psychologically. By the way, the dream sequences are all connected as if it's its own little story (or at least Mulan's are), so that should be interesting. Sorry for those who hate dream sequences. I know some people only see it as a waste of time, but I hope you can tolerate it enough to give this fanfiction a chance. If you find you're unable to tolerate how many dreams there are, then politely comment in the response section if you feel the need to, but I'd prefer not to have people complain and yell about something I gave plenty of fair warning to.
- I didn't realize just how much editing I'd be doing for this. When I started to reread it I kind of thought it was lame, but that might be because I actually used exposition which I typically don't do. I changed some scenes a little, either because it seemed like unnecessary conflict, that the character shouldn't be asking a question they don't have the knowledge to ask, or because it was a little too dramatic. For those who've read the previous version, please let me know if you like the changes. Everyone else, welcome! I'm glad you could make it.
- The bolded date is for author use only, but I figured I'd give it to the readers for now as well. If you like having the dates let me know and I'll keep them. If you think the dates are too specific or don't align quite right with the story, let me know and then I will remove the dates as I initially planned. Thank you.
Have a wonderful day/night.
June 26th (Evening of 1st Movie's Last Day)
Shang takes a moment to look around the warm-colored dining-room. It's not exactly what he expected. In fact, the house itself isn't quite what he'd expected. There's a certain privilege that comes with having a position that allows you access to government land, and as Fa Zhou is one of the few magistrates of this village, he just expected more. It's fine and cozy he supposes, better than most houses, he knows, but still. Compared to his home this is just a little too modest. There's a gruff voice, "You are allowed to sit, you know."
Shang nods before setting himself in the empty chair between Mulan and her grandmother at the bamboo table, trying to respectfully avoid eye contact with one of the best soldiers in recent history, "Thank you, sir. May I just say, it's an honor to meet you. You're a legend."
Fa Zhou only barely smiles, "It's been a while since I've heard that."
Wind chimes ring as they serve themselves from the centralized dumpling dish, and it's now that Shang notices the magistrate staring him down. "I hope I didn't say anything to offend you."
"You do not offend me," the legend looks down on him in suspicion. "You concern me." The wind blows harder, and the chimes sing louder. "How do you know my daughter?"
Shang glances at Mulan for a moment before answering, "I was her captain in the army." He lowers his head, "Actually. Due to unfortunate circumstances, I've been promoted to General."
Fa Zhou picks up his chopsticks, "I'm sorry to hear that. Your father was a great man."
"You knew my father?" Shang questions with surprise.
"You forget that legends were once trained, and your father and I, we trained together. I wouldn't be half the legend I am, if not for him." There's a few looks exchanged. "You must be here for a reason. What brings you?"
Mulan sees her mother's worry, "Surely, it's not to sentence me, not after the emperor honored me with his crest and thanked me for my service."
"That's the thing," Shang responds unsurely. "The emperor told me to find you."
"The emperor what?" Fa Zhou chokes, as he swallows a gulp of cool air. As he coughs, Mulan hurries to refill his teacup before handing it to him.
Fa Li continues his concern, "What would the emperor want with Mulan?"
Shang tries to give a reassuring look as Fa Zhou's cough subsides, "It's nothing to worry about." Shang puts a hand to his chin, wondering briefly if there should be worry, but he decides against it. "He just wanted me to let Mulan know how he's going to represent her."
"Represent her?" Fa Li's voice falters with unease.
"As the hero of China." He looks at Mulan and smiles, "She saved China almost single-handedly." When she barely manages a smile he turns to her father. "The emperor wants her efforts to be recognized."
He comments, "But she's a woman." and then Shang hears a silent huff come from Mulan, as if she's about to cry or hit something. "Did she really do so much that the emperor is willing to have a woman as the symbol of the Chinese army?"
"I didn't do that much." Mulan stabs the chopsticks into a dumpling as she remembers the avalanche that nearly caused the death of Shang and half a dozen other soldiers, and the stab wound that revealed her as a woman and almost got her executed. Then of course, I also destroyed the emperor's palace.
Shang gives Mulan a shocked look, "You took out the entire Hun army with one cannon, and even after you were injured you took down Shan Yu and saved the emperor." His shock turns into disbelief, "Are you saying that was nothing?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying." Mulan looks up to see his stunned expression.
"You were injured?"
Mulan turns to her worried father, "It's nothing Baba. Just a cut on my stomach."
He gives her an intense look, "Are you sure?"
She nods, "Don't worry. It's nothing."
Her father takes a relaxing breath, "Alright." His eyes shift to Shang, "So, the emperor. He's representing Mulan?"
"Well, kind of." He sees paused, confused faces. "He wants to represent Ping."
"Ping?" Only Mulan's grandmother didn't ask who Ping was, a knowledgeable smile creeping onto her face.
"Ping was my name when I presented as a man." Whatever smile was left on Mulan's face disappears when her mother shakes her head and continues to eat.
"Ping's a good name." Shang is somewhat surprised by Fa Zhou's reaction. "Dried duckweed does repel mosquitoes. It's very useful." He smiles at Mulan, "I am glad the name brought some good to you." He finishes the dumpling, before Shang can speak through his confusion.
"At the end of the harvest the emperor would like to throw a festival in Ping's honor, during which Mulan would have to share her stories, answer questions—" Shang smiles, "And, of course, show off her fighting skills." He turns to a somewhat confused Mulan. "That's what the guys would expect at least. What the emperor will want to do is introduce you as the war hero that saved china, and maybe even give you a metal to wear." He sees Mulan's 'seriously' look. "Hey, they have to recognize you somehow." He observes the differences between the woman in front of him and the man he once knew. "Overall, you'd just be Ping again." Mulan starts a smile as he asks, "Do you think you can handle that?"
Mulan completes the smile with a soft, short laugh. "Yeah. I think I can handle that."
Shang gives her a somewhat serious expression, "Are you sure?"
She strengthens her words, "Yes, sir, General." and laughs. Mulan looks over at her grinning father, but her smile drops when she sees her discontent mother.
Shang maintains a smile as he turns to her family, "Are you all okay with this? I know that she would have to dress up as a man again, but it is the emperor's wishes."
Mulan's father puts down his chopsticks, "She has dressed as a man for three years now. I do not see how one more night can hurt."
"No," Fa Li comments sternly, and everyone's expressions fall.
Fa Zhou softly responds, "Li. This is the emperor we're talking about. We can't just say no."
"I can't believe you're encouraging this," she exasperates.
"Mama. Please—" Mulan starts.
"No," Li glares at her in near disbelief. "You've had your fun. This is over."
"I wouldn't exactly call war fun," Shang responds timidly, a little confused.
Fa Li continues to her daughter, tears threatening to escape, "You're home now. It's about time that you've settled down and had a normal life. If you want to—" She softly breathes, "cross-dress" so that the company won't be able to hear. "Then you can do it in your own free time in private behind our backs like you've always done. You don't need to display it to the whole country."
Mulan is stunned into quiet, before her father speaks for her, "I'm sure that's not her intention." Fa Li finishes her tea tensely. "And if it's what the emperor wants, we're in no position to say no."
Fa Li shuts her eyes for a moment, "I understand." before she opens them again. "Please, excuse me. I've got some knitting I need to finish."
Mulan watches as her mother elegantly leaves the room, and the tense silence is broken when Shang asks, "What just happened?"
Mulan looks at him hopefully, "You didn't hear her?"
"She spoke under her breath a little," Shang explains.
Mulan sighs in relief, "It's been a long evening." She looks past Shang. "Grandmother, may you show General Li Shang to a spare bedroom?" She nods and stands up.
As they exit the room Mulan sees Shang turn his head and open his mouth as if he's about to speak, only to have him stop, turn his head back around, and move past the doorframe. Mulan looks down at the table, "Well, at least Mama was able to finish dinner."
Fa Zhou looks over his child in sympathy, "Don't pay heed to what your mother said." Mulan looks up at him with a frustrated expression and sad eyes, "She's just worried." but he doesn't appear to acknowledge it and just takes another sip of tea. "If you don't marry before I join our ancestors, then we will lose the farm and you, her, and my mother will have no place to stay."
Mulan watches the tea be drunk as if they were only talking about the weather, and no matter how out of place it seems she lets it continue. His health is very important right now, even more so since I am neither married nor a son. "I just wish she could understand how I feel."
Her father sets down his empty teacup and shakes as he struggles to refill it, "I am sure on some level she does, but you have to realize things have been hard for her as well." He sets down the empty tea-kettle. "While you were away she had to bring in the harvest alone. She had to do your chores, and all the while she could never be sure if you were alive or—" He sees Mulan look past the doorway before turning her head down. "Don't let what she said bother you so." He takes another sip of tea as he briefly touches her shoulder with the tips of his fingers. "I know it must be hard to hear those things, but—" He sees Mulan face him with a single tear rolling down her cheek.
"But it's true."
"No. It's not." He sets the cup down and is about to wipe the tear from her face, but she speaks before he can.
"Yes. It is. I'm sure you remember how it was." She picks the plates up one-by one, "I was never normal. I never lived a normal life." and scrapes them clean over the wastebasket. "And she was never able to make me, even when I tried." She plugs up the sink hole and pours the bucket of water into it, before she begins to wash the dishes. "All I will ever be is a crossdresser."
Fa Zhou finishes his tea. "You are not a crossdresser."
Mulan turns around, "What exactly would you call it then?" When he doesn't answer Mulan turns back to the sink and lists the abnormal behaviors, "I've been binding my chest since I was thirteen. As a child I always had my hair short, and when I became older and Mama forbade me to I ended up cutting it with a sword when I found myself alone." She gatherings up enough courage to look at him, needing to see his face, "I dressed as a man and joined the army. What exactly would you call that?"
Her father takes a hearty breath before answering, "That was just you being you."
Mulan bends her head down, "I dishonor us." and turns back once again to clean the dishes.
"Don't say that, my child. You are a great honor." Mulan stays silent. "You saved China. You saved the emperor. You have honored us."
"That's man's work," Mulan disputes. "Even the emperor thinks so. He's celebrating the honor of Fa Ping, not Fa Mulan."
"The emperor is doing what he believes to be socially acceptable. That does not mean you do not have honor. You have great honor."
"Maybe I should start doing what's socially acceptable," Mulan mumbles.
Fa Zhou stares at his empty cup in thought, "If you'd done that, then China may still be in shambles." Mulan stills. "You are a great soldier, and I am glad you have found something you are good at." She turns around wearing a slight smile. "Your duty, your place, is wherever you think it should be," he shakes his head in regret, "and I am sorry it took a war for me to realize that."
"Thank you, Baba."
Her father stands and wears a strained smile, "Just remember you have great honor."
"Yes, Baba."
He takes a noticeable breath, "I don't think I need to tell you that you still need to get married, no matter how hard being a bride is for you."
Her smile begins to fade, but she tenses to keep it. "Yes, Baba."
"If people find out or even suspect I have no son and if I'm gone, then you will lose the farm if unmarried. I want that to be prevented for you, your mother, and my mother's sake."
Mulan nods with a gulp, "Yes, Baba."
"I hope you understand. I want you happy. I do, but—" He takes a step closer, "Things don't always work out the way we want." but Mulan moves back as well. "I only want what is best for you."
"Yes, Baba."
Her father begins to leave the room, "I pray you get some sleep." He takes a final look at her tortured expression, "I know how hard it is to rest after war."
When her father leaves Mulan turns back to the sink and silently weeps, as she desperately cleans the dishes in despair. I have tried so hard to be a bride and the matchmaker failed me before I could say 'cup of tea'. I'd never make it as a bride... I just wish I could be Ping again. War's the only thing I'm good at.