Once I grabbed my father's lightsaber, I felt incredible power going through me. I could feel The Force exiting the planet surface and working its way up the calves, then thighs and eventually my anus. This is a rather gay experience, was my inital thought but dude, can you imagine getting anally probed by The Force? And yes, actually, it wasn't a gay experience because The Force found a way up to my intestines and gays don't have so long penises that they can reach your stomach? Or do they? I'm not sure what gays are up to these days. Anyways there was a problem at first, The Force got stuck in my appendix and kinda hurt a bit but as an intelligent being The Force soon found its way up to my belly. There it had the inevitable battle of fighting off all the stomach acid which was totally bonkers because I had tequila and tons of lemons the day before. Shit, at some point I kind of started getting a bit scared that The Force can't make it, so I decided to give it a nudge with my new lightsaber. Luckily my dad's lightsaber was legally bought so it still had original serial number and the safety button on it. I have never used a lightsaber with the safety ON, I'm kind of a rebel like that but on this occasion I felt like it was a good idea. So I put the safety ON and started shoving the lightsaber up my bum to help out The Force, of course. God, that felt nice. The warmth of photons against my anal canal was just incredible. I'm not gay or anything, but I doubt that human penis can be that cozy and warm. Maybe Chewbacca's penis though – his body temperature is a bit higher. Will have to test this later. Anyways, as I had successfully converted my dads sacred lightsaber into a, well... light dildo i guess... , it started showing some promise in helping me out my quest to help The Force. It made its way up to my stomach in a matter of minutes. I kind of wish it had taken a bit longer. So I stirred the stomach acid in my belly into a vortex and The Force finally found the brake he needed to escape the grasps of pH 2 liquid. After that it all went smoothly - The Force made it up to my brain and now I'm a mothefucking super-Jedi and no one can stop me.