Author's Note: I seem to be enjoying this arc of making Kurama one psychotic, dark fox. Given his history and what he's been through, it's no surprise his mind concocts its own games and its own ways of trapping himself. It's just impossible not to go insane from his level of intellect.
Anyway, this story jumps from Body Memory, where Kurama cheats on Hiei, then Bon Clay Bon's sequel, Animal Memories, where Hiei finds out. Read those first or else this short piece won't make sense. See my profile for the links to those stories.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.
The Eternal Dance of Death
If there was one thing that attracted Kurama the most to Hiei, it was probably his eyes.
Smoldering jewels that stared so intensely at him, it seemed to pierce through his very soul. Resilient and cavernous. He sometimes had to draw power just to hold the gaze, and even his calm façade couldn't hold back the soft sigh the glare always elicited from his lips. Even after everything, the ruby stare was probably all he needed to convince himself that he wanted to be enveloped for the rest of eternity in the arms of the one who held them.
Contrary to how Kurama blended in with the night, Hiei's pale skin and wide eyes stood out like the full moon in a starless sky. It was why, Kurama had been led to surmise, Hiei had, all these years, chosen to wear dark clothing and bear black flames. It was so that he could camouflage and hide; not just from enemies, but from people who dared come too close.
Kurama was one such example; treacherous and brave creature that dared reach out a hand to the jaganshi. At this moment, as Kurama slowly walked in the clearing to approach the soaked demon, the same eyes bore through the thick pouring rain and seemed to curse its own visibility, and the fact that it had long ago chosen to let this vile of a monster close enough.
Thunder boomed, and it seemed to mark the mood of the night. Swallowed in the dirge of shadows in the darkness and biting cold, Hiei can never hide the ruby orbs that his heritage blessed him. The lighting from the sky illuminated Kurama's path to those pair of jewels. Like a treasure chest luring a thief, Kurama found himself drawn and unable to turn away. As he took one ginger step after another, he couldn't help but notice the sharp tree branches framing the outline of the demon, wrapping around him like a mother and cradling him as heaven cried for the love that hurt her cursed children.
Now just several feet away from him, Kurama could see that those same eyes that had looked at him with love, hate, lust and hope, now looked at him with accusation. And in precisely that second, his breath caught in his throat as he confirmed the fact: what he was dreading has now come to fruition.
Kurama had always thought of him and Hiei as siblings of fate. They were both half-breeds, belonging to no one, and belonging to neither worlds. Kurama had decided a long time ago, when he was trying to steal Hiei's heart, that it was just right that they find comfort in each other's waiting arms. After all, no one else could come nearer to the understanding and care he can give the jaganshi.
No one. Not her. Not him. Only Kurama.
And in the coming moments, when they begin to claw at each other and slash at what's left of their shared dignity, Kurama wished that Hiei would remember this fact. No, not just remember – but hold on to it.
In a way, in a sick sick way, he felt like it was meant to be. That it was inevitable that it would come to this. He knew the destruction of the soul he had just caused would be something that he can never take away, no matter how much of a beautiful world he painted with his words and smiles and promises and professions of undying love. This was something that would break them, and although Kurama would fight blood and teeth to make it whole again, he could tell just by Hiei's look that the bond he had worked so hard to form had already fallen to pieces.
Why have you done this? Because your body told you to?
Because you let it. Because you're tired of having control. You're tired of all the pretense. For once, you just want to be free.
Despite himself and the nearing stare of his lover across him, flashes of his forbidden tryst forced themselves into his mind. He tried to blink them away, but the image of intertwining body parts, sliding against each other in the midst of breathy pants and moans of pleasure, just forced itself into his consciousness.
Seimei. Soubi. His mind mouthed the names like a prayer asking for forgiveness.
But he didn't exactly regret it. And what he actually feared the most was that Hiei would never forgive him for not being able to forget the experience.
He stopped a couple of feet away from the dragon-bearer, waiting. Hiei's eyes just owned him. But he did not look down, returning the stare defiantly; foxes never bow, after all, even if they were about to be devoured by a bigger predator.
For several seconds, they just stood and looked at each other, locked into the beginning of what Kurama feared would be a very horrifying dance. He had heard it in Literature class once, what they were about to do.
Totentanz. Danse de Macabre.
Dance of Death.
They were produced to remind people of how fragile their lives and how vain the glories of earthly life were. The skeletons faced each other initially, squaring off for a duel that would eventually determine which one would rot in the unending flames of hell. And then, they danced in a sick but hypnotizing entanglement of bone and joint and anger and innocence and everything this world has taught them.
It was sick, yes, and yet it was… beautiful.
Just like Hiei. Kurama noted that in Hiei's pain, in his accusing stare, in his determination to be strong and unmoved, Hiei was at his most exquisitely beautiful form.
Kurama wanted to reach out and caress the insolent face. To trap them with his hands and hold them. To run his hands through the yielding black hair and hold his head firm, forcing Hiei to please, oh god please, just see.
See Kurama as how we was now. A pathetic, suffering creature who has lost his very essence. A creature torn between demon and human, love and lust, promise and desire. A creature almost at the brink of losing sanity, just because of this love.
As Hiei continued the silent scrutiny of his wayward lover, inside his mind, Kurama tried to picture the raindrops as rose petals showering on them both. He looked up at the sky and caught some of the red silken flowers on his hands.
"What are you smiling about?" the fire demon mouthed.
"I'm just so happy you're back, koibito," Kurama said slowly.
"Hn."
"How was Makai?"
"Same as always."
"That's good, anything on Mukuro I should worry about?"
"Fox."
"I'm just kidding, Hiei," Kurama said softly, playing the role of normality so easily. "Would you like to get out of this rain?"
He was met with silence.
"I promise, when we dry off from this storm, everything will be better."
Hiei looked up at him with a look that finally, Kurama gave up trying to decipher. He knew it wouldn't be long now.
Suddenly, even before the dance began, Kurama trapped Hiei in a tight embrace, holding him into his body close and whispering into his ear.
"Hiei… I will always love you. I will never leave you."
Softly, he felt Hiei's arms wrap around him as well. The demon's arms were thin and scraggly, but Kurama felt it tug on him like weights.
In the darkness of his own mind, Kurama froze and collapsed with fear. Although Hiei had the jagan implanted, he will never be able to see past the perfectly painted illusion that was Minamino Shuichi. The fire demon was too happy with it. It was precisely what the he needed.
What was even more unfortunate was that Kurama right then and there decided that in spite of his lover's blindness, he would still continue to put up the pretense. He would make it even better with time, perhaps even convincing himself that it was the truth of who he was.
In their blind dance of death, Kurama would eventually be the one in hell, cradled by the burning roses, rotting in the misery of an undying love.
Author's Note: The selfish kitsune is thinking of himself here because the story is in his perspective, but in truth, Hiei is the one really trapped. As long as Kurama's promise (I will always love you, I will never leave you) holds true, he will never be able to be far enough from the kitsune to see through everything – the pretense, the illusion, the painted happiness. And Kurama knows this. He wants it that way. Although he secretly wants Hiei to know his suffering, he himself is ensuring that Hiei will never be able to. Similar to the way he has trapped Toguro with the death plant, the psychotic fox has entangled Hiei and himself into a horrifying death dance for eternity.