"Arigatou" no Kiseki
"Don't cry . . . Mizuki . . . This is how it should be . . ."
And yet, they fell anyways. 'Idiot,' I wanted to scream. 'How could I not cry?' Seeing you lying in a pool of your own blood, the ghastly light of the God-damned Dark Hour full moon making you seem in all the worse condition. I still remember the feel of your hand - large hands, now-familiar hands, hands that were a little rough from your time as an outcast yet were still so, so gentle - against my cheek, trying to stem the tears that spilled from my cheeks. I still remember grasping oh so tightly onto that hand, as if by doing so I could keep you here, with me, alive and unhurt and well. Like all those times I'd seen you, seen you battling, seen you cooking, seen you smiling . . .
Ken-kun's agonized scream echoed in my ears.
I would have done it too if I hadn't been mute with shock.
I lay on one of the many benches on the school roof, Aigis seated beside me. The wind was gentle today. It was still a little cold, but the sun was out, shining as if trying to make up for all the times it hadn't during the Dark Hour. The gentle beams and zephyrs caressed my body, warming my skin, reminding me of a special someone . . .
No Visitors Allowed.
Like I cared about what that sign said. I had to see you. I just had to. My feelings hadn't changed the day I told you back in September. Even if you were strapped to a dozen machines, with only the electronic beeping and hissing and clicking signifying you were still alive, I had to see your face. I was pretty sure it would be very different from the sleeping face I'd seen in your room that morning . . . but I didn't care.
Someone had beaten me to it though.
"But now, so are you . . . ! You're gone too . . ."
Akihiko-senpai. Of course, I should've known. You two had been friends. Were still friends. I could have sworn you guys were brothers if it hadn't been for the family names. Had he cut class? Probably . . . Just like the old days, right? . . . . . . "Too" . . . . His little sister. I remember him talking about it. I guess your best friend being a vegetable is about as good as him being dead, huh? The creaking thump from inside the room dragged me from my thoughts. Peering in, I saw that Akihiko-senpai had stood, and had slammed his tightly-clenched fists on your bed.
"You hear me! Wake up . . . ! Open your eyes . . . ! Shinji . . . !"
A strained, agonized wail from the second last person I expected to cry. From my place behind the wall, next to the open door, my trembling hands came up to cover my mouth. I thought I'd cried myself dry last night after we'd gotten home.
I was so wrong.
Aigis was talking, but I was barely listening to what she was saying. Recently I'd been feeling uncharacteristically tired . . . and I knew exactly why, even if the others didn't. From below us, the amplified voice of our class's representative muffled unintelligibly. Like Aigis's words, they were going in one ear and out the other without my brain even processing it. It was too comfortable, relaxing in the sun like this. I wondered if this was the reason why you skipped school so much, besides the fact that you'd felt so guilty about that incident. A part of me grumbled about how it'd been too bad I hadn't met you sooner; perhaps I could have skipped with you just to enjoy the weather like this . . .
The faint crispness of the spring air brought back memories of a similar crispness I'd felt in the autumn air that September . . . my only month working with you. Inviting you to the Film Festival, your gruff "why are you bothering with me?" air you had every time I approached you. Yet looking at your expression as you agreed, I found the hidden happiness, feeling my own heart smile back, a smile that reached my lips.
Your look of disbelief and - I was pretty sure, to my amusement - faint horror was priceless as I watched you stare at the theme of that day's movie marathon. I could feel the corners of my mouth turning up as I asked, "Something wrong, Shinjirou-senpai?"
The mad scramble for composure. "Are we . . . really watching this?"
Still smiling, I nodded. "Why not? It sounds cute!"
Staring at me like I'd grown a second head. I would have pointed it out as cute, but I wisely kept it to myself. There was a few moments' silence. Then . . .
"Well . . . If this is what you really want, I guess I'm game too."
At that time, it could've been a horror movie marathon and I wouldn't have cared, as long as I had you at my side. Not that I would admit it. But who would've thought a big tough lug like you would've been such a big fat softie? Then again, it was that masked kindness that I'd come to love, even if it came with a prickly foul-mouthed shell. And a small part of me wondered why I hadn't tried to get you rejoin SEES earlier, so I could have gone to the Summer Festival with you too . . .
Dimly I was aware that Aigis was still talking, and of Mitsuru-senpai's faint voice below us. I was in a state of half-awareness, the peaceful quiet of the roof and spring season - a peace and quiet that I, with the help and support of all the friends I had made this last year, had fought hard to earn - allowing my mind to reflect on the past. And what a past it was . . .
The first time we met, all those months back. Not even a month after I'd moved back to this city, in fact. Sitting on Akihiko-senpai's bed, a man with that piercing scowl that at first cowed me into frightened silence. Intimidated, like Junpei-kun, whose voice had quavered slightly with uncertainty as he questioned about Akihiko-senpai's location. Only to be saved by the very person he was looking for. I watched in silence as you'd made your curt and abrupt exit out once confirming the boxer's condition, and thought you'd gone out . . .
"You." Jumping, turning around to see those raptor-worthy eyes glowering at me. And that's when I'd noticed . . . "Nevermind . . ."
My eyes followed you all the way out. The deeply-hidden sadness . . . I'd picked up on it even then.
The second time we'd met was before the third full moon. I'll have to admit that we'd been stupid to go out alone to that area . . . We were in a tough situation. Just our bad luck, running into a gang of thugs. Even as Junpei-kun went down from a solid sock to the gut, Yukari-chan and I were there, coaxing him to recover. But my attention was quickly shifted from assessing my classmate's condition to defending both my friends. One of the men grabbed Yukari-chan by the hair, pulling her up and away from our fallen classmate. Another snagged me, and immediately my self-defense instincts kicked in.
"OW! FUCK!"
Shoving him roughly away, glaring what I could only hope was poison daggers of ultimate fiery death at the miscreants as I spat out whatever skin I might have scraped off. Either way, he'd tasted absolutely horrid. Gross.
"Shit! Bitch's gotta fuckin' nasty bite!"
Though what I did probably just stoked the fire of the situation. Despite my looks, I was really, really damn scared. The punks were pissed, and the women there were probably more than willing to see some blood shed or some roughing up. And I wasn't about to have either of those. I was trying so hard to be brave, yet inside, I was pleading any sort of higher power out there to send help. The man scowled and made a move for me with his good hand; the other was already swelling and turning an ugly purple around the area I'd broken skin. 'I'm so dead . . . !'
"That's enough." Like a dark wingless guardian angel, you materialized from the shadows of the alleyway, that same piercing glare in your eyes. That same . . . sadness. "They didn't know where they were going. I'll make sure they leave. That good enough?"
Apparently it wasn't. But all I could do was stand there and stare as you single-handedly dealt with the scumbags. Stand there and stare as you first reprimanded us, then gave us information about the rumour and of Fuuka-chan. The faint flicker that had passed through your eyes as you'd mumbled to yourself about Akihiko-senpai . . .
"It's nothing . . ." Quickly and efficiently diverting our attention away from your muttering, like how you'd dealt with the punks. Switching to a topic that we had come here to pursue. "That's all I know . . . Satisfied?"
"U-uhm . . . !" I called to his retreating back. "Th-thank you very much."
That silent staring at me, like back in the hospital. ". . . It's nothing."
Yukari-chan was right . . . you were a kind person. That was the thought that went through my mind as I watched you stalk away, melting once more into the darkness.
Like a natural lullaby, the rustling of trees tempted me to fully sleep. Though I wanted to wait for everyone, the warmth of the sun wasn't helping matters. That is, until I heard something other than the murmur of the wind.
"Ooooooi!"
Junpei-kun's call, footsteps, and voices. Slowly I opened my eyes again, feeling it as an effort. Aigis was looking towards the roof door.
"Everyone . . ." she whispered.
With an effort I never thought it could be, I struggled to a seated position, my head turning to the same direction that Aigis was looking. I could hear her blathering on about how she had friends too now and how she'd decided her purpose in life and how everyone was coming soon. But it wasn't the others that I was looking forward too. They were still far enough away. What I was hearing was a very familiar person, one I thought I would never see again after meeting once more in the alleyway just the day before, huffing and puffing his way up to the roof. The sound of your now-familiar tread was enough to make me tear up.
You came bursting through the door, and immediately I knew that you'd been determined to be the first one up here. True, you hadn't been there at the time of the promise, but . . . I bet you'd just remembered everything, which was why you were in such a hurry. No doubt Akihiko-sempai had told you where I was waiting. And now, here you were, in front of me, wheezing and panting for breath. I wasn't dreaming, was I? I hadn't actually fallen asleep, and was now dreaming of what I wished for, right? Like the time I'd wished you'd been the one taking me to see the Christmas lights in Paulownia. Like the time I'd wished you'd been the one complimenting me on my kimono, and standing beside me to make our new year's wish . . .
"Mizuki . . . Damn, don't push an injured guy so hard . . ." And yet, despite the words that sounded like they were chastising me, you were smiling again, that warm, gentle smile that took my breath away . . . "It's pretty pathetic, me forgetting everything . . . And yet, your feelings never changed . . ." Here you laughed, a soft, bittersweet, regretful laugh. "I'm such an awful idiot, aren't I . . . ?"
A pensive silence settled between the two of us as you strode over and sat down next to me where Aigis had been before. Vaguely I was aware that the android in question had politely gone off to one side to let us have our moment. When you spoke again, I could see it in your eyes: a gentle fondness, as if remembering something that brought you great peace. Even though I was already half-expecting it, your words didn't stop the blush from creeping up onto my cheeks.
"In my dreams . . . all I saw was you . . . You were crying, and laughing . . ."
And as you laughed, I couldn't help but smile too. At least you'd been dreaming dreams that had rested you. Even if I hadn't been in them, I'd have been glad that you hadn't been plagued by nightmares . . . but the fact that it was me you'd dreamed of that allowed you to smile so serenely now made me all the happier. Suddenly the distance between us evaporated and you were there, your big, warm, strong arms holding me tight. Instinctively my own arms, small and frail in comparison, came up to circle around your body as I pressed myself to your chest, inhaling that scent that was you. No amount of time in the hospital could erase that smell, that special scent that I loved as much as the rest of you. I could hear the beating of your heart, steady now that you'd caught your breath. I could feel your face pressing against the top of my head, feel the fluttering of my hair as you breathed, feel the rough fabric of your travel-worn peacoat against my cheek and palms. I heard you inhale deeply, and let it out in a contented, almost relieved sigh.
"Yeah . . . this ain't a dream . . . You're really here . . ."
"That's my line, you big lug," I interjected softly.
Nonetheless I was more than willing to snuggle closer to your chest as my smile grew, completely content just to be alive for this moment. Yes, this is what I had fought so hard for. Not just our friends, not just the world . . . but for you most of all. Even though I would be leaving soon . . . the very fact that you were awake and alive and well made saving this suicidal world worth it. I pulled back a little, to look up at your face, the face of the man I loved. Opened my mouth to speak . . . And of course, what should ruin our reverie than the footsteps and voices of our friends. The solid, warm chest I was leaning against rumbled lightly as you chuckled.
"Damn . . . Leave it to those guys to ruin a moment . . ."
There it was again, that smile, that laugh. For once, I could see you without that defensive, bristly shell you always had on, all rough and tough and distant. I couldn't help it; I had to giggle. I felt your dusk-brown eyes slide down to regard me with mild confusion. And that only made me giggle more.
"Sorry . . . it's just . . . I've waited so long to see you like this. Without your porcupine."
"Porcu- . . . ? Oh." And true to form, a gruff comeback. "What kinda damn metaphor is that?"
Another burst of giggles, and this time you chuckled back. Yes, I could hear them. They would be here soon, and we would have fulfilled our promise . . . I had to say it. So I finally gave voice to what I wanted to say before.
"You know, Shinjirou-senpai . . . that time, when I was fighting alone against Nyx . . ." I could feel you tense slightly, as if ready to interrupt, but I plowed on ahead. "That time . . . when everyone was cheering me on . . . I could hear you. Like you were right there beside me, telling me to go for it. I . . . it was because I heard you that I had the strength to keep fighting. So . . ." Looking back up, smile already in place, sincerity strong in my voice. "Thank you, Shinjirou-senpai. For everything."
For a moment I saw your eyes widen a fraction as surprise flickered across your face. Knowing there was more to the grateful words, an implication of things to come, and come soon. Then it was gone, lids slid closed over those soul windows, and I was content to wait patiently as you wrestled with it. It didn't take long for you to open your eyes again, but gazing into those dusk-brown depths I knew you were still struggling to come to terms with it. Still, your faint nod and your quiet grunt of understanding was enough for me. Time would allow you to deal with this moment properly.
The sun had climbed higher, but its rays simply got warmer. There was a clattering bang as the roof door burst open for the second time, this time to let the others through. I couldn't find the energy to lift myself, and instead gazed at them - our friends, teammates, precious people - from my spot in your arms. Akihiko-senpai, Mitsuru-senpai, Yukari-chan, Fuuka-chan, Junpei-kun, Ken-kun, and bringing up the rear, Aigis and Koro-chan . . . yes, everyone was here. Everyone had remembered. I swallowed back the burning that raked at the back of my throat as I felt the corners of my eyes prickle hotly with tears of joy. Everyone, everyone . . . safe, well, together. The emotions of my heart overflowed onto my lips, automatically stretching them into a contented smile. As long as there were people like them, like Shinjirou-senpai, in the world, then it was worth protecting it. After a bit of struggle I managed to whisper two words.
"Thank you."
Thank you. Thank you for being there, for supporting me, for teaching me, for loving me. Thank you for being my friends, my teammates, my comrades . . . my family. Thank you for your smiles. Thank you for your angry but truthful criticism. Thank you for your soothing reassurances. Thank you for your tears. Thank you for your laughter. Thank you for your courage. Thank you for your will to live. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The world was fading; my vision was going blurry. Was it my tears? Partially, maybe. With half-lidded eyes, I looked up to the man who held me, the man who'd stood with me, the man I'd fallen for. I had so much to say to him, to thank him for. So much love I wanted to portray . . .
I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Still smiling to my friends, to you, I let my eyelids slip over my eyes, for what I knew would be the very last time. With my fading senses and consciousness, I felt you pull me closer, felt your fingers lace with mine and the faint tickle of your breath over my ear. And I heard your whisper, so quiet that only the fading me could hear.
"I'm glad . . . I met you."
The miracle of our meeting.
I'm glad I met you too, Shinjirou-senpai.
~Owari~
Author's Note: Someone needs to ship Shinji x MShe/Minako/Hamuko more. Used the name Tachibana Mizuki (or Mizuki Tachibana as the Western formatting puts it) for the female protagonist. The title for this fanfic, "Arigatou" no Kiseki, means "The Miracle of "Thank You"". "Owari" means "The End". Yes, I know I sound like a nut using it.
Also, I know that some of you will be going, "That's not what the script said!" Well, I used the scripts from the Japanese version of the game and augmented my translations with the English version to make it sound more "Shinji" (and even then I'm not very confident with how I did). So some of the lines will sound familiar, while others don't sound like it at all. I also used the Japanese romaji for Shinjirou's name (the English versions of games always like taking out the "U" when there's an "ou" in a name) so yes, his name will look a little weird to those of you who play the English version.
Disclaimer: Persona 3, Persona 3 Portable, and their relating characters and terms property of Atlus.