Autnor's Note: This is my first fanfiction. Not sure why I actually wrote it but the idea would not leave me alone for awhile. I had thought to make it as a tag to the "Aslyum" episode because that is about when the idea starting bugging me. Anyways, it's not really a tag to it, just kinda mentions the episode. Any and all mistakes are mine since I'm not even sure what a Beta is.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. It belongs to Eric Kripke and Warner Bros, etc. I am not even sure if this idea is even fully mine, since I have read so many stories from so many great autors, so if it looks like yours. I did not mean to take your idea, just borrowing.
Forgive Me…Or Please Don't Hate Me?
After they made sure that the latest innocents were safe and on their way, Sam and Dean decided to get as far away from that place as they could, and what had happened, but it would be awhile before they would forget about this case, because it reminded them of the asylum incident.
So Dean drove as far as he could until he found the next motel, which was a few hundred miles and a few hours away from the current town they had been in. He figured he was lucky he was able to drive that far what with a chest full of rock salt which was painful itself, and a guilty, angst-ridden little brother beside him.
The entire time that they were driving Sam kept trying to either talk to Dean or kept apologizing to him. Dean however kept either turning the music up or would just flat out ignore Sam. Luckily Dean found the next vacant motel right when he decided he could not drive much farther because of the pain in his chest and the tension in the car.
After Dean pulled into the lot, Sam went in and got the room which was good since Dean didn't think he could move much at the moment. "Room three" Sam said when he got back to the car, but he noticed that Dean was still not looking at him though. Dean drove to the spot in front of their room and slowly made his way out of the car. "I've got it Sam" snapped Dean when Sam tried to grab his bag for him. He knew that it was a little angrier sounding than he meant it but damn it his brother had just tried to kill him again thanks to some poltergeist on the case.
Sam's face fell and his shoulders just hunched inward even more as he grabbed his own bag and mumbled another apology. Dean just ignored it. Once they got in the room Dean headed straight for the bathroom and slammed the door.
Sam threw his duffel on the bed and noticed that Dean forgot to take the first aid kit with him. Sam figured that he probably would not want his help with the wound that he had caused but that was not going to stop him from trying. "Dean, you want some help cleaning that out?" Sam asked as he knocked on the door. "No, damn it, just let me be Sam, I don't need your help" Dean shouted back. "Here's the first aid kit, just let me know..." Sam broke off as the door opened a crack and the kit was snatched out of his hands before he could finish his sentence. A few minutes later Sam heard the shower start and figured Dean would be awhile.
Sam knew that Dean was hurt not just physically but also emotionally and this was his way of dealing with things, shutting down and shutting others out, but Dean sometimes forgot that Sam dealt with things by thinking and talking things through. And he had definitely been thinking during the car ride since Dean would not talk to him.
He kept thinking that this time Dean would never forgive him because Sam had tried to kill him again thanks to some supernatural influence on a case. Of course this wasn't the first time, and at this rate it wouldn't be the last. He figured that he needed to get away but he knew he couldn't do that, because that would break Dean's heart, him leaving again. Hell the last few times he left (with the exception of leaving for college of course,) someone had tried to kill him (Gordon came to mind) or Dean tracked him down anyways. So it's not like he could leave, but he figured they both at least needed a day or two away from each other to heal from this latest case.
So in the few minutes he had been going over this in his head he had written a note to Dean. He folded the piece of paper in half, wrote Dean's name on it, and placed it on the nightstand between the beds. Sam figures he would at least go get another room to give Dean some space for the night, away from him. Since Sam had not unpacked yet, he picked up his duffel, looked around the room again, and then left.
He decided to see if this motel had another room first, if not, then he hoped a motel that was at least in walking distance had one. Lucky for Sam the motel did have another room, yes it cost him another $50 bucks, and he paid cash for it because he didn't want to risk using the card again, but he got another room. He just told the clerk the truth, mostly at least, that he and his brother basically had been in each other's space for way too much being on this road trip together, and just needed some time to themselves, at least for one night anyways. "Room twenty-nine, upstairs and at the end of the lot," the clerk said as he handed him another key. Sam nodded his thanks, took the key, and headed to his new room.
As he was passing their old room he just brushed his hand over the Impala's hood, looked sadly at the room door, and kept walking to the stairs. At least this would give them some space without taking him too far from Dean.
Thirty minutes after Dean had stepped into the shower, he finally turned off the water. The water had loosened the aches and tightness in his muscles and body somewhat, well except for his chest at least, but he figures that has more to do with his heart breaking, than from the wound. Even though that still hurt, but not as much since the rock salt got dissolved by the water, but he would probably be sore and bruised for a few days, like after the asylum incident.
He toweled off and reached for his boxers and put them on. He turned towards the first aid kit that was sitting on the counter and figured he better get this over with before it got too infected. He looked in the mirror and noticed that the wound was still bleeding slightly and pressed another towel to it while he fished around with the other hand for the gauze and alcohol to clean the wound out with.
He knew it would be easier if Sam treated the wound but he just couldn't stand to be near his brother at the moment. Besides, he thought he had heard the door close while he was in the shower and figured Sam had gone to get something to eat.
He pulled the towel away and saw that it had stopped bleeding and started to clean it out, wincing only a little. He put antiseptic cream on it and some gauze, then carefully pulled his t-shirt on. When he opened the door, and saw that his brother was not there he figured that Sam had indeed gone to get food and would be back shortly, but his instinct was telling him that something didn't feel right about the situation.
That's when he noticed that Sam's duffel was missing and there was a note on the nightstand. His heart broke even more as he realized that Sam had left again, but at least this time he had left a note. As he walked over to the table he was thinking that the note probably said that Sam did indeed hate Dean and that he never wanted to see him again and that he was better off without his little brother around. He picked up the note as he sat on the bed, opened it and starting reading it with a heavy heart.
Dean,
I know you think I left because I hate you, and probably don't want to see you again, but that's not true. I just left to get another room for the night because I figure you don't really want to be in the same room as me right now. Heck, you probably actually hate me right now, and I don't blame you one bit. I know you will never forgive me for trying to kill you again, no matter how many times I try to apologize for it, even though I am really sorry that it happened. Since you can't even talk to me, much less look at me right now, I figured getting another room would be best for the night, for both of us. When you are ready to leave, call me.
Sam.
After Dean finished reading the note he got up, balled it up, and started pacing around the room. 'I could never hate you, Sammy, I'm just hurting right now, and I guess shutting you out in the process,' thought Dean as he was pacing. He had to make things right with Sam but first he had to go find him.
He figured he could just call Sam's cell but thought that Sam probably wouldn't answer right now anyways, so he figured he would go see if Sam had gotten another room and where. Dean got dressed, grabbed his coat and keys and headed out.
Meanwhile in Sam's room
Sam started pacing the minute he got into the room wondering if this really was the right thing to do. He really should leave Dean if only to keep him safe from Sam. Sam however knew he couldn't leave Dean because it would break Dean more, and besides Sam would miss him too much. He did like being with his brother, just not the hunting lifestyle they had to live. He was wondering if Dean would even try and find him, or call him, or just let him be for the night.
Some forty-five minutes later his cell phone rang, and he was surprised to see that the caller ID said Dean. He answered it wondering exactly what Dean was going to say to him, would he say that he hated him, didn't want to see him again, maybe he was better off without him. All these thoughts were going through his head as he answered.
"Hello, he said hesitantly." "Hey Sam, um…I think you are right maybe we should spend at least a night away from each other. Give us a chance to both calm down and try to wrap our heads around what had happened." Sam was stunned, Dean was actually agreeing that they should spend the night apart, maybe he did hurt his brother more than he originally thought.
"Actually Dean, maybe it would be better if we went our separate ways, because at this rate I'm going to wind up actually killing you one of these times, and I don't want to do that, and besides I know you hate me right now anyways," Sam kinda mumbled that last part as he was trying not to break down at what he was suggesting.
Dean sighed, "I don't hate you Sam, this was just another circumstance of the job, but it will take some time to get past this though. Get some sleep Sammy, and I'll see you in the morning." "Yeah, you too, night Dean." As Sam ended the call, he felt at least a little better than he had. As much as he detested the nickname, Dean had called him Sammy which meant that Dean didn't hate him. Dean usually called him that because he could, and to just annoy him, but also only when he was concerned or worried about Sam.
Little did Sam know that Dean had been in the parking lot looking up at the room while he had been talking to Sam. When Dean first left the room, his first instinct was to get in the car and just drive until he found Sam, common sense told him to at least check with the motel clerk first to see what direction he might have gone in. Common sense, for once, won out over his instinct.
When he went into the motel office he described Sam to the clerk, and the clerk told him that Sam had been in there not more than forty minutes prior wanting another room because he needed some space from his brother because of a road trip they were on. Just too much time together, needed a little breather from each other that's all, is what Sam had said. Dean told the clerk that Sam had forgotten something and he wanted to make sure he got it. The clerk told him that he had given Sam another room at the motel and the room number. Dean said his thanks and headed back out the door. He walked to the end of the lot and looked up at room 29 and dialed Sam's number.
He heard the hesitation in Sam's voice when he answered. He knew that Sam had thought he was calling him to chew him out or something, so when he suggested that maybe they should spend the night apart, he could picture Sam's shocked expression. Dean knew that they should spend the night apart in order to heal, and since Sam had managed to get another room at the motel, he figured that was distance enough for the night.
Dean sighed when Sam said he thought Dean hated him and would never forgive him and that maybe they should split up for good for both their sakes. Like he told Sam it was just a circumstance of their job but he didn't hate him. Dean said goodnight to Sam, hung up, and then stayed a few minutes longer looking up at the room.
He was trying to decide if this really was the best idea for them. Since they did need some time away from each other, and Sam was only in a different room in the same motel, he finally decided that it could work for the night. He would know if Sam got in trouble. Or at least he hoped he would know due to his brotherly instincts that were geared towards Sam.
After the call ended, Sam checked the doors and windows, then just slunk down on his bed, put his head in his hands, and just cried. This all was too much for him. He tried to kill his brother again, Dean didn't hate him, but yet he didn't want to be in the same room as him right now. This was just really getting to him. Sam must have fallen into a fitful sleep because the next thing he knew, he heard a pounding on the door, and Dean yelling through it telling him to get up and get dressed, they were leaving as soon as he was ready.
Sam got up, realized it was around 9am, and then headed for the shower. After he came out and got dressed, he repacked his duffel, rechecked the room, then walked out the door wondering if this was going to be another tense car ride to the next town or hunt.
When Dean went back to his room, he started pacing and wondering how he could make this up to Sam. How could he prove to him that he didn't hate him, and that he did want him around. He decided he better try and get some sleep since it had been an exhausting and emotionally draining day. He changed out of his clothes, took some painkillers, then climbed into bed, and tried to go to sleep.
It was very difficult for him because he was worried about Sam and how he was doing, and his mind would not shut down thinking about the hunt and what had happened. He was also so used to sleeping in a room with someone else, whether it was his Dad or Sam, that the absence of someone else softly breathing in the other bed was kinda disconcerting to him. Exhaustion finally won out and he fell into a restless sleep.
The next morning when he woke up, it took him a moment to remember why Sam was not in the room with him. He noticed that his chest was mottled with an array of bruises under the gauze but it was not as sore as it was yesterday. This was a good sign as it made getting dressed easier, and it would make being in the car for hours at a time more bearable. He gathered up his things, and then went to go wake up Sam.
Dean put his things in the Impala, then went to the stairs and climbed to room 29. "Hey Sammy, time to wake up, get dressed, and when you're ready we're leaving," Dean yelled as he banged on the door. Then he waited.
When Sam walked out the door and headed down the stairs, the first thing he noticed was Dean leaning against the Impala waiting for him. "How're you feeling?" Sam asked not really expecting an answer, just more out of habit. "A little sore, but I'll live," Dean answered back. Dean decided to ease some of the tension that he could still sense in the air between them. "Took you long enough getting ready there Princess, I was thinking I was going to have to come check on you to make sure you didn't drown in the shower," he teased.
Sam stood there in shock for a moment but breathed a sigh of relief. They were going to be alright. "So are we leaving or what, I thought you were ready to leave?" Dean just snorted and said "get in the car, bitch, we're burning daylight here." Sam just sighed again and said "you with your movie references jerk, but let's get going." Yeah they were going to be just fine. They climbed in and headed to their next destination.
AN 2: Since I am not very good about always reviewing stories that I read, I am not really expecting any reviews, but it would be nice. Like it or hate it, just no flames please.