Daisies
Post 'The Message' fic - Simon/Kaylee
As the crew filed back onto Serenity, the mood was somber. Only Mal and Zoey had a history with Tracy, but in the last 24 hours he'd come to mean something to all of them. It had affected Kaylee the most though. At the funeral, she'd slipped her hand into Simon's instinctively seeking comfort even though hours earlier, he'd hurt her terribly with his badly chosen words.
Now though, she couldn't bear to face him. Or any of them. As they'd begun to gather in the dining area, conversation always a cathartic release after a loss, she'd fled, not to her room where she could have absolute privacy, but to the engine room, where she felt comfort the engine itself - Serenity's very heart. It was like a living, breathing thing to her. She could ' feel' when things weren't going well - almost literally see the blockages within her systems, though that was clearly impossible. She could never have explained that to anyone, except perhaps Simon. He might understand how she saw Serenity's inner working the same way he saw people's. She was, after all, 'kind of a genius with machines' - he'd said so himself.
But she could hardly bear to think of what he'd said after that. Tears began to trickle down her cheeks at the thought.
It had been a really tough day all around for her.
She lay in the hammock, swinging gently. She hadn't bothered to change, and her thick army boots were quite the juxtaposition to her fancy dress. The one and only fancy dress she owned, well besides the pink frilly one she'd wore to the party with Mal. This was the one she wore to every special occasion, and had for years. She had only one other dress, just a simple cotton frock that she'd been wearing this morning for her 'date' with Simon. The tears continued as she reflected on their conversation.
"Kaylee?" a soft voice said suddenly. She jumped, so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't heard anyone coming. She turned her face, meeting Simon's gaze.
"Can we talk?" he asked quietly, shifting nervously in place.
She swung her feet round and stepped off the hammock, walking over to the engine and putting her hand on it, her back to him.
"I don't know that there's anything else to talk about," she replied, voice wavery.
Simon felt his heart plummet. He knew he'd screwed up but hoped against hope that he could talk to her and beg for her forgiveness. Now it seemed as though he'd used up his last chance with her. As he stared at her back, he realized her shoulders were shaking.
She was crying.
In a second he was there, taking her into his arms ; stroking her back and whispering reassuring words.
As she sobbed against his shoulder, she began to let it out.
"He held me hostage. I can't believe he did that to me. He was going to kill me," she choked out.
"Oh Kaylee," he buried his face in her hair, closing his eyes in sympathy.
"He liked me. I know he liked me. How could he do something like that?" she looked up at him, pain in her tear-filled eyes. Simon was well aware of Tracey's interest in her. His vitals had gone crazy the first time he saw her, and ever since then his face had lit up every time she entered the room. Truth be told, he'd been more than a little jealous, though he really had no cause to be. He cared for her, and she for him, but there wasn't really anything between them. No fault of hers, a small voice in his head said wryly.
"Sometimes in desperate situation, people do desperate things," he said softly, one hand stealing up to her hair and touching it gently. "I'm sure he would never have hurt you. How could anyone want to hurt YOU?"
"You hurt me this morning Simon, and it weren't the first time neither," she said quietly. He could feel the hurt radiating from her like the heat on a warm, sunny afternoon.
"And I'm so sorry. I... I... I really don't mean to," he began, but she interrupted him.
"I know. I know you don't mean to, but every time we talk, you say something hurts my feelings."
"I know. I'm just ... not good at talking to girls." He shuffled uncomfortably, still feeling her body pressed against his. No, he told himself, now is NOT the time!
"I just can't think of the right thing to say. I get nervous and then all the things I'm thinking just seem to fly away, and I turn into a babbling idiot."
"You're far from an idiot, and as for babbling, well, you don't talk much anyway, not like Wash who just talks to hear the sound of his own voice, I sometimes think." Kaylee's face brightened a little, and Simon cracked a small smile.
"Still, I just don't know what to say. I'm afraid it won't come out right."
"It don't have to be anything fancy, or romantic, or even 'proper'" Simon smiled and rolled his eyes. Was she going to tease him about that forever? "Just say what's in your heart. That's all that matters to me."
Simon looked at her and their eyes met, holding a gaze for a long moment. "Daisies," he said unexpectedly. Kaylee's head cocked slightly to one side, trying to figure out what he was talking about.
"You remind me of daisies. Fresh and beautiful, swaying in the warm breeze on a summer's day." There was a hint of a smile coming to her face.
Simon's words came faster now. "That's what I feel like ever time I'm with you. You make me feel as though I'm sitting in the sun on a beautiful day with the warm rays beating down on me. I see the daisies looking so happy and carefree and it makes me feel warm inside and out. Your smile ..." he stopped talking and carefully placed one hand one her face, two fingers resting across her lips. "It's like magic what it does to me," he admitted in complete honesty.
Her smile under his fingers widened and he traced it lovingly. "Magic?" she repeated hopefully.
"Absolute magic," he whispered, the adoration on his face now evident in his voice. "You're ... you're ... I can't even begin to describe you. Like I said this morning, you always find the good in everything, no matter how bad it is. You're always cheerful and pleasant even when others are less than nice to you. Yes I have noticed the things Mal and Jayne have said to you, and though I can see they hurt you, you're always civil in return, and it seems you forgive in no time at all. And River. Well, she adores you. You are the only piece of sanity for her now. All the others are wary of her, some openly asking for us to leave the ship, but you've always treated her like a normal girl, like nothing's wrong, and it's one of the only things that's keeping her sane and happy."
"She's a nice girl and lots of fun to be with. It's obvious she's suffering because of what they did to her, and she can't help being the way she is. I like her a lot. She's my friend." Kaylee said this simply, eyes wide with innocence.
"That's exactly what I mean though," Simon said, his fingers leaving her face, slowing sliding along her cheek to rest on her hair, tucking a few strands of it behind her ear. "I've never cared for anyone the way I care for you," he admitted, leaning over to kiss her cheek softly. "Maybe that's why I get so nervous about being with you - I don't want to screw it up."
"Just do whatever feels right," she suggested, placing a hand on his cheek and caressing it gently.
"I feel like kissing you. Would that... be okay?" he asked tentatively, somewhat unsure of this new 'act from the heart' idea.
"More than okay," she whispered, reaching her other arm up around his neck to touch his black hair, feeling him shiver as she ran her fingers through the hairs right at the nape of his neck.
He leaned forward, joining his lips with hers, sighing inwardly with ecstasy. This was what he had wanted to do with her for so long.
Just then, a figure appeared at the doorway of the engine room, unspoken words on her already open lips. She watched them for a moment, then turned to leave, smiling to herself as she remembered the fiasco of the morning.
"I think this is it folks," Zoey said, stepping down into the dining area where several of the crew were sitting at the table, a deck of cards in Mal's hand. "Simon and Kaylee are ... busy."
And there was a load of meaning in that last word that not a one of them missed.
The End