i just started writing this and decided to post it, ive got a few idea's floating around so let me know if you want me to carry on :) thanks

I remember when I was younger, growing up; you'd see a boy or a girl and immediately fall in love or at least what you thought was love. It was easy, but as you get older you realise it isn't always that easy. There are always people or actions, or stupid mistakes that can ruin any relationship, wreck your one chance of happiness. That's what happened to me.

I know it's stupid to believe in love at first sight but that's what it was like when I saw her, how beautiful she was, her soft brunette wavy at the end hair, her flawless skin and her perfect tan…

I can't believe I let her go; I did love her you have to believe me on that one. It was just everything else hmm; there was just so much pressure on me to be 'normal' so to speak. Normal. What is normal these days because I looked it up and the definition is "conforming to the standard or the common type", okay so that's pretty basic, but no one is normal are they? Everyone is individual no one is the same; people don't "conform to a common type".

You can't help who you fall for can you?

I wanted to be with her.

I fell so hard for her that I didn't know what to do with all those feelings but...

I loved her, I did.

And now she's gone, she's been gone for 18 months.

I broke her heart, along with mine and nothing will ever come close to replacing the empty hole that fills my life now that she's gone.

I've got nothing now, things have been so hard lately, I started dating a colleague of mine, Angelo we started okay but it just, well it just didn't feel right. He was there... someone to fill the gap but he didn't fit. I was like a jigsaw, only the right piece would complete me. I know how cheesy that sounds but it's true and to tell you the truth the sex well it was terrible, all he wanted was to make himself happy and that was it, whatever left him gasping was all that mattered to him, I would just lay there and close my eyes imagining I was somewhere else... or I'd just say I had a headache and that way I was able to get more sleep but then again he's pretty quick so I don't even think it would have mattered. Meh.

Anyway back to me having nothing, after realising that Angelo was just not helping me in the situation I found myself in I broke up with him. He didn't take it so well, I turned up for work the next day; let's just say things didn't go so well. He let rip on me in the middle of the station, ranting and raving about how he knew I was a lesbian but that he knew he could change that... so I punched him. Woo go me; I was over joyed it was the best form of stress release I've ever used. But although I felt so much better after that I must warn you that if you do try it make sure your boss isn't standing behind you. I got suspended, and still am I don't know when I'm aloud back to work or if I even want to.

So for the last 3 weeks I've been sat at home, doing nothing. I've learned a couple of new skills though, i know it's weird but i learned how to knit, I've always found it fascinating but never got a chance to try it and Leah taught me some cooking tips when she came home the other day and saw the mess I'd made after attempting badly to make a lasagne. We ended up ordering pizza, which was very very tasty.

Anyway next on my list is surfing...

Joey could surf...

Joey...

I miss Joey...

I miss her smell.

I miss her cute smile.

I miss her caring touch on my skin

Her voice, her sexy voice could drive me crazy.

I miss how confident she was with my friends and ruby.

I miss how beautiful she looked even if she was just wearing sweat pants.

I miss how good she could make me feel just by looking into my eyes, she always knew what i was thinking.

...I'm getting carried away aren't I, sorry.

I wonder where she is now, she can't still be on that trawler it's been 18 months. What if something happened to her, what if she's hurt? I need to know where she is.

I can't wait any longer, I need to know where she is but how, how will I find that out?

Thanks for reading, i must admit i was a bit worried about posting this because well im only 16 and not that good at writing this is my first attempt at writing a story.

soooooo...

please let me know what you think and if you want me to carry on, ive got a few idea's floating around, but you need to let me know if you want me to carry on.