He just up and left. Not a single word, not a simple goodbye. Was it so hard to say just one word before you go caravanning off to your almost certain death? No it most certainly was not!

But that's what his Mello had done. Just walked away, leaving a half empty, half destroyed part of a room and a broken shell of a best friend behind. Bastard. That boy didn't deserve the air he breathed after this. Was his intention to cause him to fall into this miserable pit o' death and woe? Who the fuck knows except Mello himself? And will he ever find out? Nope, why the hell tell someone who's been beside you for the last, oh, ten years or so why the hell you're leaving him behind in some crummy place that will be like a ghost town for him? That would actually make some kind of sense.

But then again when had Mello ever made sense? Would Matt even love him if he did? No, probably not. He loved the mood-swings, the rants, the inferiority complex, the god damned chocolate far too much to love him if he didn't have at least half of these "issues." Could he forgive him for this… this hell? This pyre of despair and, to be quite honest, wanton need? Well he just didn't have an answer for that particular question yet.

He knew he was in hell though, despite having no religious background or interest whatsoever apart from the occasional craze of Mello's. The blond was a devout Catholic – or was it Christian? – even though he'd more than likely broken almost every rule whichever religion had laid down for him to follow. Despite his religious retardation, Matt knew he was in hell. A burning, video game ruining hell. He couldn't even so much as look at his games anymore. It was awful, but it was true. They were all dirtied with the memories of the one who had given them to him for one reason or another. Funny how the fact they were stolen, well most of them anyway, wasn't what made them dirty or really bothered him in any way. No it was all Mello, it was always Mello. Not a single thing hadn't been Mello since the eccentric child had proclaimed him to be his friend and the world had suddenly seemed much brighter and taken on a different form; if you will pretend that that type of thing ever really happens to anyone who isn't an actor.

He was positive the world, or his small part of it, had changed for the better that day. Now, he wasn't exactly sure. Still, even if all this pain, this dull ache, left him he would never regret ever meeting the blond. Never regret talking to him, playing the stolen games with him, getting him chocolate while he was studying to finally beat Near. He would never regret a moment with that blond addict. They were the only moments of his life worth remembering. Though you could count the day he moved in to Wammy's since it eventually led to his meeting Mello. But was anyone really counting all the memorable, irregrettable moments of his life? No, definitely not.

Matt sighed dejectedly into his pillow. He had been too long without a smoke – he was starving himself of nicotine so he had something other than his missing friend to concentrate on – and was starting to feel the real pressure of quitting cold turkey. Sure it was probably dangerous, but would anyone miss him if he went off the deep end? And how many cases were there of people going crazy for quitting cigs like this? Not many was his guess. Not many people even went through what him and… Mello had been through in their short lives.

He glared blankly over at the empty side of the room. It was probably a good thing he wasn't religious because that side of his room was practically a shrine to Mello's existence, it being the only sign he'd ever even existed outside his mind anymore. All pictures and any references to him had been "accidentally misplaced" upon his departure. He didn't even ask Matt to do it, he did it all on his own the second he realized the blond was gone. If he couldn't be near the boy to protect him, he would do his best to help from here. He hadn't found much but it was the thought that counted, right? And if he ever found Mello, which was his second project after finding out anything useful on Kira, he could share what he knew and hope it would help in some small way. If not, well he was there and he could do much more with Mello than on his own. He wasn't number three without reason.

Still, how could he have not left him anything? A note would have been plenty as long as it wasn't too sentimental. There would be no clues to where he might be heading, no hints as to whether or not he planned on ever letting Matt find him, or coming to collect Matt himself, but it would mean that he thought more of what they had than that it was just a childhood friendship that was to be forgotten in time.

Matt whined, annoyed even as it escaped his mouth that such a noise was being forced from him by the mere thought of the blond. He wasn't going to get much sleep if his brain didn't just shut off for the night. He was at a loss for how to actually flip it off though. Usually by the time he was done with his investigation for the day, which included hacking in to several international databases around the world, he was ready to drop. He had been falling asleep in his chair earlier, yet here he was three – or was it four? – hours later still thinking where the damnable blond may be and if he was alright wherever he was.

He had a crazy idea. He slid out of bed clutching his blanket around him tightly, hoping he wouldn't trip on any of the wires scattered across the floor, and made his way to Mello's previous bed. Before he even touched a single inch of linen he could smell the faint scent of Mello, chocolate mixed with leather mixed with some foreign body wash that smelled strangely like grapefruit. He breathed in deeply, wishing he could just hold the scent of him in forever and use that to pretend he was still there. That wasn't happening any time soon. He was probably already going mad, why speed the process along?

Sighing, knowing he would regret this in the morning, he crawled in to Mello's bed and pulled the pillow to him. Mello's scent flooded his senses making him dizzy for a moment but ultimately calming him down enough that his brain started its shut down. Just a simple scent and he was feeling better. Funny how things worked sometimes.

Taking one last deep breath, Matt fell into the dark pit of sleep, undisturbed for the fist time in weeks.

"Finally Matt. It took you long enough." Mello droned from his bed, text books scattered around him in a small circle. How the boy managed to read all those books was a mystery to Matt, his were stashed safely under his bed. Wouldn't want to bend that spine now would we? "Well don't just stand in the door, bring me my chocolate so I can get back to work."

Matt sighed. Mello never changed. It was always work the day before a test, but every other day was whatever he felt like doing at the time, namely hanging robots and trains from trees. But that was just the way Mello was, it was what made him Mello. It was why Matt loved him. Sure they were only just getting into their teen years, but hormones grew quickly in boys and being a genius did not make one an exception.

Yes, Matt knew all about what he felt for the boy now sitting in front of him. It wasn't as if he hadn't thought it over, thought there were some other explanation for the way he felt. He knew what people thought about homosexuals, but he really didn't consider himself to be one. The only person he was even remotely interested in was Mello, maybe that just meant he was straight and found Mello to be the only person on this world of enough interest to bother being attracted to. Regardless of his sexuality, he was sure he was in love with the blond. He just lacked the articulacy to put his feelings out where Mello could see them.

He had thought of some odd ideas in the time since he'd first realized, but none of them were really him. They didn't scream 'This is how Matt feels! Love him dammit!' which was probably not an overused way of putting things, but that made it more unique in his opinion.

He could just come out and say it bluntly, that's what Mello always did about sensitive subjects. Like when he told a girl about her hamster falling off the bookshelf he had put it on. It wasn't his fault the stupid thing decided to jump off the shelf. Personally he thought it wanted to die, that girl was a pain in the ass. But he wasn't much for words. Action, that was his thing. Most likely picked up from the King of Action himself.

Matt snickered at the name earning a cocked eyebrow from Mello before he returned to whichever subject was most important at the moment.

Action really was the best way to go. Never any way to misunderstand an action. If you were mad, you punched something. Happy, you laughed. In love… that was slightly more complicated to display but movies and video games were good for something. A simple peck. Yes that would work fine for someone like Mello.

Only thing to do was to get his attention off his books and on him where it belonged. At least for a few minutes, then he could study to his hearts content.

Matt leaned forward, careful to place his hand on the exact paragraph the boy before him was currently deciphering. German. Funny, it seemed as if he knew the whole language already for all he used it. Or maybe that was just the curse words.

"Matt, move your hand before I move it to the other side of the room." Mello hissed. The redhead simply smirked and flipped the book closed, making sure he memorized which page it had been on so Mello wouldn't kill him later. If he didn't kill him now. He certainly looked like he might, then again he always looked that way.

He smiled and moved the book out of his way so he could get up as close to the blond's face as his crossed legs would allow. "No I really don't think I will, Mells."

The ice blue eyes glared at him from under light bangs, not all together threatening if you knew he wouldn't hurt you if his life depended on it.

"Matt, move right the fuck now or I swear to God I'll… " he was cut off as Matt crushed his lips over his.

It wasn't perfect, it wasn't magical, hell it was barely a kiss. But it was… comfortable. Well, for Matt it was. Mello looked about to keel over by the time the redhead pulled away.

He smiled again, knowing he had gotten the message across. He didn't even wait for the blond to come out of whichever world he now inhabited before jumping from the bed and into his own. It was three in the morning after all, not everyone spent all night reading German literature.

"Night Mells." he called happily over his shoulder.

"Y-yeah… Night… " was the shaky reply he got back.

Matt made his way back to the waking world to find sun in his eyes. Well, that really sucked. Since when had sun reached his bed? The window was facing Mello's… oh. He had forgotten he had fallen asleep on Mello's bed the night before.

He rubbed his eyes, vainly trying to get the last bits of sleep out of them. His hand was wet when it came away. He was crying? That was rare. What could have made him… That dream… It was the first time he had ever kissed Mello. The start of him not being able to let the boy out of his sight for more than a few hours at most. The start of everything, as far as his meager existence was concerned.

He buried his face in the now damp pillow. Why was this happening to him? Why? Why could he just have one day where his ever thought wasn't consumed by that irritating, blond, chocoholic boy?

Mat wanted nothing more than to lie with his face in the pillow all day, breathing in the remains of his friend, but a beeping was coming from his computer. Had he left it on? He was usually pretty strict about turning it off in case anyone happened to come in while he was asleep.

He blinked up at the screen blearily. A box flashed in the middle. Email? Who the hell would be sending him mail at, he glanced at the clock, eleven in the morning? On a Saturday no less.

Groaning he dragged himself out of bed, keeping the blankets around him to block the chill from outside. It had snowed again last night. Some might say it was pretty, but to Matt it was nothing but an annoyance. Clicking the box lazily, he sat back in his chair only to shoot back up when he read the first lines.

Hey Matt,

Bet you thought you were rid of me huh? Well, I guess I wouldn't blame you if you did think that. But I get to tell you how wrong you were now so its not all that bad.

Uhm… don't really know what to say.

I feel like a prick for not saying goodbye and all. I just had to leave so fast I couldn't wait for you. If I had… well, I probably wouldn't have left…

I managed to find some good leads with Kira though. I had to do some pretty messed up things to get them, but it'll all be worth it in the end.

Oh! I have good news! Now that I finally found somewhere more or less steady to stay, you can come too… if you want. With me gone you are number two. Technically number one since that fucking sheep is now L. Did you know there were two Ls now? One of them is supposedly a fake being used by the Japanese police to keep order. Pretty fucked up huh? We spend our lives trying to be him and some guy just gets the spot handed to him out of nowhere?

Anyway, you're probably wondering why I didn't just take you along in the first place. Its simple. I had no idea where I was going to go, or what I was going to so for connections, or anything really. And from what I did, I wouldn't let you be a part of that ever. It could have killed me, almost killed me.

But everything's safe now, more or less, for you to come meet me if you still want me. Its up to you. I wont force anything on you.

We could use you though. No one in this country can hack quite like you. Took these guys weeks to get in to a system you cracked when you were eight. I couldn't stop laughing at how stupid they were.

Well I've sent you the address, which is coordinates – you'll know why if you decide to come – and I set up a plane for you. All the times are in your computer already. I kinda broke in to make sure you got this now rather than later… sorry. I swear I didn't do anything but send this and give you the information you need. Check if you like.

So I hope I'll see you soon… ah you know I'm not good with the emotional stuff but I really miss you. No one here is anything like you, its impossible to have an intelligent conversation with anyone.

Mello

P.S. – if you decide not to come please destroy the file and this email. Its dangerous to have stuff like that floating around.

Matt gaped at the screen. So… he cared? He was just trying to protect him? He missed him?

Well what the hell did he do now? It was either spend weeks trying to forget the boy or go to God knows which country and help him. Hell or heaven? Which did he choose?

AN: so i just typed this up real quick. it was eating away at me to write another fic with Matt and Mello. i actually skipped all my homework to do it... i don't feel like reviewing it so if there are any mistakes tell me and i'll fix them.

tell me what you think ok? reviews are love!