Looking For Home
By Deanna Kranz
Disclaimers: Characters, ships, and jargon belong to Paramount. "Endless Night" belongs to Hans Zimmer; Jay Rifkin; Jean Lauture; Julie Taymor Lebo M. and Disney. "Your Heart Will Lead You Home" belongs to Kenny Loggins; Richard M. Sherman; Robert B. Sherman and Disney. Alas, only the way in which these unrelated things come together belongs to me.
If you don't like Wesley Crusher, stop reading now. I don't want flames because he is treated as a decent character in my story. All other feedback (good and bad) is always welcomed.
Wesley Crusher sat on top of a hill, his surroundings quiet with only the sounds of nature keeping him company. Darkness all around, the moon only slightly illuminating the grass and trees all around and in the distance. He just stared at the sky, the stars seeming to taunt him on this night, asking questions, demanding answers.
He didn't know what to do. Again, he was lost in his life. He had left Starfleet Academy after making a terrible mistake that cost him a whole semester's credits, friendships and reputation. He didn't feel like he belonged. He had left that life that his father had had for one of exploration with The Traveler. His studies started off well, he enjoyed them and found them interesting. But now, after two years, he wondered. He felt like he was in a dark place, with just minimal light so that he could only see what was right in front of him. Where was it all leading? What was the point besides simply exploring? What was he contributing to this vast universe? Nothing, he had decided. He was pursuing knowledge and experiences for his own sake and nothing else. He wasn't really helping anyone. The occupants of Dorvan V were fully capable of defending themselves, helping themselves. They didn't really need him. Did anyone need him? No, he had decided.
He sighed into the darkness, staring at the stars, asking questions of his own. Who was going to help him now? Who would lead him in the right direction? He stood up, fists at his side in frustration.
"You promised you'd be there whenever I needed you," he shouted to the vastness of stars. "But whenever I call your name you're not anywhere!"
Silence. He stared at the stars in silence, not even a soft breeze to answer him.
"I'm trying to hold on, just waiting to hear your voice," he told the stars before becoming silent again. After a few minutes he whispered, "One word, just a word will do, to end this nightmare."
A sudden breeze hit him from the valley bellow and he clearly heard it whisper "Home," in his ear.
"Home?" he asked the stars as he sat back down. Where was "home" he thought. For two years he had called Dorvan V home, and that is where he was. But it didn't feel like home.
"How can I find my way home? I don't even know where "home" is. Father, I feel so alone."
More silence. He didn't say anything else for a long time. He didn't know how much time had passed, it seemed like hours to him, just staring up at the stars that were beginning to disappear behind the clouds of the storm brewing in the distance.
"When will the dawning break? Oh, endless night! Sleepless I dream of the day when you were by my side, guiding my path. Father, I can't find the way."
There was a flash of light in the sky. It was a falling meteor, a shooting star. He remembered his father once telling him to make a wish whenever he saw a shooting star. He reached into his pocket and took out a picture, a picture of him and his mother. She had given it to him before he left the Enterprise so that he wouldn't forget her.
"Funny how a photograph can take you back in time," he said to himself. "To places and embraces that you thought you'd left behind." He thought of his mother and wished she was there. He thought of everyone else on the Enterprise too.
Another breeze hit him from bellow, causing him to let go of the picture. He fumbled around to catch it before it was blown away. When he caught it, it had slipped half way out of its protective cover. He noticed there was writing on the back of it. He took the picture out, remembering what was written.
They'll come a day when you're loosing your way and you won't know where you belong. They say that home is where the heart is, so follow your heart and know that you can't go wrong. If you feel lost and on your own and far from home, you're never alone, you know. Just think of your friends, the ones who care. They all will be waiting there with love to share. And your heart will lead you home.
He turned the picture around to see the photograph again. "How did she know," he asked the picture, "that I would get lost again?" He suddenly realized what he had to do and he stood up again and looked up at the few stars still visible through the impending storm, smiling.
"I know that the night must end and the sun will rise. And I hear your voice deep inside me. I know that the clouds must clear and that sun will shine. I know I will be alright. I just need to go home, my real home."
He turned on his flashlight and found his way back to the trail, and back to the village. He needed to tell The Traveler that he needed to leave for a while, that he needed to go home to his mother and friends, back to The Enterprise.