I love her.
I didn't think I could love anymore, not after I donned the cape and cowl. Especially not after Andrea and Selina. But I do love her. I do love Diana.
It didn't happen as soon as I met her. It gradually came to be as we fought rogues and protected each other in our similar line of work. The moment I knew I loved her was when she disappeared from the battlefield. I immediately demanded her location as soon as I telepathically made contact with J'onn. He said that they had her transported to the Watchtower after she got severely injured in a surprise attack. My heart raced and my mind needed to see her well. My body moved of its own and the next thing I knew, I was in the Medical Bay with my hands clenched beside me, hidden between the folds of my cape.
She was there, sleeping peacefully. I could see the battle scars from her past run across her arms as she lay with a hospital gown. They were faint but still there and I wish I had the courage to ask her the stories behind each of them. I thought I was courageous. I am courageous. But it suddenly becomes a different matter when I met her. I have the courage to protect her, but then I suddenly don't when I want to be with her.
I knew from the start that these feelings were a crush beginning to form, but I decided that that was just it, a crush. Born from the ethereal beauty she possesses and my attraction to her warm personality, so much unlike my own.
But then it changed. At night, my repeating nightmares were replaced by sunlight filtering through white curtains in my bedroom. The sheets began to move and then I was looking at eyes in bright shades of blue. I could trace my name on her lips and the rosy blush spreading across her cheeks. The dreams shift every night. Some with my scream echoing in a dark alley and some with the laughter of children running around the manor as Alfred chased them.
And as I looked at her in the Medical Bay, I imagined her with the rosy blush on her cheeks and the smile that seemed to be a part of saying my name. And I knew I had grown to love her.
Suddenly, I wanted her to be happy. I wanted to be the reason she was happy. So everytime I could, I make up jokes I know that she would be the only one to understand and then she'd laugh as the league turned to her with confused eyes, the only pair of eyes matching her eyes filled with amusement was mine. In special occasions, I send her gifts. Diana would find them in her quarters or in her apartment and she'll instantly know it was from me, no matter how hard I try to cover up the trails of clues.
Her smile gradually became a reason I wanted to live and to see her cry was equivalent to my heart dropping from the Watchtower to the Batcave. I don't want to see her tears again so I help her even at the cost of me. I would ignore my exhaustion just so I can replace her in Monitor Duty after she finishes tiresome missions. I want her to rest and be well and I want her to be safe. I keep tabs on her and I could feel panic arise in me in those times I don't know where she is. It could be called stalking or protecting but I don't care because as long as she is fine and well, I am fine and well.
I want to be her anchor. I want to be the support she needs in this world she barely knows. No matter how strong she is, she still needs moral support. And I am always willing to be that for her.
I want to be with her, but I didn't have the courage to ask her. That is until this day.
When the church doors open, Diana walks in. I didn't think she'd be walking down an aisle one day but here she is now. She is beautiful and ethereal and so much like the Diana I love. Time slowed down as she closes the distance between us, and before I knew it, she was beside me. I smile at her, the same smile only her eyes could see. I feel my heart fly when she smiles back. I was then reminded of what made me fall in love with her, and what happened and what I didn't do that led us both to this day.
I love her. I will always love her.
Even though I was just a brother in her eyes.
She walks past me and I wish I could follow her but I can't, because no matter how hard I regret and wish I had done something, she still ended up with another man.
Their smiling faces as they look at each other pierces my heart like a sword. Diana's happiness that I thought I could be the only one to bring one day shone like the sun in these white walls. They both turn to me with smiles in both their faces and the visible rosy blush spread across Diana's cheeks gave me memories of the dreams I have every night, the wishes and prayers that it would no longer be just a dream but someday become a reality. But I was too late for that.
I love her. I would die for her. I want her to be happy. So I hide my shattered heart behind the smile I forced to return to them and I support her. Only her.
Because no matter what, I'll always be there for her to make her smile, to make her laugh, to wipe her tears. Always.
Because I love her.
Thank you for reading! Please review and leave some writing tips and fanfic requests. Have a nice day and be well!-jaypea