For those who might just be tuning in, or just happened upon this story you need to know THIS IS A SEQUEL. You will not understand what's going on if you don't read the first story.
For those of you who have been following from the beginning…ENJOY!
Chapter 1 - Dreaming of Fire
I dreamed I was missing,
You were so scared,
But no one would listen,
Cause no one else cared,
After my dreaming,
I woke with this fear,
What am I leaving,
When I'm done here?
So if you're asking me I want you to know:
When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done,
Help me leave behind some,
Reasons to be missed,
Don't resent me,
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest. –Linkin Park, "Leave Out All The Rest"
Loki awoke gasping for air. He sat up suddenly, panting, sweat dripping from his chin, hair wet and sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck. He wrapped his arms around himself and shuddered, then tried to calm himself with deep breaths. He blinked a few times. It was still the middle of the night, only a soft glow from the moon outside lit the floor under the window. To Loki's right was Tony, snuggled under the blankets and softly snoring, undisturbed by Loki's fitful sleep. Or fitful not-sleep. Loki watched Tony breathing and his face fell into something of sorrow and adoration. He leaned down and gently kissed Tony's forehead, then threw the blankets off his legs and put his feet upon the carpet. He stepped into the bathroom to throw cold water unto his face then he made his way downstairs and to his favorite spot on the white leather couch. It was darker in the living room than it had been in his bedroom, but he enjoyed it. He couldn't explain these nightmares, but he knew they were linked to the baby…somehow. He had yet to tell anyone of his…condition…and really wasn't sure how to tell anyone. But this was the third week in a row that he'd continually woken in the middle of the night. Visions of his death by the hand of Victor Von Doom, Tony leaving him to bleed, and a girl…a strange girl with fire for hair, plagued his dreams. She does nothing to save him, nothing to stop Tony from walking away, nothing to end Doom, she just watches with her big brown eyes. Loki knew that being a sorcerer as powerful as himself it was safe to assume his nightmares were prophecies, and the flame haired child was his and Tony's. That part he could live with, but the rest? Why would Tony leave him there…like he didn't even see Loki? And how could he be so easily defeated by Doom? He curled into himself and stared off into the darkness, lost in his mind. The sun came slowly peeking over the horizon and through the living room window, casting an orange glow over the side of the couch. Before Loki knew it, Steve came down the stairs, whistling a cheery tune, hair still wet from his morning shower. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and watched Loki for a minute, when Loki neither moved nor looked up, Steve went to sit next to him. Steve shivered involuntarily at the dramatic drop in temperature around Loki, and he spotted bits of frost forming on the edge of the couch, around Loki's bare feet.
"Loki?" he spoke in almost a whisper, leaning over slightly to look at Loki's face. He watched confusion wash over Loki and his eyes flickered around the room for a minute before he finally turned to look at Steve. He didn't speak, but the emotion in his eyes and the dark rings around them told Steve that he wasn't ok. Steve waited till he saw all the ice vanish and the air warmed up a bit, then he placed a gently hand on Loki's shoulder,
"What happened?" he spoke in the same hushed tone, "Did you guys fight again?" It was implied that Steve meant Tony. Loki shook his head slowly and blinked once,
"No…no…" he pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut for a minute, "I…just couldn't sleep." He explained finally. Steve nodded and relaxed a bit,
"You want some breakfast?" he asked. Without even thinking Loki started nodding,
"Yes, I'm starving!" Then his eyes went wide and he looked back at Steve, who was heading for the kitchen,
"Then I'll whip up some pancakes!" he was saying. Loki followed him into the kitchen,
"Oh…um…Steven…" he hesitated. Steve looked at him expectantly. "Could we talk…about something…?" he tried. Steve nodded,
"Of course! Anything. I'm all ears." He leaned on the counter and gave Loki his full attention. Loki swallowed nervously.
"Well…I…um…" he scratched the back of his head then sighed, "I really don't know how to explain this…" he confessed. Steve stayed quiet as Loki gathered his thoughts. "But, we've talked privately before, and I do feel that I can trust you." Steve smiled at him. "And I need advice." He looked up at Steve desperately. Steve went around the kitchen island to sit next to Loki,
"Hey, I'm totally here for you. I'll help in any way I can." He promised, "Just tell me what's going on." Loki sighed again,
"Alright…I'm just gonna say it and then try to explain…" he looked away, a combination of embarrassment and shame crossed his features. Steve was surprised by that, what could have Loki-probably the least shameful guy Steve had ever know- so flustered? Loki cleared his throat, but he wouldn't look at Steve, "I'm pregnant." He said in a rush. Steve almost hadn't heard him, but then he thought he'd misheard, and it took a full five seconds for his brain to register what he had heard. His face scrunched up in blatant confusion,
"What?" he shook his head. Loki's face was beet red and he looked like he might cry from the embarrassment. He swallowed and licked his lips, then actually looked Steve in the eyes,
"I am pregnant." He spoke deliberately and waited for Steve to process that. Steve still looked like he'd just been told a joke that he doesn't understand, like he wanted to laugh but wasn't sure what was funny.
"Uh…ok?" he said with an awkward chuckle, "H…how?" he asked.
"Well…um…" Loki took a deep breath, "See, since I have my powers back, I can shapeshift again…and…a while ago…" he paused like he was trying to figure out what he was going to say, "That day that me and Tony ended up on the news?" Steve nodded so Loki continued, "Well…Tony and I got pretty drunk…and…gosh this is awkward." He mumbled and took another deep breath, "We wanted to try something new…so I changed into a woman…and…" Steve was waving his hands for Loki to stop,
"Ok ok ok, I get it, I got it. And now you're accidently pregnant?" he finished. Loki nodded pitifully. "When did you find out?" Steve asked.
"The day of your wedding." Loki answered. Steve nodded thoughtfully,
"Ok…that was almost four months ago." He stated. Loki just nodded again and he saw Steven's gaze flicker to his belly for only a split second.
"As odd as it seems…" Loki started, "…this has happened to me before." He chuckled nervously. Steve gave him a look,
"What? No, never mind. Don't tell me." He shook his head, "So, I'm gonna assume you haven't told Tony. That's why you're telling me?" Loki nodded once,
"I have not told anyone."
"Then…I don't understand…what do you need my help for?" he asked in a gentle tone.
"I don't know what to do!" he whined desperately. Steve furrowed his brow and shrugged in further confusion,
"What do you mean? You tell Tony. You have the baby. You raise it. There's no other option." He stated firmly. Loki still looked unsure,
"But…what will he say? I mean, what if he doesn't…want it? You know he doesn't like children. He never wanted any." He said. Steve was shaking his head,
"That's irrelevant. Whether he likes it or not, he has one now and he's gonna have to take up the responsibility. He no longer has the choice." Steve's voice was very stern.
"Well…I don't really have to tell him. If he never knows…I could just…" the look on Steve's face shut him up.
"Don't you dare!" Steve growled, "Don't you dare even suggest that in front of me!" He pointed an angry finger at Loki, who shrank away, "You're a lot of things, Loki Laufeyson, but you're not a baby killer." Loki looked at the floor, ashamed of even thinking of those thoughts. He sighed and covered his face in his hands,
"I just…I'm so afraid he'll reject her…" he whispered.
"Her?" Steve asked softly, "You already know…?" Loki nodded,
"I have…dreams…of a little girl. She has Tony's eyes…" he smiled fondly.
"Oh wow." Steve said in fascination for a moment, "Look, if I know Tony at all, I can tell you that he is a guy who takes responsibility of his mistakes. Even accidental mistakes. He will not abandon you, and he will take good care of that baby." He sighed, "You have to understand, Loki, it's not that he doesn't want children, it's that…he's afraid he'll be just like his father…not a father at all. And fear has always been Tony's downfall. Instead of facing it and trying to overcome it, he'll just avoid the possibility completely because he doesn't think he's strong enough." Steve explained. Understanding came to Loki's eyes,
"Oh. I hadn't thought of that." He confessed. Steve nodded. "Well he shouldn't worry about such things." Loki chuckled, "I can teach him. It's not that difficult. And he really should give himself more credit, he's stronger than he thinks."
"You'll have to tell him that. He needs the confidence." Steve said with a laugh, then he started bouncing in his seat, "Oh my gosh! LOKI! I'm so excited!" he threw his arms around Loki, "I love babies! Can I be Uncle Steven?" Loki laughed and hugged Steve tightly,
"You make it sound like you're going to eat her!" he laughed against Steve's shoulder, "But of course. Now that you're married to my brother Uncle is a legitimate title." He chuckled. Steve held him at arm's length,
"But you've got to tell Tony. And soon. Before it starts to show." He commanded and gave Loki a soft poke in the belly. Loki blushed,
"Yes yes. I will." He promised. Steve got up,
"Good! Now let me make those pancakes! I'm sure the both of you are starving." He laughed.
"Ugh. You have no idea." Loki laughed.
There was snow everywhere, freefalling from a grey sky, and blinding Thor in flurries. Mjölnir, where was Mjölnir? Why wasn't she in his hand? He felt naked without his faithful companion, and far too vulnerable. He turned in circles, looking for anything, anyone. There, what was it? A girl? He moved toward her and the blizzard blocking his path vanished. A young girl, a child, with fire for hair stood in a small clearing amongst the white scenery. She cocked her head curiously, turning her wide, knowing brown eyes to Thor, and held out her hand. Thor glanced down at it to see that the child was gripping a still beating heart in her tiny palm. What was she doing here? Why did she have that heart in her hand? She then turned to look at the ground and Thor followed her gaze. His heart dropped as he looked upon the crippled body of Loki, a giant hole torn in his chest, he was nothing more than a smear of red across a vast, blinding white palette.
"LOKI!" Thor looked around in stunted horror, only to find that he was sitting up in his bed, "Wha-?" he panted, out of breath. His face twisted in confusion, "Who was that girl?" he asked no one in particular. He ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair and tried to catch his breath. He sat there, blinking rapidly, taking deep breaths till his heart wasn't pounding in his ears. He tossed the sheets and almost ran down the stairs. His eyes flew to every inch and crack of every room till they landed on Loki, who was sitting at the kitchen table, laughing through a mouth full of pancakes at Steve who just spilled maple syrup all over his lap.
"Loki!" Thor breathed out in relief and dropped to his knees in front of his brother. He wrapped his arms around Loki's slighter chest and buried his face in Loki's shirt. Steve completely forgot about the syrup situation as he watched Thor. Both Loki and Steve exchanged startled looks of confusion. Steve shrugged. Loki patted the top of Thor's head,
"Um…there there?" he tried, "What…what is this about?" he asked. Thor rose to his feet,
"I…" he covered his eyes with his hand for a second, "I had the most awful nightmare." He explained. A tingle of interest and fear began in Loki's chest,
"What?" he inquired, "A nightmare?" Thor nodded,
"Yes. I don't understand it. But you were dead." He frowned. Loki jumped out of his seat,
"What else? What more did you see?" he demanded. Thor was taken aback by Loki's reaction, but he answered,
"There…was snow, everywhere, everything was just snow. And…there was a girl. A little girl…"
"With fire for hair." Loki finished, all the color draining from his face. Thor openly stared at him,
"Yes…" he said slowly. Loki looked at the floor for a moment then back at Thor,
"What was she doing?" he asked. Thor's brow pulled down and he narrowed his eyes,
"She…was holding your heart in her hand…as you laid dead in the snow." He said. Loki had no response to that so he just sank back into his seat. Thor watched him carefully,
"Loki…what is going on? You know that girl?" he asked. Loki swallowed.
"I know I won't have to explain the details to you…and it probably won't be much of a surprise…but…" he cleared his throat and looked up at Thor, "I'm pregnant. And I'm quite positive that girl is my daughter. I have been having nightmares as well, and she is in every one."
"Please tell me it's Tony's." was Thor's first question. Loki's mouth fell open in blatant offense to Thor's question,
"Of course!" he defended, looking scorned. Thor let out a breath,
"Then why am I seeing her in my dreams?" He asked. Loki shook his head slightly,
"I don't know." He said each word slowly, like they weighed heavy on his tongue, "I have no explanation for these visions at all." He confessed. Thor glanced at Steve,
"Who else knows of this?" he asked.
"Just me and you, now." Steve answered. Thor suddenly dropped to his knees again, gripping Loki's shoulders and shaking him rather roughly,
"Loki!" he said in a loud whisper, terror all over his face, "I don't like this! I am not a person to point at others and scream "EVIL!", but there is something wrong…" he stopped and clapped his mouth shut like it'd been yanked by a hook. Loki wore a horribly pitiful look, like someone had not only kicked his puppy but stolen his lunch money too.
"You…" his hands wrapped around his belly protectively, "You think my baby is evil?" he asked. Thor couldn't bring himself to answer. Steve got up and came around the table,
"Whoa, hold on there. Nobody's calling anybody evil." He put one hand on each of their shoulders, "Loki said we don't have an explanation for these visions, and for all we know they could nothing to do with Loki actually dying." He said.
"That's true. Such visions are usually metaphorical, not to be taking literally." Loki agreed. Thor sighed,
"So we wait and see." He said as he got to his feet again, "Alright, but if I think for one second that that child is a monster…"
"You'll what!" Loki snapped, jumping to his feet again and getting a hair's breath away from Thor's face, "You'll kill it?" Thor looked at Loki sorrowfully, but didn't answer. Steve stood at the ready, waiting for the claws to come out and the two brothers to start tearing each other to bits. But it never happened, Thor turned and left the kitchen in silence.
Tony came into the living room fully dressed, sloppily throwing a clip-on tie around his neck. He looked up to see Loki standing in front of him, looking rather nervous, thin fingers fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Tony smiled,
"Mornin'!" he chirped, "What's up?" Loki bit his bottom lip and swallowed,
"Um…well, I have something to tell you." He said.
"Ok." Tony stopped as his phone chimed in rather rudely, he held up a finger to Loki, "Hold that thought, babe." He put the phone to his ear, "Yeah?" Tony was silent for a few minutes and Loki just stared at the floor. Tony let out an agrivated sigh,
"Alright, I'll be right there." He hung the phone up and looked back at Loki, "Hey sorry, Pepper's having a problem with my finances, she needs me to come look at it. Can we talk later?" he asked. Loki nodded,
"Yes, of course." He waved his hand dismissively, "It's not that important…" he mumbled. Tony gave him a quick peck on the cheek,
"Cool. I'll see ya later!" he called from the front door. Loki had the sudden overwhelming urge to crawl into a cave and disappear.
Clint was taking potshots at pigeons down by the street as he sat upon the roof. He let out an exaggerated sigh, the third one in the last five minutes. Bruce finally opened his eyes to look at Clint,
"What are you huffing about? You've been sitting here interrupting my meditation for the last hour and a half." He grumbled. Clint struck another unsuspecting pigeon with a pebble and pouted his lips.
"I feel like a loser." He whined, rather childishly. Bruce turned his body to face Clint,
"What does that even mean?" he asked.
"Well, I mean, I feel…worthless." He confessed. Bruce became more interested and he gave Clint a sympathetic gaze,
"Why?" he asked in a soft voice. Clint huffed again,
"Well, now with Loki, the God of Pretty Much Everything and Can Do Anything With His Awesome Ultimate Cosmic Powers…" Clint made a fist pump while imitating the deep voice, "…and Steve now being an official King and the arbiter between here and Asgard. I don't feel very needed, ya know?" He looked at Bruce. Bruce nodded in understanding, but then shook his head,
"Don't be stupid. You're still an Avenger, you're a member of this family, you'll always be needed." He grinned, "Besides…Hulk likes Cupid." Bruce made a face of looking angry while imitating Hulk's voice. Clint cracked up and hugged Bruce,
"Aww thanks." He said. Bruce hugged him back,
"But seriously Clint, you don't need to feel out-done by Loki. I honestly don't think it's his intentions to replace anyone on this team. He's just trying to fit in somewhere." He explained.
"I know. And I like the guy, really. I just think that, with someone as powerful as him helping out, what good am I gonna be?" the sorrow came back to Clint's voice. Bruce pointed to the several scattered pigeon corpses,
"I don't think even Loki could sniper pigeons, that are almost twenty feet away, with pebbles." He laughed. Clint pursed his lips and rolled his eyes,
"PSSHHH! No, but he could just wink and make them explode!" he countered. Bruce rolled his eyes in return,
"Exploding things isn't always the best solution." He gently slapped the back of Clint's head, "Will you stop with the self-pity? You are not worthless!" he said. Clint still looked a little put out but he smiled,
"Ok. But only cause Hulk has a crush on me and I'd hate to hurt his feelings by leaving." He laughed and jumped off the roof unto the front lawn. Bruce waved his fist playfully,
"Yeah, he's gonna have a crush on you! A crush with his fists! Wait till he sees you next time!" he teased with a laugh. Clint stuck his thumbs in his ears while waving his fingers and sticking his tongue out, just like a child, then he turned and went back inside the house.
Loki had done nothing but paced back and forth, waiting for Tony to come home. His feet were digging a trench in the carpet with his repeated pacing as he played out the expected conversation over and over in his mind. His anxiety was sky high, his heart continued to pound in his ears, fearful of Tony's reaction. He believed his anxiety was now causing him to hallucinate, either that or his nightmares were visiting him during the day, because he could swear he'd seen the girl, his daughter, standing in the corner of the room watching him. It had only been a glimmer from the corner of his eye, but every time he turned to look, she was gone. And what could that mean? Was this child so powerful already that she was projecting an astral form of herself? Or was this a message from somewhere else? He finally decided that he wouldn't beat the dead horse, so to say, when Tony got home, instead he would just say it and whatever Tony's reaction is will be a bridge to cross when he gets there. Steve came by, the bedroom door had been left open, and stuck his head in,
"Tony's home." He announced in a soft voice, a look of expectation in his eyes. Loki took a deep breath, trying to ease his fears, then stepped past Steve and headed down the stairs. Pepper had come back with Tony and she was sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hands. Tony was standing in front of her, recounting some story of a time he'd gotten drunk and woke up in a dumpster in L.A. Pepper didn't look amused. Loki moved to stand by Tony's side, facing him,
"Anthony." He said and waited for Tony to finish laughing at his own stupid joke, "I'm pregnant." Tony was still chuckling when he turned to look at Loki and an expression of amused confusion came over him,
"What?" he tried to sound light hearted, but Loki saw the color drain from his face and could hear the gears in Tony's head as he put two and two together. Tony stopped chuckling and regarded Loki carefully. No one said a word for what felt like eternity. Tony was fully facing Loki now,
"Is…is that what you wanted to tell me earlier?" he asked in a hushed tone. Loki just nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Tony's hand flew to the side of his face and he looked like he was actually going to faint, Steve even moved to catch him, but he remained standing. Pepper slowly raised her hand like they were in grade school,
"Um…if I may ask…" she looked between Loki and Tony, "What are you talking about? Loki's a man." She said this like she was revealing some great secret that had, until now, eluded everyone else. No one answered her. Both Tony and Loki were staring at their feet. Tony suddenly moved, causing Loki to flinch. He walked past, his shoulder barely brushing Loki's, and out the front door. Loki gasped like he'd just been stabbed in the heart as the door closed. Steve looked horrified, head whiplashing between the front door and Loki, he hadn't expected that at all. Loki slumped to the floor, like a dead weight.
"Oh my god." Steve said and he fell to his knees to hug Loki, "Loki, I'm so sorry! I never expected…" he didn't know what to say, "I'm pretty sure Tony's just in serious shock." He pulled back to look at Loki's face, which held no emotion at all. Steve touched his cheek,
"Hey, come on." He tried to smile, "Remember what I said this morning? He's just scared, and now he's running away, but he'll come back. He just has to sort this out for himself, then he'll come back." He hugged Loki again.
"Yeah…" Loki mumbled, sounding more dead than he looked. Steve mentally winced at the lifeless sound. Steve helped Loki to his feet, then took him upstairs and to his bed. When he returned to the living room he explained the details to Pepper, who agreed to go and try to find Tony, so she left on a mission.
Loki stared at the ceiling for three days. Steve repeatedly had to force him to eat, using the phrase "It's for the baby". On the fourth day when Tony came into that bedroom it took everything in Steve to not tackle him and claw his eyes out. Steve got up from where he sat on the edge of the bed, placed Loki's dinner on the nightstand, then walked up to Tony who stood in the doorway.
"Dick." He spat in Tony's face then shoved past him. Tony only sighed and wiped his face with his hand. He stepped inside and closed the door then went to stand by Loki's bedside.
"Can I explain?" Tony asked in a whisper, not daring to look Loki in the eyes.
"Please do." Loki growled in response. Tony sat down on the edge of the bed and looked Loki over, his eyes lingering on Loki's lower belly, before he looked at Loki's face. It was obvious that the sorcerer had slept at all. Regret contorted Tony's features and he put a gently hand on Loki's forearm. Loki didn't react.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, "I didn't mean to make you think that I was leaving you or something. I…was just…surprised. I had to think things over for myself." He explained.
"Hmph!" Loki snorted in reply. Tony suddenly jumped up, becoming a lot more aggressive,
"Loki! Look at me!" he gestured to himself with both hands, and Loki glanced at him from the corner of his eyes, "I'm fifty years old! I know that's not a lot to you, but here on Earth THAT'S OLD!" He pulled on his hair for a minute before continuing, "I can't be having kids!" he spoke in a harsh whisper now, "I'll have Alzheimer's before it's even sixteen!" his voice broke and he turned away, obviously not wanting Loki to see how much this reality hurt him. Loki sat up, watching Tony for a minute before responding,
"That's what bothers you?" he asked softly. Tony sniffled but didn't turn around,
"How can I be a father like that?" he whispered, voice very strained. Loki got off the bed and went around to look at Tony, he gripped Tony's face in both hands and made him look up,
"Anthony, why didn't you just tell me this?" He chuckled, "That's such a silly thing." His voice was sweet and understanding, "Something so trivial…I can solve that." Tony shook his head,
"You aren't God, Loki. You can't stop time." He mumbled pitifully. Loki chuckled again and Tony looked at him with a suspicious squint,
"Perhaps not. But I can do the next best thing." He grinned and kissed Tony before quickly leaving the room. Tony stood there in stunned confusion.
Loki found Thor in the backyard with the others. Steve had the barbeque grill going and he looked up in excitement when he saw Loki,
"Loki! You're out of bed! Is everything ok?" he asked. Loki nodded enthusiastically,
"Yes. Don't worry about it." He walked past Steve and over to Thor who was setting up the picnic table and chairs. Thor was shirtless, and Loki realized with a giggle that that was probably for Steve's entertainment.
"Brother, I have a favor to ask of you." Loki told him, Thor looked up with interest,
"Of course!" he said. Loki leaned closer to him and spoke quietly,
"I need you to go to Asgard. Find Idunn. She owes me a debt and I'm calling for it to be repaid." He explained. Thor looked a little wary,
"Alright…" his voice held obvious suspicion, "And what is it that I am to retrieve from her?" he asked. Loki cupped his hand over Thor's ear and whispered to him. Thor gave Loki a look,
"Loki…you can't just…" he started but Loki waved a hand and started walking away.
"I can do whatever I want, and besides…" He turned his big puppy dog green eyes to Thor while gently rubbing his belly, "It's for the baby. Please, dear Brother?" Thor snorted,
"Aye. I'll return shortly." He promised as he pulled his shirt on and went to retrieve Mjölnir from his room. Steve looked at him curiously as he was walking by,
"Manipulative little shit…" Thor was mumbling as he went into the house.