He hopes this little performance is it. The last of Gavin and Ally. It doesn't even flow right. Pfft. Austin and Ally flows off the tongue. Austin and Ally. AUSTIN and Ally. Austin and ALLY. AustinandAlly. See? It works. He shakes his head slightly to get rid of the thoughts as he sees Ally hovering near the stage when Kimmy introduces them.
Being in love is so dumb, he thinks. One second you think, "wow, she looks nice," and the next you think, "she's so gorgeous I could die right now and it's be okay because she was the last thing I saw". Austin's definitely having an out of body experience when he sees her laugh quietly next to Gavin. She leans forward and her hands cover her cheeks. She turns slightly away from the audience so not to disturb Kimmy's rant about Chuck and Dez's failure.
He sighs audibly, and he's lucky Kimmy prides herself on being perky, because the "smile" she gives him looks like she'd happily murder him if he got too close for sighing at all. He steps back and looks away, slightly terrified. Ally turns back and smiles at him, then at Trish, and he almost strides over and kisses her right then and there, in front of everyone, in front of Gavin, he doesn't care, but he doesn't because he cares about her, and she'd be so mad at making a scene.
I'm an idiot, he thinks.
"Yeah, you are," Trish agrees, staring at the band.
He looks over, startled. "You heard that?"
"Mhm," she murmurs.
He steps away a little as the couple step on stage. She looks stunning in the sequence top and she looks sosososo happy, and that pisses him off. She deserves to be happy. He knows this but it pisses him off anyway, because he wants to make her happy. He wants to write songs with her and for her, bring her non-fat-chai-tea-double-whipped-whatever the fuck she wants and he wants to kiss her and hug her and be the one she wants. He wants to be able to love her without complicating things.
The music to the new song they wrote kicks off and immediately a smile appears on her face and he really regrets not appreciating her enough. And the second she opens her mouth? Everything stops. He hates the whole sentiment of being in love and all the cheesy extra things like feeling incomplete and seeing things in grey and all that shit and especially the time stopping thing but he guesses they say these things (whoever "they" are, probably the same people who decided it would be a good idea to have a West Virginia when there's already a Virginia - he thinks?) because people who have had the bad luck of being in love actually liked the codependent, yearning feeling that doesn't go away unless you're with the person. He's rambling. Well actually he isn't, he's thinking. But thoughts like his get jumbled up and tangled like his words and he sounds like a tool when he speaks so he doesn't.
He pretends to enjoy the song as it finishes, though he wishes it was him singing with her. She steps down and hugs Gavin and stops to talk to a couple girls when he walks away to talk to Trish (even though he doesn't like him, he prays for him because he knows she's about to harass him about managing him). Austin hurries over after a moment and stops in front of Ally.
"Ally," he says cheerily. "You guys were awesome up there."
"Thanks, Austin," she smiles. "I'm glad you liked it. Hey there's something I want to tell you."
"Oh me too," he replies quickly.
"Eh, um, you go first," they say together. "No, you go first."
She waves her hands and laughs. "Ok, you go first."
He considers letting her go first, but screw it. He takes a deep breath. "Ally, I know there's a time and place for this stuff, and the school gym at a pep rally for the football team isn't it, but here goes: seeing you with Gavin, it... It messed me up. I was jealous. God knows I get jealous easily. But never over things that don't matter. More often than not, it's over you, and you matter. You matter SO much to me. And I know that this might not change anything, but Ally, I still love you. I don't know how to prove it, but I do. I'll stand up right there on that stage and scream it if you want, but I love you so much it hurts me. I just wanted you to know that." He shuffles his feet as she processes what he just said.
She opens her mouth to talk a few times but says nothing. At one point, she looks over at Gavin and smiles awkwardly at him and turns back. She closes her eyes and breathes through her nose and he's scared she's going to flee like a rabbit in danger but she doesn't.
"Austin," she says finally. "I agreed to go on a date with him." She fiddles with her fingers.
"Oh," he frowns.
"Yeah. We decided not to write together anymore so we could. I... I just... I thought what we had was over. Remember the whole Chelsea thing? I though we moved on."
"So did I," he whispers brokenly. "But I'm not. Maybe I never was over you." She says nothing. "I'm sorry. He turns to leave.
"Good," she yells to him. He turns to look at her, confused. "It's good. That you never. Got over me." She steps a little closer but not enough to draw attention. "I was never over you."
"Really?" he exclaims.
"Really. But Austin, here's the thing. It isn't wrong of me to like Gavin. He liked my jokes, remembered my Starbucks order, he even likes pickles. He never made me feel like I was weird or wrong to like the things I do. You do. And it sucks sometimes. I expect it from Trish. I've know her for 12 years. Dez... Well honestly I don't know what I expect from Dez either. I mean, it's Dez. But I expected more from you, Austin. You're my best friend. You're supposed to pick me up when I'm down, and trust me and act like a friend. And you do, I'm not trying to belittle the stuff you do for me, but the fact is you DO tell me I'm weird and that I write in minor keys too much and stuff like that and maybe I am and I do but it's who I am. Gavin accepted me for that." She takes his hand. "I love you so much Austin. I always have. Rightly or wrongly, I do. And I want to be with you more than anything. I just don't know if now's the time."
He wishes he could die right there, because he never realized he was that way, but he's determined to smarten up, for the sake of Ally, their friendship and whatever could one day be a relationship. "I'm so sorry, Als. I honestly didn't know what I said affected you as much as it did. Pickles are cool, I'll eat a whole jar some day, just for you. And yeah, you are weird but I meant in the best way. I never ever EVER meant to hurt you. You mean more to me than my music, pancakes, my pride. You need to trust me that there is NOTHING more important to me than you. Remember? There's no way I can make it without you."
"Do it without you," she smiles.
"Be here without you. Not a chance I can do this alone. I love you so much, Ally. I always have."
She smiles again and tears brim in her eyes and she hugs him tightly. "I'm going to talk to Gavin," she whispers. He squeezes her in response and grins from ear to ear.
She steps away as Gavin shows up and he grins. "Hey, Austin, how are you?"
"Good," Austin says humbly.
Ally smiles and takes Gavin's arm. "Can we talk?" she asks.
"Sure," he replies, and they walk away.
Trish runs up then. "Hey," she greets.
"Ally and I are getting-" he begins.
"Great," she interrupts him. "Did Gavin mention anything about me managing him?" He rolls his eyes and walks away, Trish trailing behind. "Yes or no? Hello?"