Remember Me?

by paulmcuk

Everyone has skeletons in their closet. Usually that's where they stay. But a figure from Natalie's past brings her's out into the open. How will her friends react? Will they support her, or will they judge her?

"Dana?"

"Yes Natalie?"

"The new editing machine still isn't working."

"I know that."

"Dana?"

"Yes Natalie?"

"Why isn't the new editing machine working? I told you about it three days ago."

"You did. And I told Kim. And Kim told the supplier. Whether the supplier told anyone I do not know."

"Jeremy can fix it."

"No he can't."

"He can." She turned and shouted. "Jeremy, you can fix the new editing machine can't you?"

"Yes I can" he replied.

"No you can't" said Dana.

"I can" insisted Jeremy, wandering over. "It just needs its tracking mount adjusted. It's a five minute job."

"I'm not doubting your technical ability Jeremy. But that machine is still under the supplier's warranty which would be invalidated if you so much as show it a screwdriver."

"Their warranty doesn't seem to be worth much anyway" observed Natalie.

"Maybe not. But the machine is. It was very expensive and I'm not going to risk ending up with a very expensive piece of junk because you couldn't wait for it to be repaired. Nobody, but nobody, is taking the back of that machine off."

"I get the message" said Natalie.

"What did that thing cost anyway?"

"Let's just say it's worth several of you."

"I bet it can't make the coffee."

"I believe they're working on it."

"I'm sure. So what are you going to do about it?"

"About the fact that it doesn't make coffee?"

"No. About the fact that it doesn't work at all."

Dana sighed. "I'll get Kim to call the supplier again."

"And what do I do in the meantime?"

"Use the old one."

"The old one?"

"Yes the old one. The one that was the new one up until a month ago when we got the new new one that currently doesn't work."

"I can't use that" said Natalie.

"Why not?"

"Because it's old and slow and awkward to use. The new one is better. It has gizmos."

"Of course the new one is better. That's because it's new. If it wasn't better we wouldn't have paid an awful lot of money for it and it's gizmos."

"Ok" said Natalie. "I'll use the old one."

"Thank you" said Dana. Then she spotted Kim. "Kim? Could you give them another call about the editing machine?"

"I already called them."

"You did? That showed uncommon initiative."

"Not really. Natalie asked me to."

Dana looked at her deputy who just shrugged. She turned back to Kim. "And what did they say?"

"Someone will be here this morning to fix it."

"Great." She looked back at Natalie. "Happy now?"

Natalie nodded. "Couldn't be happier."

"It's the tracking mount" said Jeremy.

"Yeah" said the man who had come to fix the editing machine.

"It just needs adjusting a little."

"That's what I'm doing."

"I would have done it myself but that would invalidate the warranty."

"It would" agreed the man. "Ok" he said. "All done."

"Great."

The man screwed the back panel back on. "You want to check it?" he asked.

Jeremy turned the machine on and checked it out. "Perfect" he said.

"We aim to please. Sign here."

He offered a clipboard and Jeremy signed the form where indicated to confirm the work had been carried out. "I'll show you out" he said. Jeremy led the way out of the editing suite but, once outside, the man stopped dead.

"Problem?" asked Jeremy.

"Not a problem" said the man, "a question."

He pointed. "Who's that girl?" Jeremy looked.

"That's Natalie."

"Natalie HURLEY?"

"Er yeah. Do you know her?"

"I used to, years ago. Back when she was in college."

"Oh, right." Jeremy desperately wanted to ask just how well he had known her.

"Hey, look, I'm just going to go over and say hi" said the man heading off in Natalie's direction.

"Sure" said Jeremy following.

Natalie was just returning to her desk with a mug of coffee when she heard someone say her name. She looked up and saw an unfamiliar man.

"Remember me?" he said.

She looked at him for a moment before recognition dawned. She dropped her mug on the floor and stood there staring.

"I see you do."

Natalie found her voice. "Austin?"

"It's me. It's been a long time Natalie. Too long."

"But....how....?"

"I came to fix the editing machine. Small world huh?"

Natalie became aware that she was the focus of attention. Everyone had heard the crash as she dropped her mug. "Look Austin, let's go somewhere private."

"Sure."

She led him to the conference room. "Wait there, I'll be in in a minute."

"I'll be waiting."

Natalie rushed back to her desk to find an expectant group waiting. She ignored them. "Kim? Could you call someone to get that cleared up?"

"Sure Natalie."

"And if anyone wants me....well just tell them I'm busy." She headed back to the conference room. Jeremy pursued her.

"Natalie, wait." He reached her and grabbed her arm. "Who is that guy?"

"Nobody."

"Nobody? You don't act like this over nobody."

"Not now Jeremy."

"Just tell me who he is, details can come later."

"Ok, you want to know? His name is Austin Healey." She took a deep breath. "And he's my ex-husband."

Jeremy was stunned. "Did you say husband?"

"I said ex."

"Husband?"

"EX! Look, I'll talk to you later." She hurried off and left him standing there.

A few moments later Dan strolled by. "Hey Jeremy" he said. "Who's that guy with Natalie?"

"Her husband."

"What!"

"Ex. Apparently."

"You're kidding."

"I wish I were."

"I never knew she..."

Jeremy shook his head. "Me neither."

"Oh my God. What does he want?"

"I wish I knew Dan. I wish I knew."

Natalie found Austin sitting in one of the chairs that lined the edge of the conference room. She remained standing. "Hi" he said as she entered.

"Hi."

"Comfortable chairs."

"We like them."

"Any chance of a coffee?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Come on Natalie, there's no need to be like that."

"Isn't there?"

"No. Come and sit down."

"I prefer to stand."

"Look, I know things didn't work out between us but..."

"Didn't work out! You call what happened 'not working out'!"

"Ok, ok. You're right. I was....bad...to you."

"That's putting it mildly Austin."

"But can't we put that behind us?"

"I have put it behind me. I've put YOU behind me."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Well how did you mean it?"

"I mean......I mean I want you to be part of my life again."

"What! Ten minutes ago you didn't know if I was alive or dead. And now you want to get back together?""

"I never stopped loving you Natalie."

"Love? You don't know the meaning of the word."

"I do. I know I didn't show it but I really did love you."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Come on Natalie. We had some good times."

She laughed. "Did we?"

"Yes we did. You wouldn't have married me if we didn't."

"Austin I married you for security as much as anything. I was young and vulnerable and my life was a mess."

"That's right" said Austin leaping on her words. "You're life was a mess. And who helped you through it? Me."

Natalie was angry. "How dare you say that. You pretended to help me through it so that I would become dependent on you. Before you're real motives came out."

"It wasn't like that Natalie I swear. I loved you. I know I screwed up but I really did love you. And I still do."

"No you don't."

"I do. Give me a chance and I'll prove it."

Natalie shook her head. "There's no way Austin. I'm not a scared little girl anymore. The guys I date treat me with respect, or they don't date me at all."

"I WOULD treat you with respect" insisted Austin.

"Well that would be a first."

"I've changed Natalie. I promise you. I would never treat you badly again."

"You're not going to get the chance. I have a life Austin. And that life includes a boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?"

"Yes boyfriend. You didn't turn me off men for life Austin. And even if I didn't have a boyfriend, hell would freeze over before I let you get close to me again." Austin was silent. "I hope I've made myself clear."

He looked at her, and she didn't like the look. "Oh you've made yourself clear Natalie. Crystal clear. You think you're too good for me."

"What?"

"Oh yeah. I was fine when you were broke and a mess. But now you work in a nice shiny building and have a nice shiny boyfriend and you don't want to look at the likes of me anymore."

"Don't be stupid Austin."

He nodded. "Stupid, that's me. Stupid for caring about you all these years."

"I didn't mean that Austin."

He stood up. "Well I'm not going to let you just walk all over me like that."

Natalie backed off. "You touch me and..."

He smirked. "I'm not going to hit you Natalie. I'm not THAT stupid. No I've got a much better way of hurting you than that." She frowned, unsure of what he meant. "All those people out there" he said. "Friends of yours right?" Natalie nodded. "Know you well do they?" Natalie didn't reply. "Well, whatever. I bet there's one thing they don't know about you, isn't there? One thing you wouldn't want to tell?"

Realisation dawned on Natalie. She shook her head. "No. You can't."

"Oh but I can Natalie, I can. And I'm going to."

"Austin, please don't." "

It's too late for that Natalie. You had your chance." He moved to the door. Natalie blocked his way but he grabbed her and threw her aside. He opened the door.

All heads turned as Austin stormed out of the conference room with Natalie in pursuit. "Austin!" she called after him but he ignored her.

"Ok folks, gather round" he yelled. "I have an announcement to make."

"Don't Austin" she pleaded in vain.

"Natalie here obviously thinks she's too good for me so I thought I'd let all her friends know just what kind of woman she is."

"Austin will you please stop. Come back inside and we'll talk."

"I already said what I wanted to say, and you threw it back in my face. You hurt me, now I hurt you. That's how it works."

"Natalie what's..." began Dana but Austin shouted over her.

"Do you all want to know what Little Miss Perfect over there is? Do you?"

"Austin PLEASE!" Natalie was crying now.

"Shut up bitch!"

"Hey" said Jeremy taking a step forward. "Don't you dare call her that."

Austin looked at him. "I guess you must be the boyfriend." He smiled. "Well listen up boyfriend 'cos I've got something to tell you." He pointed at Natalie. "Your girlfriend is nothing but a whore. A hooker. That's how she used to make her money. Isn't that right Natalie? Go on, tell him. Tell him about all those guys you screwed for cash."

Natalie, now crying uncontrollably, just turned and ran, pushing people aside to get away from their stares. Dana was the first to react and set off after her calling her name. Jeremy just stood in stunned silence.

"Yeah, that's right" said Austin enjoying his triumph. "A filthy little whore. What do you have to say about that?"

"Just this" said Dan. He walked over to Austin, drew back his fist, and hit him. Austin went down like a sack of potatoes and lay on the floor, out cold.

"Good shot" muttered Casey. "

Let me know when he wakes up" said Dan. "I haven't finished yet."

Dan didn't get another shot at Austin. Security was called and he was removed from the building. Dana reappeared shortly afterwards. "How is she" asked several voices at once. "Crying" said Dana simply. "I tried to get her to talk but she wouldn't listen."

"Where is she now?" asked Jeremy in a strange voice.

"She's gone home."

"Home?" said Dan. "You just let her go in the state she was in?"

"I couldn't stop her Dan. And she wouldn't let me go with her."

"I'll go over" he said.

"No Dan. She told me that she doesn't want to see anyone right now, or talk to anyone. No visits, no phone calls."

"You agreed to that?"

"It wasn't up for discussion Dan. That's what she said. And I have to say that in her position I'm not sure I would want to see anyone either."

"I'm still going over."

"She said no."

Dan shook his head. "I don't care, I'm still going." He went and picked up his jacket. "I probably won't be back" he said, "you'll have to get someone to fill in for me tonight."

As Natalie reached home she saw a figure sitting on the steps outside. He looked up as she approached and they looked at each other in silence for a few moments. Finally he spoke, smiling as he did so. "Looking for business?"

She stared at him for a moment before breaking into a brief grin. "If anyone but you had said that Dan."

"Hey, I'm not anyone."

"True. What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you. You took your time."

"I went for a walk."

"I understand. But you're here now, shall we go in?"

"Dan, I told Dana that I didn't want to see anyone."

"I know, she told me."

"And yet here you are."

"You didn't mean me."

"Didn't I?"

"No. Like I said, I'm not anyone."

She shrugged. "Ok, I'm too tired to argue. Come on up, but don't expect any scintillating conversation."

"Coffee?" she said when they got inside. It was more a way of delaying the inevitable interrogation than a demonstration of hospitality.

"Please" said Dan. She disappeared into the kitchen and Dan mooched around picking up ornaments he'd picked up before, and looking at photographs he'd looked at before. Suddenly there was a crash from the kitchen. Dan hurried in to find Natalie looking at the remains of a coffee mug that were scattered over the floor.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

She looked blankly at him. "I dropped the mug" she said simply. And as she looked at him she began to cry, silent tears rolling gently down her cheeks. Dan didn't waste time with words. He simply walked over and hugged her tightly. She returned the hug, holding on to him as though her life depended on it.

"Thanks" said Natalie as Dan handed her her drink. After she had calmed down, he had sent her away while he fixed the coffee.

"I cleaned up the mess" he said.

"Thanks for that as well."

"No problem." He sat down in a chair while she was sat on the couch.

"So what happened after I left" asked Natalie.

"Not much" said Dan. "I hit Austin."

"Really? Was it hard?"

"Laid him out cold."

"Thanks Dan."

"Any time. He's just lucky they took him away before he came round."

She took a sip of her coffee. "What was everybody saying about me?"

"They weren't saying anything Natalie."

"I bet."

"No really. Stunned silence was the best way to describe it. Then Dana started shouting at people that we had a show to produce and everyone got on with their work."

"They'll be talking" said Natalie.

Dan shrugged. "I guess it's inevitable."

"What about Jeremy?"

"What about him?"

"Oh come on Dan. What did he say, what did he do?"

"I really don't know Natalie. I left pretty soon after you did. He was the most stunned of all of us, which is understandable considering you're his girlfriend. Plus he also had to cope with the fact that you've been married."

"I guess" said Natalie.

"When I left he was being looked after by Dana and Casey. It's anyone's guess whether he'll survive that." His little joke failed to bring the hoped for smile. "Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked.

Natalie shrugged. "You were there. I think Austin said it all don't you?"

"No I don't. I think there's a lot more to tell."

"You want me to tell you it isn't true?"

"Only if it isn't."

"Well I can't, because it is true."

"I guessed as much. But you could give me your version of events."

"My version? Will that make it any better?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because then I hear it from you. Not from a foul-mouthed, spiteful creep like Austin."

"He wasn't lying Dan."

"Doesn't stop him being a foul-mouthed, spiteful creep."

She smiled. "That's true."

"So come on, tell me. I don't want to judge you Natalie; I just want to help you. And I can't do that if I don't understand."

Natalie took a deep breath. "I slept with men for money" she said simply. "I had my reasons at the time but it doesn't change the fact that I did it."

"What were the reasons?"

"I needed the money. I was at college and doing ok. Then my Dad got sick. Cancer. He'd been in pain for a long time but kept it hidden. So it was late when they caught it. He needed treatment. A lot of it. They gave him the works, chemo, radiation, surgery."

"But he came through" said Dan.

"I've met your Dad so I know he came through."

Natalie nodded. "He came through. But treatment like that doesn't come cheap."

"No insurance?"

She shook her head. "The business was doing really bad. Dad never let on to me or Mom but we were just about broke. Something had to give so he stopped the payments on his health insurance, among other things."

"So there was no money for the treatment."

"That's about it. The house was mortgaged, the business was mortgaged, we had nothing much of value we could sell."

"So that's when you...?"

Natalie gave a bitter laugh. "Not quite. Believe it or not, going on the game was not the first thought that entered my head."

"Sorry."

"Don't worry. I'll get to the juicy bits soon enough."

"Natalie, don't."

"Sorry Dan, I don't mean anything by it." She shook herself. "Anyway, the first thing to go was my college fund. It was one of the things Dad had refused to touch when he hit trouble, but it was the only ready money we had available. I also sold my car, which wasn't worth much anyway." She sipped her coffee. "But it wasn't enough. Dad still needed treatment and the business was going under without him there to run it. We were in danger of losing the house."

"What did you do?"

"The only thing I could. I took out a loan. A big loan. Mom's credit was linked to Dad's, and with the state the business was in nobody was about to lend her any money. So it was down to me. Trouble was I had no credit rating at all."

"Loan shark?" said Dan.

"Got it in one. I figured I could get a job to pay it off but nothing I could find paid half what I needed to keep me in college and pay off the debts. Even if I'd quit college and worked full-time I would have struggled to pay it off. And I didn't want to quit college Dan. I had to keep studying, it was the only way I could achieve what I wanted in life."

"So..." prompted Dan.

"So, I knew this girl. She was at college too. Cheryl Bannerman was her name." Natalie paused before continuing. "Anyway, she was paying her way through college by working for an escort agency. Outwardly it was legit; the girls were escorts and nothing more. All they did was provide dancing and light conversation. Anything else that happened was a private arrangement between the girl and her 'date'." She laughed bitterly. "The trouble was, you had to pay the agency an 'arrangement fee' for every date."

"Let me guess" said Dan. "This fee was pretty high right?"

"Very high. Basically, you would earn about ten dollars a date. So the only way to make a living was to charge for 'extras'."

"So it was this Cheryl that got you started?"

"Oh I'm not blaming her. She knew the hole I was in because I was forever crying on her shoulder. She told me a way out, even if it wasn't a nice way."

"And what was...I mean what did..."

Natalie smiled. "Spit it out Dan. What was it like? What did I do?"

"I'm sorry" said Dan. "You don't have to tell me."

"It's ok" said Natalie. "I've told you this much. You might as well know the rest." She took a deep breath. "The first one was terrifying. Luckily for me the guy was....ok. He could see I was nervous and was....kind I guess."

"He still did it" observed Dan.

"True. But someone had to be the first. If he'd sent me away the next one might not have been so understanding. Anyway, after that it got a little easier. Cheryl taught me how to switch off my mind and detach myself from what was happening. But I hated it. I hated every minute."

"How long did you, you know, do that....work."

Natalie laughed in spite of herself. "Dan you're priceless. You're so tactful it's unreal."

"I'm just trying to...well I don't know what I'm trying to do, but I think I should do it anyway."

"Keep it up Dan." She snorted. "That's what I used to tell my customers."

"That's not funny."

"I know. It's gallows humour I guess. In some situations if you don't laugh, you'll cry."

"I guess so."

"Anyway, to answer your question, I worked at the agency for about eight months. By then I was able to pay off my debts and get a job waitressing that just about paid enough to keep me in college."

"Eight months" mused Dan.

"You must have...earned...quite a lot."

"Oh it paid well" said Natalie. "This wasn't street-walking. This was high- class stuff. Businessmen, professional guys. These clients didn't just want sex. They wanted to pretend it was a real date, and were prepared to pay. That's why they had a lot of college girls on the books. You had to be able to hold down a conversation through dinner, and appreciate the theatre or whatever else they lined up before they took you back to their hotel room to fuck you." Dan winced at the harsh word and Natalie noticed. "Sorry Dan" she said. "But it wasn't like 'Pretty Woman' you know. For all the nice restaurants, and operas and whatever else, I was still just selling my body for sex."

"I guess it's difficult for a man to really understand what it was like" said Dan.

"I expect it is" said Natalie.

"The men" said Dan. "How did they treat you?"

Natalie shrugged. "It varied. I looked young for my age so I guess I got more than my fair share of weirdos. Those ones treated me like a little girl, which was a bit creepy. A few were nasty but I never got beat up or anything. That happens a lot to those poor girls on the streets." She took a breath. "Like I say, most of them pretended we were on a real date and so were usually ok. I even had a few regulars. But it didn't stop me hating it." She suddenly smiled. "Except for Clarence."

"Clarence?"

"Clarence was my last client. He was really sweet, more nervous than I was on my first time. Anyway he spared no expense, the best of everything. Treated me like a princess. I wasn't attracted to him but I soon knew that this would be one of the better ones. That I wouldn't feel quite so dirty afterwards."

"What happened?" asked Dan.

"We got back to his hotel room and I started to undress as usual. Then he stopped me."

"Why?"

"He said he couldn't go through with it. Said he didn't expect me to be so nice and that he would hate himself if he used me in that way. He said how I shouldn't be doing this, that I was so much better than that."

"He was right" said Dan. "What then?"

"I told him he was sweet but I needed the money. Then he said he would pay me anyway."

"And did he?" Natalie nodded. "He did. I went to use the bathroom before I left and when I came out he gave me an envelope with my name on it. Then he kissed me on the cheek, thanked me for being such a nice companion and saw me out of the door."

"Well I can see how you would think fondly of him" said Dan. "He did the decent thing, in the end."

"That's not the half of it" said Natalie. "When I got home I opened the envelope. Inside there was a check for ten thousand dollars."

"Jesus."

"I know. And there was a note in which he begged me to use the money to get out of the escort business."

"Nice one Clarence" said Dan.

"If it wasn't for that ten thousand I would have had to carry on for another six months or more. And if I had carried on I might have ended up like poor Cheryl." Dan wondered what she meant but decided not to ask. "He saved me. And I was never able to say thank you."

"Did you ever think of tracking him down?"

"I thought about it. But I can't even remember his last name. It was on the check of course but I cashed that pretty quick. It's a shame he'll never know."

"He can probably guess" said Dan. "He must have seen something inside you to give you that money, something he trusted."

"I hope so."

They fell silent for a moment. Then a thought struck Dan. "Did your parents know?"

"No. I never told them."

"Didn't they wonder how you got the money?"

"I told them I had a job that paid well, which I guess was true. I also told them I had some savings, which wasn't. And I made out that my car was worth about ten times more than it really was. It's not hard to lie Dan, not once you get into the habit."

They had been silent for a while. Her confession seemed to have exhausted Natalie and Dan had made some more coffee. "Do you mind if I ask you something Natalie?"

"I've pretty much bared my soul Dan. I doubt there's much you could ask that can beat what I've already told you."

"Ok. Where does Austin fit into all this?"

Natalie whistled. "Well that runs it close."

"You don't have to answer."

"It's ok." She took a deep breath. "We started dating shortly after I got out of the business. He knew what I'd been doing - it was like an open secret around college which girls were escorting, which ones were stripping, that sort of thing - and he said he didn't care. Anyway he seemed like just what I needed. He was charming, in his way, and I was able to do what every other girl I knew did. Just go on dates and have fun. Concerts, movies, just normal life."

"So when did you get married?"

"Two months later." She saw the look on his face. "I know, I know. Way too soon. But I was feeling really vulnerable when we met. The escort work had left my self-esteem in the toilet. Austin seemed like a rock for me to hold on to, so I did."

"What went wrong?" asked Dan. "Was it just that it was too soon, or that you were too young?"

Natalie shook her head. "Oh no. Nothing that simple for Natalie. No, Austin changed, almost as soon as the service was over. He got moody, started drinking, he was like a different person."

"Did he hit you?"

She nodded. "Once or twice. Any other time in my life I wouldn't have stood for it but I valued myself so lowly at the time I just sort of accepted it. Then it got worse."

"What do you mean?"

"Austin suddenly started making weird sexual demands."

"Dare I ask?" said Dan.

"I'll give you a few of the less weird examples. Threesomes with his ex- girlfriend, making videos of ourselves, him watching me with other guys."

"Those are the less weird ones?"

"Oh yeah. I tried refusing but he became more and more insistent. Then one day I got home to find him setting up a camera in our bedroom with three guys I'd never seen before."

"What the hell happened?" said Dan.

"He told me he wanted to make a movie of me with those three guys. So I told him no way. Then he grabs me and throws me on the bed saying that he'd married a whore and he was damn well going to make some money out of me."

Dan stood up. "I'm going to break the bastard's neck. I should've done it earlier."

Natalie got up and took his arm. "Don't Dan, please, I don't need you going off like this."

"But look what he did to you. Made you...." He couldn't say it "....with those men."

"No he didn't Dan. He tried but he failed. One of the guys said he wasn't in the business of raping anyone and made Austin get off me. Then I just ran and ran and never looked back."

Dan calmed down a little. "Are you sure?"

"Sure I'm sure. I never saw him after that, I heard he panicked and left town in case I went to the cops. Then as soon as I could, I divorced him."

"And that was that?"

"That was that. The next time I saw him was this morning when he sweetly asked if I wanted to get together again."

"The bastard."

"He did tell me he'd changed but somehow I don't think he has."

"The bastard."

"You really have to learn some new insults Dan. You're wearing that one out."

"Are you going into work tomorrow?" asked Dan a little while later. "I can talk to Dana for you if you need to take a few days out."

"I'm not going in" she said. "Not tomorrow, not ever."

"What?"

"I'm not going back Dan. I can't."

"Don't be stupid Natalie. You can't just quit."

"Watch me."

"But why?"

"Did you miss something here Dan? By now the whole of CSC knows my sordid little secret and, excuse me, but I'd rather not work someplace where everybody is talking about me and laughing at me."

"It won't be like that."

"Won't it? Can you honestly say that Dan?"

Dan knew she might be right. "Maybe" he admitted. "Maybe, at first, SOME people might be like that. But not all, and not forever."

Natalie shook her head. "Don't kid yourself Dan. For as long as I'm there I'll be 'the one who used to be a hooker'. I'll be pointed out to every new guy that starts as being a good bet for an easy lay."

"No you won't" insisted Dan. "People know you're not like that."

"They used to know Dan. Things change. This will give me a reputation, deserved or not. And while a reputation is an easy thing to acquire, it's not so easy to shake off."

"Well, you'll just have to stick it out. Words can't hurt you."

"Don't you believe it Dan. Words can hurt more than the hardest blow. When they keep coming day after day, when your name is plastered across the men's room wall, when people whisper as you walk by. Physical pain is nothing compared to that."

"But...."

"I've decided Dan."

"Well you can just undecide. I'm not going to let you just walk away from everything."

"What's left for me to walk away from? "

"Everything. What about Jeremy for starters?"

Natalie sighed. "I'm not leaving New York Dan. I'll just get another job, I'm sure Dana will give me a good reference. Jeremy and I will still be together. Or not. I guess that's his decision."

"Do you think he'll turn you away?"

Natalie shrugged. "He's not here is he?"

"You said you didn't want to see anyone."

"I know. But it didn't stop you Dan, and I'm not even your girlfriend. Doesn't it seem a little odd that Jeremy is so keen to respect my privacy right now?"

"Maybe a little. But he'll come round."

"I wouldn't blame him if he didn't."

"Don't be silly Natalie. He just needs time."

She shook her head. "I don't know Dan. He's in the firing line. He's my boyfriend and in people's minds he's linked to me sexually. HE'S the one that people are going to laugh at for dating a hooker."

"He can take it" insisted Dan. "He loves you."

"Maybe" said Natalie. "But does he love me enough? Does he even love me at all anymore?"

"Of course he does."

She shrugged. "It doesn't change things either way. My relationship with Jeremy is not dependent on my working on Sports Night, or at CSC. He's no reason to stay."

"There are other reasons."

"Like what?"

"Well you seem to be forgetting a very important group of people."

Natalie looked at him. "You mean my friends."

"I mean your friends. I mean me and Dana and Casey and Isaac and I could name a dozen more without pausing for breath."

"I know I have good friends Dan."

"Then why don't you show a little faith in them Natalie? I can't speak for the whole building. I guess I can't even speak for everyone on Sports Night. But I can speak for most of them, and I know that they will support you as much as they can."

"Dan, my true friends will stay my friends, wherever I am."

"Your friends want to stay your friends at Sports Night."

"But I can't Dan. Maybe, and I mean maybe, I could cope with it if I knew everyone would be behind me like you say. But I can't be sure of everyone."

"You don't have to be sure of everyone. Just be sure of the ones you're sure of. The rest can go to hell."

"It's not that simple Dan. I know there are people that I should know I can always count on. But that's the hardest part of all."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, this has made me doubt my friends. What are they going to think of me, knowing that I've been lying to them all these years?"

"You haven't lied."

"As good as. And that's not the worst part. How can I look them in the face? Knowing that they know? How do I handle the shame?"

"Listen to me Natalie. There is absolutely no need for you to feel shame."

"Isn't there? So you think it's perfectly acceptable to be a whore?"

"Don't say that word."

"Why not? Others will. Whore, hooker, prostitute. It's all the same. And you can't tell me there's no shame in being one."

"Yes I can Natalie. I can say it because I know that it's not the women who are to blame, it's the men. If men like me didn't buy, the girls wouldn't be selling."

"Yeah, I've heard the argument before Dan but...." She realised what he had said. "Men like you?"

Dan nodded. "Yes Natalie. Men like me."

"You mean...?"

"I mean that I've paid for it. I've been with a prostitute." Natalie was momentarily surprised at his revelation. "Now you know how I felt" said Dan with a nervous grin.

"I had no idea" said Natalie.

"Of course you didn't. Very few people do."

"Oh, right. Well.....do you want to tell me about it?"

"Not really. But I will if it will help you understand why you've done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of."

"I can't promise that" said Natalie. "But you can try it."

Dan drew a deep breath. "There's not really much to tell. I was seventeen. Me and a few guys from high school had been out drinking. We were really pleased because nobody asked to see our fake IDs. We thought it was because we looked old enough. Looking back I guess it was because the bar owner didn't care as long as he sold beer." He paused. "Anyway, the talk got around to sex as always with high school boys. Who had, who hadn't, you know the type of thing. Of course we all said we had, though half of us were lying. So then someone, I forget who, suggested we pool our money and find a hooker. Beer and bravado did the rest and we all agreed." He took a drink from his coffee mug. "Well we found one. I never knew her name but she was maybe eighteen, maybe even less. We paid her thirty bucks. " He laughed without humour. "Six dollars a turn. Big bucks huh?" He swallowed. "I wish I could say that, when it came down to it, I passed. But I didn't. I took my turn, and I enjoyed it. I never gave a thought to how she felt."

"Dan..."

"So there you have it. My own story of shame." He didn't look her in the eye. "So what do you think of me now?"

"Think of you?"

"Yes, what do you think of me? Knowing I'm just the same as all those men who used you."

Natalie was shaking her head as she spoke. "You're not like them."

"Aren't I? Actually I'm worse. That poor girl didn't get a fancy meal and a bundle of cash out of it. She probably just got enough for her next fix."

"Dan, you were young and you were drunk."

"That's no excuse."

"It's an explanation. You were seventeen, stoked up on alcohol and egged on by your friends. If any of those factors were absent, you wouldn't have done it. You know you wouldn't. The fact that you still worry about it proves it."

"Maybe."

"Maybe, nothing. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe you have something to regret, but you don't have to be ashamed."

Dan looked her in the eye. "And neither do you Natalie. You did what you thought you had to do to help your family. No shame there."

Natalie stared at him for a moment. "Have I just been suckered in here?"

Dan smiled. "Maybe a little. I knew if I told you that story you would rush to reassure me, tell me I hadn't done anything wrong. And I knew that I could throw it right back at you."

Natalie smiled, then a thought struck her. "That story better not have been just....a story."

"It wasn't" said Dan. "Every word was true. And it really helped to talk about it after all this time. Especially to you."

"I'm glad."

"But it also served its purpose. You KNOW you've done nothing wrong Natalie. And if you've done nothing wrong, there's no need for you to run away."

Natalie looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I know what you're saying is true Dan. If it were someone else I'd tell them the same thing." She sobbed. "But I'm SCARED Dan. I'm scared. I don't know if I'm strong enough to take all the crap that I'm going to get from this."

Dan took her in his arms and held her tightly. "You're strong enough Natalie. And whenever you weaken I'll be right there to help you through. I won't let you down."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"I warn you" said Dan. "I'm no gourmet chef." He was busying himself in Natalie's kitchen attempting to put together a meal.

"I'm sure it will be delicious" she said. "Whatever it is" she added with a smile.

Dan grinned. "You seem to be getting back on form."

She shrugged. "Not really. I'm ok here, behind the walls of my own home, with someone I know I can trust. But out there? That will be a different thing."

"You'll make it" said Dan. "I know you will."

Natalie laughed. "Will you stop with the pep talks Dan. You've convinced me ok? I'm not going to run away from this."

"Ok. No more pep talks."

"Good."

"Unless I really think you need one."

She smiled. "You mean like when I have to eat your cooking?"

Dan pretended to be offended. "Well if that's your attitude I'll give it to the dog."

"Careful Dan. There's laws against animal cruelty."

"Well you can either eat it or wear it."

She pretended to consider. "Hmmm. I'll decide when it's finished. I think I may have a blouse that matches." She ducked outside the door as he threw an empty food packet at her. She poked her head back round the door. "Will you be ok while I go take a shower?"

"Sure" said Dan.

"Although I can't vouch for the safety of your kitchen."

As Natalie was about to enter the shower, she realised that she was out of shower gel. Actually she had been out for four days now but had somehow managed to squeeze enough out of the bottle. It wouldn't work anymore though; she needed a new bottle. And the new bottle was in the kitchen. Sighing, she donned her robe and went to fetch it. As she passed by the livingroom door she heard Dan's voice. He was obviously on the phone.

"Jeremy? It's Dan."

"I'm just calling to ask you why the hell you aren't here."

"Natalie's, where do you think?"

"Yes I'm still here."

"Why do you think? Because she needed me. What I want to know is why YOU'RE not here."

"YOU'RE confused and upset. How do you think she feels?"

"Of course she is. And you should be here to support her."

"Because you're her boyfriend."

"What do you mean you're not sure?"

"I know all that but if you love her then..."

"Don't say that Jeremy."

"Jeremy, don't be a fool."

"Yes I think you're a fool. If you walk away from her you're the biggest fool I've ever met."

"I know Jeremy. I heard him, I was there. But I've also heard Natalie's side of the story. And don't you think you should too before you make a decision like that?"

"No, she didn't deny it."

"Don't be a jerk Jeremy. Natalie's the best thing that ever happened to you."

"Yes, even after this. All that happened a very long time ago. Natalie hasn't changed. She's still the woman you fell in love with."

"Well you're going to listen to me Jeremy. If you don't listen now, I'll damn well make you listen tomorrow. Natalie is the best there is. She's beautiful, charming, smart, funny, caring. She's got it all. The fact that she chooses to be with you makes you the luckiest man alive. And if you throw it all away because a mistake she made before you met, then you're the stupidest man alive. Just think about that." Dan slammed the phone down and breathed deeply to calm himself. Then he turned to go back to the kitchen and saw Natalie standing in the doorway. "Oh, hi. I was just making a quick call."

"I heard Dan."

"All of it?" She nodded. "Look, I'm sure he'll come round. He just needs a little time."

"Maybe."

"I'm sure of it."

She shrugged. "Maybe if he needs that much persuading he shouldn't bother."

Dan could think of nothing to say. "I'd better check the food" he said and headed for the kitchen.

"Dan?"

He turned. "Yes?"

"Did you mean it? All that you said?"

He nodded. "I meant it. You weren't meant to hear it, but I meant it."

She smiled. "Thanks Dan. It was good to hear something like that right now."

"It's getting late" said Natalie after they had eaten.

"It is" agreed Dan. "Are you going to bed?"

She nodded. "If you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind. You need your sleep, you've had a rough day."

"And I have an even rougher one to look forward to tomorrow."

"Do you want me to give to a pep talk?"

She laughed. "Not yet. Save it till tomorrow. I have a feeling I'll be needing it then."

"Actually I've been thinking about tomorrow" said Dan.

"What about it?"

"Well, how would it be if I rode in to work with you? So I could be there, you know, in case you needed me."

She smiled at him. "That's sweet Dan. Thanks, I'd really appreciate that."

"I'll be there" he said. "Now, where are your spare blankets?"

"Blankets? Why do want to know about blankets?"

"Because I'm staying here tonight and I need to make up a bed on the couch."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm staying here."

"Do you often invite yourself to stay the night in girls' apartments?"

"Only when they need me."

Natalie smiled. "Well thanks. But you don't have to do that Dan, I'll be ok."

"You probably will. But I'm staying anyway."

"Why?"

"Just in case."

"In case of what?"

"In case Austin shows up for one thing."

"He doesn't have my address."

"He could get it. It's easy these days. Natalie, when I hit Austin earlier I hit him real hard. And he's too much of a weasel to have the guts to come looking for me. He'll take it out on someone else, someone he knows he can beat. I'm not going to let him touch you."

"Oh."

"So I'm staying."

"Ok."

"Now are you going to tell me where the blankets are?"

"I'll get them." She went away and was back a few moments later with the blankets. She began making up a bed on the couch. "What was the other thing?" she asked.

"What other thing?"

"The other thing that made you decide you had to stay here."

"Oh that. That was a selfish reason."

"How so?"

"I just wanted to make sure you didn't change your mind and leave."

"How is that selfish?"

Dan shrugged. "I want you to stay. And if I have to sleep here every night to keep you here, then that's what I'll do. See how selfish I am?"

She smiled at him for a moment, then said, "Get over here Dan."

"Why?"

"So I can give you a big sloppy kiss."

Dan smiled. "Well, if you insist" he said and walked over to her embrace.

As she kissed him Natalie felt something from him that she had never felt before. Desire. Hidden, but there. In that moment she made a decision. She pulled away and looked at him. "I don't want you to sleep on my couch tonight Dan."

"I told you I'm staying Natalie."

"That's not what I mean" she said. "I want you to stay. Just not on the couch." She lowered her eyes. "Unless you'd rather."

Dan was taken by surprise. "You mean...?"

She nodded. "Yes. If you want to." Then she smiled nervously. "No charge."

Dan smiled at her joke, but was quickly serious again. "Natalie, I would like nothing better than to make love to you tonight. But you're very vulnerable right now and I don't want to take advantage of that."

"You won't be taking advantage" she said. "I promise."

"Are you sure?" She nodded. "I'm sure."

Dan said nothing more. He just took her hand and led her to the bedroom.

Their love-making was slow and gentle, almost lazy. They both knew that passion was not the reason for them sleeping together. It was comfort. Natalie's need for it, and Dan's desire to provide it.

"About last night" said Natalie over breakfast. It was the first reference that either had made.

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to say.....sorry."

Dan frowned. "Sorry? Why? You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I do Dan. I used you. I used you to prove to myself that my past hadn't made me untouchable. That I was still desirable to men. And I'm sorry for that."

Dan reached over and took her hand. "Natalie, don't you ever apologise about last night. Last night was wonderful, beautiful. I was honoured that you put that much faith in me. And even if it never happens again, it will always be special to me."

"Really?"

"Really Natalie."

And that was that. By unspoken agreement neither mentioned the future. Now was not the time to consider the consequences of the act. There were too many unknowns about the immediate future, not least of which was Jeremy, and there was no need for an added complication. Doris Day had it right, mused Natalie as she dressed for work. Que sera sera, whatever will be will be.

They rode in to work together as Dan had suggested. He could feel her getting more and more tense the closer they got to the station. As they left the subway and approached the building, Natalie was surprised to see a familiar figure hanging around outside. She stopped walking.

"What's wrong" asked Dan.

"I see Casey" she said nodding in his direction.

Dan looked. "Oh yeah. He's early today."

He looked at Natalie and saw the tension on her face. "Are you ok?"

She nodded. "I guess. It's just that I suddenly realise that I'm going to have to face him. And the others."

"You want me to go talk to him first?"

"No. I can't run away. We decided that last night."

They began walking again and, as they reached the building, Natalie felt Dan's hand take hold of hers. She squeezed back, grateful for the support. They stopped walking as they reached Casey.

"Hi Casey" she said.

"Hi Natalie."

"You're not usually here early enough to greet me."

"No, I'm not but, er....I wanted to be here today in case you needed.... you know, support or...anything." He indicated Dan. "But I see that you brought some with you."

Natalie smiled and walked over to him. "I'm going to need all that I can get." She gave him a big hug. "Thanks. You don't know how much it means to me."

"You did good Casey" said Dan.

"Hey" said Casey a little embarrassed. "I can't let you get away with pretending you're the nice one all the time."

"You're both nice" said Natalie smiling at her friends. The smile faded when something occurred to her. "Casey, did you notice if....."

"He's here" said Casey.

"He arrived about ten minutes ago."

"Did he say anything?"

"Not to me."

"What about Dana? Is she here?"

"She's here. She and Isaac want to see you when you arrive."

"Oh. Did she mention whether or not I still have a job?"

"Of course you do Natalie. They just want you to know that they support you."

"Well that makes four of you. But what about everyone else? What's the gossip Casey?"

He looked uncomfortable. "Some people have said some nasty things" he admitted. "But Dana is on the warpath. I don't think anyone on the show will give you any trouble, not overtly at least."

Natalie nodded. "Good old Dana." She smiled nervously. "Well, I guess I'd better get it over with."

"Hey" said Dan. "Don't forget you're not alone in there. We'll be with you."

"That's right" said Casey. "If anyone gives you a hard time, just tell us and we'll beat the crap out of them."

Natalie laughed. "I think you mean it too."

"Damn right. And after what Dan did to that creep yesterday I don't think anyone is going to want to mess with him."

"I heard how he defended my honour."

"That wasn't defence. That was very definitely offence."

Natalie laughed again.

"Are you ready?" asked Dan.

Natalie nodded. "Ready." She linked arms with the two men and the three of them marched into the building looking for all the world like Dorothy in the company of the Scarecrow and Tinman. Half way across the lobby Dan and Casey scooped her up between them and carried her laughing into the elevator.

THE END