Prologue-Stoned Hawke's TOTALLY Evil Plan
They say that he's the most evil man in the world. They say he lives in a castle so massively evil that even Resident Evil characters back away from its evilness. They say many things about him. However, they can rarely be trusted, as they lie about everything, especially about information. Unless that was a lie.
But in this case, they're correct, and in this massively evil castle, lives Stoned Hawke, the like, TOTALLY most evil dude ever. He is currently sitting in his evil chair in his bedroom, doing evil things.
His bedroom is an interior designer's nightmare, which is good, as Stoned Hawke is evil. First of all, the wallpaper is bright fluorescent pink. But it's not a girly pink. It's an evil pink. This pink wallpaper may have flowers and Barbie paintings on it, with slogans such as "Love everybody" and "Bless this mess," but it's still evil. Just a lighter and TOTALLY pinkier evil, Stoned Hawke assures us.
As for the items in his room, he has the head of a fabled warrior on top of his computer, a very evil thing to do. This fabled warrior went by the name of "G.I. Joe" until Stoned Hawke ripped his head off with his bare hands. Because he's evil. In the computer itself, there is various evil games, such as Solitare and The Sims, where Stoned Hawke delights in drowning, burning and experimenting his Sims in a variety of evil tests. Also, he has his various plans to take over the VG World. That's what he's working on just now. And unfortunately for VG World, this one's actually good. It's TOTALLY RADICAL, DUDE!!!
- - - - -
In the Green Hill Zone area of the Sonic Republic, all was peaceful. The bunny things were hopping, Sonic himself was zooming around the place as though the world was going to end, and Eggman was in court for crimes against humanity. He had one final trump card to play.
"Your honour, technically I'm the only human here, so I cannot be accused for crime against humanity!"
The judge, an old rat thing which looked like it should be dead, sighed. He was expecting that answer, and didn't have a comeback. He was only guilty of animal cruelty, which they were sure he was going to get nailed for. But then he got his lawyer...
"My name is Evil Crab Vader. My client is innocent, and if you don't believe me then..."
"Then what?"
"I WILL DESTROY YOU!!! RAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!"
The courtroom screamed, and Eggman walked free. The first thing he did as he stepped outside was, to prove that he was innocent, to eat one of the bunny things hopping around. Evil Crab Vader sighed. He was going to kill the author for this.
- - - - -
"HAWKE!!! I'M STONED!!!"
Hawke sighed as he chased after Stoned Sturm for the tenth time this week. 'Goddammit,' he thought. 'WHY ME!!!' Someone up there seemed to hear this as, all of a sudden, Stoned Sturm disappeared. Hawke stared for a second, before skipping all around the Black Hole HQ singing "He's gone, he's gone!"
Lash filmed it all, grinning. "I'm sending this in to 'Cosmo Land's most embarrassing COs! 25000G for me! Tee hee!"
- - - - -
Meanwhile, Stoned Hawke looked at his evil plan. Being evil, he had made many alliances with other evil people, and he phoned one up now.
"Hello Ganny!"
"Oh...it's you. What do you want?"
"Your evil help."
"I don't do that anymore. I decided that evil wasn't the way to go for a fulfilling life. So I've gone into the MOVIES!!!"
"...DUDE!!! Have movies even been invented yet?"
"Dunno, don't care! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Catcha later."
"Hello?"
As Ganondorf got off the phone, Zelda called through. "Ganny! We're playing Spin the Bottle now! Wanna play?"
'Ganny' clapped his hands gleefully. "That would be fantastic!"
Zelda winked slyly before walking back through. Ganny sighed. When would he tell her that he was actually...no, he'd never tell her. Ever.
- - - - -
In a cave in the Alara range mountains, a man was meditating. Every person in the world was afraid of him, and little did he know that he'd play an important part in the shaping of the world in the months and years to come. He was Sober Adder, and he was currently meditating to stop the bleeding, while whispering to himself, "Why did I have to go into the bar, why why why, did I have to look at that Budweiser...STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!"
At this, he took a whip and lashed himself four times on the back, a hard thing to do as he had cut off both his hands earlier. He had to use his teeth to hold the whip, then snap his head round so the whip would go round and whap him on the back. Every time he did that, the whip would go shooting out of his mouth, so he'd have to pick it up again with his teeth. And so the cycle continued. Sober Adder sighed. He needed someone to talk to, to pick things up for him, and so on. He went back to his meditating.
- - - - -
So there's the Prologue to Stoned Sturm. I hope you enjoy reading this, and hopefully you'll review it as well! Enjoy!
They say that he's the most evil man in the world. They say he lives in a castle so massively evil that even Resident Evil characters back away from its evilness. They say many things about him. However, they can rarely be trusted, as they lie about everything, especially about information. Unless that was a lie.
But in this case, they're correct, and in this massively evil castle, lives Stoned Hawke, the like, TOTALLY most evil dude ever. He is currently sitting in his evil chair in his bedroom, doing evil things.
His bedroom is an interior designer's nightmare, which is good, as Stoned Hawke is evil. First of all, the wallpaper is bright fluorescent pink. But it's not a girly pink. It's an evil pink. This pink wallpaper may have flowers and Barbie paintings on it, with slogans such as "Love everybody" and "Bless this mess," but it's still evil. Just a lighter and TOTALLY pinkier evil, Stoned Hawke assures us.
As for the items in his room, he has the head of a fabled warrior on top of his computer, a very evil thing to do. This fabled warrior went by the name of "G.I. Joe" until Stoned Hawke ripped his head off with his bare hands. Because he's evil. In the computer itself, there is various evil games, such as Solitare and The Sims, where Stoned Hawke delights in drowning, burning and experimenting his Sims in a variety of evil tests. Also, he has his various plans to take over the VG World. That's what he's working on just now. And unfortunately for VG World, this one's actually good. It's TOTALLY RADICAL, DUDE!!!
- - - - -
In the Green Hill Zone area of the Sonic Republic, all was peaceful. The bunny things were hopping, Sonic himself was zooming around the place as though the world was going to end, and Eggman was in court for crimes against humanity. He had one final trump card to play.
"Your honour, technically I'm the only human here, so I cannot be accused for crime against humanity!"
The judge, an old rat thing which looked like it should be dead, sighed. He was expecting that answer, and didn't have a comeback. He was only guilty of animal cruelty, which they were sure he was going to get nailed for. But then he got his lawyer...
"My name is Evil Crab Vader. My client is innocent, and if you don't believe me then..."
"Then what?"
"I WILL DESTROY YOU!!! RAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!"
The courtroom screamed, and Eggman walked free. The first thing he did as he stepped outside was, to prove that he was innocent, to eat one of the bunny things hopping around. Evil Crab Vader sighed. He was going to kill the author for this.
- - - - -
"HAWKE!!! I'M STONED!!!"
Hawke sighed as he chased after Stoned Sturm for the tenth time this week. 'Goddammit,' he thought. 'WHY ME!!!' Someone up there seemed to hear this as, all of a sudden, Stoned Sturm disappeared. Hawke stared for a second, before skipping all around the Black Hole HQ singing "He's gone, he's gone!"
Lash filmed it all, grinning. "I'm sending this in to 'Cosmo Land's most embarrassing COs! 25000G for me! Tee hee!"
- - - - -
Meanwhile, Stoned Hawke looked at his evil plan. Being evil, he had made many alliances with other evil people, and he phoned one up now.
"Hello Ganny!"
"Oh...it's you. What do you want?"
"Your evil help."
"I don't do that anymore. I decided that evil wasn't the way to go for a fulfilling life. So I've gone into the MOVIES!!!"
"...DUDE!!! Have movies even been invented yet?"
"Dunno, don't care! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Catcha later."
"Hello?"
As Ganondorf got off the phone, Zelda called through. "Ganny! We're playing Spin the Bottle now! Wanna play?"
'Ganny' clapped his hands gleefully. "That would be fantastic!"
Zelda winked slyly before walking back through. Ganny sighed. When would he tell her that he was actually...no, he'd never tell her. Ever.
- - - - -
In a cave in the Alara range mountains, a man was meditating. Every person in the world was afraid of him, and little did he know that he'd play an important part in the shaping of the world in the months and years to come. He was Sober Adder, and he was currently meditating to stop the bleeding, while whispering to himself, "Why did I have to go into the bar, why why why, did I have to look at that Budweiser...STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!"
At this, he took a whip and lashed himself four times on the back, a hard thing to do as he had cut off both his hands earlier. He had to use his teeth to hold the whip, then snap his head round so the whip would go round and whap him on the back. Every time he did that, the whip would go shooting out of his mouth, so he'd have to pick it up again with his teeth. And so the cycle continued. Sober Adder sighed. He needed someone to talk to, to pick things up for him, and so on. He went back to his meditating.
- - - - -
So there's the Prologue to Stoned Sturm. I hope you enjoy reading this, and hopefully you'll review it as well! Enjoy!