A/N: I'm an evil person. Don't hate me. Buuuut...Maybe you'll even love me because of all the angst. I don't know... :/
The tears that were streaming down on his face blurred her retreating back. He knows she's crying, too. Those final words that left her mouth were left hanging in the thick, tense air, still ringing in his ears. The look of hurt and disgust upon her face still burned in his mind. He wanted them to go away. He wanted to forget.
I'm leaving. Just run back to your little boyfriend, you fag!
His right hand formed a tight fist. His knuckles slowly losing their color. His hand almost feeling numb. He didn't really care. He already felt numb as soon as she threw the one thing that, for sure, he thought she would have forever. The one thing that symbolized their promise that they would be happy together. Her wedding ring. But that's all over now. He fucked up. Big time.
How could you? I'm your wife! How could just do that with him? You are disgusting. Fag.
Fag. Fag. Fag. He closed his eyes, trying to silence the constant shouts in his mind. But there was no use. That word couldn't seem to stop repeating itself in his mind. It was like a broken record that you could never repair.
He was frozen. Stuck solid. Still in the position she left him in. On his knees, on the floor (He still had no intention of moving). He tried begging her to come back, saying that everything he did was all a mistake. But, of course, she wouldn't have any of it. She left his pathetic, quivering body. Never looking back.
He felt numb. The tears were gone. The sobs diminished. He felt nothing. He didn't want to feel anything. Feeling would just mean more hurting, and of course, hurt was the last thing he wanted to feel. But you can't stop what was already there.
He felt confused. Of course, he did. How did she find out? That was one of the millions of questions running around in his head. He felt angry. He wanted to punch something. Scream at someone. Anything to release the rage that was boiling up inside him. All in all, as much as he didn't want to feel anywhere close to this, he still felt hurt. How could he not? His wife just left him. He would be crazy if he didn't have even a slight feeling of loss.
Hours passed. His knees already giving out. He sat heavily on the ground, feeling defeated. She would be long gone by now. He shook his head in disbelief. Why would he be caring about that anyway? She was the last thing he wanted on his mind.
But who was he kidding right now? Why was he even trying? In truth, he didn't even care about her anyway. He was having sex with his best friend behind her back for fuck's sake! That's far from normal. He felt disgusting. He was disgusting. He fucked everything up, but was he really the only one to blame?
After what seemed like forever, he got up, grabbed his car keys, and ran out to his car. He wanted to get away. He needed to get away. He started driving to the place that seemed so important to him until now. His face remained emotionless. The tears already stopped falling, you could see the shiny, wet tracks they left behind. There was only one thing that was on his mind.
Go to that fucker's house and punch the fuck out of him.
Time slowed down as took each step up the stairs to the apartment that once felt like a home, a safe haven. A place where he knew he would be loved. Now, it was nothing, a bitter reminder of what just happened.
He was at the door. One knock. Two knocks. Three knocks. Four. A muffled "Coming!" was heard. He could hear things being moved and a pair of heavy footsteps. The door swung open, revealing a blonde man about 6 feet tall, wearing the biggest smile a person could ever see.
"Hey, Nick!"
"Jeff," Nick said with an edge in his voice.
The coldness in the other boy's voice startled Jeff. Jeff's smile melted off his face and was quickly replaced by a frown. His eyes clouded with concern.
"Nick, are you okay?"
Nick almost melted from the look Jeff was giving him, but he remembered what he was here to do. And once again, everything seemed to be in slow motion. Like in every film when it has finally reached its climax. The part where it is most intense. But, you see, this isn't a movie. It's far from it, actually. It's reality. A reality Nick hated. Right when she found out. Right when she walked away. He hated everything that had to do with him. With a sudden charge of adrenaline, Nick balled up his fist, pulled back, and punched the blonde right on the jaw.
Jeff stumbled back from the sudden and unexpected force. Where did that come from? He was confused. Nick – his Nick – just punched him in the face. What the hell? Jeff didn't know what to think. He just stared at the brunette with wide eyes in confusion, cradling his jaw in his hand, waiting for an explanation.
"What the fuck, man? What did I do?"
Nick was furious. No, he was beyond furious. "What did you do? What did you do?"
Nick didn't even wait for an answer. The brunette's eyes were filled with pure rage. The emotion in Nick's eyes made Jeff cower back in fear. "You fucked up everything!"
Nick threw another punch but to Jeff's stomach. The force blew the wind out of the other boy. Clutching his stomach, the blonde collapsed in a crumpled heap onto ground. Jeff just laid there in silence, trembling, slowly backing himself towards the far wall. Nick's anger was reaching its limit, but there was no way the brunette was backing down. Not without a fight. But Jeff had no intention of fighting him back. He was too frightened to make a single move.
Nick let out a laugh. But this certainly was no laughing matter. It sounded more dark, more bitter. It was more like he was laughing at himself for acting so stupid. "She left me. My wife fucking left me. She found out. She found out about everything. She found out that we were fucking behind her back! I don't know how, but the only thing that I know for sure is that you fucked up the one thing that made me happy. You fucking douche bag, go suffer in hell."
Nick's voice cracked, but he certainly didn't give a damn. Tears prickled his eyes as he yelled at the blonde boy in front of him. But why was he crying? Wasn't it a good thing that he was letting this boy go? Nick didn't care about him anymore, so he shouldn't be crying over him. He doesn't care.
Jeff, however, was left in shock. The two blows he took drained out his energy. He couldn't speak, he couldn't move. He was afraid that if he did anything, it would result in another attack. His brown eyes blurred with a sudden wetness. The ground was beginning to go out of focus.
"I'm so sorry," Jeff whispered. Tears trailed down his face as he closed his eyes, waiting for the worst to happen. Like Nick was ever going to forgive him. If he did, it would be a miracle. No one could ever forgive him for doing this. Hell, he didn't even want to forgive himself.
Nick yelled out in rage, staring the other boy down, "You're sorry? You're fucking sorry? That's it? You know what? I'm done with this shit. Just leave me alone. Don't talk to me ever again."
Nick managed to speak with a straight face. No emotion, no nothing. He wanted Jeff to feel the pain he was putting off for so long. And Nick really meant what he said. He wanted Jeff to be erased out of his life forever. And hopefully, Jeff did the same with him. The brunette wanted to forget about everything. Forget about past. Forget about him. He wanted to start all over without him in his life. He wanted Jeff gone for good.
Nick shook his head at the quivering figure on the floor, "You're pathetic…you piece of shit," he spat at him, kicking the blonde boy in the gut, and made his way towards the door.
"I hope your life becomes a living hell."
'Don't worry, it already is,' Jeff thought as he saw the retreating figure of his once best friend – his lover – walk out the door. He felt defeated. He thought Nick loved him. But Jeff now knows that Nick only saw him as a "fuck buddy." Jeff hated the emotions he was feeling. Just like Nick, he didn't want to feel.
Jeff wasn't lying. His life was a living hell. You see, Jeff never had the best life. He was bullied when he was in middle school. Bullied because of his height, his looks, because he was gay. And the bullying got up to a point where he had to go to the hospital.
Everyone avoided him like the plague. Jeff never had any friends. Whenever he had the courage to talk to any girl or guy, they would just walk away, making up excuses or just telling him, straight up to his face, that he was a freak of nature. Girls avoided him because he liked boys. Boys avoided because they thought Jeff was a girl. It was worse at home though. His dad was an abusive drunk. His father would come home, the stench of strong liquor covering him, and beat the shit out of Jeff for no particular reason.
Jeff hated his life, but he never had the courage to end it. He didn't want to. He thought that maybe someday it would get better. That this would all end. That there would be someone who would care for him, love him. Eventually, he did. He did find someone. And that someone was Nick Duval.
Before he met Nick, Jeff never thought he would ever feel happiness again. But every time he was with Nick, Jeff forgot everything that made his life terrible. With Nick, he was carefree. And then he fell for him…Jeff didn't want to. But he couldn't help it. He had fallen in love with his best friend.
Nick didn't feel the same, however. He was straight. He liked girls. He didn't see Jeff that way. He saw him more like a brother. And, of course, this destroyed any chance Jeff would have with Nick.
But somehow, Nick found out. The brunette was currently dating a girl named Kim. The same Kim that would later on become his wife. He found out that Jeff loved him when he overheard a conversation his best friend had with Blaine. How are you supposed to deal with that?
And then Nick and Kim broke up. Nick was devastated. He found comfort in Jeff, his best friend. One thing led to another, and they ended up having sex. The brunette's feelings were completely disoriented. He and Jeff kept going at it. Nick was alone. He needed someone to fulfill his needs, and that someone happened to be Jeff.
A few months passed, Nick and Kim got back together. But this didn't stop the two men's friends with benefits situation. They never stopped.
Jeff was concerned. Of course he would be. But he never questioned it when Nick showed up at his doorstep late at night, which was an occurrence at least once a week.
Once a week became two times a week. And then it soon became too much that Jeff couldn't keep track anymore.
Being friends with benefits most certainly did not help Jeff with his feelings about Nick. His feelings, of course, only grew stronger. And he didn't want that. He just wanted the feelings to go away. But his feelings would do the exact opposite. It was a fight Jeff would never win.
People always seem to blame him for everything, but still he takes all the blame and full responsibilities of everyone's mistakes. Jeff hated that about himself. He just hated how he was too nice, too submissive, too weak.
And as usual, Nick blamed him for everything. Jeff didn't protest. He just hung his head in shame. He couldn't help but agree that it was his fault, but it was also Nick's fault, too. But Jeff was too tired to care. Too tired to be angry.
Jeff just lost his best friend, his first love. He can't do anything right anymore.
That night, on different sides of the city, were two boys. Two boys that went through everything together. Both good times and the bad. They were once best friends. But not anymore.
And on that same night, two hearts were shattered, tears were shed, and promises were broken.
No one was happy that night.
A/N: I still question myself. I don't know why I wrote this, but angst is angst. What're gonna do?