Animorphs Seriously Messed Up

Disclaimer: Stuff it. I know I don't own them (originally). But I do own these versions, k? And if any of this stuff offends you, I'm sorry, but I find it terribly hilarious, so don't flame me cause I couldn't care much, right? So if you have anything against Harry Potter being gay, or against me making fun of Jake/Harry Potter being gay, just deal with it cause I'm embarrassing myself enough already in this.

READ THIS FIRST:

REFERENCES:

Savannah: Me, the author of course. Complete with crush on Tobias and an affinity for inside jokes.

Kristen: At the time I wrote this, she was my best friend. A little about her so that you will understand the plot: Kristen had a series of dreams during which Tobias stalked her. Very wierd. I, naturally, wanted her to date him, but she's wierd about stuff like that, and it didn't happen.

Amber: My other friend, who was in one of Kristen's dream wearing a Las Vegas show girl outfit (hence the can-canning).

The Other Dude: No one you need to know about.

General Tsao's Chicken: Another reference to a dream Kristen had, where we all went to General Tsao's chicken world and ate everyone.

Fruitcake: Our name for the fan fic author who wrote 'You're My Obsession' cause it freaked us out.

Other: "I like eggs!" Is from the Girl's Room on the Amanda Show. Marco falling in love with some random object is from another fan fic, and Rachel being preppy is from Kristen's (username Tybalt(underscore)the(underscore)Kitty) fic. OOH! Also, "Tee Hee" is another inside joke, but just a way of laughing, so don't freak out too much, k?

A: the a's will be used to mark blank spots that I cannot put in here cause the editing is annoying.

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"What, the shoes?"

"No, not the shoes, the boots. Say it with me now, boots."

"Boots."

"Thank-you." Rachel sat back with a smile, and Marco glared at her.

"They're still footwear."

(Hey guys) Tobias said, flying in to land on the rafters.

Rachel sat up straighter and nervously fiddled with her necklace. Tobias, trying to avoid looking at her, stared at Marco instead.

"Well hi there!" Marco said brightly. "Tough day?"

(Umm…no)

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"Drat!" A young fan-fiction writer named Savannah yelled at her computer. "This is corny! I have such writer's block!"

Furiously shutting off her computer, she hopped into bed, fell asleep instantly with the aid of sleeping pills and cherry flavored cough drops, and began to dream:

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"Well hi there!" Marco said brightly, strolling into a barn filled with an assortment of strange characters. "Whoa! What happened to you guys?"

"What, do we look different?" An odd guy who was probably supposed to be Jake said. Except he was English. And looked like Harry Potter. And was gay.

"You've always looked bad," An ostrich named Tobias grumbled from a corner where he was watching seven blind mice play.

"I look bad? How can you say that! I thought we were in love!" A dramatic-looking, preppy girl burst out.

"Rachel," Tobias said, fluffing his black and white tail feathers, "Of course I love you. Now be quiet, this is the good part…" He turned his attention back to the mice, which had turned into can-canning mini Amber's, dressed in red Vegas show-girl outfits.

Rachel sulked, glanced at Cassie, who was drooling at her.

"What?"

"I like eggs."

"Like, that's nice," Rachel said, whipping out a sand board and filing her nails.

"I've done it!" An Einstein-looking character yelled, bounding into the room and pushing Marco out of the way. "I have discovered the singular most important equation ever thought of!"

"What's that: You know what two and two is?" Jake smirked, and wiggled his eyebrows at Marco, who wasn't paying attention.

Ax nodded his head. "Wrong. I have discovered…" he said, pausing for dramatic affect, "The perfect amount of ingredients, that, combined perfectly, will make the most perfect cinnamon buns, provided they are cooked at the perfect temperature."

"Wow!" Rachel yelled, standing up. "You are, like, so smart!" She ran over to Ax and began making out with him, which would have been completely gross, had it not been for the fact that Ax had turned into a slightly altered version of Orlando Bloom.

"Eggs!" Cassie announced, pointing at Rachel and Ax.

(What? Rachel's cheating on me?) Tobias yelled, miraculously translating Cassie's egg-talk, and taking his gaze from a bunch of Amber's who had stopped doing the can-can and were now trying to discreetly pick their noses.

Before anything else could happen, rabid love music started playing, and Marco let out a large gasp.

"Hot Dawg! I have never seen anything so fine in my life!" Marco said, staring at Jake, who started doing a whole bunch of stereotyped modeling poses, with a hot pink scarf around his neck and the wind blowing.

Marco leaped for Jake, who held his arms out, but Marco went past him and stared at the wall.

"Dear sheet-rock," he said, stroking it lovingly.

Jake sighed, sat down, and glanced enviously at Rachel and Ax, who were half-naked by now.

"Whoa, this is messed up," Savannah said, suddenly appearing in the dream herself. Wearing nothing. Wait, that's wrong…she was wearing sweatpants and a bright purple peasant shirt.

"Umm…Kristen?"

"Yeah?" Kristen said, walking into view with barbecue sauce all over her face, and huge bunny slippers.

"Why do you have barbecue sauce on your face?" Savannah asked.

"Well, you know, I was eating at General Tsao's Place." Kristen said, wiping her mouth on Jake, who could have cared less.

"Kristen!" Tobias yelled, becoming the real Tobias, like, as in the one who is stalking her.

"Ah!" Kristen yelled, darting behind Savannah and quivering.

"Hi!" Savannah said, stepping forward and shaking Tobias' hand. "I've wanted to meet you for the longest time."

The dinky love music started playing again, like, oh, let's say it was 'This Magic Moment', and Tobias got all googly eyed, and a spotlight was shined on them both, and Ax and Rachel were silenced from making odd grunting noises.

"Hey, I thought you were supposed to like me!" Kristen wailed, standing up and looking slightly dissapointed.

"Who?" Tobias asked, not really caring.

"Umm, I'll see you in a little while," Savannah whispered to Kristen, and waltzed off with Tobias in tow.

"Now what do I do?" Kristen asked the air around her. "Cassie's an invalid-"

"I like eggs."

"Rachel and Ax are going at it, Tobias ran off with my best friend, Jake's a fruitcup, and Marco's in love with sheet-rock.

"It's so beautiful," Marco interjected.

"Well," Jake said, "you might try this anti-love potion.

"Cool," Kristen said, taking the puke-orange potion and chucking it at Marco, who promptly choked and swallowed one.

"Gross! What was a doing with that wall?" He stood up and looked at Kristen. "You look familiar."

Kristen glared at him. "I have got to be dreaming."

"Why, because-"

"Shut up. I have to be dreaming. Except I would never dream about this. Which means…" Kristen twirled and went toward the door. "Savannah? Are you out there?"

Pause. "Yeah…"

"Are you dreaming?"

"I guess so. But I don't want to stop!"

"Eww," remarked Kristen absent-mindedly. "Well, if I'm in her dream, that means I have total control over what goes on here. What were you saying?"

"I was saying," Marco said, "That you look familiar."

Kristen grinned. "That's because you're my fairy godmother."

Marco was instantly transformed into a messed up version of a girl in a pink frilly dress and too much rouge.

"Ahh! Look at me!"

"I think you look hot," said Jake dully.

"I wasn't asking you," Kristen said. "But I'm sorry Marco, that wasn't fair."

Marco was back to normal.

"Thanks, I guess."

There was silence.

"I forbid you to take that off," Kristen said to Rachel, who looked about to remove her shirt.

Rachel glared at Kristen, and commenced kissing Ax again.

"This is pathetic! I'm going to go find Fruitcake," Jake said, stalking off.

"Did he mean, THE Fruitcake?" Kristen wondered.

"Oh, I shudder," Marco said while, well, shuddering.

"I'm exceedingly sorry about that, you know," Kristen said apologetically.

"Ah, well, it wasn't your fault." Marco said airily. "But I know a way you could pay me back."

"Okay," Kristen said slowly.

The love music once again filled the air, but before Marco and Kristen could share their first romantic moment, Savannah stalked back into the room with Tobias in tow.

"No fair! Marco's mine!"

"What about me?" Tobias asked.

"And what about me?" This other dude said, walking in.

"Be quiet, I'm not talking to either of you at the moment. Now hands off Kristen, I claimed Marco."

"No you didn't! He's mine!"

"You don't even like guys!"

"He's not a guy! I was going to blackmail him into being me slave!"

Savannah paused. "Oh. Never mind then. Well, on with the show." She grabbed Tobias, threw him on the ground, and, well…

"That's not right," Kristen said.

"Yeah, you're telling me," The other dude said disappointedly. "It was supposed to be me down there, you know."

"I'm sure you're very unhappy about it." Kristen said.

"Yeah."

"By the way, who are you?"

"I'm-"

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Just then, Savannah woke up, screamed, and tried to forget the dream she had had.

The next day, Kristen called Savannah and said, "I had the weirdest dream last night."

"Me too!" said Savannah.

"In fact, it wasn't my dream, it was your dream! And the Animorphs were there, and you were making out with Tobias-"

"Really, cool? Hey, wait, that's what happened in my dream!"

After comparing dreams, and finding them to be identical, Kristen and Savannah were left in a state of wonder, thinking they had shared a dream.

"I just have one question," Kristen said.

"Yeah?"

"Who was that other dude?"

"Oh," Savannah grinned to herself. "I have only one think to say."

"And that is?"

"Tee-Hee."