Don't Call Me
Kim Possible and characters owned by Disney.
A short bite inspired by something in Kimron Posstoppable's Possible! Secrets, where Shego is reading a Maxim magazine featuring a photoshoot of Kim. I thought Kim wouldn't be impressed by someone asking her if she wanted to be photographed in swimwear for public enjoyment.
Kim was on her cellphone, being propositioned by a men's magazine, who wanted her to take her clothes off for a photoshoot. This did not fill her with glee; she was just glad her parents weren't nearby. Her agent was going to catch hell soon.
The caller kept trying to convince her, and she was having visions of Ron's eyes bugging out of their sockets, the pictures being pinned up in Global Justice lockers and barrack rooms across the world. Shego mercilessly teasing her about them. Senor Senior Junior and Dr. Drakken (and God knows who else) clipping the pictures out of the magazines or from the internet. Shego confronting Drakken with the pictures he'd clipped. Maybe even Shego clipping the pictures for herself...(wait, what was that?)
Time to finish the call. "Look, I don't..." Then a solution occured to her, better than just telling them to get stuffed. Quite vindictive, though, and that generally wasn't her. It involved manipulating someone and probably people being hurt, or at least scared. That wasn't her, either. But no-one would believe she had arranged it all, or even meant it to happen.
She would do it. "So, if I did it, could someone else join me?" she asked innocently. "No, more like an enemy...Yes, that's right..." She was getting all the right answers. Once she had enough, she told the caller sweetly, "Actually, I'm kind of flattered by the offer, but no. Just no. Please don't call this number again. Thank you!"
She hung up, and opened the Kimmunicator line. "Hi, Wade. Do you have a phone number for Shego? No, really...I just want to talk to her..."
It took a while for the phone to be answered. Maybe Shego wasn't there, and Drakken was wrapped up in his evil plans. She thought he'd have henchmen for to answer the phone, but when it was picked up, it was Drakken. "Hi, Dr. Drakken...That's right. You even say that when I'm on the phone?... No, should I?...Right...oh...You are? It's got to some plan to do that. Right...I see..." Kim grabbed a notepad and pen and started writing down Drakken's evil plan as he ranted. He was probably grateful to have someone actually listen. Stroking his ego wouldn't hurt either. "How can you do that?...That's genius, Doc...oh...So then what?...Mmm-hmm...Right...wow, brilliant...Oh, yeah...So, have you started yet?" The phone was pulled away from him in mid-sentence. Shego came on the line shouting at Drakken, then scolded Kim for taking advantage of Drakken's ranting while simultaneously mocking his intelligence and naivety, and then dismissed her breezily, promising she'd wipe the floor with her soon.
Before Shego finished, Kim cut in. "Actually, Shego, it was really you I wanted to talk to...No, really, listen. Maxim magazine called me to do a photoshoot--You would? Er...Oh!...well, um..." Kim felt herself blushing as Shego cooed suggestively in her ear. "I'm not going to do it!" She said, too loud and too quickly. She was losing the initative here. "Er, well, they asked if I could bring "that other girl"..."the one I'm always fighting, the green villain."" Shego's tone became cold and hard. "Yeah, they used your name. Eventually." Was she laying it on too thick? Would the villainess believe her? Was that sound Shego's teeth grinding? Shego asked Kim for the name of the person who called her. Kim smiled wickedly.
Later, she was told the magazines' offices had been smashed up by the notorious superthief. Wade said he hadn't found a reason why she would do it, and Kim responded with shock and dismay. No-one ever suspected a thing. Kim felt slightly guilty. She wondered if she would think back on this as her first evil moment, years later, in a huge palace, looking over the world she had conquered. No, it was just a prank. Her agent told her he wouldn't send her any more of those offers. Maybe it was the way it seemed to lead to green terrors.