Acceptable Lies

Summary: Ozai's not beyond redemption. Azula still loves her. Zuko forgives her. These are the lies that Ursa tells herself.

Pairings: None.

Warnings: None.

It's Ursa's fault.

She doesn't try to lie to herself, in fact, she tells herself that every day. She reminds herself of what could have been, if she had only been a little braver. See, that's her greatest weakness, her greatest shame.

She's a coward. She knows that. She never lies to herself about that.

If she hadn't taken the easy way out, where would they be?

Easy way. It seems almost wrong to think of what she did as 'the easy way,' because there was nothing easy about it. It was no simple decision for her, to chose between her family and her country. The burden that she carries on her soul will never get any lighter with the passing of time. The torment that she has endured from that night is not the result of doing anything 'easy.'

And yet…it was easy. Too easy. Compared with what she could have done, it was laughably easy. Ursa had known what would happen to her, and she had welcomed it. Calling it exile didn't change anything. She had run away. She should have stayed. She should have came up with another plan. Surely if she had only thought a little harder, she could have came up with a better solution. If she had, what would have changed? What would her family be like today, if she hadn't taken the coward's way out?

But no, there is no use wallowing in the past. What's done is done. Ursa can't change anything. All she can do is remind herself. Never forget that it's all her fault.

She never lies to herself about that. That's why it's okay for her to tell herself a few lies. Three lies. Only three. Surely that's okay.

Ozai's not beyond redemption, even with all the atrocities that he has committed.

Azula still loves her, deep down, as she screams out her hatred.

Zuko forgives her for leaving him.

She says these three sentences out loud, hoping that hearing them will reassure her. They burn her throat, leave a sour taste her mouth. She doesn't care. She says them again.

Ozai's not beyond redemption.

Azula still loves her.

Zuko forgives her.

And again.

Ozai's not beyond redemption. Azula loves her. Zuko forgives her.

Maybe if she repeats them enough, they will become true.