Dear Diary,
Wait...what am I doing? "Dear Diary?" Oh, BOY. Listen, punk, I'm not gonna write about my secret crushes or my desires or stupid stuff like that! I'm a manly mole! Well, a mole-y mole, I guess. Oh, who cares?! The only reason I'm writin' in this stupid book is because Don made me. Somethin' about stress relief. I'll smack his happy-go-lucky little FACE with a nice, soft tomato and there's my stress relief...Oh, yeah, in case you don't know, Don's my...brother. I'm Resetti. But YOU, my stinkin' little confidante, can call me MISTER Resetti.
What...
What am I doin'?
I'm talkin' to a book.
Do I look like I got time to talk to a book? No, no I don't. I got a life to live. I got children to scare the life out of. Oh, yeah, you don't know about that scaring part. I'm not a ghost, even though I might'a sounded a little creepy. See. I'm a hero. A superhero, I guess. I ain't got no cape, but I'll fly through those tunnels! When somebody resets their game or forgets to save, I pop up and give them a good talkin'-to! And lately I've been givin' out grammar tips as a little bonus. Because nobody ain't got no grammar knowledge no more.
And I'm not gonna call you Diary. You're not a pansy book. If you were Don's book, you'd be a pansy book. But you're my book. So your name's Fred, now. DEAL WITH IT. Not that you can protest. You're a stinkin' book.
Oh, good, Don said I've written enough for today, so I'll shut up now. But still, he wanted me to make sure I "said goodnight." Oh, BOY.
Well, goodnight.
Oh, and one more thing...
If you DARE post any of this stuff on some extremely popular forum about Animal Crossing, our realm, ya won't like what I'll do! You won't like Resetti when he's angry! He starts speaking in third person!
Now...SCRAM!