DISCLAIMER: I do not own the rights to MS Paint Adventures. It is a creation of Andrew Hussie. This probably goes without saying, but I am not Andrew Hussie.
Afterstuck
CHAPTER 1: [EOA7]
As was previously mentioned your name is JOHN. You had a variety of INTERESTS. You had a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You liked to program computers but you were NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You had a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and were an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN. You also liked to play GAMES sometimes. All of these things were your INTERESTS in 2009. All are still your INTERESTS now. Well, maybe your ALLEGED MAGICAL ABILITIES are more TRICKERY AND DECEPTION than actual MAGIC. Perhaps you are BETTER AT BUT STILL NOT VERY GOOD AT programming computers. And maybe you've started to become passionate about some LESS TERRIBLE MOVIES AND EVEN A FEW LEGITIMATELY GOOD ONES. But you definitely could use a break from certain GAMES for a while. Or perhaps just from one particular GAME for forever.
For the last four years and thirteen weeks, you and your friends ROSE LALONDE, DAVE STRIDER, and JADE HARLEY have been playing a game called SBURB. At the beginning, you thought it was just a game. Oh, how wrong you were.
You have each DIED at least twice, and you, DAVE, and ROSE have lost your DAD, BRO, and MOM, respectively. (JADE lost her DOG, but you don't think that's worth mentioning in the same sentence as ACTUAL FAMILIAL FLESH-AND-BLOOD RELATION, though said DOG is rather special.) You have each ASCENDED to GOD TIER by DYING in a VERY PARTICULAR MANNER. You yourself are the HEIR OF BREATH. You have finally met the surviving TROLLS that, before you entered the game, were some of the BANES of your mutual existence, but have since become FRIENDS with, and, incidentally, were the successful PLAYERS of a SESSION of what they (for some reason) referred to as SGRUB that created your UNIVERSE.
However, due to WEIRD SHIT BEYOND YOUR CONTROL which may or may not have been indirectly caused by your troll friend KARKAT VANTAS and more directly caused by Earth's nearly omnipotent, but not omniscient, FIRST GUARDIAN, BECQUEREL (the aforementioned DOG), you had to SCRATCH your session of SBURB, and, also, your UNIVERSE, forcing both to reset to a point far before you entered the former, and allowing four new players to enter: JANE CROCKER, JAKE ENGLISH, ROXY LALONDE, and DIRK STRIDER. (Incidentally, all eight human players were created by you upon entering the game the first time through the OTHERWISE INDESCRIBABLY WEIRD SHIT known as ECTOBIOLOGY.) However, by BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, you and your friends were able to escape the DESTRUCTION of your session (also, your original universe), eventually making it to the post-scratch session.
Today, on this 13th of July, 2013, you are about to OPEN the DOOR on the house-sized red SBURB ALPHA logo and claim the ULTIMATE PRIZE for DEFEATING BEC NOIR, BREEDING the GENESIS FROG and SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETING a SESSION of SBURB: your own UNIVERSE.
You turn to face your friends. They each nod in turn. This is it. You've finally beaten the game. You're about to claim the ultimate prize, a prize four and a quarter years in the making. You're almost done.
youore doing it man
youore MAKING THIS HAPEN
NEXT CHAPTER: [EOA7] John: Open door.
Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction of any kind, much less my first Homestuck fanfiction. Also, though I do not have proof of this, this first chapter was written entirely before the September 9 update, even though it was not posted. As it turns out, my headcanon that John grows out of Con Air was spot-on. Reviews of any kind would be greatly appreciated.