How to live with Cybertortronians a guide for humans and Cybertronians.
Summary: I know a lot of people have done these sorts of things, but it seems like fun. Forgive me if I use a rule that's already been made it's hard to keep track. I don't own transformers or any brand names, shows, movies, books mentioned. I'm not making any money of this story it's purely for entertainment. And I apologize in advance for my terrible spelling if you point something out I'll go back and correct it.
By: Nikita Nightingale
Prowl has decided that there are too many problems around base. And that we need some sort of guidelines, With all the pranks and misunderstandings and explosions from bot and human alike. And since I'm the cause of most (which isn't true, Prowler's just mean, I only caused half of them) I have the pleasure of writing them down. Not that anyone's actually going to follow them, but here goes nothing.
Rule 1. Don't let the Auto-bots read The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.
They didn't like the thought of "younglings" fighting to the death. Here are some of the reactions.
Optimus: "How could someone do that do children".
Ironhide: " Fraging pitspwaned glicthhead mainframe reject #^ %^$^%$^$%^$%#
Me: The rest has been edited mostly because I couldn't hear the rest of his triad over the explosions. I think he manage to blow up half the base.
Rule 2: Don't tease me because of who my guardian is.
Me: I mean it, don't make me hurt you. Just because my guardian is Rachet doesn't make me or him any less of a threat. He's a medic, so he knows all the weak points of human and bot alike.
Rachet: I've also been training Nikita in both Human and Cybertroinian medicine. She's a natural.
Me: Yeah so there!
Rule 3: Don't let Prowl read "The blue girl" By Charles De Lint and then quote said book so he'll glitch.
Me: With the fairies, the nerdy ghost stalking the main character and the monsters that try to eat your soul it was enough to make him glitch once. Then Me and Mikaela made it worse by quoting from it.
"Me: You look just like the imaginary friend I had when I was a kid. Only older you know?
Mikaela: Maybe I am.
Me: I don't know it's all hazy, but I seem to remember something about floppy ears and a tail.
Mikaela: People change.
Me: Even when they're imaginary.
Mikaela: Probable more so then.
CRASH. RATCHET: NIKITA!"
"Me: I'd just rather meet a talking spoon then an elf."
"Me: I'm a fairy."
CRASH Rachet: NIKITA!'
*After I had dared Sam to jump out of Bumblebee's hand*
Prowl: Sam could have been hurt. That wasn't funny.
Me: Well, it was kind of funny when he hit the pavement.
CRASH Rachet: NIKITA MARIE NIGHTINGALE!
Me: Oh shit full name! RUN!
Rule 4: Don't avoid monthly checkups.
Me: Here the long list of people and bot's this applies to:
Me, Sam, Lennox, Epps, Fig,Miles,Leo, Optimus, Ironhide, both sets of twins, Arcee, Flareup, Wheeljack, Wheelie, Mirage,Bumblebee,Jazz,Chromia,Jolt, Hound and Prowl?
Me: LE GASP! Prowl's a rule breaker!
Sideswipe: No! The world's coming to an end.
Prowl: I'm not a rule breaker. I just have more important things to do then go to check ups.
Sunny: Really but Prowler rule 4 clearly states "Don't avoid monthly check ups.
Bumblebee: (plays a movie clip from space jam) Alright it is in the rule book.
CRASH
Rule 5: Stop tripping Prowl's glitch.
Lennox: No one's going to listen to that rule.
CRASH Me: I'm starting to think Prowl's not going to survive this rulebook.
Rule 6: Lady Gaga is no longer to be played around Ironhide.
Me: This rule involved me, a very confused Ironhide in and a very very upset Will Lennox. And The innocent question of "what is a Disco stick"? I told him to ask Will.
Will: So it was your fault!
Mikaela: Hey at least you didn't have to explain to him.
Epps: Oh Primus, I don't think I'm going to stop laughing!
Leo: Senorita, you are a very brave.
Sam: Yeah pranking Ironhide is very dangerous.
Me: Your all a bunch of cowards!
Ironhide: Nikita, it's time for training.
Me: Really what are we drilling this time?
Ironhide: (powers up cannons) Bullet aversion.
Me: What you wouldn't! SHIT! RATCHET! (runs away)
BOOM!
Rachet: Ironhide don't you dare hurt my charge!
Ironhide: I'm not going to hurt her. Just kill her a little. (runs after Nikita)
Rachet: Oh no you won't! (grabs a wrench and chases after Ironhide)
Prowl: What's going on?
Will: Ironhide's trying to kill Nikita. You should probable make a rule against that!
CRASH!
Mikaela: Glitched again. That poor bot.
Rule 7:Don't give Nikita any energy drinks; such as NOS, Monster etc.
Me: It wasn't that bad! Was it?
Optimus: Little one, we say this because we care.
Rachet: Your my charge, all I want is for you to be happy and healthy.
Me: This sounds rehearsed . WAIT! IS THIS AN INTERVENTION?!
Will: Kid, it was scary!
Miles: Not pretty man! You traumatized Blur!
Blur: Ihadnoideawhatyouweresaying.
Jazz: I sa' we give the femme an energy drink and set her on the decepticons.
CLANG Rachet: No! Bad idea. Don't make me beat you into scrap metal.
Fig: I wasn't here. Was she really that Bad.
Bumblebee: "She's a super freak, super freak. She's super freaky.
Rule 7 (third person pov):
Nikita was running around the tarmac as human and holoform tried to grab her. Rachet and Blur ran out of the med bay to see what was going on. Rachet immediately notice that his charge was running around at an inhuman speed and seemed to have a high heart rate."Nikita, What's wrong are you injured, What's in the pit is going on here?" Optimus commed him." It seems your charge has drunk energy drinks again"
Ironhide: Primus not again.
Blur:Shecan'tbethatbad.I'llcatchher!
Rachet: No Blur don't. Too late!
Ironhide: Primus help him.
Blur stepped up and picked Nikita up by her backpack as she passed. She wasn't pleased. " .I'llmakeyouwishyouwereneverspa rked."Blur looked at the tiny organic in confusion and looked to Rachet. "Whatdidshesay?"CLANG A metal wrench hit him upside the head he looked back at the organic just in time to see her pull to more wrenches from her pack. She tossed one and hit Blur hard enough to knock him down, she fell only to get back up and hit him repeatedly with the other wrench yelling."Youhaverighttomanhandleme, I'mgoingtoturnyouinto..." What she was going turn him into no one found out because Rachet took that time to hit her with a tranquilizer dart. Rachet pick up his charge and growled."When I find out who's supplying her with these energy drinks, I'll make them wish they were in the pit." No one noticed that Leo and Miles diapered for 2 weeks.
Rule 8: No quoting Yu-Gi-Oh Capsule Monsters.
Me: Leo and Sam and me are mostly responsible for this.
Prowl:Nikita!
Me: Okay completely responsible.
*During a fair at Annabelle's school*
Miles: Around these parts they call me lucky left arm.(goes to spin wheel)
Sam: That's your right arm.
Miles: I knew that.
*After recovering from one of Ironhide and Chromia's training sessions*
Rachet: You ok Nikita?
Me: Yeah aside from the throbbing muscles and migraine headache I think I'm cured.
*While hiding from Ravage*
Me: What's the plan?
Sam: Scream for Bumblebee.
Me: During a battle with Megatron I was taunting him calling him the usual names Megadork, Megaton. Sam and Leo were hiding When I got cornered I decided to enlist some help.
Me: Hey Leo take your index finger and put it bellow your eye.
Leo: Like this señorita.
Me: Ya now pull down.
Leo: Ci, What next?
Me: Great job your officially a distraction.
Megatron: Insect you dare mock me!
Leo: AH!
Rule 9:Don't interrupt Nikita when she's reading!
Me: Your all a bunch of pansies, Mech up I'm not that scary. I'm 5'4 not that much of a threat.
Jazz: Primus that femme's worse than hatchet and Ironass. SHE SHOT ME!
Me: I was trying to finish the last chapter of Journey to the center of the earth. And it was only a pistol it didn't even dent your armor.
Jazz: You scratched my paint.
Me: Ah poor baby!
Rule 10: No laughing at the number 69 on Hotrods hood.
Me: He is a Dodge Dart "69" with the number 69 on his hood, so when he transforms its on his chest. Sideswipe: I still don't get it! You organics laugh at the strangest things.
Sunstreaker: I know what it means.
Bumblebee: What? what? tell me! tell me!
Optimus: (shakes his head) We'll tell you when you're older!
Miles: Bee, man, just look it up on the internet!
Rachet: There's a parental control on his internet access, after all in human years he's only 17.
Sam: Are you telling me I'm 2 years older than Bee.
Me: Your 1 year older than me!
Sam: Yeah but I knew that. He like 17 thousand years old. It's just mind-blowing. I need to think. (walks off)
Bumblebee: *chirps nervously* (runs after Sam)
Me: Great now he's going to be all angsty.
Hotrod: That's not a word!
Me: You know what Hotrod #* * # $$%^^%&&^*^&$# ^^%$%^&! (storms away)
Miles: Someone's PMSING!
Rule 11: For the love of Primus don't wake Mikaela up!
Me: Rachet SAVE ME!
Rachet:(picks Nikita up) What? What is it? Are you hurt? Me: No Sam woke Mikaela up!
Mikaela: SAM!
Sam:AHHHHH!
Rachet: Maybe it would best to go to the med bay and prep!
Me: Yeah. Sam's going to need several doctors when she's done! If there's anything left off him that is!
Rule 12: "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you." Should not be said to decepticons.
Epps: Star wars is awesome.
Me: I said it to Knockout and Barricade at mission city.
Leo: Starscream, Egypt.
Will: Knockout and Barricade surprisingly asked to join the autobot's. Starscream...
Sam: Tried to blow Leo up screamed something about not knowing fear! Optimus had to tackle him and escort Leo from the battle.
Epps: Why did you two join anyway?
Knockout: Nikita was giving me a look she called the puppy dog pout, and she seemed very wise as a decepticon I suffered greatly. My paint got scratched daily.
Barricade: I just got tired of getting my aft kicked!
Me: AH come Barry don't be like that!
Wheeljack:I still think I should build a death star.
Everyone: NO!
Rule 13: No getting Barricade to arrest the people you don't like!
Me: No one asked Barricade to arrest Trent! Prowl I swear!
Prowl: Barricade is this true!
Sam: Prowl, Trent was being a jerk!
Barricade: He punched Sam and was making unwanted advances toward Nikita when she told him so, he slapped her. I thought the fleshing should pick on someone his own size.
Rachet: He hurt Nikita! I wonder if there a chemical imbalance in his brain that makes him a pest. Maybe I should study him.
Optimus: Rachet we don't harm Humans.
Jazz: He ain' a human, he's a rat.
Rule 14: No more Charlie and the chocolate factory!
Hound: We lost 5 liaisons because of that movie!
Wheeljack: It was Nikita's Idea she asked if I'd make some chocolate that would make someone sick, gum that would turn your face blue, a bag egg detector and a shrink ray. I thought it was just because she like the movie, which I can't blame her those inventions were brilliant.
Prowl: You need to learn to say no!
Wheeljack: She used the puppy dog pout!
Knockout,Barricade,Ironhide, Bumblebee, Jazz, Optimus and Rachet: I hate that look!
Sam: Her, me, Miles, Leo, and Fig painted our faces orange and sang the songs!
Fig: Ci, it was fun while it lasted!
Simmons: Speak for yourself I refused to help so she knocked me out and painted a decepticon symbol on my forehead. Old Ironass chased me around for 4 HOURS! 4 HOURS!
Me: Yeah those were a couple of my better ideas, weren't they!
Morshower:I'm not complaining, they were aftholes!
Rule 15: Miles we are not fighting for waffles!
Miles: Waffles
Prowl: Waffles?
Miles: They represent all the good in the world!
Me: Oh yes! Decepticons weep and beware for we have waffles!
Miles: Exactly!
CRASH Me: You're the one who allowed him to stay on base, we warned you.(walks away)
Rule 16: Stop making up Acronyms for N.E.S.T.
Me: New extreme survival tests.
Leo: Non-biological Extraterrestrial Stunt Team.
Epps: Need extremely stupid troops
Will: Need Exceptionally Strong Trucks.
Me: The list is endless but they get stupider and stupider.
Rule 17: Tequila and Nikita don't mix.
Me: One Tequila, hahaha, two tequila, hahahahaha, three keetelaa,hahahahahahahahah*gasp*FLOOR! (CRASH) HAHAHEHEHAHEHAHAHA*GASP*HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Annabelle: Dad why is Aunty Nikita acting funny.
Will: Well aunty Nikita's drunk.
Rachet: Who gave her alcohol!
Rule 18:The following quotes and sayings are banned.
Sam: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand you warthog faced buffoon!(No one knows where he got the guts to say this to Megatron. It's a good thing Optimus was there to save him)
Galloway: I have a nagging suspicion that everyone is out to make me paranoid.(after we chased off 5 liaisons they brought Galloway back, we had to do something to keep him in line.)
Me: Of course I'm out of my mind. It's a dark and scary place.(Rachet made me take several mental tests, which I passed)
Annabelle: I wouldn't look bored if you could keep me entertained.(When she said that to the Lambo twins I thought I'd die laughing. She's 6 years old I'm so proud of her, Will wasn't impressed )
Optimus: This is SPARTA!(He actually KICKED MEGATRON down a hill when he said this. Prowl saw it and glitched in the middle of the battle. And everybody stopped, there was an eerie silence. We retreated so Rachet could look at Optimus. He was fully functional. He still won't tell anyone why he did it)
Sideswipe: I will stab you until you die from it!(he screamed that as he attacked Starscream.)
This was an actual conversation between Miles and Knockout!
Miles: Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Knockout:(dramatic pause) You're a special kind of stupid aren't you?
Prowl: I don't obsess! I think intensely!
Me: Excuse me while I find a container for my JOY( Galloway called a meeting that required everyone's attendance, this was my response when he told me I had to go to the meeting)
While Giving Leo some valium this conversation.
Leo: Why are you prescribing me this?
Rachet: Because sometimes the world needs a break from the real you!
Wheeljack: No need to panic. Everything is under control.(when he says this RUN!)
And Finally a few last-minute words of knowledge from the Lambo twins.
Sunny and Sides: HE'S GOT THE WRENCH!(This one speaks for its self)
Rule 19: Sideswipe is not allowed to watch the Lion king any more.
Me: I go pranking with sunny and sides a lot so he's under the delusion that we are a Trio. Well Sunny was spending a lot of time with Arcee, he was training with her. Sides thought they we're going out so he had me help to spy on them and by The seventh day he cracked.
Sides: I can see what happening!
Me: What?
Sides: And they don't have a clue.
Me: WHO?
Sides: They'll fall in love and HERE'S the bottom line...Our trio is down to TWO!
Me: oh... *rolls eyes*
Sides: the sweet caress of twilight!(pulls me closer to his holoform)
Me:o.0 wtf?
Sides: THERE'S MAGIC... EVERYWHERE! and with all this romantic atmosphere... DIASSTERS IN THE AIR! CAAAAAAAAAAN YOU FEEEEEEEEEEEL THE LOOOOOOOVE TOOONNNIIIGHT!
Me:0_0' I'm going to go get Rachet, you just stay here! And try not to do anything crazy. (runs off) RACHET!
Rule 20: Don't encourage Nikita to abuse her powers, the ones she was born with or the all-spark powers!
Knockout: She buried me in a rock slide!
Prowl: She brought my data-pad to life!
Ironhide: She set a pack of wolves on me!
Optimus: Your powers both natural and the allspark energy are very power full, you might lose control!
Me: Please! Have a little faith in me!
(raises arm and brings another vending machine to life) SORRY!
Optimus: NIKITA MARIE NIGHTINGALE!
Rule 21: Don't encourage Nikita's obsession with the number 23!
Will: I told Epps we should NOT let her watch the number 23!
Epps: It just fueled her obsession.
Me: it's not an obsession! It's just everywhere. My birthday is November 12. 11+12=23 There are 46 chromosomes in the Human body. 23 FROM EACH PARENT. 46 DIVIDED BY 2 IS 23!
The earth's axes is titled at 23.5 degrees. 5 is 2+3 It takes 23 seconds for blood to circulate in the human body, it takes 23 seconds for energon to circulate in a cybertorian.
The Mayan calendar says the world will end December '23' 2012 20+1+2=23 The Titanic sank the morning of April 15, 1912. 4+1+5+1+9+1+2=23 The Hiroshima Bomb was dropped at 8:15. 8+15=23 December 11 1941 the us declared war on Germany. 12+11=23 Hitler killed himself in The April of 1945.
4+1+9+4+5=23 Arcee is Pink, Pink is made up of red and white. Red=27 White=65. 27+65=92 Pink is a 4 letter word. 92 DIVIDED BY 4=23. SEE!
Will: Hows red equal to 27.
Me: Take the Alphabet 1=a,2=b,c=3 all the to z which is the 26 letter. So the R in 'red' would be worth 18, e=5,d=4. 18+5+4=27.
Will: Oh i get it! But I WONDER WHY Prowl hasn't crashed yet.
Prowl: It's a logical conclusion Rachet just doesn't want her to think about it too much.
Epps: Can you do that with Names?
Me: Yeah I'll use yours as an example.
R=18,O=15,B=2,E=5,R=18,T=20. 18+15+2+5+18+20=78 E=5,P=16,P=16,S=19. 5+16+16+19=56. Now take the numbers and separate them and add them like this. 7+8+5+6=26. Sorry it doesn't wo...(gets hit with a tranquilizer)
Rachet:(picks Nikita up) No more 23's!(storms off)
Leo: I was born August 15.8+15=23Sam: Scary! I was born March 20.3+20=23 Will: I was born January 22.1+22=23 Epps: February 21.2+21=23 Fig: I don't want to freak anyone out but I was born DECEMBER 11.12+11=23!
Sam: Let's never speak of this again!
Epps,Will,Leo and Fig: AGREEDED!
Rule 22:Speak like Yoda Miles and Leo shouldn't not.
Me: Beat them up, I will.
Leo: But Nikita...
Me: NO BUTS!
Miles": X_X _
Me: Please rate and review, feel free to send me some ideas for rules or any spelling or grammar corrections I missed.
Knockout: How come I wasn't mentioned a lot, did I do something to offend you Nikita.
Me: No your my friend Knockout you just don't get into a lot of trouble!
Prowl: You think ex-decepticons being on base isn't a lot of trouble!
Me: Well at least it we have more allies now! Geez Prowler lighten up!
Prowl: That's impossible, I'm not the sun!
Me: Sorry but you're so full of hot air I figure you could at least give off light!
CRASH!
Me: I didn't do it!
RATCHET:NIKITA MARIE NIGHTINGALE THIS IS GOING IN THE RULE BOOK!
Me: Optimus does he have the authority to do that!
Optimus: As your guardian yes.
Me:Damn!(walks away)
Optimus: Please remember to rate and review! I won't force you it's your right as sentient beings to refuse to do so! }