Note: The story has a video that tells part of the story. The video is called "Never Let You Go" and so does the song in the video and the story (The song is by Dima Bilan, by the way). For those who don't know the song, the video is recommended.After tryingto add a link unsuccessfully, I gave up. You can reach the video through my website (you can find its addressin my personal profil, here in FFN).You can find it in the Psi Fun section in my site.
Never Let You Go
The rain was pouring down in thick showers that wet the land until even the stones were soaking. The sky was covered with heavy gray clouds that darkened the day so much that watches became essential to tell what time of day it was.
Lindsay Donner drove in silence to the O.S.I.R. Central Lab. The rain was so heavy that she could barely see the road through the windshield and even the wipers didn't help much. The light in the traffic-light turned red and she stopped after a long row of cars.
"Oh, no. Not now!" She complained. The hour was almost 9 AM and she was seriously late. The day barely started and she already hated it. It was going to be a long day for her, she knew and being late to a meeting with Elsinger was a bad start for it. The traffic-light turned green again and she started driving again, just to get stuck in another traffic jam in the next to crossroads. "Uhhhh!" She roared in anger and beat the stirring wheel with her fist. She could hear her cell phone ringing and knew that it was Frank Elsinger, calling to tell her that she was late and that he had other plans for the day. She reached out for her purse and took out her cell phone that was ringing a 'Savage Garden' song. She saw Frank's number glowing in purple digits on the screen. "Donner," She picked it up, knowing that Frank must be mad at her.
"Good morning, Lindsay." She heard his voice and it was not calm. She shivered. Frank's anger had scared her ever since the day she understood he was the one who decided to eliminate Connor. Oh, how much she hated the explosion that shook the Russian ground and tore the life out of the man she loved.
"Frank, I know I'm late, but…"
"No buts, Lindsay. Get yourself here in less than ten minutes or you're fired." Frank said angrily.
"Frank, there is not way that I can get there in ten minutes. The roads are full and the weather isn't contributing much." Lindsay said.
"You know, Lindsay, I'm a busy man. I don't have time for your excuses. As a case manager, I'd expect you to be punctual. If you're not here in ten minutes exactly, you lose your job. Am I clear?"
"Yes, Frank." Lindsay replied and was about to hang up the phone.
"And Lindsay," She heard his voice.
"Yeah?" She asked and started crossing the junction.
"It's an important…" He heard her scream and then a crush sound. "Lindsay, what happened?" He asked in a fairly calm voice. She didn't answer. "Lindsay," He heard muffled voices, but none of them even sounded like Lindsay. "Donner, report now!" He called out, now distressed. No answer came.
She saw flashes of white light all around her. Her body felt heavy, so heavy that she needed to drop it down and leave it wherever it was lying. As she started doing that, the light grew stronger and stronger until it encompassed her. It was blinding and despite of this, she felt drawn to it. Walking towards it, she heard a man's voice calling her name. The voice was so familiar, so known to her, even though she didn't hear it for years. And then she saw the person's dark figure and as she walked towards him, she could see his face more clearly. It was the man she longed for.
"Lindsay," She stood in front of him and touched his cheek that was surprisingly cold.
"Connor, it's really you." She said in awe. He nodded slowly and took her hand. It was cold, just like his face, as if he put it in a bucket of ice. Suddenly everything started stirring around them. A gust of wind started drawing them further into the light. Connor looked scared.
"Lindsay, you don't belong in here." He said and pointed at the way 'out'. "Go back now. It's an order!" She remembered the night he said those words to her, his last words to her.
"No, Connor, I wanna stay here with you." She could see tears standing in his eyes.
"No, Lindsay. It isn't your time yet." He said and his eyes shone. "I'll walk you out, come on." And without giving her a chance to resist, he grabbed her by the hand and pulled her towards the 'entrance'. The wind got stronger as they came closer to the entrance and they had to fight it so they won't be sucked back in. "Look," He pointed at the entrance that integrated smoothly with the world of the living. She could see her car lying on its top and a hand, her hand, sticking out of the broken window. A group of paramedics were sawing the car, so they could get her out and the rain was pouring. "See that, Lindsay? That's where you belong." The wind grew stronger with each word that came out of his mouth and they were being dragged into the light. Slowly, the borderline between the two worlds started becoming blurred.
"Connor, what's happening?" Lindsay asked. The light around them became dimmer.
"I'm sorry, Lindsay." Connor said and pushed her out through the small gap that was left between the two worlds, but quickly realized that she didn't let go of his hand and pulled him back to the world of the living with her. They stood there in the rain and watched the paramedics releasing Lindsay's body from under the wrecks of the car. Her hair was wet and there was a big wound on her forehead. Blood was gushing out of it and dripped all over her face. "That looks awful." Connor said and squeezed her hand. "You have to go back there and fix it, Linds."
"How?" She looked at him and then at the body.
"Go back there, Lindsay. Give it life. It doesn't worth as much as it did without you." He said softly and looked into her eyes.
"But what about you?" She asked. Connor shrugged.
"I don't know. I'll find a way to go back. But you, you still have a chance." He said.
"How do I go back, Connor?" She looked at the body that was lying on the asphalt, looking like a wet rug-doll.
"You have to want it." She heard his answer, but didn't see his lips moving. She nodded slowly and came close to him.
"Goodbye." She thought and knew that he could hear it. She kissed him gently on his cold cheek and then closed her eyes and imagined what would happen if she was still alive. Slowly, she felt herself becoming heavy again and knew that she came back to her body. She opened her eyes slowly and moaned in pain. Her head was throbbing and the pain was so big that it made her nauseous.
"She's conscious." She heard one of the paramedics saying. Rain was falling on her face, her clothes were soaking wet and sticking to her body, but she didn't feel the cold.
"Connor," She mumbled his name only moments before passing out.
She heard her heart beating. It was a slow and steady beat that reminded her of the drums of an African tribe. Slowly, she opened her eyes and stared into the darkness. She heard someone's calm breaths. She sorely turned her head to the side to look at the person that was sitting next to her and was holding her hand. It was Peter, who was calmly sleeping in a chair, his head resting on the edge of her bed and his arm wrapped around her waist. Once in a few minutes she heard his light snore and even though it was a painful act, she smiled. As the minutes passed, she started becoming aware of the bed's discomfort, her aching back and her neck that was stiff. She rolled on her side, trying to ignore the stab of pain that followed the move. She moaned, not sure what was wrong with her, but knowing that she was alive and so was Connor. She remembered watching herself being dragged out of what used to be her expensive car and was now just a bunch of twisted metals and broken glasses and remembered the path of light, where she met Connor. She hoped he had managed to come back to wherever it was. He didn't seem to be very happy to pass back to the land of the living and Lindsay knew that no matter how painful it was for her to lose him once again, they could never be together, not while existing in two different worlds.
She moved restlessly in bed and when she couldn't find a spot that was comfort enough to lean, she gently moved Peter's arms and pulled herself to a sitting position. Suddenly, she felt a painful pull and pinch on her wrist that was so unbearable that it made her squeal in pain. Peter woke up, a startled look on his face and turned the light in the room on.
"Jesus, Lindsay, what's wrong?" Peter asked as he looked at her. Then, he saw a bloodstain that was slowly spreading on her hospital gown. "You pulled your IV out. I'll call the nurse." He said and went out of the room. Moments later, he came back to the room, followed by a nurse. The nurse bandaged the wound in Lindsay's wrist and moved the IV to the other hand. Then, she pulled the white plastic drape around the bed and handed Lindsay a clean hospital gown and let her get dressed while she wrote the details of the incident in Lindsay's chart. Then she left the room, taking the bloodstained gown with her. "Are you dressed, Linds?" Peter asked.
"Yeah." Lindsay said hoarsely. Peter moved the drape aside and took a seat on the edge of her bed.
"How are you feeling?" He asked and took her hand. "We were very worried. You acted so weird and…"
"I acted weird?" Lindsay looked at him with confusion.
"You woke up a few times, mumbled something about Connor Doyle… that you saw him and then you passed out again." Peter replied and looked at her softly. Lindsay's jaw dropped in shock. "What is it, Linds?" Peter asked, hoping she wasn't going to talk about Connor again.
"It's nothing, Pete. I'm fine." She said. He nodded at her with a somewhat satisfied look on his face. "So when am I going out of here?" Lindsay asked. She was anxious to leave the hospital and go back home. She was scared of hospitals ever since her mother was taken to a hospital after a suicide attempt and lied there for over a week before being transferred to an asylum and spending three years there.
"Whenever the doctor says that you can, I guess." Peter said. "You suffered a bad head injury and some other internal injuries that required surgery. I don't suppose he'll release you immediately." He could see the disappointment in Lindsay's eyes and hurried to comfort her, "Don't worry. At least you'll have some break from Frank." Lindsay smiled at him and nodded in agreement.
Three weeks later, Lindsay was released from the hospital. The doctors had thought that her internal wounds as well as the head injury were healing pretty well, but had predicted that she'll have some episodes of memory loss, headaches and vertigos.
It was the day of Peter's birthday and they went out together, to celebrate it. It was midnight when she unlocked the door of her house and came in, locking the door after her. She didn't bother to turn the light on and so she went to her room in the darkness, using the walls as supporters. Suddenly she heard a voice behind her.
"Lindsay," She turned around and looked into the darkness, but there was no one there. "Lindsay…" She heard it again and it was louder this time.
"Who is it?" She asked. She heard the voice say her name again and it came from the corner of the room. Without putting much thought into the danger of walking towards the corner and face the person who stood there, she walked towards it, sending her hand forward to avoid from falling.
"Lind-say…" The voice was teasing her and it passed a chill through her spine. She felt a cold hand running down her arm and screamed at the top of her lungs. Then she saw him, Connor Doyle stood right in front of her, a strange glow encompassing his body.
"Connor!" Lindsay said in shock. He looked different, somewhat bigger and threatening and his eyes were sparkling mischievously. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm just paying a visit to an old friend." He smiled at her and now reminded her of the days he used to be her case manager. His voice was now a mix of innocence and wisdom and he looked authoritative.
"That's nice, but I'm not old, Connor." Lindsay said. "And you're kinda dead."
"That's insulting, you know." He said in a case manager tone.
"So does calling me old." Lindsay replied. Connor snorted. "Plus, you're really dead, so you shouldn't be too touchy about it."
"When did you become so cheeky?" Connor asked.
"When I started working as a case manager with Frank in charge." Lindsay replied and put her hands on her waist. Connor nodded in agreement. Although it has been almost four years since he had died, he remembered very well how hard it was to work under Elsinger. "So, I understand that you didn't find your way back to heaven yet, eh?" She felt like a character in a comedy.
"Who said that I went to heaven?" Connor replied with a question.
"So where did you go?" Lindsay looked interested. This was a once in a lifetime chat, and her chance to find out what happens to people after death.
"There's this place in the middle. It has no name and you are given a choice. You can go up to heaven, where's it's all pretty and nice and there's the place I chose."
"And why did you choose it over heaven?" Lindsay asked and took a seat on her bed. Connor did the same.
"When you go to heaven, there's no pain, no worries, nothing that can bother you and that's the reason you can never watch what happens to your loved ones and protect them. I chose the middle, because from there I can guard and protect everyone I left behind. I couldn't stand the thought that I'll never see my friends and family again, so I chose the middle." Connor explained.
"So what it was like?" Lindsay asked and bent down to take her black high hill shoes off.
"You know what's it like, don't you?" He replied with a question when she sat back up. Lindsay nodded slowly. "I had the same experience. I knew I was dead almost immediately and I walked towards the light and was sucked into it." He said and touched her cheek with a silvery-lighted hand. His hand was cold and Lindsay pulled away from him. "Nice scar." He said and the edges of his mouth curled in a half-smile.
"That's from the accident." Lindsay's voice was almost a whisper. The scar was the first thing she saw when she looked in the mirror after the accident.
"I figured." Connor said. "I'm sure it's gonna fade away with time." Lindsay shook her head in disagreement. "And even if not, it's not the end of the world. You know, there are some very famous people who carry visible scars on their faces."
"Like Harry Potter." Lindsay smiled.
"Harry who?" Connor looked confused.
"Harry Potter, it's a bestseller book those days." Lindsay smiled and told him about the content of the book. "Anyway, he has a big scar on his forehead in the shape of a lightening." She summarized.
"Well, that sounds like a paranormal book." Connor smiled at her and leaned forward until his face was close to hers. "And whether you have a scar or not, I still think you're pretty." He said and gently laid her down, and leaned forward, on top of her. He kissed her slowly and she felt her mouth filling with cool wind, almost freezing her from the inside. She placed her arm on his shoulder and pushed him until a small space was created between them. She saw his lips curling in a smile of relief as he drew closer to kiss her again.
"Connor, no." Their lips were only half an inch far from each other and Connor looked at her with confusion. "We can't…" She said, "You're dead and I'm alive and it doesn't fit."
"I understand." Connor looked shocked of her reaction. "If I can't be with you, then I better not see you again." He said and disappeared.
"Wait, Connor!" Lindsay called out, "Come back, Connor!" But he didn't come back and she changed her clothes and went to sleep.
Lindsay was sitting in the conference room with her face buried in her palms when Peter entered the room. He turned the light on and saw her moving uncomfortably in her chair.
"Hey, Linds, what's wrong?" He asked and put his hand on her shoulder. She raised her head and looked at him with teary eyes. "You're not feeling well?" He asked. She nodded slowly and he turned the light off and took a seat next to her. Although three months had passed since her accident and she was suffering from strong headaches and vertigos that in a couple of cases made her lose her consciousness. Strong lights were sometimes the trigger for it. "Is there something I can do?" He asked and stroked her shoulder.
"No." She replied hoarsely.
"Can I get you your pills?" He asked gently.
"I already took two." In many cases her pills couldn't relieve her pain.
"Maybe you should go to the doctor, ask him to prescribe some stronger pills." Peter said. Lindsay nodded slowly and buried her head again in her palms. "But for now, try to wash your face. It might help a bit." He helped her up of the chair and she walked into the bathroom. She bent over the metal sink and splashed some cold water on her face.
"Having a headache?" She heard a voice behind her. She straightened up and the silvery-lighted figure she saw standing behind her made her scream at the top of her lungs.
"Lindsay?" Peter ran into the bathroom with a terrified look on his face. He found her sitting on the floor, sobbing. "What happened?" He put his hand on her shoulder.
"He was here. He came back." Lindsay mumbled.
"Who came back, Linds? What did you see?" He looked at her with confusion. He didn't see anyone.
"Connor, he was here." She replied, shaking in his arms.
"Connor?" Peter asked in disbelief. "Linds, he's been dead for the last four years."
"Peter, I saw him. I am not lying." Lindsay cried.
"Listen, Lindsay. It must be the headaches. Maybe they're so strong that you see things that aren't there. I'm taking you to the hospital." He lifted her in his arms, despite her objection he sat her in the car and drove her to the hospital.
They waited an hour and a half before they could see a doctor, who heard Peter's description of Lindsay's 'symptoms' and after her blood tests showed no signs of drug and alcohol use or anything that could point at a hallucinations-causing illness, he decided to send her to a CT head scan.
"Everything seems to be fine with your head. No tumors, blood flow seems to be fine, no clots, no chemical imbalance or anything that could tell us why you're experiencing hallucinations. I would suggest a therapy, though." He said and wrote something down in Lindsay's chart. She opened her mouth to say something, but the doctor stopped her. "I know what you're gonna say, Lindsay." He said, "You don't need therapy, you're perfectly fine, right?" Lindsay nodded slowly. "Lindsay, you've been through a horrible experience, you were that close," He brought his thumb and index finger close together to show how much, "to dying and you think that you somehow can contact with a dead guy."
"I'm not crazy, I know what I saw." She looked at the doctor with anger.
"I'm not saying you're crazy, Lindsay. You're absolutely sane. What I'm saying is that you've been through a very traumatic experience; it's natural to have some emotional instability after such an event. I'm just suggesting a therapy that would help you take all those feelings out and say goodbye to them forever." The doctor explained his position.
"No, absolutely not. You don't wanna believe me, that's fine, but I know he was there. I know because I've seen him before and he was as real as he was now." Lindsay insisted.
"Lindsay, this can't be. The doctor is right. You were too close to death and it affected you emotionally. It's understandable and it doesn't mean you're crazy. It just means that you need to take care of yourself and deal with those feelings." Peter said and took her hand. "Doctor, would you please give her something for her headaches? The pills she's got aren't helping her much." The doctor nodded and prescribed her new pills. Peter thanked him and they left the hospital. They entered the car and Peter started driving. "I'm taking you home. You won't be able to work right now." He said to her. She didn't reply, just stared out of the window and pouted. Peter turned the radio on.
"Heavy clouds, no rain Never, never let you go Gentle words, no aim
And every move causes pain
Ready kiss, but no love
I feel I'm torn in half
Ardent look, but no heat
It's not you really need
Baby, now it has happened with us
We are dancing on broken glass
Can't stand no more -
You are the one I'm searching for
Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone
Love's carving it in the stone
Never, never let you go
Return the days we had before
Soul of my soul, blood of my blood
Love's carving it in my heart
It seems we're playing a game
Easy smile, but no fun
Sweet music for no one
Close embrace, but no more
Cold Champagne we forgot to pour
Baby now it has happened with us
We are dancing on broken glass
Can't stand no more –
Never, never let you go
You are the one I'm searching for
Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone
Love's carving it in the stone
Never, never let you go
Return the days we had before
Soul of my soul, blood of my blood
Love's carving it in my heart…"
The lyrics of the song just heard kept echoing in Lindsay's head. "Never, never let you go…" - that's what Connor was doing. Never letting her go, or was it her that couldn't let go? She buried her head between her knees and felt the tears stinging in her eyes. Waves of a powerful feeling that Lindsay didn't know how to categorize flooded her until it became too strong to handle and the tears came out along with a long wail that she could not stop.
"Lindsay," Peter's voice sounded so far away. "Are you having a headache?" He stopped the car on the side of the road. "Lindsay, what is it?" He asked gently and put his arm on her shoulder. She wanted, but couldn't gather enough strength to answer. She felt so tired, so tired of living. What used to be joyous became a burden she had to carry on her back. "Linds, is it because what the doctor said?" She made a choked sound that sounded like some form of the word 'no'. "Then why are you crying?"
"For no reason." She sounded as if the words got stuck in the middle of her throat.
"Come on, Linds, you wouldn't be crying if you didn't have a reason." He said and patted on her shoulder. "You'll get a headache if you won't stop that, you know." She raised her head from between her knees and looked at him. Her face was wet and the area of her eyes was swollen and flush. "Now, that's better." He spoke in the same tone a person speaks to a child. "Are you okay now?" Lindsay nodded. Peter renewed his driving.
It took half an hour until they arrived at Lindsay's home. Peter had insisted to stay with her for the night in case she doesn't feel well again or start hallucinating again. He was preparing dinner while she took a shower.
She was turning the hot water on and checking the temperature with her hand. When she found the temperature she wanted, she went under the steaming water. She was glad to end this exhausting day with a hot shower and she let it wash away every unwanted feeling.
"Hi, Lindsay,"
"Ah!" She shrieked as she heard the voice behind her. She turned around to face Connor. Instinctively, she pulled the towel off its hanger and wrapped it sloppily around herself, splashing some water as she did it. "What are you doing in my bathroom?" She demanded to know.
"Just wanted to see how you're doing." Connor apologized.
"Lindsay," She heard a knock on the door. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes, Pete." She replied, "The water were too cold, I'm okay." Lindsay replied with a fake cheerful voice, but her eyes were staring at Connor and were carrying a lot of anger. "I'm taking a shower." She said to Connor when she was sure Peter has gone back to the kitchen. "You don't visit someone when they're on the shower, naked!" She tightened the towel around her body.
"I'm sorry. I wanted to apologize for scaring you today." Connor said.
"So you decided to scare me again?"
"Sorry about that. I really didn't mean to scare you." He apologized.
"Well, don't do it again. Peter already thinks I'm crazy." Lindsay said. "He thinks my headaches are making me hallucinate." She sighed and then stared at Connor. "I'm not… hallucinating, am I? You are real, right?"
"I'm as real as a ghost can be." Connor replied cheerfully. "Do you believe in ghosts, Linds?"
"I think so." She replied and sent her hand forward to touch him. Her hand passed through his body. "Ouch! That's freezing!" She called out in surprise. Her hand had a bluish color as if she put it in a pile of snow.
"Sorry about this. I didn't really know I was capable of harming people this way." Connor said. Lindsay's lips curled in a smile and she shook her hand a little bit.
"It's okay, I'll just…"
"Hey, Lindsay, I'm almost done with dinner. Will you be out of there soon?" She heard Peter's voice from the kitchen.
"It'll take a few more minutes." She replied and looked at Connor uneasily. "I'm sorry, Connor, but I really wanna be done with shower and dinner, so I can go to sleep early." Lindsay said.
"Sure, I'll come back later, is that alright?"
"No," Lindsay replied, "I mean not tonight. I'm too tired. I'll probably fall asleep right after dinner. Why won't you check on me tomorrow?" She asked.
"Tomorrow? Let me check in my day-planner…" Connor joked. Lindsay smiled at him. "Sure, I'm available tomorrow, call me and my secretary will schedule a meeting for you." He smiled at her as he disappeared. Lindsay put her towel back on its hanger and went under the stream of hot water again. Ten minutes later, she was out of the shower, dressed in her favorite pajama and ate dinner with Peter. After they finished dinner, she washed the dishes, although Peter insisted that she needed some rest, and made the couch in the living room for Peter.
She wished him a good night and walked to her room, where she went into bed and covered herself with her warm blanket. In the corner of the room, she saw a familiar silvery glow.
"Connor?" She whispered.
"Shhh… Go to sleep, I'm watching over you." She heard his voice in her head.
"Thanks," She whispered and then closed her eyes and fell asleep.
The snow fell gracefully on the windowsill of the mobile lab. It was early in the morning and Lindsay and Peter did not finish working on a possession case yet. It has been a couple of months since Connor reappeared. He was 'visiting' her almost every day and for the rest of the time, this he said, he was watching her without being seen. She didn't know where he was hiding during this time, but knew for sure that he was somewhere in the mobile lab, hiding from Peter and Frank. Now, from the corner of her eye, Lindsay saw him standing behind Peter, with his hands on his waist and smiling at her. She smiled back, knowing that it's a dangerous game they're playing. Although Lindsay had refused to take a step towards a romantic relationship with him, she did love him as a ghost just as much she did when he was alive and he knew it too.
"Why are you smiling?" Peter asked and Connor disappeared.
"For no reason. I'm just having a problem concentrating now." Lindsay replied and yawned. Although Connor did a good job in keeping her awake through the night, she was still exhausted. As the case manager of the team, she had to solve a lot of problems that came up and interfered with the investigation they were conducting and it seemed that everything that could go wrong in this case actually went wrong.
"That's understandable, Linds. You're having a rough week. Why won't we take a short break?" Peter suggested. Lindsay nodded in agreement. She knew that Peter was tired too.
"Well, I'll be taking a short walk outside. Maybe the cold will help me stay awake." She said as she grabbed her coat and went out of the lab. She walked a few steps away from the lab, "Ahhh!" She called out when she felt a cold chunk of snow hitting her nape. She turned around to see who it was, but no one stood behind her. "That's just hilarious, Connor." She said dryly. Then another snowball hit her, this time in the face. That was it for her and she bent down and collected some snow in her hands and threw at Connor. She saw it hitting the air and falling to the ground and knew she hit him.
"You wanted to wake up didn't you?" She heard Connor's voice and saw him coming over from the place he stood.
"Yeah, I did. But I didn't ask for help." She replied. He smiled apologetically and drew closer to her. She felt the cold touch of his hand on her face and closed her eyes. Although it sent shivers through her spine, it felt nice. Slowly, they came closer to each other, until their lips touched. At this moment, every possible thought about Connor being a ghost was erased from Lindsay's mind and she was concentrated at the extremely chilly kiss that made her shiver of excitement and cold. Then he pushed her to the ground and she shrieked as they fell. "Why'd you do that?" She asked, not noticing that her voice was a bit too high.
"So I can beat you in snowball fight." Connor replied and squashed on her face a snowball he'd been keeping in his hand the whole time.
"You are so nasty!" She called out.
"Hey, you!" They heard Peter's voice and froze in their places. Peter walked towards them and looked at them. Lindsay saw his jaw dropping and a shocked look appearing in his eyes. "Connor?" He asked.
"That's…" Connor got up, "Me." He sent his hand forward to shake Peter's. Lindsay got up as well. Her hair was full of snow and so did her clothes.
"What are you doing here?" He looked scared of seeing the long dead case manager, "And what are you doing to Lindsay?"
"I'm okay, Pete. Connor wasn't hurting me or anything." Lindsay said and took the late case manager's hand.
"So you're not hallucinating as I thought, Lindsay. That must be great news to you." Peter said sarcastically. Lindsay arched her eyebrows.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Lindsay looked shaken-up.
"You're hanging out with…" He looked at Connor for a moment, "the wrong people." He said and turned to go back into the mobile lab.
"Peter," The way she said his name was somewhat appeasing. She grabbed his hand. "Why does it bother you?"
"Figure it out yourself." Peter spat the words in contempt and entered the mobile lab. Lindsay turned to Connor and looked into his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Connor, I don't know why he's like that. He must be tired. We worked really hard this week." She said.
"It's okay, Linds." Connor touched her face with his cold hand. "Peter is right. You shouldn't hang out with the dead. I should have listened to you when you first said it, and I didn't. It was a mistake. It's my time to go back to my place."
"But Connor, I don't feel that way anymore." Lindsay said and tears welled in her eyes.
"It doesn't matter now, Linds. We had a chance to have something big happening between us when I was still alive but it shattered into pieces, exploded, with me and that damned plant. And I can't say I'm not sorry for not taking that chance, Linds, because I truly am, but those past few months we had together weren't a second chance. It was an illusion that we can make it this time. We can't, I'm dead, you're alive and I love you…" Lindsay's cries grew stronger. "I love you too much to let you waste your time on someone who will never be truly yours."
"That's not true. As long as we love each other…" Lindsay started, but Connor stopped her.
"I love you, Linds, so much more than you could ever imagine and that's why I have to let you go. You have to let go of me." Connor's voice was emotional but stable, just like it used to be when he was alive.
"I can't." Lindsay buried her head in his shoulder and sobbed.
"Lindsay, I know it's not easy taking everything we had and throwing it away, but we'll always have those special memories that will cheer us up whenever we miss each other. So whenever you can't stand the longings, just think of one of your favorite memories of us together, all right?" Lindsay nodded slowly. "And know that inside the mobile lab, there's a living man who thinks of you all the time. And he's doing it for years now. Maybe the two of you can discover that you are actually capable of loving each other and become more than just friends." Lindsay nodded slowly. "It's my wish to you, Lindsay. Go on with your life, because I know you still have so many things you haven't done yet. Do all those things and enjoy every moment, because there's nothing better than living." And with those last words, Connor disappeared.
"Never, never let you go
You are the one I'm searching for
Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone
Love's carving it in the stone
Never, never let you go
Return the days we had before
Soul of my soul, blood of my blood
Love's carving it in my heart…"
The words of the song echoed in her head and she knew it was true. Connor might have left this world, but he'll never truly let her go, for she'll be in his heart and he'll be in hers forever.
THE END