She hated what she had been. She hated what she had become. And as she slid on the armband, fingers lightly dancing over the raised BW logo, she realized she hated where she was going. She held herself calm and collected as the bile rose in her throat. Weakness was an enemy and she would never let them see anything of her but her best. She turns and gives him a smile as she casually finishes lacing her top. As she steps into her boots, she tries not to lace them faster than what is appropriate. And perhaps, she only walks a little too fast out of the room. Years ago she learned not to expect anything and be ready for everything. She doesn't meet his eyes as she passes him. Even as he sits half resting against the headboard of the bed, sweat drying on his chest, she doesn't grace him with even the slightest of smiles. Even as he nonchanlantly takes a pull of toxins from his cigar and breathes it over at her, she does not wrinkle her nose or give him any indication that she is even aware of his presence. His laughter following after her tells her that he owns her body and life. That she can only achieve her goals through him. She closes her eyes, fighting the bile rising in her throat.
She has killed without hesitation. She knows it is kill or be killed. She tries not to think about what her victim's family is like. She tries not to think about their wife, their children or anything else. She knows it is better to see them as nameless and faceless. She thinks, perhaps, that is why she finds some comfort in being a Baroque Works member. Here they have no names, most are only numbers. Others are just days. She never has to shed a tear for any fallen comrade because they are just numbers. And numbers are faceless and meaningless. So when she is ordered to murder her own underlings, she is able to do it without blinking an eye. She kills without hesitation because she knows when to kill and when to let them live.
Long ago, she had realized that all the heroes had died. She has given up on any fantasies of a prince riding in on a white horse to sweep her off her feet. She doesn't believe in happily ever afters. As she crosses her arms and mutters out her mantra, she almost feels sorry for the poor bastard's neck she snaps. But the feeling is fleeting and barely there, because there are also no gods. There is no heaven and hell. There was only the here and now. And yet when he appears with his goofy grin and his straw hat, she can't help but hold a shard of hope deep within her breast. She doesn't know why she pulls him out of his desert grave, perhaps it was his determination. Yet something deep within her tells it might be something else. But she has given up on heroes and walks away.
She has never had a more intense desire to die than now. Now with his hook through her chest, she believes that death would be most welcomed. She smiles in a slight sadistic way as he flings her away. Tossing her aside like a piece of trash, as if she had not stood by his side for years, helping him build his empire. She leans casually against the secret room's wall. letting death's icy cold fingers dance over her body. It is now that she realizes, she has yearned for death for a long time. Fleeting she wonders if she will be crushed by the rocks before she bleeds to death. Either way, she welcomes it. Then the boy with the straw hat comes to a stop in front of her. She tells him to go, tells him of her wish. And she is ignored. The selfish boy ignores her, flinging over his shoulder. She hates him, she hates this selfish boy. All his talks of reaching goals and he won't let her have this one wish. She finds her desire for death diminishing.
She didn't expect them to trust her right away. She couldn't blame them. She was a suspicious person and she had been their enemy. She doesn't request their companionship, she demands it. She gives them no choice, just like he had not given her a choice. She is is joining their crew. He accepts with no fuss, doesn't even blink an eye. The others are a little harder to convince. She smiles as she settles herself into the chaotic life that is the Straw hat crew. She knows that one day they will trust her.