Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no money. Unless… Anyone want to offer? Thought not.

Summary: It all started when someone went and ate Liv's donut… Casey accidentally walks into a war zone and the gang indulges in a paper fight.

A/N: This is a complete crackfic. Written purely for my own amusement… I have no clue why I decided to post it, but I did so there. Don't read it if you don't like random nonsense and OOC weirdness. Thou hast been warned.

SVU SQUADROOM RECORDS

Date: September 15

Time: 07:01

Name: Detective Olivia Benson

Badge No: 44015

Subject: What?

Okay… apparently I've been appointed storyteller of the week, which is normally Munch's job, since he's just so awesome and amazing and he can do anything. That was sarcasm. In case you couldn't tell.

Munch's been on strike since Cragen banned him from the new coffee machine. A blessing from God, I say. Munch can't make coffee for shit.

I don't even know why Cragen told us to keep track of what we go through here. He's assured us he's not going to read it anyway. If no one's gonna read it, why bother writing it? Maybe it's a case of the-world's-gonna-end-in-2012-so-we-need-to-leave-a-record-for-the-survivors nostalgic weirdness.

I keep telling everyone Munch's contagious.

Anyway, back to today. Nothing's happened so far, but I figure if I write this as soon as the day starts, nothing will have happened and I can do less work. I like doing less work. On things that don't matter anyway.

Okay, Fin's brought donuts. I gotta go get one. Or two. Or as many as I can carry. I love donuts. Donuts and coffee are the only two things that keep me going. Seriously though. I need donuts. The only thing that got me out of bed this morning was the warm and fuzzy memory of Fin saying he'd bring donuts in the morning. Well, that and the case. And the fact that the NYPD issue bunk beds are so damn uncomfortable. Yeah… I gotta go. Before someone takes my donuts.

Casey's POV

I honestly had no idea I was ascending to my almost-death that Saturday. None. At all. I had had a perfectly normal morning, complete with a large cup of coffee and a search warrant gotten without using any favors. Marvelous morning. Until the gang had to go and mess it up.

I stepped off the elevator at the seventh floor and walked into the squad room, only to be hit by something that felt suspiciously like a wadded up piece of paper.

"Oh shit, Casey- Sorry, I was aiming for Olivia." That was Munch's voice. Still slightly stunned by this turn of events, I turned toward the sound to see Munch peeking over the top of his desk. What the hell?

And so it was inevitable that, standing in the middle of the room upright while the entire squad was apparently engaged in some sort of war, I would be pelted by paper missiles coming from Elliot and Olivia. OF COURSE, I had the misfortune to be on the receiving end of an attack from Thing One and Thing Two. Wait… maybe not. They were aiming at each other. Once again… What. . Was going on. I mean really, when Thing One and Thing Two aren't on the same side…. The world's gonna end soon.

I don't even know which one's Thing One and which one's Thing Two. They're together so much that it doesn't really matter. I've made a habit of saying "ElliotandOlivia" or "BensonandStabler." Don't remember the last time I just said "Benson" or "Stabler." But anyway.

Then I did the first sensible thing I had done all day, which was to duck. Well, more of a dive-duck thing. Somehow I ended up flat on the floor. Which would have been okay, since the paper ended up floating down to land gently on me instead of hitting me full force, except for the fact that it smelled like muddy feet. I hate mud. And feet. So it was pretty gross. Thankfully soon Elliot ran out of ammunition, and Olivia was left crouched in the middle of the squad room floor, amid a pile of white.

Of course I only had one thing I could say. The only thing that fits the situation, really. "Olivia…. What the hell is going on?"

She only put a finger to her lips and started silently picking up papers and putting them into a bucket. When it was full, she pulled me behind her desk.

"Casey what're you doing here?"

"I game to deliver this." I waved the search warrant in her face. "But apparently, you decided it was such a good day to dump tons of paper on each other, never mind the fact that I was standing right in the middle of your war zone." My volume rose with every word. "So I'll ask you again- what the hell are you doing?"

Olivia looked sheepish and angry at the same time. Olivia. Benson. Sheepish. I told you the world's gonna end soon.

"Either Munch or Elliot stole my donut," she hissed. "But I didn't mean to hit you. I was kinda aiming for Elliot. You were just in the way."

A donut. Really. This is why they go through ADAs like… I don't even know. Socks. They go through ADAs like socks.

"I…was in the way. Let me get this straight…. You were having a paper fight over a donut."

Olivia looked indignant. "My donut. I need donuts to stay alive."

"Oh dear. And who is indulging in this… hooliganry, may I ask?"

She snorted. "Hooliganry. I like that word. Well, Cragen's not here. Elliot and I came today to work on the case. Fin and Munch… Well, I don't know why they came. Fin came 'cause he said he was going to and Munch came for the donuts. Now Elliot n' Munch n' Fin are after me 'cause Munch threw a paper airplane at me when I asked if he stole my donut and I threw one back."

I sighed. And, because I am such a good samaritan, I cast in my lot with Olivia. Because seriously, she's a kickass fighter. And she was outnumbered and my best friend and who wants to be on Munch's side during a fight?