Johnny was just walking down the street. Like any other 2 A.M. And he was just slurping on a brainfreezie. Cherry Doom, as usual. Then it happened.
Out of the Taco Smell, a masked man came running. He seemed to have just stolen his order of whatever decaying crud they served there, and was trying to escape paying for it. Johnny paid him no heed. Until the man ran smack into him.
"Jesus, dude! Get out of my way!" the man yelled at him as they were tangled up. Johnny struggled to get off the ground.
"Aw, forget this!" The man pulled a gun, and blew Johnny away, straight through the head. The man got up and sprinted.
***
"Where the fook am I?"
Johnny looked around. Yup, it was Heaven alright. He had been here before; he'd know the creepy flying bunny rabbit things anywhere.
"Well, it's you again. And I had just finished throwing up, too." The writing guy looked at him.
"Why the hell am I here?!" Johnny was ignorant of the situation.
"Well, lucky you. You're dead, AGAIN. But this time, you get a special benefit."
Johnny listened to the man, and held his head with his palms, trying to understand. Everything was going so fast. The whole place seemed to be spinning around him at breakneck speed. Then he drew his palms down.
Johnny stared at them like he had never seen them before. They were covered in deep red blood.
"That ASS! He shot me! He shot me and killed me!"
"Good job! And heeerrrreeee'sss your prize! " The guy put on a game-show announcer's voice.
"You receive one all-expense-paid vacation BACK to earth to complete three, exactly THREE tasks which you could not or would not do on account of your death!"
"WHAT?!"
"You have been assigned to one Todd, also known as 'Squee', to help you. He will be able to see you, no one else can. All you have to do is convince him. And if THAT doesn't work, you possess him!"
"WHAT?!"
"I can see you're a bit on the slow side. I'll make it easy for you. You're going back to earth to do three things you always wanted to do. In order to do that, you talk to 'Squee' and convince HIM to do them. If he won't cooperate, you go into his body and do it FOR him," the man explained.
"Oh." Johnny was still trying to understand everything. Finally, after a couple hours of standing there, with a line of dead people backed up behind him, he got it.
"So when do I go?"
"Now. Go back the way you came," the guy said.
"Alright. But before I go…." Johnny turned back. He concentrated, and the man's head exploded. (EEE! Head explody. Yay!!! J )