Code Words
A/N: This is my first bit of Javid… please don't eat my face.
"So what are we going to do tonight, Davy?"
"What do we do every night, Jack?"
"Try to take over the world?"
"… No."
"Oh come on, Dave, haven't you ever heard of 'Pinky and the Brain'?"
"What and the who now?"
"You're kidding me, right?"
"Jack, I've never heard of whatever you just said."
"Geez. Talk about a sheltered childhood."
"You know my parents, Jack."
"I thought you were joking when you said that your parents never let you watch cartoons."
"I wasn't."
"Yeah, I got that now."
"So, what do we do every night, Jack?"
"Sex?"
"Very good!"
"Shut up. Don't patronify me."
"Patronify? You mean patronize?"
"There you go, doing it again!"
"I'm sorry, Jack. Really, I am."
"…"
"Oh, stop pouting."
"…"
"Please?"
"… fine, I guess. But only if I get some good sex for it."
"Could you not say it like that?"
"Say what like what?"
"… sex. It sounds so… common when you say it like that."
"Well what am I supposed to say? Let's have rape?"
"No! Of course not. That would imply, well, that would imply that I would be against the idea, which I most certainly am not."
"So what do you want me to say instead?"
"I… oh, I don't know. It just seems weird to me."
"To say sex? Come on, Davy, you're a sophisticated guy."
"… yeah."
"And sophisticated guys say sex, right?"
"I suppose…"
"Sure they do. It's probably some sophisticated-guy code word."
"… what are you talking about, Jack?"
"I'm not really sure, to tell you the truth."
"That's what I thought. You need me to talk for you."
"Nah. You just tell me what to say."
"Jack! Don't start that ye— ooh! Do that again."
"Not yet…"
"Jack, you can't start something like that and just leave it hanging!"
"It's not dark yet. You know the rules, Dave."
"Rules schmules."
"That's one thing I never thought that I would hear you say!"
"Jaaaaack."
"Stop your whining. Besides, we need to plan some stuff out."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Well, you remember what happened last time, right?"
"… why did you have to remind me of that? It may have been fun for you, but for me it was very painful."
"Yeah, and I didn't like hurting you, which is why we will now have a code word."
"A code word?"
"Yeah! For when..."
"I know what code words are used for."
"Well, you seemed confused."
"I wasn't. So what will this safety code word be?"
"Oh, I don't know… 'banana'?"
"I'm allergic to bananas! You know that."
"How about 'pickle' then?"
"Pickles taste icky!"
"David, you don't have to eat the safety word!"
"… oh. Well, then."
"Yeah. So what'll it be?"
"How about something that's not food?"
"I don't know, Dave! You're the one with all the words. Didn't we establish that earlier?"
"Well, sor-ree, Jack. I just want to have a nice night at home."
"Without getting hurt?"
"Without getting hurt."
"Then I officially declare the code word to be 'pick-ana' then."
"'Pick-ana'?"
"Yeah. It's a combination of 'pickle' and 'banana'."
"I gathered that. Fine, 'pick-ana' it is."
"You wanna go try it out?"
"That's what I've been waiting for."