A/N: Also written for the following challenge that MadameGiry25 (now Madam'zelleGiry) set: "Explore the following quote from Scandal in Belgravia: "I should warn you, I think Lestrade filmed you on his phone." Thanks for letting me combine these two challenges x
"I do hope you don't have any skeletons in your closet." The odd statement, coming straight out of the blue from his companion John Watson, took Sherlock Holmes by surprise.
"Every human on this earth that has ever been born has had skeletons in their closet at some time or another," Holmes observed, as he scrutinised the newspaper clipping in his hand. "In that, I am no different from anyone alive today in this world. I am just an ordinary person after all."
"In that case, I hope you are ready for your greatest secret to be revealed to the world. For I should warn you, I think Lestrade filmed you on his phone." pronounced Watson with a smirk.
The angular detective's head snapped up, but otherwise he did not react. "That is a very ambiguous statement. Tell me, exactly what do you mean by that?"
"What's so ambiguous about the statement "I should warn you, I think Lestrade filmed you on his phone"? I would think it would be self-explanatory, especially to a man as well-versed in the art of deduction as you are," his companion answered airily.
"It could be interpreted as either: a) Lestrade used his own phone to record something I was doing, or b) I somehow came into possession of Lestrade's phone, and he came into possession of another recording device, and he used that recording device to record me while I was using his phone. That is the ambiguity of your statement. I am surprised that any graduate of King Edward VI Grammar School would miss that distinction, let alone one who has also had the privilege of working with me and has received numerous opportunities to become 'well-versed in the art of deduction' as you so aptly put it. You disappoint me, Watson," Holmes chided. "Either way, you obviously believe Lestrade is now in possession of some very sensitive information that is of a personal and quite possibly detrimental nature, either to my career, or to my very life. Now, which is it?"
"Neither," John answered brusquely, slightly put out by his friend's censure.
"Neither?" Sherlock whirled around and raised his left eyebrow, a sure sign of confusion. "Lestrade never used his own phone to record me doing or saying, or writing, something I don't want him or anyone else to know about, nor did he use a secondary recording device to record me using his phone for illicit purposes? So why did you say anything in the first place?"
"Oh, I thought we were talking about the danger to either your career or your life presented by the threat of your innermost secrets becoming public knowledge. After all, that is the last thing you mentioned," John corrected him seriously.
"Oh, for goodness' sake!" Holmes exploded. "Either I was in possession of Lestrade's phone or he was! Which is it?"
"Lestrade has a phone, and when he heard what you were saying, he filmed you using that phone," Watson reported, secretly pleased to have finally rattled his friend's normally implacable stoicism. "That is the correct interpretation, and the simplest one, the one any normal person would instantly come to. I am sure that if I went out and asked 100 members of the public of our great country what that statement meant, they would all, without exception, give that answer."
"And that is why those 100 people are not in my employ," Holmes retorted coolly. "Now, I must make plans to recover this recording. But first I must know, what is the information that Lestrade has, that he will attempt to hold over me forever?"
John grinned in delight. "You wear My Little Pony boxers."