Just an itsy-bit in response to the prompt "Booth/Brennan/Hannah: Hannah somehow finds out that Booth was going to give Brennan the "gift" of fathering her child." on the bitesize_bones "Give A Little Love" Comment Fic Meme on livejournal.
It can be almost impossible to break a long-term habit. You know from experience.
He hasn't been able to give up the routine of looking out for her every need. You understand. You've had friends close enough to be a sister before.
And when he looks at her for longer than he really needs to, longer than is socially acceptable, you accept this habit too, because for the longest time, it was the only thing he could get. Little glimpses of her, smiles filed away for later viewing pleasure, and if he still does that as well…
He can't get rid of the habits, any more than you can get rid of your thirst for the truth.
One day, the truth happens upon you.
You suppose that keeping a drawer full of seemingly insignificant papers is another permanent habit of his. Something else you've learned about him, one more thing in a long, long list that isn't anywhere near full.
You leaf through them, looking for the takeout menu he insists is in there somewhere.
Heating bills from five months ago, hotel pamphlets from London, a memo from a Director Hacker, and—
The paper uncrumples in your hands. Sperm count, motility statistics. For one Seeley Booth.
This doesn't make sense, because you know Parker had been an accident. You hear Seeley enter the room, but you don't shove the paper hastily back into the drawer. Maybe you should have.
"What are you looking at, babe?" he asks, resting his chin on your shoulder for a moment before reading the paper and jolting away from you.
"Why did you get your sperm tested, Seeley?" you ask, and there isn't any ice in your voice, because for now, you're just curious, and confused. You've stumbled on something, another one of those secrets he likes to pretend he doesn't have.
"It was, uh, for—" He clears his throat. "I was going to make a donation." Your eyebrows shoot up.
"I didn't know you were a sperm donor."
"I'm not." He doesn't look at you. He always looks at you. Except when habit dictates otherwise.
You wait for him to explain, but he doesn't say anything, though you continue to look at him expectantly. Seconds, minutes tick by, and still nothing. You foot begins tapping. Impatience. Never one of your virtues, although it's been useful many times in the past.
You smell something burning; realize the meringue in the oven has probably been in there too long. You stride out, heading straight for the kitchen. You don't want the fire alarm to go off.
He walks over to stand behind you as you let the smoke from the oven escape.
"Bones, she—" Always back to Temperance Brennan. You think you know the answer, you think you know the reason for the paper, but it's better to get the full story, isn't it? "She wanted to have a baby. And I said that I'd—"
No, you take it back; you don't want to hear the rest. "Who changed their mind?" you ask. "Was it her, or was it you?" It must have been so hard for him, being asked to help bring a child into the world with the women he loved, knowing it would be all he'd get. (No, you're not fooling yourself anymore. The woman he loves. Present tense. Self-denial has never been healthy for you.)
You look at him. There's just a little bit more sadness in his eyes than usual. You know something's happened recently, something between them, something that gets him lost in his own little world more often than before.
"I did." Seeley says softly, and if your journalist's intuition is telling you that there is still more he hasn't told you, you could care less. The meringue is ruined.
Later, when you have sex (make love, Seeley always insists, but you're having a hard time applying love to the clumsily veiled anger in this encounter) there's a feeling of coldness in your chest that you can't shake, a tightness that increases every time you think about what he and Brennan (Temperance) had almost done.
If not for something, something that he won't ever reveal to you, there could be another child in this world right now. One with his smooth brown hair, and her gorgeous grey-blue eyes.