11:01 pm.
Kensi stared at the ceiling. She had to concentrate to appear blase. She liked to make Deeks work. It was a silly game and that was the thing about Deeks, he made her silly. He made her feel silly. He had his mouth was on her left breast, somewhere between licking and sucking and she just wanted him to commit except she didn't because in between was heavenly. He had two fingers inside her, thumb on her clit. Which was also heavenly, if heaven felt like the surreal and silly build in her whole body before she came. She hummed, hoping it didn't sound too much like a moan, and he pressed her legs further apart, pulling his fingers out a little.
She took a deep breath and gave in. She was done being silly. She arched back and pushed herself onto his fingers. "Come on," she said. She grabbed at his head, tugged on his hair, pulling him up.
He propped himself up and grinned at her. "Something you want?"
"I can pull your hair out," she said. She wiggled under him, his legs keeping her thighs open. She wanted it very badly.
"We've never done it like this, maybe I don't know what to do on top," he said.
"Liar," she said. She really really just wanted him inside her. Thankfully, he stopped talking. She angled her hips up and he met her there. Fucking at last, she thought. It was a silly pun.
She looked him in the eye, listening to the bed springs creak. They were always so loud. She said, "Your face," and laughed. He made her laugh.
"Your face is ridiculous, too," he said. He came first and she barely had to push his head down to finish her off. He said, "You are so all about you." He stopped talking again and found a much better use for his mouth. He made her giddy, too.
Deeks was a cuddler after sex. Kensi wasn't surprised. She could be happy and sated and feel boneless. "Cuddler," she said.
"Appreciate-r," he said. "Not that there's anything wrong with cuddling. I'm man enough to admit it, I'm all for cuddling. There's so much to appreciate, too. Your butt, your breasts, your thighs."
"I can put up with it," she said. He was lying on his side, pressed against her.
"We're a great couple," she said.
"Sure," he said, sounding slightly suspicious. Probably because of her tone. With Deeks, she'd actually gotten to the point where she turned work off. Her tone betrayed her emotions.
"Why is Callen trying to tell me we don't come off as a believable couple when we're actually a couple?"
Deeks laughed quietly, breath against her neck. He said, "Callen technically doesn't know we're a couple."
"True," Kensi said.
"Of course he knows, Kensi. Everyone knows."
"But they don't know know, it's not something they have to acknowledge so we're fine. We're keeping it undercover even though it's perfectly legal. Mostly. And we're great as an undercover couple," she said.
"I can kinda see his point," Deeks said.
"Really?"
"You tend to go, I dunno, giggly and Valley girl and ditzy. Is that how you are in real relationships, cause that's nothing like you are with me. I mean, other real relationships." He rolled onto his back because he was smart.
She sat up and said, "Really? Ditzy? You think I'm a ditz?"
"I don't, but it's kinda your default when we're supposed to be dating undercover. At least recently," he said.
"Ha," she said. "Why is this supposed problem my fault? Maybe it's you. Maybe you suck at being someone in a relationship."
He grinned. "You said suck."
"Because who wouldn't want to date a 12 year old boy?" She knew she was smiling as she said it. He smiled back at her.
She said, "I am going to make you pay for that ditz remark. Also, seriously, have you ever been in a relationship longer than three months?"
"Yes," he said. "I have. Can you lie back down? We could have sex again, we could fall asleep. I could go either way."
"Longer than a year?"
"We should not sleep longer than a year, but I am willing to try having sex for a year." He laughed. "And yes, I have been a relationship of a romantic nature longer than a year. I've even been engaged."
She didn't lie back down. She actually scooted forward and started scanning the pile on the side of the bed Deeks kept calling 'Kensi's drawer.'
"You're asking the question and getting out of bed, come on, Kensi -"
She put on what she was positive was clean underwear. She'd bought five from a GAP body sale specifically to leave here last week. She started sorting her pile into two piles: definitely dirty, probably clean. She said, "You've been engaged?"
"Actually, yes, twice."
She turned to look at him. "Really? Are you lying?"
"I don't lie to you," he said, looking a little aggrieved.
"You lie to me all the time. I can list, like, thirty-three occasions off the top of my head where you lied to me that I know about."
"Not since we started having sex," he said. "Really."
"Is that your line for serious relationships? When you have sex?"
He looked at her very serious, which was hard to pull off for Deeks generally, especially when naked. He said, "That's my line for you."
"You lied to me -"
"When I was trying to get you in bed," he said.
"Seven weeks. You haven't lied to me in seven weeks," she said, smiling. "Wait, you were really engaged? Twice."
"Yup," he said. "Are you leaving? Like, I say something you don't like and you just leave."
She grabbed a shirt and sweatpants from the probably clean pile and put them on. Then she sat on the edge of the bed. "I don't have many clean clothes here. I should probably sleep at least one night in my own place. I'm not marching out in a fit of pique. Also, I was already leaving before you dropped the twice engaged bomb. We're having an honest talk." She looked at him. "You asked two women to marry you?"
He lay back down. "Yup. And they both said yes."
"Have you ever been married?"
"Not even once," he said.
"Why'd they dump you?"
"Because they didn't want to marry me," he said.
"You told me you'd never been dumped," she said.
"Before we were having sex," he said. "I lied."
He was stretched on the bed, looking away from her. She lay down next to him and said, "We can talk about this later. I don't think I come off as a ditz. I kinda can't believe you used that word." She shifted against him until he looked at her and they were kissing. The kind of kissing that made her want to stay all night. She forced herself to sit up again. "I think you would prefer we talk about this later, or never."
"Yup," he said. "But for you I will happily go into my sad, and frankly, boring, romantic history -"
"See? We're a great couple."
She gave Monty a hug and drove home.
She bustled around her apartment gathering all her dirty laundry on her couch. She shoved it all in two canvas bags for the morning. She got into her bed and tried not to think the bed felt very big. She was not a cliche.
She woke up saying, "Deeks, come on, Monty wants to go out -" It was the neighbor's dog. She looked at the clock. Four thirty in the morning.
She shrugged and decided she might as well start her day.
She drove to her third favorite 24 hour laundromat that had drop off service. The hipster behind the counter didn't even look up as she dropped off her two bags. She gave what she thought of as alias five. There was a bikram yoga studio that had a class at six am about thirty minutes away. She used alias four for her drop-in sign up, paid her $15, and settled in for 90 minutes of sweating and stretching and not thinking. She showered in the studio locker room and used all her best junior high gym class tricks to hide her body from the other ladies. She had too many interesting scars. Not that they were looking.
She bought breakfast on the way to the mission and ate at her desk. She was actually engrossed enough in reading a Persian language news site that she was startled when Deeks tapped on her desk as he walked by.
"What are you reading?" He sat down at his desk. "You jumped about ten feet there."
"It's in Persian," she said. "Needs a little more concentration than your surf report. Or Bark Magazine."
He shrugged. "I dunno, there's some pretty deep articles in Bark."
"And your reading comprehension needs a lot of work," Sam said, not looking up from his laptop.
"Wait," he said. "I'm a little tired of this joke about me being stupid. Anyone else in this room pass the California Bar? I'm just checking here."
"The more I think about it," Sam said, "the more I wonder how hard it is to be a lawyer if you could do it."
"It's hard," Deeks said. "People crack under the pressure. Ask anyone, it's the most difficult state bar exam in the US. 18 hours, 3 days. In 1983, only 27% passed. I passed on the first try."
"Did you take it in 1983?" Callen asked.
"You couldn't tie your shoes in 1983," Kensi said.
"It's the year I remember the pass rate for, okay? It's hard and I passed."
"When you say people crack," Sam said. "You're talking about you, right?"
"Possibly," Deeks said. He caught her eye and mouthed 'no.' He'd been doing that a lot lately; undercutting his jokes to her. She repeated 'sivasana' in her head six times slowly so nothing showed on her face. He really didn't lie to her. Every time she thought she knew him, he surprised her.
Half an hour later, one of the trainers came by to ask Kensi to join in a sparring session with some of the other agents. She said, "Deeks, you should come."
"Do I have to?"
"Next time you get your ass kicked, we'll all bring up that you passed up additional training," Sam said.
Deeks frowned and followed Kensi down to the gym. It was a fun session. She liked watching his butt.
"So much exercise," he said to her as they walked back to their desks. "For you, I mean. Yoga this morning, sparring session now. You deserve lunch."
"How do you know I did yoga?"
"You just told me," he said, laughing. Sam and Callen were gone. "Why do they always go to lunch without me, I mean us. Why is that?"
"It's not always," she said. She smiled. She just had the best idea. "Let's show them, let's go eat somewhere you want to go."
"Really?" He smiled. "Do you mean that? Cause there's this vegan Scottish place in Silverlake I'm dying to try."
"Sure, wait. Vegan Scottish?"
"Yeah," he said. "It sounds ridiculous. ZMZ had footage of Elijah Wood there, he recommends the haggis."
"As do I," Hetty said, walking past them. "You should leave now, the lines at lunch are very long."
Kensi and Deeks stared at each other. Hetty always did move in mysterious ways.
"Let's go," she said. "You drive." He was smiling like it was raining scruffy puppies. She said, "Kidding. Let's go but I'll drive."
She ignored him as he gave her directions which he didn't notice until she turned left fourteen blocks from the mission. "What happened to faux-Haggis, Kens?"
"Shush," she said. She pulled into an hourly motel. "I'm going to go in and get us a room. For an hour. How does that sound?"
"I have the best partner in the entire world," Deeks said.
She put a on baseball cap and went inside. She made up a name and paid for two hours so they had a little wiggle room. She pulled the car around to the back. Deeks was out of the car before she even stopped, with a little skip in his step. He grabbed her ass and lifted her to him. "I can carry you up the stairs," he said.
"So much muscle strain," she said, walking up the steps backwards. "You got beat up a lot in that training session, you might want to take it easy."
"I also beat up a lot, I'm a street fighter. And a lover," he said.
They were at the door, and he still hadn't let go of her ass. "I put the key in my back pocket," she said.
"I can tell," he said, squeezing her butt before taking the key out.
She went inside and immediately took off her shirt. Deeks closed the curtains on the window. He started stripping down and she sat back on the bed watching. "You think I'm pretty," he said. He stood between her legs. He reached around her and undid her bra.
She scooted back on the bed and took off her jeans very slowly. "I think you have a nice butt. I think you're in pretty good shape."
She patted the bedspread. "Do you think the bedspread or under the covers is more gross in a place like this?"
He made a thinking face. "I think bedspread is less gross. Most people probably toss it aside."
"So they probably clean it less?" She grabbed his hand and pulled him close. "You're right, let's chance it." She nudged him gently so he was lying on his back, like she liked it. Like he liked it, she thought, he was already hard.
She'd decided a motel quickie meant difficult positions that required flexibility and Deeks was, as always, up for it. It worked out really well, she was pretty sure she was going to come with every thrust he made. And then both their phones rang.
"Fuck," he said. "My hands are not exactly free." He sighed. He was using one hand to hold her up and the other was in just the perfect place on her clit. "We could …"
"Fuck, no," she said. "I will bring your phone to your mouth."
"No, I disagree with that plan," he said, and then she held up his phone to his face.
She could hear Eric saying,"Deeks, time to come back ASAP. Also, why isn't Kensi answering her phone?"
Deeks grunted and said, "We, uh, did rock paper scissors to see who'd answer it. She won -"
"She always goes scissors, Deeks," Eric said.
"I know, I know." He said, "But I'm starving and we're still in line here in Silverlake, so ASAP is gonna be twenty minutes. um, or so with a stop for tacos."
"Eat them quick, dude, you need to be back five minutes ago," Eric said. Kensi hung up on him and threw Deeks's phone on the floor.
"Finish," she said.
He said, "I sounded like I was balls deep in my partner, didn't I?"
She laughed and wiggled and they both came, fast and explosive. She disentangled herself and lay next to him for thirty seconds. She counted.
She forced herself to stand up and grabbed his hand. "Shower, we shower now."
She pushed his head under the nozzle while he said, "My hair is fine."
"Your hair smells like sex and cheap motel. Trust me," she said. "I can't believe you said balls deep."
He kissed her and then stepped out of the shower. "I have a way with words."
She used the cheap shitty hair dryer to get both their hair looking less just fucked. He finished first and started getting dressed. He put her bra and panties on the bed, along with her phone, badge and gun. He said, "Why is my stuff scattered everywhere and yours isn't? Did you move mine around while I wasn't looking?"
She was almost completely dressed. "When were you not looking? And will you hurry up, I'm starving."
"We're getting tacos at that place," he said. He tightened his belt. "Fine, we're good."
She ran around to drop off the key and then back to the car. Deeks had started the car, but he immediately scooted over to the passenger side. She noticed he wasn't wearing underwear now. It took two minutes to get tacos at Deeks's least favorite food truck.
"These tacos are not great," Deeks said.
"Don't care," she said. "We're supposed to be coming back right away."
"And you don't have time to put your shirt on right," he said, laughing. "Inside out and backwards, nice."
"Fuck," she said. They were at a light so she said, "You drive, let's switch."
"That's -," he stopped talking as she slid over and he lifted her into his seat as he took the driver side.
She took off her shirt and put it back on, right side out and front forwards. The SUV next to them honked and the guy driving called, "Nice tits."
"Fucker," she said, lightly.
"Fucking asshole," Deeks said, sounding furious. "Who does that?"
"You would, if I were changing right in front of you," she said.
"I would not," he said. "I would not honk and shout at you." She looked over at him and he was still really angry. She took a bite of her taco and reached out to rub his shoulder. There was a knot in his jaw she thought of as his shitty childhood clench. She ran her knuckles back and forth on his shoulder until he swallowed and cleared his throat.
"We're at the light," he said. They'd reached the point where Eric and Nell would hack into the traffic cams to see how long they were from the mission. She dropped her hand.
Deeks managed to scarf down both his tacos and was sipping his soda as they went up to ops. "uh, Kensi," Nell said, brushing at her shirt. Kensi looked down to note she had spilled salsa on her shirt. She tried to brush it off.
The op they had been dragged back for involved a defector from China who was being held in the back of an extremely high end furniture store in Beverly Hills. "I saw Jessica Alba and Nicole Richie coming out of there," Deeks said. Kensi and Callen looked at him. "On ZMZ," he said.
"You watch a lot of ZMZ," Kensi said.
"I get alerts on my phone," Deeks said. "Hey, it's LA. This is important."
Sam stared at him until he went quiet.
They analyzed the layout of the store and Callen said, "Okay, we're going to need to distract most of the people in the store. And I don't think we count on Jessica Alba coming in again."
"She's in New York City," Deeks said. "I read it. On a website. I'm not a fan. Or anything."
Callen stared at Deeks until he stopped talking this time. Then he said, "So Kensi and Deeks, you'll be our decoy."
Kensi said, "Think we can pull it off? Wasn't there some criticism of our decoy dating skills?"
"I thought that was just Kensi," Deeks said, since he never wanted to have sex again.
"Is there a problem?" Hetty said.
"No," Callen said. "I'm sure everything will be fine."
She and Deeks followed Hetty to get their super high end outfits. Hetty said, "Detective Deeks, I've left your clothes back there and a pair of briefs -"
"Oooh, super fancy," he said. He was already behind the curtain. "Do I get to keep these?"
"Yes," she said reluctantly. "Please do not neglect to wear underwear in the future, Detective. These are not your clothes, you know."
Deeks laughed while Kensi looked through the stands of clothes, trying not to join him. Deeks said, "I woke up late, Hetty, sorry."
"How expensive are these jeans," Kensi said. She really liked them.
"They're Balmain," Hetty said. As if that was the answer, so it was probably way way above her paygrade. She sighed and stepped out. Deeks was sitting down, putting on a pair of the nicest boots Kensi had ever seen him wear. "And those are Frye," Hetty said. "Now, you two, go. We must retrieve this man."
"So, I shouldn't be a ditz?" Kensi drove them over to the store.
Deeks said, "You should be whatever you want, Sugar."
"My name is not Sugar. Look at the Amex black, Lars, it's Jana."
"I'm going to call you Sugar," he said. "What do you think, passive-aggressive war of the roses type interactions that draws everyone in? Or my personal favorite, heavy on the PDA nouveau riche throwing their money around?"
"Heavy on the PDA?" Kensi smiled at him. "What kind of tacos did you get?"
"Not as awful as the ones you got," he said. "But I will still call you Sugar."
She was pretty sure Deeks was right, they could get away with anything short of having sex in the mission or in her car on a stake-out and no one would press them. It still made her laugh inside that they were following up their motel quickie with more making out. "And Jana is not a ditz," she said.
"I agree," Deeks said. "Maybe Lars is your trophy hubby."
"No one would think you were a trophy husband. You're way too old," she said.
"I'm not even five years older than you," he said.
"By a few months," she said. "Just call it five years. Trophy husbands are younger, hotter."
"I am hot," he said. "I'm so hot it makes up for my elderly status."
They got out of the car. Kensi grabbed Deek's hand and they crossed the street. Eric came over their wire saying, "Sam and Callen are in place. Just waiting for you two to distract everyone."
"I got that," Deeks said. He grabbed Kensi's ass and started kissing her. They were blocking the doorway. They blocked the doorway until someone tried to get out. She pulled him out of the way and said, "Come on, baby, we're supposed to be shopping."
One of the three salespeople came up to them and appraised their outfits. Kensi knew the look. She said, "Couch. We need a couch."
Deeks smiled, "Don't you guys have one of those, like, custom simulation, splashes it up on a big screen? Cash told me all about it."
The salewoman smiled widely and said, "Follow me."
Kensi whispered, "Cash?"
Deeks looked at her and mouthed "Jessica Alba's husband, Cash Warren."
She gave him a look that she hoped would communicate that they were definitely going to talk about this weird wealth of knowledge he had.
She was determined to show she was not a ditz undercover and that she could be convincing as a couple with her actual real-life boyfriend, not that Callen technically was supposed to know that. Still.
"Here we go," the woman said.
"This is awesome," Deeks said.
"Yeah," Kensi said. "We need something long. We want it to fit against an entire wall, though, maybe modular?"
"I don't like modular," Deeks said. "The dogs, Sugar, think of the dogs."
"You think our poodles would prefer a one-piece 12 foot couch?"
"Ramen and Noodle like to practice. For their shows." He was grinning at her. "Picture them jumping up and then the couch separates and they get hurt."
"He chose the names," Kensi said, looking at the saleswoman. "I wish I could say we had a small child, but no, that's my husband."
"They're great names," Deeks said. "And, hey, someday we'll have that small child."
"Someday five years from now at least," she said. She kissed him and grabbed his butt again. "And really, Lars should have a little more input here, he's the one who's home all day."
"I like to joke I'm her trophy husband," Deeks said.
After that, it just flowed. They brought people into the discussion, they bantered, they cuddled, Deeks called her fourteen different nicknames that all started with Sugar, and Callen and Sam got the defector out, while Lars and Jana bought the mission a $15,600 12 foot couch.
They walked out to the car holding hands still, though she pushed him away when they got in the car and he went for a kiss. "Deeks, you need to brush your teeth."
"I would not have a poodle," Deeks said.
"Even after Chaucer? You loved Chaucer."
"Chaucer and Uma, they were different from the rest of the poodles."
She headed back to the mission. It looked like she'd be able to pick up her laundry. They might even get out at 5 for once.
It was actually 5:15 when they were all done. Deeks had already grabbed his bag when he said, "Vegan haggis, take two?"
"You're on," Callen said, grinning. Possibly even smirking.
Deeks smiled right back. She kept meaning to tell him it was a little sad how much he lapped it up when Callen or Sam included him. But she probably wouldn't.
"I'm in, too," she said.
Deeks ran upstairs to ask Eric and Nell, then ran back down saying, "Okay, just the three of us. I'm starving and there's going to be a line and we're going to have wait. So I'm taking the direct route, and I'll save you a place."
The line was long, and it did take forever to get served. She used to like hanging with Callen but for the last seven weeks, pretty much since the very first time she and Deeks had had sex, every conversation felt like an on the sly interrogation. He was definitely trying to catch them.
On the other hand, she had just learned that Deeks wouldn't lie to her.
When they finally sat down, she said, "How were we today?"
"You were good," Callen said. "Nice to see you back in your groove."
"Thanks," she said, frowning. "You know what I found out today? Deeks has been engaged twice."
Deeks blinked and gave her a warning glance. Callen said, "You're kidding me."
"Do we need to talk about this now?" Deeks looked around, a little desperate.
"I think it'll be fun," Kensi said. "Tell me all about it."
He rolled his eyes. "No help, Callen? What's to stop her from doing you next?"
"First she has to do you," Callen said.
Deeks shook his head. "Okay, fine. The first girl I asked to marry me was when I was in college. Sophomore year, my mother had just died so I was feeling, I think the best word is stupid." She wanted to interrupt, tell him it wasn't stupid at all. Even if they were home alone together, she wouldn't have, though.
"I made a number of very bad decisions that year, including thinking that Azalea was in any way sane. Anyway, we were dating, we went to Vegas for Thanksgiving because I had nowhere to go and she was there for me -"
Callen said, "Azalea?"
"She was from Iowa. I have no idea, really."
Kensi said, "You were driving back from Vegas …"
"And I said, next time we go back, we should get married. She said yes. As soon as the semester was over, we got an apartment together in a not so great part of town, I bought her a ring."
Callen said, "Expensive?"
"For my income at the time which was all scholarships and loans. $500."
Kensi said, "So what went wrong?"
"Well," Deeks said. "Hey, look, our food." The vegan faux haggis looked disturbingly like real haggis. It wasn't bad.
Callen had eaten half of his when he put down his fork and said, "So what went wrong, Deeks?"
Deeks sighed. "Well. She really liked drugs. Party drugs. Because she liked to party. Usually with me, but definitely not always. She cheated on me a lot. And remember, I was, you know, stupid. I didn't really notice. But finally, I had to. She was gone for, I think, two days. I'm paging her and paging her and calling her friends, and no one will tell me anything when finally she shows up at the apartment -"
Kensi said, "Paging her?"
"We had pagers then, yeah. So she shows up at the apartment, takes off her ring and starts putting her things in a garbage bag. Now, she's wearing some other guy's boxers as shorts and a huge Bullets shirt, no bra, no shoes, hospital bracelet.. 'Honey,' I say, 'what the fuck?' and she tells me it's over. Also, she was in the hospital overnight because she od'd. And then, in what was, honestly, the most crazy speech I have ever had a woman give to me, she told me the reason she took drugs and cheated on me was that I was crazy and drove her to it. And she thought Patrick Stewart wasn't very good on Star Trek."
"That was part of her speech?" Callen poked at his haggis like it would fight back.
"Yes," Deeks said. "It actually was. So I get angry -"
"You do really love Patrick Stewart," Kensi said. "As much as you love Jessica Alba?"
"I do not love Jessica Alba," Deeks said. "Anyway, so I follow her out and downstairs, I'm shouting, she's shouting, we get to the street and, okay, I told you we lived in a bad part of LA, right? So one of the drug dealers who worked the corner walks over to us. Right after Azzie took off her shirt and threw it at me."
"She was topless," Callen said. "And what were you wearing?"
"Boxer briefs and a sneer," Deeks said.
Callen said, "Was this in your long hair phase?"
"Was, what? Yes, and how did you know?"
"Your file has a few pictures," Callen said, laughing. "I'll ask Eric to put them up on the big screen next time we're on Ops, I think Kensi and Sam would really appreciate it."
Deeks leaned back and laughed. "Yeah, that was a look. So, the drug dealer comes over, and he said something, I'm not kidding, I've never forgotten." He paused. Kensi and Callen leaned forward.
Deeks said, "He raised his shirt and showed us his huge gun, in his pants. Actual gun. Then he said 'you motherfucking crazy bitches are interfering with my business. Girl, put on a shirt, drive away, and never fucking come back. Boy, you go upstairs and stay there until my day is done.' We both did what he told us to."
Kensi laughed. "You made it sound, I thought he was going to say something else."
"Well, I'm telling you the truth," Deeks said. "If I were lying, I would have gone with the cliche words of wisdom or something really funny. But that's the truth."
"It was pretty funny," Kensi said. "So, number two?"
"Wait," Callen said. "I know you saw her again. I know you, Deeks."
"Why would you even -, fine," Deeks said. "It was, uh, the year before I started with NCIS …"
"Those were special times," Kensi said. "Remember, G?"
"I do, Kensi, I do." Callen grinned. "Keep going, Deeks."
"I was in San Diego for a wedding of a friend from law school, me and some friends and we're on the street and I hear 'Martin!' -"
"She called you Martin," Kensi said.
"Yes, there was a time when people called me by my actual first name, which was actually all the time before I came to NCIS." Deeks smiled at her. "Anyway, it was Azzie. With her 6 year old twins. And she was all, I knew it was you, I remembered those hands. See, we had a very healthy sex life -"
"Level of detail not needed," Kensi said. Though she agreed with Azalea.
"Anyway, she's great, she's married, she's a social worker," Deeks and Callen had identical fleeting frowns. She sometimes forgot it was something they had in common. "She works as a counselor at a state rehab facility. The end."
"Did you tell her you were a cop?" Callen let the very tattooed server take his plate even though he'd only eaten half his haggis and a piece of fried bread.
"Of course," Deeks said.
"And now number two," Kensi said.
"This one is really," Deeks said and sighed. "I mentioned this really boring, right?"
"When did you mention that," Callen said.
"To Kensi, when we were first talking about this, right around the time you and Sam went out to lunch without even asking me, us," Deeks said. "Anyway, her name was, is Yvonne. We met on the first day of my second year at law school, I asked her out. We moved in 6 months later. I asked her to marry me on our 1 year anniversary, she said yes. Last year of law school, she hit a wall, she had a hard time graduating, and she completely flipped out when we started studying for the bar."
"She's the one who broke under the pressure," Kensi said.
"Yup. She said if she didn't pass the bar, she was moving back to Michigan to take the bar there or maybe not be a lawyer. I didn't want to move to Michigan so we just let it, uh, fester. She didn't pass the bar, I did, she was very calm and collected giving me back my ring. It just didn't work, you know?"
"That sounds so mature," Kensi said.
"And boring," Callen said. "So what happened with her after she moved back to Michigan?"
"Uh, she's working for one of the big firms in Detroit, married, kids."
"It's kind of funny," Callen said. "You passed on the first try and you're not a lawyer now and she didn't and she's raking in the dough."
"I am still a lawyer," Deeks said. "I keep my license current."
Kensi said, "When was the last time you did anything lawyer-y?"
"I did a will last month," Deeks said. "And got paid for it."
Callen stared at Deeks for a moment and then said, almost angry, "Was that for Sam?"
"Uh," Deeks sat back. "Why are you angry now?"
Callen stood up and said, "He keeps doing that, he writes his will, he leaves me things and doesn't let me witness it and he doesn't get it's a jinx." With that Callen marched away.
"Did you really do a will for Sam?"
Deeks smiled, "5 months ago. I did the will last month for Jody." He glanced at the door and then took Kensi's hand. "Come on, let's go."
They walked out to his car. She said, "Which one is Jody?"
"Blonde, she arrested Callen," he said. She hugged his waist. He stroked her cheek and held her shoulders.
She leaned against his chest. She even liked his sweaty, gamey smell. She sighed. She rubbed his back under the shirt and felt his gun in his back waistband. "You're carrying," she said. "For haggis."
"Vegan haggis," he said. "Like you're not, or Callen's not. PS, I am licensed to do so."
"That's what I'll tell Callen if he comes back, I was reaching for your gun," she said, laughing.
"He comes back, we're done for." He kissed her. "We have to confess we're dating and then everyone will be super annoying about it."
She pulled back. He said, "Please tell me we're sleeping in the same bed tonight."
"Sure," she said. "I have to pick up my laundry, and I should get all those dirty clothes at your place."
"Can you pick up Monty? We'll meet at your place."
"It's a plan, Jan," she said.
"Oh," he said, tugging her close by pulling on the waist of her jeans. "I have keys for you." He held up a keychain with four keys on the ring. "Please stop breaking into my apartment."
"It's fun," she said, taking the keys. She pulled back again.
He said, "It's not fun for me. It's not fun worrying one of my neighbors is going to catch you. I do not want to bail you out of jail."
"Excuse me, you would not need to bail me out of jail. I'd never let the LAPD take me alive." She smiled at him. "What is the fourth key for?"
"That little garden area in the back."
"That's yours?"
"Yeah, and do not let Monty out there. He likes to eat the plants."
Kensi smiled. "I thought I saw a pot plant out there."
Deeks looked skeptical. "There is not. Do you know what marijuana actually looks like? You do remember I'm a cop, right."
"There are cops who grow marijuana. We watched, there was -"
He actually laughed at her. "We watched an episode of House, a fictional show, with one cop who was growing pot to sell. And you fell asleep halfway through. And I am not growing pot anywhere because it's against the law."
"Okay. Okay. What are you growing out there?" Kensi twirled the keys before putting them in her pocket.
"It's an oasis of calm and soothing smells," he said.
She stared at him and then walked to her car. She heard him calling, "You're my favorite, honeybunch!"
"You're a weirdo," she said as she got in the car. She went by the doggy daycare Deeks had been using for the past month and picked up Monty. At this place, they thought Monty was her dog and Deeks was her brother. Deeks would switch it up in two weeks.
At Deeks's place she used her new keys. She gathered up all her dirty clothes and some of his. She also grabbed some food for Monty since they were apparently both spending the night at her place. She was pretty sure Monty already had his own dog bed and food at her place, but it couldn't hurt. She used her key to go out into the little garden area. It was teeny tiny, not even four feet square she guessed. It smelled like a very fancy salon. She wondered if Deeks had snuck out here since they started sleeping together. Maybe, she thought, he didn't need it as much. It was a nice thought, but she was pretty sure he was just hiding it from her.
Monty whined and she went back inside. "You want a walk?" He barked and she took him out. She and Deeks had worked out the perfect route for walking Monty that avoided nearly all the security cameras and the like in the neighborhood. It didn't have many alternates but it was good enough to escape detection and notice. Monty did his business pretty quickly and she loaded him, the laundry and her bag of dog food into her car. "NPR, I know," she said. She turned on the radio.
She went back to the laundromat to pick up and drop off. This time it was a very attentive older woman. Kensi sighed and crossed that place off her list for future use for six months. Then, finally, she was home, with a dog, two bags of laundry and another bag of dog food. Monty nudged the door and she said, "Deeks, help."
He opened the door and held it for Monty. She glared at him as she walked in. She dumped the laundry bags on his feet and put the dog food in the kitchen. "We actually have enough dog food here," Deeks said.
"We?" She sat down on the couch and turned on the TV.
"Me, Monty," he said, laughing. He had cleaned up her apartment, like he did every time he stayed the night. "I'm sorting and putting away your laundry, by the way. It will be in these things called drawers. Or hung in the closet."
"Okay," she said. "Hey, did you break in here?"
"Nope," he said. "I never break in here. I copied your keys right after our first time. And before you object, please remember you were breaking into my apartment long before we started having sex. Good for the goose, good for the gander. My method just requires a lot less use of lockpicking tools."
"Which I taught you how to use," she said. She flipped around channels until she found something sufficiently brain deadening. "Also, are you calling yourself a group of geese? Cause that's what a gander is."
"No, a gander is a male goose." He walked in from the bedroom and sat down next to her on the couch. Monty climbed up on the couch and sat next to Kensi. He looked at her until she started scratching his head.
"Are you sure?"
He took out his phone and typed things on it until he could hold up the wikipedia page in triumph. "Ha," he said very maturely.
"Fine," she said, batting his phone away. "You know, speaking of male and female geese, people always underestimate women. They especially underestimate women who conform to their stereotypes by being ditzy and laughing and say oh my god."
"That's an excellent point," Deeks said.
"I think our problem is not me, but you."
"Like, once we started sleeping together I was responding badly to your usual underestimate me thing?" Deeks shrugged. "I think I disagree," he said. "But. It's definitely worth thinking about."
"I'm right," she said. "You're the sucky one."
"Was that a hint?" He stretched out and put his bare feet on her table.
"Not just yet, my gander." She nudged him until he was the pillow of a person she wanted. He was very sweet about being nudged.
They barely talked for the next hour. They just watched tv. They were like she had heard old married couples were like after all of seven weeks. But she liked it. It was good.
She wasn't sure when specifically cuddling turned into sex. She sat up and took off her shirt, then her jeans and underwear.
Deeks said, "I do not miss condoms, you know?"
"Yes, we both love my IUD," she said. Then they stopped talking. It was quiet, intimate sex. Relationship sex, she thought. A different kind of orgasm but still beautiful. They kissed and he pushed her hair back off her face.
She got up off him and the couch and said, "Is Monty still in the bedroom?"
She turned around and Deeks was closing the door on the bathroom. He said, through the door, "He's seen us have sex many, many times, sweetheart."
She picked up all their clothes and walked back to the bedroom. She dumped them on the floor. Then she knocked on the bathroom door. "All done? I have to pee."
The toilet flushed and he opened the door, holding his toothbrush with toothpaste already on it. "All yours."
She walked by him and sat on the toilet. He pushed the door closed as he stepped out. They would never be that couple that went to the bathroom in front of each other, at least not on his side, she thought.
He laughed and said, "Nice, Kensi."
"What?" She knew it was the clothes. By the time she opened the door he had put them in the laundry hamper.
They bustled around doing going to bed things. Kensi got into bed and watched Deeks walk out to the living room, get his tablet and then come back and get in bed. She turned off the light and lay down on her stomach. He was sitting up, headphones on, reading. She looked at his screen.
"You follow Jessica Alba on twitter?"
He took out one of his earbuds and said, "Yes. Yes, I do. I follow lots of people on twitter. She had two adorable kids and she runs this company with all these great environmentally friendly products, which, I am thinking of ordering for you, by the way."
"Okay," she said. "You follow too many people on twitter. It takes you an hour to catch up every day."
"It's not an hour," he said. He put the one earbud back in. "You fall asleep way before that."
She rolled her eyes. She watched him reading for a few minutes, then closed her eyes. He started singing along to whatever he was listening to, his voice soft and pleasant. She was such an idiot, she even liked his singing voice.
"You are the love of my life," she heard. "From the second you were born." He loved his seventies easy listening. Carly Simon, she thought.
11:00 pm.