So, I decided to do a set of TF2 one-shots, I wrote this lil' one ages ago for Ed 18 and decided to publish it, so here we go. Any suggestions just message me.
"New shopping Mall in Teufort?" Heavy looked puzzled as he read a copy of The Teufort Times, "What is Mall?" The great bear asked, much to the other Mercs amusement, "The invocation of the american way!" Soldier announced, "A place to pick up girls," Scout chimed in. "It is none of those," Medic said, clearly frustrated, "Ze mall is a place to shop! How about we go today and see vat it is like." Everyone nodded in agreement and before long they were loading into snipers van, with spy in the front seat of course, and barreling down the dusty road towards Teufort.
The shopping centre was white, almost sterile, with fountains and little restaurants lining the outside with a massive sign above the door that read 'Welcome to the McMahon shopping centre, enjoy your shopping'.
"Well, where first?" Sniper asked, "all I need are a few extra jars, and a new slouch hat, other than that, anything is foine with me."
"We should split up, to prevent... conflicting interests," Spy said, flicking a cigarette into a garden bed.
Scout strode into the sport-shop, puffing up his chest and staring at others, heavy made a beeline to a sandwich bar while pyro skipped to the BBQ's galore and ogled the small, flickering flames of the grills. As sniper wandered into the Australian souvenir shop, seemingly offended by the stereotypes of fellow Aussies, he encountered a man with a small bottle of pills... Jarate pills. He beamed in delight while striding towards the man. "I moyself am a Jarate master, want me to teach ya mate?!"
"Um yeah, sure," the young man said in a clear Canadian accent.
"Great, first the throwing technique."
Scout hauled his new gear towards the counter, Bat, Balls, track jacket and sport sunglasses.
"That will be 330 dollars 40 cents," the woman at the counter said.
Scout retched "Ah crap, um I don't, have that kind of money, I could pay you in... a different way," he winked cheekily.
"Sure, write a cheque if you must."
"No like," he thrusted the air, "you know what I mean?"
"Yes, and no, I have a boyfriend, now go before I call security."
The mercenaries sat in the fort and went over what they had purchased, soldier had a pile of USA flags, pyro had a bag of fire-starters, Demo had a bottle of Irish Cream, Heavy stocked up on sandviches, Engi had a case of beer and a new wrench. Medic had a new assortment of syringes and scalpels, sniper got his jars in the end, and spy had a wheelbarrow full of expensive cigarettes.
"Heavy like Mall" he said as he nommed his fifth sandvich of the day.