Red Hot Love
Rated: M / Mature (mild M) romance so mature situations
This is an extended scene piece from season 4 when Nathan was visiting Rachel and going to the bridge. It takes place exactly the night he revisited the bridge and found Haley's bracelet/when she thought she had a 'tiny head'. lol
As usual I disclaim completely.
**
She lay in bed silently, still not able to close her eyes and fall asleep. She hated this now. Hated it so much. Hated feeling this way. So insecure and so vulnerable. She told her best friend once how it felt…being in love. How it just had turned her whole life upside down. Smart, confident, assured, just going through the motions Haley James, not needing anything new really, just fine and content…
All of the sudden she had turned into mush. She was walking in swampy waters…because of…
Love.
Him.
She had gotten over that though, with time, learned to embrace the new exciting wild feelings in her that took over that day to day normal life and spiced it up, shook it up, gave it a quake of feeling. She got used to emotions taking her over that had never taken her over before, of suddenly her insides leaping with excitement and a drive to do new things she had always squandered away from before. She got used to growing more daring and branching out to new people, and learning of lives and existences she had never thought she would be a part of.
She got used to it all, because it was all ever so worth it.
When it meant…
When it meant coming home any day or night from work, from school, meant him standing there on the other side of the door, lazily walking up to her and taking her in his arms with the opposite of laziness. Meant coming home earlier than him and waiting anxiously, but pretending not to be anxious at all, telling herself she wasn't really waiting for him, and then that betraying smile covered her face as she saw his deep blue eyes. And heard his husky voice announcing…he was back home where he belonged. In her arms. In her life.
All that newness that she would have feared so deeply before, she no longer feared because it meant him…there…part of her…inside her and out. It meant love and passion. Desire and excitement.
"Oh Nathan…"
She whispered now as the minutes passed away on the clock. She could hear the seconds going by. She hated its jarring uninviting sound. She had half a mind to pull that clock out of the wall, yank the cord away, but that was not her, not sensible practical, most of the time, calm Haley. So she left it alone now, letting it grate on her nerves and pinch at her worries and anxiety. She let it be her unfair punishment.
She remembered now one time she had spent at the club, at Tric, that first night when she sang. She had spent most the night working away with Chris to create something new. So excited and loving the creating of new music. It had pulsed in her and vibrated in her so deeply. She had loved it so much that she hadn't really thought of, considered…
Until she got home and found him with his back turned to her, his ball lying on the floor. She had believed he was asleep. Smiling contentedly she had started to take off her clothes and then heard his voice…his tired and yet weirdly strained voice.
**Flashback**
"So...how did the song writing go?"
She jumped at his unexpected voice interrupting right when she had been taking off her bra and putting on a tank pajama shirt.
"Oh Nathan...you startled me. Wow…I thought you were asleep."
"Sorry." She heard him mutter quietly and then say nothing else.
Still not totally picking up on his mood she laughed and excitedly went on as she took of her pants and slipped into her more comfortable pajama ones.
"Chris really helped me tonight. He's a good song writer. Oh I know…he's kind of cocky and all, totally full of himself, but he does have music really strongly in his blood. It's so great. I'm so glad you encouraged me to do this tonight. Oh Nathan…it was so exciting being there on stage and just…hearing the crowd and everything. Oh I loved it so much!"
"More than me?"
"Huh?" She asked, not hearing all his words, though later she would know what they were…and they would viciously startle her.
"Nothing. Forget it."
She was still going on excitedly as she got into the bed, slipped under the covers and snuggled up against his warm body, not taking in right away how he had turned away from her, pulling the covers up his chest and holding them there…avoiding holding her. Loving the darkness of their room at that moment, in these quiet husband wife moments, she hadn't hesitated in her own affection. Moving up against his back, bringing one leg in between the slight opening of his, she had brought her arms out to wrap around his body, her hands finding his strong chest under the T shirt he was wearing.
"It was so great Nathan. You were right. It's so amazing being up there. Thank you so much for not letting me back down from this, for encouraging me. You made me feel brave enough tonight to do what I've wanted to do for so long. I love you."
She felt his hand find hers, his fingers shaking slightly, his voice monotone as he answered back quietly,
"I love you too. But you did it all. I did nothing."
Haley shook her head, feeling his shirt against her face as she lay still so close to him, and yet he seemed kind of oddly distant from her. She protested.
"No Nathan…I never would have gone up there and did all that if it hadn't been for you. I never would have-
"Don't you mean Chris…whatever his name is? You know…that guy you spent most the night doing all your…music stuff with, whatever?"
Hearing his voice a little sharper there she had faltered for a moment. What was wrong with him? What was-
And then it hit her. He was jealous. Her husband, her strong viciously always alert and always honest in how much he was self assured and strong, confident…her amazing husband was jealous. It made her love feel red hot then…to just reassure him, to make him understand, music was one thing.
Love, desire, passion… Another.
She answered carefully, without anger, her usual per say. Her calmness still there interlinked with her honesty. "Well yeah, we got a lot done. It was great. So fun creating music like that with someone. And I felt so supported in that because of you supporting me Nathan. I know you believe in me and that means so much. Makes me only love you more…and…want you more."
She moved her hand now to a spot that she knew he loved, feeling him react. Feeling him tightening his hand on hers, feeling him bringing it under his shirt and stretching her fingers to his firm chest.
"Haley…" She heard his deep whisper, and knew he felt it now with her, that she could make him understand things with just touch…touches he had taught her and they had learned together since first going out, since their wedding night took them on travels of each other's body, heart and soul, that were so novel and thrilling. She felt it as he started to slowly turn back around to face her, to take her face with his hands, to watch him pull up his shirt off his body…
And feel… Oh feel…
**End of Flashback**
Oh she wanted to feel that now.
It was so hard to feel this way now. To need him, his touch, his voice deep and true, to just want him home so badly, she clutched at the sheets of their bed and lay there with her eyes wide open even when they were physically shut, to not feel any peace, any slumber, because he had done it again. Left without her. Escaped away from her…
It made her wonder now…was she being punished for what she did back then? For getting so excited about the music and needing it so much that she made the exciting move and yet possibly mistaking move of leaving him for a time, pursuing her own dreams.
He had told her earlier that it would all be okay again with the basketball because it was always okay when he was out on that court, she had excited for him and yet jealously too, strangely, with uncomfortable stinginess, wanted to ask him, what about me? Why can't it be me that takes it all away? I want to take it all away. Let me. Reach to me. Need me.
Want me Nathan.
Want me.
It drove her crazy now as that dumb clock kept ticking away. She was loathing its sound more and more. Its red strong lights. She wanted to throw it even further now, let it crash through the window. And it was such an alien feeling for her, this quiet desperation turning to almost anger and frustration. She wanted him to come home and finally let her in. She knew he was in pain. She just wanted him..
Oh this was silly!
She knew he loved her. She knew it with every breath and word spoken between them. Every kiss. Every touch. She didn't doubt that. So why was she having these stupid ugly visions of taking someone's reddish hair and yanking it so hard she made her smug little expression fade away entirely? Why was she letting that dumb comment about her being fat, having a little head, bother her? Why was she lying here practically talking to herself about the craziest things? Why couldn't she sleep?
Why couldn't he come home?
Why did he need to escape? Did he need to escape her?
Ooohhhhh…
She heard it now. The door. His footsteps. She tried to stifle the exciting beats of her heart. Hearing him come into their bedroom quietly. She told herself, the calm sensible Haley will let this go, fall asleep not contentedly, but pretend that everything is okay. She'll be the support, the rock, the strong one. She'll be quiet.
But that Haley was only one fragment of her being now. He had taught her with his welcome intrusion on her life to fight stronger and to be braver. So she did now, asking him what she needed to know, detesting the aching in her voice, but she couldn't hide it. Hurt too much to feel this way. She just wanted him to need her and want her. She wanted him to reassure her. She wanted to be the one who was taken care of now. She didn't really have the strength to be the strong one. Shedidn't have it.
She felt herself asking him question after question, and then bringing it up…her…Rachel.
She couldn't deny it bothered her like maybe Chris then had bothered him more than she had wanted to admit. It had always been about the music, but Lucas was right…she had kissed him…more like let him kiss her. And she hadn't liked it ever…hadn't thrilled at it the way Nathan's kisses thrilled her. But she had been so new and naïve to all these feelings and emotions exploding in her body from the time Nathan had entered her life. She had needed some quiet relief and yet when she got it she only ached for her husband more.
So maybe now this was her punishment. Her payback.
No…Nathan wouldn't do that to her. He would never hurt her that way. He would never…
But still now she didn't face him as she talked with fear and bits of pain, urgency…with all these alien feelings Nathan had brought to her. Not viciously. But truthfully. Honestly. Now she was as honest as could be. Now she knew all of her senses and her moods. Now she experienced everything…even hurt.
Even…anxiety.
She waited now and felt her words, her fears answered…in his unmistakable loving voice, reassuring and strong. She heard him seem almost baffled and then so powerful, so giving. It was almost like he was asking her…are you crazy? It's you I love. You.
Hearing that she felt the strength, the bravery to face him and when she did…oh when she did.
Red. Hot. Love.
That was what she felt with him. Before him her life had been shades of brown and green, maybe some blues, a tiny bit of pink since it wasn't her favorite color, and a bit of lavender. After he entered it though…more vibrant colors. Stronger hues of it all. Even orange.
And red. Bright red. Hot loving red.
And he was hot loving red to her right now.
She looked up at him as he stood there and started making his way closer to the bed, kind of crawling up onto it. He was wearing his light blue button down shirt and dark pants. His shirt looked a bit loose now, untucked and partly unbuttoned. It revealed his throat, the beginning of where his oh so desirable chest began. She looked up to see his oceanic blue eyes looking straight down at her. And it excitedly tingled and heated her body, her breast. She felt herself lying back more on the pillow just to take him in, drink him in, swallow his picture and hold it inside her, steal it away from the rest of the world. She loved how she could feel so much a woman, laying back in their bed as his body moved over hers, as he looked down at her, and she could look up, woman to man. Marriage to marriage. Husband and wife.
She touched with her eyes now his strong Roman like nose. His long powerful face…and oh…that smattering of dark hair on top of his head that made him so handsome, so much like an old 40's movie character, male lead, who knew how to love his woman.
Her husband knew how to love her.
She lay there vulnerably now and not caring that she was vulnerable. She needed him to reassure her. And it was so filling, so exciting and so finally reassuring to hear him telling her that all this stuff with Rachel was about nothing and yet about something…about the water that had swallowed him up that day. For that horrible moment took her away from him, made her scream so hard and loud that she didn't know if her voice would be there when it was over. She looked up at him now, needing him to know that when he didn't come out of that water, her whole life froze, and she realized more than ever, more strongly than anything else, she needed him…oh she loved him. Oh she ached for his red hotness of love and passion, desire, and caring. She needed that red in her life. She would die without it.
Her…Haley James who had always been so calm and controlled, so day to day easygoing…now as Mrs. Haley James Scott unashamedly needed her other half to never separate from her.
So now hearing him telling her that she was the only one, that he loved her, and finally letting go of what he had held back, that this was about the water, that he saw Keith and was wondering was he crazy...finally getting to reassure him he was not. That she loved him too. And just needed him…
She felt the courage to admit a few more things. She brought out all her worries. She let them just fall out of her troubled mind. Asking him if she was fat. If she had too little a head for her body.
And hearing his almost laughter at that, husky, and his voice unbelieving. Feeling the reassurance in the kiss he brought to her forehead. Feeling his hands…oh his strong hands. Oh those hands were criminal. The way his fingers were lined with contours of expression and desire. The way they looked when they made love and she caught them against her breast or tasted them on her lips. Oh those hands.
She felt his every reassurance now. She felt him loving her so strongly with just his eyes, hands, and a short kiss of his lips against her skin. She watched as he brought out the bracelet, shocking her and delighting her, as he told her that was pat of this too. Bringing him against her, tugging and yanking on his shirt with no patience in her at all, because sometimes she so deeply lacked patience with him, she needed him so much, she pulled him to her now, brought him against her, loving how it felt feeling his body coming over hers, touching, his chest whispering over her breast. She kissed him and felt him kiss her back.
She loved this man so much. It had only been a few years and yet she felt she had watched him grow probably more than anyone. They had grown together. Years meant nothing to quality of time spent, to feelings, to emotions. He was her husband, so beautiful and desired filled red. Like that night he had needed her…now she knew how deeply.
She needed him. She ached and wanted him."Nathan…"
She heard her voice whisper weakly. She pulled him against her and let out a little sob. And felt another come. And another. And another.
Until…
"Haley…Hales…"
Until he was pulling her to him and holding her, caressing her, cradling her to his heart, reassuring her and loving her gently with his hands, his eyes, his…
She pushed at him a little and felt him pull back some. It was her time and she needed to say something and he knew that. He waited for that. She had to get this out. Eke it out even as alien it was to the Haley who used to keep it all tight lipped. He taught her to be stronger than that. More honest than that. To never lie about her…
Need.
Her truth.
"I'm scared…I was so scared…when you were in the water…I was s-ss-so scared Na-than. I just j-jjjust needed you to come b-back to m-me-
"OH…Haley-
"No…l-let me finish."
"Okay."
She worked now to calm herself, to take away the shaking, feeling his strong hands aiding all the time, holding at her arms to support her, but not smother her. To allow her to say what she needed…
To say.
She felt her voice stop shaking as much…and she continued. Getting it out. She wanted him to know when he was in that water she had drowned for that second with him too. She had wanted to just fall into it all and enter that murkiness also because if that was it…if that was…
She wanted her breaths to only be echoed by his.
Not in answering silence.
"I knew before then I loved you. And needed you. But when you were in that water…when you…d-didn't come back up…I just-
"Damn. Come here."
She felt him impatiently pull her to him now and she didn't resist. She liked the fact he wasn't much a waiter. That he did spontaneously what came to him, what urged him. She sank into his arms now, feeling him stroking her back and pulling her on top of him, reversing their positions. She sank gratefully and cried softly into his shirt. Her tears like the rain of their love, only now marred with bits of pain.
She continued now as bravely as she could, feeling his kisses against her hair, her face, his lips whispering to her with each one again and again…youare loved. You are loved.
"It was hard. I was so happy when you woke up. But then when you didn't need me after…when you couldn't come to me…I just…I've tried to be patient, but…Nathan I'm scared without you. I was scared…when I first fell in love with you. Excited…but scared. And now I'm scared to ever think of…I'm scared to think of not hearing your breathing…of not touching this face…feeling this skin…of seeing these eyes…of…I…I n-need you Nathan. I ju-just need you to al-always love me."
"Always and forever?"
She saw him wink and tease at her now, tickling at her stomach underneath her pajama shirt. "Oh stop." She complained with a little giggle.
It brought a small laugh out of his mouth, before he grew serious again, before his eyes glued to her eyes. To her face. To her body.
"No…seriously. I always do Haley. Always will. You know I'm not that great with words. My tutor gets them so much better than me. But…I could never stop loving you. Never stop needing this. Haley you're the strong one-
"No…you are."
"No…it's you Haley."
"No…definitely you Nathan."
"No...look Haley-
They both laughed now again, their faces falling against each others.
"Okay…maybe we both are."
He relented now, touching her face. "But that's 'cause we're together you know. That's just how strong you and I are."
"Nathan…" Haley whispered now, bringing his face against hers, feeling her husband's lips grazing over her neck, hot, red with love and…
"And Hales…don't you ever doubt that I need you. Don't you doubt that whatever happened in that water I was set and determined on getting out of it to be with you again. Anyone else they can say what they want, I don't care. If they don't respect this then they're against us. Rachel made me laugh tonight. She's trying so hard and it's so stupid. I told you what I wanted from her, why I was talking to her. Hey…I mean I do feel for her that she went through all that too…because I know what it was like to be in that water. That part was hard and scary. But the rest of what she's doing or trying to do, that stunt at the game, that's all it is because like I showed her tonight…"
Haley watched now as Nathan brought up his hand, showing her the ring on his finger, interlacing it with her ring finger. "This is what I'm about. This. This means something. And if she doesn't get that, doesn't bother me. I know how lucky I am. This is my home. You are… Haley." "Nathan…"
"And I love your tiny little head."
"Nathan!"
Haley laughed now, hitting at his face playfully but then feeling..
Oh… Red Hot Love.
Feeing Nathan's lips now coming to hers with no more playfulness, his hands finding her body, the hands of a man, her man, her husband…lifting at her pajama top.
She moved her fingers to his shirt. Impatiently undoing the buttons, yanking at some of the last ones, and then pulling the shirt away from him, feeling how without hesitation he leaned over her body and held her with such want and need.
Equaling want and need to hers.
Everything in sync. Right. Loving. Passionate.
She wrapped her legs around his waist. Her toes curving and moving down more.
Heard him moan. Heard her own moans. Her toes curving…flexing…pushing and pulling.
Her whole body on fire with hot red love. The walls turning its passionate color. The heat consuming her as it filled her and soaked her.
As he filled her. Making her cry out.
Making her greedy for more of his love and want entering her. His…
She didn't hold back. She held him in tighter. She passionately moved her body to his rhythm, to their shared rhythm. She opened to him and closed him into her heat.
She loved him.
Ached for him.
And felt her need finally entirely satisfied.
She whispered his name one last time with pleasure and weariness as he pulled her against his hot chest. She laid her head there and waited…watched…hoped…
And a tear fell out of one eye as she saw it.
He was asleep. Her husband, her love, her Nathan…was finally asleep.
So peaceful. So happy…
Because he was with her.
It made her happy too.
Made her tired eyes finally close with relief.
He was home again where he belonged.
All the bright red was back and strong as ever.
Filling her with exciting wild thrilling feelings that her day to day existence before him had never known.
Now it was all back. Vibrant and sparkling.
All his…
Red. Hot. Love.
**
The End.
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